Burning Love (Hearts on Fire #2)

by Heather Lyn

  Her swollen red eyes fill with more tears.

  “I’m so sorry, Grayson. I didn’t know.”

  “Hey, it’s not your fault. You did nothing wrong.”

  Nodding, Kennedy swipes at the tears. I’m trying so hard to be strong. I’m the man, for fuck’s sake. I’m not supposed to be bawling like a little bitch. But we just lost a baby. A baby we didn’t even know we were having.

  Leaning forward, I place my cheek to her stomach and hug her to me.

  “I’m so sorry,” I whisper, my shoulders shaking with the force of my sobs. I completely fall apart when I feel Kennedy’s hand gently rubbing up and down my back. Wrapping my arms around her waist, I rest my head on her lap and together we cry.

  Mourning the loss of the life we didn’t get to meet. The unfair situation we’ve been thrown into. I’ve never been an emotional person, but this hurts. This really fucking hurts.

  I was going to be a daddy. And now I have to say good-bye before I even get to say hello.

  ***

  Several hours later Kennedy is being discharged. Noah and Aubrey have hung around to give us a ride back to my place. Kennedy has been really quiet and I’m afraid that she’s going to pull away from me. This has been the absolute worst day of my life and, if I’m being honest, I’m ready to go home and get some sleep. I called my chief and filled him in on everything that’s happened. After giving me his condolences, he put me on furlough for the next two weeks.

  Now I’m standing in the hallway, waiting for Kennedy to finish up in the bathroom. A few minutes later she comes walking out, avoiding my eyes. I reach out and place my fingers under her chin, tilting her head up to look at me. Her eyes are full of unshed tears and they break my heart. Going slowly so she can stop me if necessary, I lean down and gently kiss her. She reaches up to grab onto my forearms, squeezing tightly.

  Breaking away, I gently kiss her forehead. “I love you so much, Kennedy.” I pull back to look at her and a few tears escape, trickling down her cheeks.

  “I love you too, Grayson. Take me home, please.”

  Nodding, I place my arm around her shoulders and guide her to the wheelchair waiting for her. Kennedy sits down and the nurse comes over, intending to take her down to the car. Holding a hand out, I then grasp the handles.

  “I’ll push her.”

  The nurse gives me a sad smile and follows next to me. Noah told me that he and Aubrey would be downstairs waiting for us. When we get down there, I see Noah’s truck parked at the curb, Aubrey standing next to it. Kennedy gets up out of the wheelchair and I put an arm around her shoulders. Once I help her into the back, Aubrey climbs in next to her. I hop into the passenger seat and we head out. We arrive at my place a short time later and I climb out, helping Kennedy down before she gives Aubrey a tight hug.

  Noah comes around the front of the truck to hug Kennedy, and then he turns to me. Expecting him to smack me, like usual, I’m surprised when he hugs me too. I would normally have given him a hard time for being a sappy shit, but I don’t this time.

  Noah grips the back of my neck tightly, squeezing my shoulder with the other.

  “Love ya, brother,” he says roughly.

  I clap him on the back and pull away.

  “Thanks, fucker. Love ya too.”

  Noah chuckles and smacks the back of my head, then gets back into his truck as I turn to Aubrey. She gives me a watery smile and throws her arm around my neck, hugging me tightly.

  “I’m so sorry, Gray. So sorry. I love you guys,” she whispers in my ear. Rubbing a hand up and down her back, she pulls away, wiping her face.

  “Love you too, Aubs. Thanks for being here. Means the world.”

  “Wouldn’t be anywhere else. Now go be together. Love each other. When I lost my dad, that’s all I needed. Noah. So go hold each other, cry, don’t hold anything back. You’ll be okay.”

  I give Aubrey a smile and then wave to them both. Taking Kennedy by the hand, I lead her into my house, turning on lights as we go. I’m feeling at a loss for what to do, so I throw my keys onto the table and lead her into the bedroom.

  “You want to get some sleep?” I ask her.

  Shaking her head, Kennedy starts to undress. “I need a shower.” She walks into the bathroom and shuts the door behind her. I head over to it and knock.

  “Can I get you anything, baby?” I ask. A few seconds later I hear the water turn on.

  “I just need to be alone for a few minutes, Grayson.”

  I lean my forehead against the door, a deep sigh escaping.

  “Please don’t shut me out, Kennedy.”

  “I’m not. I just need to shower, and then we can talk. Promise.” I hear her pulling the shower curtain to the side, so I take that as my exit to leave. I head out into the kitchen and grab a mug, turning my coffeemaker on as I go. While I wait for it to brew, I take a seat at my kitchen table, pulling out my cell phone to see that it’s almost six in the evening. Coffee is probably not the smartest idea, but I need something to do.

  When it’s brewed, I jump up and pour myself a mug. Kennedy got out of the shower a few minutes ago; I can hear her padding around in the bedroom. She comes walking out a second later, her wet hair pulled up on top of her head and one of my shirts on. I put down my cup and pat my lap, inviting her to sit with me. Instead she heads past me to the coffee pot. I can feel the tension in the room and I have no idea what to say.

  “Kennedy, can we talk now?” I ask quietly.

  “About what?” she bites out.

  Scrubbing a hand over my face, I turn to look at her. “Kennedy….”

  “What’s there to talk about, Grayson? I’m fine.”

  Clearly.

  “You haven’t said a word to me since I came to your room. I just need you to be honest with me about how you’re feeling.”

  “Oh that’s right. Honest with you. Because I’m a liar, right? I forgot about that.” Pouring herself a cup of coffee, she goes over to the fridge to grab the creamer.

  “Kennedy, that’s not what I meant.”

  “Whatever, Grayson.” She stirs the cream into her coffee and then reaches for the sugar bowl. When she’s finished she throws her spoon into the sink, using more force than needed. Standing up, I walk over to her.

  “Stop it, Kennedy.”

  “Leave me alone, Gray.”

  “I’m not—”

  “I said to fucking leave me alone! I don’t want to talk. I just want to be left alone.” The anger radiating off her is stifling, and suddenly I’m angry too.

  “Knock it the hell off, Kennedy. Where is this coming from?”

  “Leave me alone, Grayson! For God’s sake!”

  “I’m not leaving you alone, Kennedy. I’m sorry, but I can’t let you do this. It’s not healthy to bottle things up. Scream, cry, do whatever you need to, but stop telling me you’re okay.”

  “Did I ask you to be my therapist? No, I didn’t. I’m outta here.”

  Kennedy goes to march past me and I reach out, grabbing her around the upper arm. Lashing out, she spins around and shoves me back.

  “Leave me alone!” she shouts. I can see the tears in her eyes and I know that is the last thing I need to do. I move to grab her when she pushes me again.

  “Stop it! I don’t want you, Grayson! I don’t need you! Just go away!”

  “I can’t stop, baby. Because I do want you. I do need you. And, I fucking love you. I’m not leaving you alone, Kennedy...I can’t!”

  “Fuck you! I hate you, Grayson!”

  Reaching out, Kennedy grabs her mug of coffee and throws it against the wall. The loud crash echoes throughout the house, coffee dripping down the wall. Kennedy raises both fists and starts smashing them against my chest, screaming over and over how much she hates me. I let her, knowing she needs to release it.

  “I love you, Kennedy,” I tell her as her fists continue to pummel my chest. She’s crying now, her blows getting weaker.

  “No! I don’t deserve it! I killed your
baby! I couldn’t protect it! How can you love me? I don’t even love me! I hate this! Why, Grayson?” Kennedy slams her fists against me one last time, then fists my shirt in her hands. Taking the opportunity, I grab her arms and pull her into me. She buries her face into my neck and releases my shirt. Her loud cries and sobs are the most painful sounds I have ever heard.

  “I love you so much, Kennedy. This is not your fault, baby. I don’t blame you. I’m so fucking sorry. I’m so sorry, but I can’t let you blame yourself. You did nothing wrong.”

  Picking her up, I carry her to the couch and sit down, cradling her on my lap. I can feel the burning in my eyes and I don’t bother hiding my emotions. She needs to know that she’s not alone. That she has me. Forever.

  “Please make it stop hurting, Gray. I can’t stand it. I feel like there’s a knife in my chest.”

  “I know, baby. I know.”

  Kennedy sits up and wraps her arms around my neck, holding me tighter than she ever has before. I settle myself and then bury my face in her hair, unable to hold back my own sobs.

  “I love you, Kennedy. Please don’t push me away. I’m hurting too, baby. I lost him or her too. I’m so sorry I couldn’t stop this from happening, but it’s not our fault.”

  “I know. And I’m sorry.”

  I hold her tighter, running my hand up and down her back. I whisper words of love, allowing my own anguish to flow out of me. Long after our tears have dried up, we continue to sit together in silence, holding each other. Picking her up, I carry her to the bedroom and lay her down on the bed. Kennedy gets under the covers and curls up on her side as I crawl in behind her and pull her back to me. Reaching back, Kennedy runs her fingers though my hair as I press a soft kiss to the side of her neck.

  “I love you, Kennedy Grant. No matter what life throws at us, you have me. Every part of me. I couldn’t stop loving you even if I tried. You’re a part of me.”

  I can feel her tears falling onto my bare arm and I pull her closer to me.

  “Forever,” she whispers.

  “Forever, baby. Promise.” I bury my face in her neck and breathe her in, grateful to have her in my arms.

  This won’t be easy to get through, but together we can do anything.

  CHAPTER 15

  Kennedy

  Two weeks. That’s how long it’s been since my heart was broken. Shattered. Torn to shreds. I never thought it was possible to feel this hollow. This empty. And the worst part? I didn’t even know I was pregnant. So why do I feel this way? And why can’t I handle being around the only other person who understands what I’m going through?

  All of these questions have no answers. And I know that. I’m not a religious person, but I know that unfortunately these things just happen sometimes. But that doesn’t make it any easier, any less painful. I was going to be a mother. Grayson was going to be a dad. And fuck if he wouldn’t have made the most incredible dad in the world. I can see the pain in his eyes every time we’re alone, just quietly being with each other. And that’s the problem—he’s smothering me. We do everything together. Of course, we were like that before all this happened, but now it’s not because we want to be together. It’s because Grayson has this unexplainable protection over me now, like if I’m not with him at all times he’s going to lose me.

  And I understand, but it’s driving me crazy. About a week after I lost the baby, I went back to work. Gray thought I needed more time, but honestly I needed to get back to my routine. Sitting around and feeling lousy wasn’t what I wanted. I wanted to get back to my life. So here I am, sitting at my desk at lunchtime, staring at the five text messages I have from Grayson.

  Grayson: Have a good day, babe.

  Grayson: Love you.

  Grayson: Call me when the kids go to lunch.

  Grayson: Love you so much, Kennedy. Always.

  Grayson: Should I call you instead?

  For God’s sake, just leave me alone!

  Don’t get me wrong. I love Grayson. With every fiber of my being. He is ingrained in me. On my skin, in my heart, he’s a part of me. But I can’t take much more of this over-the-top alpha personality. He’s driving me absolutely batshit. And when we’re at home? Oh Lord. He’s in the same room as me at all times, sitting next to me on the couch, watching television in the bedroom if I want to go read. I can’t take it anymore.

  Grayson’s hot-as-hell, six-foot-four body needs to be taken down a couple pegs. Otherwise I may kill him.

  Ignoring his text messages, I throw my phone onto my desk and head over to Aubrey’s classroom. Lunch is our only time to talk and I really need to right now. Luckily, she’s in there, eating at her desk. She smiles when she sees me come in.

  “Kenni! Hey, girl, what’s going on?”

  I return the smile and grab one of the kid’s chairs and drag it over, plopping down into it.

  “You in the market for another boyfriend? ’Cause mine is for sale,” I grumble.

  Laughing, she picks up her bottle of iced tea. “Grayson? Being a pain in the ass? I don’t believe it! No way!” Aubrey laughs, and I can’t help but grin.

  “For real though, Aubs. He’s driving me crazy.”

  “Why? I thought you guys were okay?” Putting her lunch down, she turns to give me her undivided attention.

  I sigh heavily. “We are okay. I just...he’s treating me like a baby. Making me dinner, breakfast in bed, that’s one thing. But sometimes it feels like he wants to come into the bathroom with me, bathe me. Like I’m not capable of being alone or doing anything myself. It’s smothering.”

  “He’s just trying to protect you, Kenni. You weren’t in the waiting room with him. Girl, he was torn to pieces when he got the news. Hell, he was a damn wreck even before that. When he called me, Kenni, it was so bad. He could barely speak to us. We had no idea what happened until we go to the hospital. Noah went tearing out of our house when he spoke to him.”

  I can’t stop the tears from building up. As annoyed as I am with him, I can’t stand to think about Grayson being in pain.

  “I’m not saying this to hurt you, Kenni. But you have to understand that you guys lost something unbelievably special. And I can’t imagine how y’all are feeling. Just talk to him. I’m sure he’ll understand if you tell him that he needs to back off a little bit.” Getting up out of her chair, Aubrey comes to hug me tight.

  “Love ya, Aubs.”

  “Love ya too, toots. Just talk to him. I promise it’ll all be okay.”

  But I can’t help wondering if she’s wrong. I haven’t told Grayson, but the calls from my mother haven’t stopped and I know he’s gonna be pissed when he finds out. I also know what I’m going to do, but I can guarantee that he won’t be on board. I made an appointment with a lawyer for this afternoon to find out what my options are. I’ve been thinking about giving my mom the money and having her sign legal papers saying that once she gets it I am no longer responsible for anything to do with her and she has to cease all contact with me.

  I haven’t told Grayson about my appointment and I don’t plan to. At least not until after I talk to my lawyer. Then I’ll lay out everything to Gray and try to get him to see my side of things. Deep down, I hate this. I hate that I feel like I need to pay my mother off so she’ll leave me alone. That is not what a daughter should have to do to her mother. It’s unfair.

  I spend the rest of the workday stressed out and incredibly anxious for my meeting. Luckily, the day passes fairly quickly and before I know it I’m leaving work and heading over to the law office.

  When I pull into the parking lot, I notice a text waiting for me from Grayson. I ignore it, then plug my phone into my car charger. I can’t have any distractions while I’m in there, so I leave it in the car as I go inside.

  Heading straight for the receptionist, I give her my name and appointment time and she tells me to have a seat. I can feel my palms sweating and my nerves are taking over. It’s not long before the lawyer’s asking me to follow him back to his office. I wa
lk behind him, fighting the urge to puke.

  ***

  An hour and a half later I’m leaving the office feeling much better than when I entered. It feels like a huge weight has been lifted off my chest. I don’t have anything for my mom to sign, but I don’t need to. He said that she legally has no right to any of my assets, and I can serve her with a restraining order if she doesn’t stop contacting me. Which I plan on doing. When I get back into my car, my phone is flashing so I pull up my notifications.

  Jesus.

  Six missed calls. Four texts. One voice mail. All from Grayson. He cannot be serious.

  Driving home, my frustration with him increases. I mean, no, I didn’t call him, but I didn’t realize that I had to. I swear I can’t take this anymore. Aubrey’s right. I need to talk to him. This can’t continue.

  It’s not a long drive back to Grayson’s and I sit in my car for a second before I go inside, preparing myself to deal with this whole situation. One thing’s for sure, I probably won’t be talking to him about my mother tonight.

  When I step inside, Grayson is pacing around the living room, hands clasped behind his head. When he hears me, he turns to me, anger all over his features.

  “What the fuck, Kennedy? Where the hell have you been?”

  “Hello to you too, Grayson,” I mumble, walking around him into the kitchen. He follows right on my heels, not bothering to joke back.

  “I’m serious. Do you have any idea how worried I’ve been? You’re usually home by four, and it’s well after five now. Where have you been? For fuck’s sake, Kennedy!”

  Throwing my purse on the counter, I steel myself and turn to face him.

  “Grayson, this has to stop. You have got to stop this overprotectiveness! I can’t take it!”

  “The least you can do is tell me you aren’t gonna be home when you should be.”

  “That’s the thing, Gray. This isn’t my home! I don’t live here. I just stay here when you aren’t on shift. I have my own apartment, and I think you forget that.”

  I can see the anger flash in his eyes and I know that blowing up at him was probably not the right way to take Aubrey’s advice. But seriously? He’s being ridiculous.