Callan

by Sybil Bartel

  “You hurt nothing.”

  Relieved, yet still embarrassed despite what he’d said, I wanted space, but I also wanted him closer. Feeling like I could crawl out of my own skin, but wanting to stay in his arms forever, I made a feeble attempt at an apology. “I’m sorry.”

  “Do not apologize.”

  I wanted to listen to his voice forever. And that scared me. He scared me. No dignity left, no decorum, my thoughts vomited out of my mouth. “You scare me.”

  “How you feel should never scare you.”

  I didn’t know if he meant my angry meltdown or my feelings for him, so I said nothing.

  Locked in by his huge body, I stayed still as he kept holding me, but none of my muscles relaxed.

  His breathing didn’t change, and he didn’t speak. Letting me be, being himself, nothing to say, I didn’t know why he was quiet, but I suddenly realized it didn’t matter.

  He was here.

  He was holding me.

  And I was going to be okay.

  The forest made night noises, time passed and a calm I didn’t think was possible finally descended over me.

  As if sensing the tide shift, his tight hold eased only enough for one arm to release me. He stroked my hair, my shoulder, my hip, and he silently answered the question of if he would ever want to touch me again after my outburst.

  Too many questions crossed my mind, but none of them were important in that moment. All that mattered was that he was here, and I was in his arms.

  Three breaths later, he broke the comfortable silence between us.

  “On the compound, if you claimed a woman, she became yours.”

  His deep, quiet voice made the awareness between my legs pulse, but I said nothing.

  “She then no longer belonged to anyone else,” he continued. “No other man could tend to her.” His hand rubbed over my stomach. “I do not know what that is called in your world.”

  My heart stopped then sped up. “Marriage?”

  “It is not the same.” His thumb dipped lower, but not low enough. “Marriage is impermanent.”

  “Claiming was permanent?” Suddenly his celibacy after Decima disappeared made sense. “Is that why you were never with anyone else?”

  “As long as both man and woman were alive, yes it was permanent.” He was quiet a moment. “But few made such claims. Most of the men preferred to tend to multiple women.”

  I forgot about myself for a moment. “As a woman, that doesn’t sound ideal.” At all.

  “I cannot speak to the women’s preferences on the compound. I was rarely around during the day.” His fingers grasped my hip and squeezed as his hard length pressed in to my lower back.

  Aching to be closer to him, hating the thought of him with another woman, I couldn’t stop the question bleeding out of my mouth that I didn’t want the answer to. “You only knew Decima’s preference?”

  His hand traveled up my side, lightly brushing over my ribs. “She was given to me to manage, but it was she who asked to be claimed.” He cupped my breast, taking my hard nipple between his thumb and first finger. “That is the extent of what you need to know about that part of my past.”

  I didn’t say anything. My core was pulsing, my nipple was aching and I was trying to figure out if I was angry that he was closing off the subject, or if I even had a right to be upset about it. He was right though to keep it to himself. The more I knew, the less I liked it. Jealousy was a completely new and thoroughly sucky emotion to have.

  He gently brushed his thumb over my nipple then moved to my other breast. “Your muscles tensed.”

  I exhaled, wanting to know if he still had feelings for Decima, but also wanting him inside me so bad, it terrified me. I didn’t know what that would do to the already crushing emotional attachment I had for him.

  “Ask,” he ordered.

  “Did you want to claim her?” I blurted the question out, not knowing if I wanted the answer.

  His breath fanned out over my shoulder. Cicadas sang their night song. Wind blew through the tall pines and time passed. I wasn’t sure he was going to answer, until he finally spoke.

  “When a frightened young woman begs you for help because you are the lesser of two evils to her, you assume the responsibility of a man.”

  Jealousy bloomed, but I also fell for him even more. “You’re a good person, Callan Anders.” I would not deny him the truth of who he was. He had rescued me when no one else had.

  “I have taken men’s lives,” he countered.

  “You’re still a good person, and I don’t know what I did to deserve to be here.” I didn’t want to say the next words, but my insecurities came out anyway. “I’m still not sure why you want to be with me. There are a lot of women who would kill to be in my place right now.” A lot of women who wouldn’t have breakdowns.

  “I do not want a woman who kills.” His thumb brushed over my other nipple.

  I loved having him touch me, but the ache between my legs was growing unbearable. “It’s just an expression.”

  His hand moved back to my lower stomach. “Why are you insecure about this?” He gripped my hip and slowly rocked against me from behind.

  His huge, hard length rubbed between my cheeks, and desire for something I’d never thought about made me wetter. Forcing myself to stare at the rough-hewn ceiling, at the knots in the wood, I tried to concentrate. How did you explain a world where larger hips meant you were fat, not that you could carry a child to term in good health. How did I tell him that a girl who’d forsaken school dances for romance books and would rather be barfed on by a four-year-old boy than go clubbing wasn’t a popular girl? How did I tell him I spent my whole life thinking I wasn’t good enough and that’s why my father never stuck around to even meet me? I couldn’t. I didn’t even want to. It felt selfish and stupid and petty compared to the life he’d lived.

  I turned to face him. “Can I ask you something?”

  Using his leg, he brought my legs in closer to him. “Yes.”

  “Will you ever forgive Ted?”

  His gaze locked on to mine, and he gave me his intense stare. “There is nothing to forgive. He is the man he is. I am the man I am. I do not see him as a father, nor as a man worthy of my time.”

  My hands on his chest pressed against his impossibly hard muscles. I was beginning to wonder how I would ever be able to live without being on the receiving end of his total attention. I already craved the way he looked at me like he was the air I needed to breathe.

  I had to remember what we were talking about. “So, that’s it? It’s like Ted is dead to you?”

  “He is of no consequence to me.” He stroked my hair, my cheek.

  Leaning into his caress, I did and I didn’t understand. Why would you give up a father who wanted to know you? “Don’t you want to have your family around?”

  “I will make my own family.” He wrapped a thick lock of my hair around his fist.

  I shivered at his touch, at the implication of a promise, and I gave him a truth I’d never told anyone. “I spent my whole life thinking I wasn’t good enough and that’s why my father left my mom before I was born.” I dropped my gaze to the words inked on his chest. “I felt abandoned.”

  He released my hair and captured the back of my neck. “You get to choose how you feel.” His thick fingers massaged muscles I didn’t know were tense.

  I wanted to live in this moment and his touch forever. My old life slipping further away, I thought of spending every night in his arms. “I’m not sure if you’re saying that because you think it’s okay I feel that way, or if you’re saying that because you think I’m being stupid.”

  He gripped the back of my head, and his hand fisted around my hair. “I do not think you are stupid.” Just as smoothly as he’d put me in the dominant hold, he released my hair and caressed the back of my neck.

  I tilted my head down to give him better access. “But you don’t think it’s worth the headspace to think about the father who aban
doned me.”

  He pulled my hair just enough to get me to look up. When my eyes met his, he spoke. “No, I do not, but I am not you.”

  Staring into his eyes, breathing in the unwavering attention he gave me, feeling his desire against my thigh, I felt brave enough to ask what I needed to ask. “Can you understand how a woman who obsessed her whole life over a father who abandoned her would wonder why a beautiful man wants to claim her as his?” I swallowed past the lump in my throat and whispered, “Why he would want to make a family with her?”

  “No.”

  Embarrassed, taken aback, wishing I’d said nothing, I rolled over.

  His arm caught me around the middle, and he immediately rolled me back. Hovering over me, brushing my hair from my face, he touched his lips to my forehead. “Can you understand that a man who was used his whole life for his ability to hunt and judged by his looks to be a suitable breeder, but was never engaged in conversation, would fall for an angel at a gas station who smiled at him? Not because she wanted food or seed, but because she wanted to help him?”

  Tears welled and my heart both broke and soared. Embarrassed, relieved, a small laugh escaped. “I swear, I wasn’t trying to hit on you that day.” I should’ve known then it was meant to be. The universe had put us together at that exact location, at that exact time, in that exact moment. Fate was nothing if not coincidental.

  The corner of his mouth twitched. “I know.”

  “I just….” I laughed. “I thought you didn’t know how to use the gas pump.”

  He smiled. “I knew how.”

  “Oh my God.” He smiled. Tears of joy fell down my cheeks. “You’re beautiful when you smile.”

  “You are beautiful all the time.”

  SHE FELL ASLEEP IN my arms.

  A half hour later, when her breathing was slow and even, and I knew she would not wake back up, I let myself fall asleep.

  Dawn came and went, and she slept curled against my side like she was always meant to be there. Painfully throbbing to take her, I remained still. I had meant what I had said to her. I would not release until I was inside her.

  Preoccupied with thinking about all the ways I wanted to take her, and her body’s response to my touch last night, too late I heard the tires on the gravel. Chiding myself for not catching the vehicle’s approach before it had gotten to the gate, I hastily got up and accidently woke her.

  Stirring, she opened her eyes. “Good morning.” She watched me pull on my pants, then my T-shirt. “Where are you going?”

  Sleep rough and seductive, her voice tempted me to return to bed. Instead, I leaned over and kissed her. “Someone is at the gate. I will be back. Stay.”

  I was not expecting danger. Luna had assured me on the plane, after she had fallen asleep, that we were not followed out of Mexico. With the head of their organization dead, he had said whoever stepped in to replace him would be more concerned with logistics than revenge. I only believed him because there was no loyalty in crime. But to be safe, I stepped into my boots and grabbed one of my rifles from the rack on the wall.

  Fear instantly dissolved her content expression as she took in my gun. “Who is it?”

  Seeing the look in her eyes, I vowed to install an electronic security system with video surveillance as soon as possible. “You are safe.” I would make sure of it. “I do not know who it is, but there is only one vehicle.” Higher pitched, lighter sounding, it was not the mail delivery truck. I was guessing a sedan.

  “Where you expecting anyone? Does anyone come out here?” Panic pitched her voice.

  “No and no.” I did not want to cause her more alarm, but I would not lie to her. “Stay. I will be back shortly.”

  She grabbed my wrist. “Don’t go out there.”

  Pausing, I cupped her face. “Someone with malicious intent would not approach the front gate in a vehicle midmorning.” I heard one car door, then a second and third, open and close. “Regardless, I will not let anything happen to you. Wait for me here.”

  She nodded, and I took my leave.

  My quarters were set back and around a stand of oaks that afforded some privacy from the front gate, but I could still see the vehicle through the trees and the figures standing at the gate.

  It was her family.

  I slung my rifle strap across my shoulder and strode toward the gate.

  Theodore saw me first.

  “Where is she?” he demanded. “She isn’t at her apartment.”

  My voice calm, I unlocked the gate. “Emily will not be staying there anymore.”

  “What the hell does that mean?” Theodore eyed my gun. “And what the hell do you have that for?”

  I spared him a glance. “There are wild animals on the property.” I did not owe him an explanation, and he did not deserve one. Angel’s story was hers to tell if she chose. I nodded at her mother. “She is fine. She is resting.”

  Tears welled in her eyes. “Thank you, but I would like to see my daughter.”

  “You can’t just keep her here, locked up,” Theodore bit out. “That’s illegal.”

  My patience at an end with him, I ignored his comment and his other stepdaughter cowering behind him with a basket in her arms. Focusing on her mother, I kept my voice even. “If you would like to visit, there are tables to sit at in the main building.” I indicated the last building standing on the property besides my quarters. “I will let her know you are here.” Before I could turn to go, I heard her come up behind me.

  “I’m not here against my will, Ted.”

  “Emily!” Her mother burst into tears and ran around me.

  I turned as her mother grabbed her in a tight hug and my angel flinched. I did not know if it was from the contact or her injuries, and I did not care.

  I gripped her mother’s arm and issued a warning. “Careful.”

  The woman’s eyes went wide and her mouth opened in a perfect O like her daughter’s. “Oh my God, Emily.” She let go of her daughter, and her hand covered her mouth as she took in her bruised face. “You’re hurt.”

  “Let go of Marie,” Theodore barked.

  I had already dropped my hand. “Tell your wife not to jostle her.”

  “This isn’t the damn dark ages, son,” Theodore reprimanded. “You don’t tell a woman what to do.”

  “I am not your son.”

  “Stop.” Emily threw a hand up toward her stepfather. “Stop it, Ted. Just… stop.” She shuffled a foot forward in her shoes she had called flip-flops and gingerly hugged her mother. “I’m good, Mom, really. I’m just tired, a little bruised, and I have a lot to do. My purse was stolen, and I need to get a new phone, but I’ll call you once I do, okay?”

  “We can take you home. You can rest there. You don’t want to be out here all alone,” the mother pleaded.

  “Mom, I’m not alone. I’m—”

  I stepped in, putting my arm around Angel’s shoulders. “She is not going back to her apartment, Mrs. Anders.” I held her mother’s shocked gaze. “She is staying here with me.”

  Three sets of eyes stared at us.

  Angel shifted under the scrutiny, but she did not deny it.

  Theodore’s hands fisted and his nostrils flared. Eyes wide, the mother looked between us, but it was the sister who spoke.

  Stepping forward, the sister thrust the basket she was holding toward her sister. “Here, you’ll need this. Sustenance,” she explained before glancing up at me. “If you hurt her, I will ruin you.” Looking back at her sister, guilt clouded her expression. “I can’t tell you how sorry I am.” A tear slid down her cheek. “It was my fault you were taken. I shouldn’t have left you. I hope one day you can forgive me. And for whatever it’s worth, I totally would’ve fallen for him to.” Without waiting for a response, she walked back to the car and got in.

  Holding the basket in one hand, my angel slid her free arm around my waist. “Mom, I’ll call you when I get a new phone.”

  The mother burst into tears.

  Taking
his wife under his arm, Theodore glared at me. “If she’s smart, she’ll leave you before this goes any further.” He turned and led his wife back to the car, putting her in the front passenger seat. Ten seconds later, the car’s tires were spitting out gravel behind them as I closed the gate.

  “Well.” Angel exhaled. “That was… something.”

  I did not comment. I had expected nothing less.

  She looked past the main hall to the foundation I had already set for the house. “Is that the house you’re building?”

  “Yes.”

  “It looks big.” Her tone was even, emotionless.

  “Three thousand square feet.”

  “Mm-hmm….” She bit her lip then released it. “So that’s like what? A couple bedrooms?”

  “Four.” I studied her for a reaction.

  She only nodded. “And that building?” She tipped her chin toward the main hall.

  “That was the main hall. It will come down once the house is built. For now, it has a kitchen in it.”

  She held the basket closer to her body. “You eat in there?”

  “Occasionally.”

  She frowned. “Will we eat in there?”

  “We can eat wherever you prefer. There is an outside table behind my quarters.”

  She looked up at me. “Are we making a mistake?”

  I did not hesitate. “No.”

  She nodded. “Okay, good. I didn’t think so, but….” She looked down at the closed basket, then rapid-fire thoughts tumbled out of her mouth. “I think Phoebe gave us banana muffins. Smells like banana muffins. It’s the only thing she knows how to make. Well, that and cocktails, but it’s a little early for that, and anyway, that would be insensitive. And shitty. And more than bitchy. But banana muffins are good. They’re kinda my favorite. Which makes it really hard to be mad at her, because she makes killer banana muffins. They usually have chocolate chips. The small ones, not the big overwhelming ones.” Looking more lost than she had when she’d come off the ship, she glanced up at me. “So, are you hungry? Do you want to eat outside?”

  I brushed my thumb over the fading bruise on her cheek. I could not take away what had happened to her, but I could take care of her now. “I will install an electronic security system with video surveillance. I will replace your phone, and I will get you proper footwear. The construction on the house will take me a few more months, but in the meantime, I will make sure you are comfortable. Do you have any other immediate needs?”