All of You

by Christina Lee

  “Anyway, she came home this morning and tried to hide in her room,” he said. “Avery, she’s one

  hot mess. She’s got a swollen lip and a black eye.”

  “What the hell?” I sat up in bed. “Did she say what happened?”

  Adam sighed. “I’m pretty sure I already know.”

  “What, Adam?” I reached for my jeans on the floor and pulled them on. “Goddamn it, tell me.”

  “I didn’t want to mention it to you before, but she’s been seeing Tim again.”

  The blood drained from my face. “What?”

  “She asked me not to tell you, and I figured it would go nowhere fast,” he said. “He hasn’t been

  over more than two or three times. But last night I heard her on the phone, so I knew she was meeting

  him.”

  “That son of a bitch,” I said and smashed my fist into my mattress. “I’m hopping in the shower and

  driving down right now.”

  “Mom will be pissed, but I didn’t know what else to do,” he huffed out. He sounded relieved. “I need you, sis.”

  “You did the right thing.”

  The hour drive home just made me more furious. Maybe now Mom would finally believe what a

  sick fuck Tim was and that he was prone to violence. I couldn’t stop my hands from gripping the damn

  steering wheel so hard that my fingers were beginning to swell from the pressure.

  I almost wished I would have killed Tim when I had the chance. But I might be sitting in jail right

  now if I had. There were no witnesses, and my mom sure as hell didn’t believe me. Tim had been a cop

  at the time, and the force was a tight-knit group. The only reason Tim finally left my mom is because my

  ex-boyfriend Gavin’s father was the mayor and my threat against him worked.

  But I knew Mom still blamed me to this day for running him off.

  When I turned down Maple Drive, I felt that familiar tension in my stomach. I hadn’t been here in

  months, but just driving through my old neighborhood still had the power to make me feel like an

  outsider, like I no longer belonged. Hell, I was proud of that fact. But somehow, passing by the city hall

  and high school stadium reduced me to lost-teenager status again.

  I pulled up the busted concrete driveway and parked next to Adam’s brown beater, still going

  strong after two years. The trees had turned a golden orange and some leaves had already fallen to the

  lawn.

  Adam and I had loved jumping in leaf piles out front while Mom yelled at us to help rake. Most of

  my good memories involved Adam. Mom was always with one guy or another—some who tried to

  parent us, others who ignored us completely. I couldn’t even remember half of their names.

  But I remembered Tim. He and Mom drank heavily on the weekends, so there was no telling what

  I’d walk into. Sometimes they were half-dressed and passed out on the couch. Other times, friends were

  over and they were high as kites from the bong they’d been passing around.

  Tim had tried to insert himself into our lives at every turn. He’d won me over for a minute there—

  I’d actually thought he was sincere. He’d show up to my softball games and piano recitals, dragging my mother with him. But I realized now he had only been grooming me, prepping me for what he’d tried to

  do to me later. What he’d tried to take from me.

  I’d tried shielding Adam from all of Mom’s men, but by the time he reached high school, he knew

  the deal. He wasn’t naive or dumb. And the biggest surprise of all was that he wasn’t jaded. He was

  upbeat, social, and hopeful. So when I left for college I was hopeful, too, that he’d finish high school

  and blaze his own path in life.

  Adam came charging out of the house toward me. He was tall, lean, and handsome, but still had a

  baby face. I hopped out of the car and pulled him into a hug.

  “You need a haircut, baby bro.” I ruffled his golden locks. “But I bet the girls like it.”

  His cheek lifted in a dimple. “Only one girl could request a haircut, and it’s not you or Mom—you

  know that.”

  I pulled Adam’s shoulder against me and we walked side by side to the front door. He was over six

  feet, so he had to scrunch down to keep in step. “How’d you get so whipped by a girl, huh?”

  It hit me how much Adam reminded me of Bennett. And that made me feel strangely satisfied and

  optimistic. Adam was sweet and vulnerable and in love with his girlfriend, Andrea. He wasn’t a virgin

  like Bennett, but I knew he was being smart about using protection.

  The old aluminum door swung open, creaking on its hinges, and the noise from the TV came at me

  like a physical blast, smacking me upside the head. Mom always had the TV turned up too loud. “Where

  is she?”

  “Kitchen.”

  She sat in a chair with a damn cigarette dangling from her busted-up mouth. When I got a good

  look, my hand shot to my face. A purple bruise formed beneath her left eye, and her top lip was cracked

  and split.

  “I don’t know why Adam called you.” Her voice was gravelly and harsh. “Not like you’ve shown

  your face around here in months.” I ignored her pity party. I talked to her plenty on the phone, and to my brother even more. I left this

  place for me. To save myself. And I would have taken Adam with me if she’d have let me.

  “What did he do, Ma?” I asked, hands on my hips. “Punch you in the face a couple of times?”

  “You don’t know anything about it, Avery,” she said, pointing an accusing finger at me. “Don’t

  come marching in here acting like you own this place. You left us, remember?”

  “Mom, I’m in college, remember?”

  “You left long before college.” She looked so vulnerable then. Like she was just hanging on to her

  sanity by a thread. I’d wondered if her lifestyle would ever catch up to her. Accepting any man into her

  home, into her bed, hoping they’d “love” her back and stick around long enough to help pay some of the

  bills.

  That’s where she and I parted ways. I accepted only men I wanted into my bed, and then kicked

  them to the curb immediately afterward. And no way in hell did I ever beg them to care about me, help

  me financially, or do any special favors for money.

  “I tried to tell you why I was leaving back then, Mom,” I said. “But you didn’t believe me.”

  She refused to meet my gaze, just taking long drags on that cigarette and blowing smoke into the

  air. I wouldn’t be surprised if her coffee was spiked with something strong, too.

  “You need to ice that shiner.” I pulled a bag of frozen peas from the freezer, knelt down beside her,

  and held it to her eye.

  When she finally looked at me, I saw that her resolve was softening.

  “Do you believe me now?” I whispered, forcing the matted blond hair away from her face with my

  fingers.

  Tears sprang to her eyes and rolled down her cheeks in fat trails. She’d probably never say it out

  loud, but I took that as her admission.

  “He’ll just make it hell for you,” I said, adjusting my knees on the tile. “You’ll have to get a

  restraining order against him.” “A restraining order?” Her bottom lip hung open and then started to quiver.

  I nodded. “You still love him?”

  She shook her head. “Thought maybe I did. But he’s changed.”

  I bit my tongue to keep from telling her that he was just putting on a show for her all those years

  ago. When in reality he was proving his true colors in my bedroom, i
n the middle of the night.

  “You afraid of him?”

  She squeezed her eyes shut. Again, her only admission.

  “Get in the car,” I said, standing up. “Adam, too. We’re going down to the station.”

  She wouldn’t move. Just stared at me with those puppy dog eyes. One of them with a black and

  purple ringer.

  “Don’t you dare try to argue with me,” I said through gritted teeth. “You have an underage child in

  your home. You need to protect him until he graduates from school.”

  I went down low, right next to her ear. “At least do right by him, if you couldn’t do right by me.”

  She inhaled a lungful of air that left her gasping. She stood on shaky legs and moved toward the

  door, grabbing her purse on the way out. Adam gave me a sidelong glance, but didn’t ask what the hell

  was going on. A hundred bucks said he’d already figured it out.

  On the way into town, I dialed the one person who’d be stunned to hear from me. But I still had his

  number saved in my phone.

  He answered on the first ring.

  “Gavin, it’s Avery.”

  There was a long pause. So I filled in the silence. “I know it’s been a long time, but I need your

  help. Your father’s, too.”

  ***

  I dropped my mom and brother at home after we filed the temporary restraining order at the police station. I had an afternoon shift at the nursing home and needed to get my butt back on the road.

  Mom would need to attend a court hearing to make the restraining order stick, and Gavin promised

  to have his father look into it as soon as I told him who the charge was against.

  Even though we ended our relationship badly, he knew I went through hell with that man.

  Mom assured me that Tim had gotten back on the road already—that he had a wife forty minutes

  away in Russell Township. Scumbag. But Mom would have taken him back anyway.

  Regardless, I made mom call one of her old flames to stay the night—nothing like a damsel in

  distress to make the men come running; look how Bennett took care of me after my almost-break-in.

  The thought of me sleeping in Bennett’s bed again lit the usual fire in my belly, but I pushed the

  thought away.

  I begged Adam to stay at my place this weekend. Even offered to have his girlfriend come, too. But

  he refused. Said he wanted to stick around home, just in case. He promised to come up next week

  instead and to call me first thing in the morning or sooner, should he need me.

  ***

  The moment I walked into Mrs. Jackson’s room that afternoon, she knew I’d had a tough day. “You look

  like hell, princess.”

  “Are princesses allowed to look like hell?” I asked, adjusting her position in bed. She hated lying

  flat on her back. She needed to have a view of the grounds beyond her window. “Even princesses have

  bad days,” she said, touching my shoulder. “Tell me what happened, sweetie.”

  I told her about my mother, leaving out details about exactly who Tim was and what he’d done to

  me years ago. I didn’t need her blood pressure rising any higher today. She’d been having a rough time

  of it lately. Her feet were swollen and her temperature had spiked earlier in the week.

  “You’re a good daughter,” she said, patting my hand. “And big sister.”

  I smiled, prepping the thermometer. “And if I was your grandmother,” she huffed, “I’d knocked some sense into that mother of yours.” I

  thought back to my real grandma and how she was just as strong-willed as this lady in front of me. A

  smiled tugged the corners of my lips. They’d certainly both have given my mother a run for her money.

  “I believe you would,” I said. “If you were my grandmother, my life would be immeasurably

  happier. Adam’s, too.”

  “Consider me an honorary grandmother then,” she said. “I insist. I already love you like a

  granddaughter.”

  “That means more than you know.” I felt the stinging of tears behind my eyes. “Now tell me where

  that husband of yours is. I haven’t gotten my flower fix today.”

  “You’ll get your own flowers someday,” she said, a twinkle in her eyes. And I knew what was

  coming next. “So, how’s Pretty Boy doing? You haven’t talked about him in a while.”

  “His name is Bennett. But he is pretty,” I said. “And nothing is going on with him. We’re just

  friends.” Although I wasn’t sure if even that was true anymore. Not after what had happened with Oliver

  at the tattoo parlor.

  “Mmmm-hmmm . . .” she drawled. “I don’t believe you for one minute. Not with that fire blazing

  in your eyes.”

  After recording her temperature, I tucked her in and waved good night. “See you on Monday.”

  I got a text from Rob on my way home. I almost didn’t check it because I was too tired and

  definitely not in the mood. At least not for him.

  Rob: You home?

  Me: Not yet.

  Rob: Think I left my Ray Bans at your place—can I pick them up?

  Me: Why do you need them so bad? They’re only shades.

  Rob: Mom bought ’em for me, they’re pricey as hell, and I’m seeing

  her for brunch 2morrow. Me:I’ll be home in ten minutes.

  I had changed into my flannel pajamas and had already poured myself a glass of wine when I heard

  my buzzer. I grabbed Rob’s sunglasses off my kitchen counter and went to meet him at the door.

  Maybe he’d get the hint that I wasn’t into anything more tonight, in case that was on his mind.

  “Looks like somebody’s ready for bed,” he said, looking down at my fuzzy slippers.

  I was so covered up, I probably knocked the thought of a quickie straight from his head.

  “Yeah, I’m beat.”

  We stood in my doorway chatting about Rob’s plans with his buddies for the night when Bennett

  stepped off the elevator. I straightened as tension radiated up my spine and across my shoulders. He

  wore a gray hoodie, baggy jeans, and a pair of worn-in blue Converse sneakers. Wow, he made casual

  look good.

  Bennett adjusted his red ball cap lower on his head when he spotted me. His shoulders hunched up

  and he looked behind him, like he hoped the building had a rear-door exit so he could made his escape.

  “Hey,” he said, and dipped his head as he passed. He didn’t even look at Rob and probably

  assumed he was just another one of my friends with benefits.

  But maybe Rob wasn’t. Not anymore.

  Bennett Reynolds was messing with my head.

  I didn’t want him to get away so easily. I wanted to talk to him, to make sure we were still cool.

  Even though I was pretty sure we weren’t. “Where are you headed tonight, Bennett?”

  Bennett paused at the door and seemed to be weighing the decision of whether or not to turn

  around. My stomach pitched and rolled.

  “Up to the corner bar,” he said. His eyes were dark and stormy. “To meet a friend.”

  The way he said the word friend made my insides curdle. Was he just giving it back to me, or was

  he actually meeting a girl?

  “That’s cool,” I said, not meaning a word of it. “Um, this is my friend Rob.” Bennett gave a simple nod and turned again to leave. And suddenly I wanted to usher Rob the hell

  out the door as quickly as possible.

  “All right, Rob, I’m gonna hit the hay.” I said it loud enough for Bennett to hear. The door slid

  closed behind him, and I watched him walk down the sidewalk to the street. He never missed a beat andr />
  never once looked back at us.

  Rob looked between me and the door, his expression dark. It was an emotion I’d rarely seen

  before—he’d always been pretty laid-back and happy-go-lucky. Which made him the perfect fuck

  buddy. No questions asked.

  “So, um . . . thanks for the shades.” Rob twirled the sunglasses in his fingers with a jerky, odd

  motion, like there was something else he wanted to say. For the first time I had the impression that

  maybe he was wishing for more tonight. That maybe he had hoped I’d invite him in. He sighed. “Tired,

  huh? Catch you later, then.”

  I stayed up a bit later to watch a home-decorating show in bed. But my concentration waned. Every

  time I heard the sound of a key turning in the front entrance door, I imagined it was Bennett coming

  home, possibly with a girl.

  I pictured Bennett lying beside me, his strong arms embracing me, his warm mouth against my lips.

  I wanted to inhale his coconut scent, map every inch of his skin with my tongue, and hear my name

  tumble from his lips again when I made him come undone.

  I hoped that Bennett might stop over after the bar because he was alone and wanted my company. But he never did.

  Chapter Fifteen

  The clambake was tonight, and it had been drizzling all day. But fall days are unpredictable, and Ella

  said they’d have large tents set up to shield the partygoers from the elements. Joel apparently had been

  working on shucking corn all day with his frat buddies. They’d also been hitting the keg early, and Joel

  was napping before the big party.

  I figured this was the night I needed to get my shit together—take back control of my life. Bennett

  had too much of a hold on my thoughts and fantasies, and I needed a reality check.

  I’d gotten to a point in my life where I was content. I worked hard, attended classes, and had good

  friends. When I was horny I called Rob or picked up guys at parties or bars and made out with them, let

  them feel me up, or let them get me off. It made me feel desirable and a little less solitary for that short

  period of time.

  Plus, I played by my own rules. I was in control. Simple as that. I didn’t need anything more

  complicated.

  Besides, it was now blatantly obvious that Bennett was done with me as well. Maybe the girl he