by Marie Medina
“I’m leaving. I don’t need anything.” He nodded and kept walking.
After a couple of seconds, she caught up with him. “It’s so awful what happened. I won’t break my word about keeping your secret, but he owes you more than a brushoff.”
“Brushoff? You misunderstand. It’s my choice to leave. We’ve said all we need to say to each other.”
“But acting too quickly is what caused this mess. Couldn’t you stay? Word is spreading that you’re innocent. You could probably stay at the inn for free. My friend’s uncle owns it, and—”
Arion stopped at the top of a flight of stairs and cut her off. “Please, I’m fine.” He descended, hoping she would let him go.
“Like blazes. No one would be fine after all of this.”
At the bottom of the stairs, Arion glanced around, noting a few people slowing to eye them. “Alice, is it?”
She nodded.
“Whether I’m really fine or not, I can’t stay here. Don’t you see that?” He lowered his voice and said, “Think on that secret a moment. I can’t be what he wants me to be. Not after this. Staying would give him false hope. And as much as he’s hurt me, I can’t hurt him that way. Or myself.” He looked around again. “I just want to be away from all the staring and whispering. Make peace with what happened to me on my own.”
She didn’t seem to like that answer, but she nodded. “Don’t know what you two said to each other, but if you ever want to, come back.”
“I won’t ever want to.”
“If you say so. I’ve said what I wanted.” She waited for a couple of girls to pass by. “You must’ve been so scared and angry. Do you want a drink? Can’t I do something?”
“You can get me out of here faster.”
“Come on then. I’ll show you a quicker, less public way out.”
“Thank you.” Arion tried to ignore everyone staring as Alice chattered away and deflected everyone who tried to stop them, but being in the castle began to feel claustrophobic, and he didn’t breathe easy until he was outside again. He wanted to shift into his wolf form and just run, but that would cause an even bigger stir, of course.
“Thanks again,” he said to Alice.
She folded her arms and nodded, “Don’t forget what I said.” She glanced toward the stables. “I know it’s just a nightmare right now. Time can heal a lot, in the end.”
“I’m not sure even a vampire would live long enough to heal this,” he said before turning away from her.
****
Vane sent all of the servants in the stables away and saddled Arion’s horse himself. He did it slowly, thinking about the moment when he would have to watch Arion ride away. Readying Arion’s horse for his departure felt like a strange sort of penance, or maybe self-punishment. Vane didn’t truly know which even as his chest ached and his limbs grew lethargic, as if part of him was shutting down. He wished he hadn’t said those final words to Arion, but they’d just slipped out. He’d had the chance to explain, but something had stopped him from telling Arion that he felt like a coward because he was so afraid of causing more pain for both of them that he wasn’t willing to fight for his mate.
Or was he? He could think more clearly without Arion near. Arion’s words jumbled together in his head, and he tried to formulate an argument to convince Arion that, given time, this situation could be made right. They would never be able to forget it, but they could get past it. Couldn’t they? How could Arion say he forgave Vane and understood why he’d acted as he had and yet still walk away from what they’d been building?
If only we hadn’t had that fight. If only I’d stayed out there with him. I’d have known it wasn’t him who attacked Jana. Maybe we could’ve heard something and helped her. Vane brushed the gray mare as he waited for Arion. The silence had just started to get to him he heard the shuffle of feet at the door of the stable. Arion walked toward him with his saddle bag thrown over his shoulder. He didn’t say anything as he secured the bag and rubbed Lily’s neck. Vane put the brush aside and screwed up his courage.
“Is there anything you need for your trip?” Vane asked.
“No. I’ll stop and get a little food in the village. The next dominion is close enough. I’ll get there well before dark.”
“It’s an easy ride. Tell Lord Gregor who you are. He’ll welcome you for however long you wish to stay. His steward’s name is—”
Arion shook his head slowly. “I’m not going to use your name to get things or gain favor. What happened here has taught me the dangers of depending on others. And I have no intention of ever telling anyone that I’m your mate. We’re going our separate ways. Consider yourself completely free of any obligation. I don’t want anything from you. Will never ask anything of you.”
“But if you need help I want you to ask. I wouldn’t want anything in return.” Vane really meant that he wouldn’t ask for anything in return. He knew damn well he would always want something from Arion, something it now seemed he couldn’t have, but he needed Arion to believe he could return for help. He couldn’t stand thinking of his mate needing something and not asking Vane for it.
“No. Asking for anything from you would be wrong. I’m formally rejecting the mate bond by leaving. Get that straight right now. I can’t make you keep this a secret, but I wish you would. If you can trust your steward and the woman from before, fine. But I don’t want you to try to find me. Not ever. If you have any feelings for me at all, leave me alone.”
Vane walked around Lily, cringing when Arion took a step back. “The pain’s still fresh. From our fight and my mistake. My huge mistake. Can’t you give it just a little time?”
“What’s the point? I don’t desire men. And I don’t wish to be kept as a pet.”
Vane bristled at that. “A pet? I don’t understand.”
“You do. I don’t want to be a vampire’s mate. Some coddled creature only here for your pleasure, to feed and fuck at your leisure.”
Vane threw his hands up. “What have I done to make you think that’s the way it would be?”
“It won’t ever be love. Not real love. It’s just based on the needs of your body and the taste of my blood.”
“No! How can you say that?”
“Because if you’d felt something real for me you would’ve been more conflicted! You wouldn’t have just had me dragged off and then left me in that dungeon alone and afraid and with no clue what would come next.” Arion shook his head and mounted his horse. “I could never love someone who can’t trust me. Someone who has so little faith in me. I gave you my trust by coming here with you, and you threw it back in my face. Please let me go before we both inflict even more wounds on each other.”
Vane had a choice. He could be gracious and let his mate go in the hopes that he would come back one day, or he could yank Arion off the horse and bite him in order to coerce him to stay. Even though Arion was a shifter, Vane knew he could overpower him. But then he would only prove himself to be the lust-driven creature Arion said he was.
“You’re right,” Vane said, his voice cracking. “That’s not how you treat someone you care about. I should’ve waited. Asked more questions. And I should’ve faced you. I’m sorry for not considering your feelings and how scary it must’ve been. How distressing.”
“Distressing? Yes, that’s one word for it. But how about terrifying? Degrading?”
“Arion, I’m sorry. That’s all I can say. I was wrong. Very wrong.”
“I’ve accepted your apology and want to go. Please don’t keep making this harder.”
“Go then. But as long as I live you’re welcome in my home. I’ll give you anything you need and ask for nothing.” He looked into Arion’s eyes. “You don’t even have to see me if you don’t want to. Just send a letter. Anything you have need of will be yours.”
Arion took the reins in his hand and lowered his gaze. “Don’t hold on to any hope. I’m never going to come back, and I would like your word you won’t pursue me or try to keep tabs on
me.”
****
Arion waited, but Vane didn’t reply. He trotted Lily out of her stall and then turned her to give Vane a final chance to speak. “You said I could have anything I want. I’d like your word you won’t try to find me or spy on me.”
“Then you have it,” Vane said in a small voice. “I won’t come after you. I won’t try to win you back. And I will not send anyone to spy on you.”
“Thank you.” Now was the time to say good-bye, but he dreaded Vane’s reaction to the actual words. He worried the vampire might become agitated just as much as he feared he might lose his resolve to go. The longer he stayed the harder it would be to let go of this strange interruption in his life.
Arion nodded to Vane and turned Lily toward the door. He lowered his head as they emerged, blinking at the bright light outside the stable.
Vane’s footsteps followed behind him, but they seemed to stop just at the stable’s entrance. “Good-bye, Arion. Please take care.”
Arion couldn’t make himself say good-bye, but he did turn back and say, “I will, my lord.”
Vane jerked as if he’d been slapped and stared at Arion unblinking as his eyes shone with moisture. He grabbed hold of the doorframe and turned away, disappearing into the stable.
It’s better this way. Arion urged Lily on at a steady pace. Everyone seemed to be watching him as he made his way to the side exit and onto the road that led to the village. He stopped and bought some fruit for the journey. Most seemed curious, but no one questioned him. He’d been free less than an hour but didn’t know how long ago the true culprit had been caught. The sound of shouts caught his attention, and he saw a large group of guards with some men in custody. Arion only counted four. The man they’d already caught made five, so he wondered where the sixth one might be. He considered delaying his departure a little way but then saw a body covered in a sheet being carried at the back of the group.
“Looks like they caught them all,” one man nearby said.
As everyone began talking about the bandits, Arion got back on Lily and headed for the main road. Lots of people glanced his way, but their attention was increasingly being drawn back toward the castle. He wanted to get away before someone became bold enough to begin questioning him.
“Wait! Wait!” a child’s cry came.
Arion didn’t turn until he heard the pounding of footsteps close behind him. He stopped when he realized the young boy running down the road was calling out to him.
“Yes?” Arion said.
The little boy huffed and puffed as he said, “You can’t leave!”
“I can’t? And why not?”
“Mama wants to have you to supper some night. You have to stay.”
“You may have me confused with someone else, I think.”
The boy shook his head frantically. “No. It’s you. Aren’t you the man that saved Lord Vane?”
“Yes.”
“Then it is you. Jana’s my sister, and when our brother came running up saying they’d caught a bandit at the castle, everyone got upset and started talking fast. Brother said it was a mix up. That it wasn’t you that hurt Jana.”
“That’s right. It was someone who looks like me. And now I have somewhere I need to be. I’ve already delayed enough.”
“Mama feels bad and said she and Papa were gonna apologize for causing you trouble and have you for dinner.”
“That’s kind of them, but it’s not necessary. It was a mistake. They don’t have to do anything for me.”
The boy chewed his lip. “Everyone’s upset. Jana started crying again.”
While that tugged at Arion’s heart, he didn’t want to intrude. He didn’t know how to explain to the boy that grief was a very personal and private thing. “Then I shouldn’t bother them. Tell them I’m not offended. That everything’s fine.” Nothing was going to be fine any time soon, but he really didn’t want to go and see these people, even if they were apologetic.
“They … uh…”
“What?”
He lowered his head in shame. “They might not believe me.”
“Why not?”
The boy gave a guilty little shrug. “I like to, you know…”
Arion didn’t know at all at first, but then it dawned on him. “You make stuff up sometimes?”
The boy nodded, peeking up.
Arion didn’t have much experience with children, but the boy’s heart seemed to be in the right place. Dismounting, Arion said, “I did that a lot when I was your age. You really think they’ll be upset if I leave without giving them a chance to say something to me?”
Nodding his head frantically, he said, “Yeah. They sure will.”
Arion looked around. “How far do you live?” If someone had been able to run there in the last couple of hours with news, then it couldn’t be far.
“Over that hill. Then over another one. You can see it from the castle.”
“All right. What’s your name?”
“Ben.”
“Well, Ben, I can come by for just a bit. I can’t stay for a meal, but I can reassure them no harm was done.” Arion’s mouth felt dry as he said the words. No harm? He sighed as he let the little boy lead him across the field and over the first hill.
When they arrived, Ben ran ahead and announced their arrival with a long and rambling shout. Arion tied Lily to a post and went over to introduce himself to the woman who came outside. Ben’s father and brother came from around the back of the house soon, and the awkward apologies went on until a sound from the house attracted everyone’s attention.
A face appeared at a window, and a hand beckoned Ben over. Arion cast his gaze down after recognizing the girl who’d been attacked. Ben came back over to them and yanked on his mother’s dress. She bent, and he whispered something to her. She cleared her throat and said to Arion, “I know you said you have somewhere to be, but Jana would like to say something to you before you go. We feel so awful about what you went through, especially after you saved Lord Vane the way you did. Someone should’ve spoken up for you. I know I wasn’t there, but it sounds like—”
Her husband put a hand on her arm to quiet her, and she smiled apologetically.
Vane had a chance to speak up for me. But he didn’t. The knife seemed to twist deeper, and he wanted to be somewhere else far away. Even strangers could see that he should’ve been given the benefit of the doubt.
“It all happened very fast.” Arion glanced at the house. “I’ll go in if you’re sure. She has good reason not to want to be around people, much less a strange man.”
But the older woman waved his concerns away and led him over to the house. She opened the door and ushered him in. He scanned the room as the door was gently closed and saw Jana sitting in a corner near the wood stove. Approaching slowly, he sat on a stool a few feet away from her. She stared down at her book a long time.
Arion could see the bruises on one side of her face, and he struggled for the right thing to say. She seemed composed enough, though he knew it would likely take her a long time to deal with what had happened to her.
“As I was leaving,” he said quietly, “I saw guards escorting more men into the castle. I believe they caught all of the ones who jumped Lord Vane on the road.”
She nodded slightly. “Good.”
More silence fell between them, and Arion waited about a minute before going on. “I’m so sorry about what happened to you. Is there anything I can do? I didn’t want to bother all of you, but your brother insisted.”
“I’m sure he did. He took off as soon as the news came. Wanted to get to the village and hear the gossip. Probably miffed our other brother heard something first.” She finally looked up. “I’m glad he found you before you left the dominion.” She shook her head as tears welled in her eyes. “How can apologizing be enough? If they hadn’t caught that man, they might’ve convicted you.”
“But they didn’t. I’m safe. And more importantly you’re safe. The men have been caught.”
“I know.” Swallowing past a lump in his throat, he said, “But there are men like your father and brothers. The guards and the villagers who volunteered. And,” he cleared his throat again as it constricted a bit, “Lord Vane, of course.”
“Yes. He was very kind to me. He’s so kind to everyone. The last lord would barely have looked at me. He certainly wouldn’t have comforted me.” She fidgeted with her book a bit. “I take it you’re leaving because of this.”
“Not exactly. I’d stayed too long already. Don’t worry. I’m on my way to a new job, and I mustn’t keep my new lord waiting.” It wasn’t exactly a lie. He did intend to look for work wherever he went. He’d already decided not to go home for a while in case Vane couldn’t keep his word.
Jana looked at the floor for a while and then lifted her gaze to meet his. “You’re a very kind man to say that, but it’s not true. They threw you in the dungeon. The penalties for rape and brutality can be harsh. You had to be so frightened. Makes sense you’d want to be far away from here. That you’d be angry at all of us.”
“If I stay everyone will just keep apologizing and making a fuss.”
“Making a fuss? Yes, I’d say so. With good reason.” She sighed. “I spoke of how kind his lordship was, but he wasn’t kind to you.”
“He and I … made our peace.” Arion didn’t think that was the best word for it, but they were done talking as far as he was concerned.
“But something should be done or said.” She held up her hand when he started to object. “I don’t mean you have to stay, but I’m going to talk to Lord Vane. Maybe, I don’t know, he should say something to everyone. The gossip is probably eating the castle up already. I could apologize. Might be a good lesson for others.”
“A lesson?”
“About accusing people. Making assumptions. Or acting rashly. They might’ve all been calmer if I hadn’t screamed. You know, if I’d just whispered to someone or…” She shrugged and looked down at her book. “Can’t change the past. My Gran would know just what to do, if she were still alive. Very opinionated and usually very right. I guess it’s up to Lord Vane.”