by Zoe Dawson
When she landed in San Diego, she took a cab home. She went up to her bedroom and stripped down to nothing, preoccupied with turbulent thoughts of Bowie and the time they had spent together, his refusal to take a chance on her. She’d wanted to tell him then that she loved him. Wanted him to know how much she was willing to sacrifice to be with him. It wouldn’t be a conventional relationship with the jobs they had, but it would have been so damned meaningful. She released a soft sob, letting the tears flow. He had taught her that life was worth living, worth finding happiness in everything that she did. Finally her suffering, her guilt could be released. There was no need for it. Bowie had been right, in his own realization about moms, he had discovered their capacity to love. She hoped he took his knowledge and went home, went home to finally heal his own heart.
She took a long, warm shower, wiped the condensation off the mirror over the sink and assessed her looks, seeing black and blue, an angry red slash and a woman with troubled eyes and damp, dark hair combed loosely back.
There should have been some external sign of the changes made inside her during the last three weeks—the strength she had regained fighting for her new friends, the humility that remained after she had realized her own emotions had been holding her back, that she had finally forgiven herself for not being there for her mom, starting to let herself grieve as Bowie had held her while she cried for her loss, cried for the woman who had nurtured her, molded her character and in the end become her best friend. The loss she recognized, the love she embraced, and the peace of knowing that even now, her love could not be diminished.
That could be said of Bowie as well. God, how she loved that man, his fierceness, his vulnerabilities, his courage and his strong and noble heart. He wore his trident proud and the Navy should feel damn lucky to have him in their ranks. They had chosen a lost, bruised and battered seventeen-year-old boy who had matured and come into his own. His accomplishments were varied and something he was modest about because his humility was also a part of him, the other side of that coin of confidence that was as natural on him as breathing.
She left the bathroom, dressed in a pair of gray shorts and a white tank top. She settled on her comfortable bed and picked up her phone. Settling back against the pillows, her exhaustion completely took her over. With heavy lids, she pulled up the pictures she’d taken of him. Her favorite had been right before the jaguar had crossed their path and she’d said all those naughty things to him to crack his focus. He’d been standing there, looking like he owned the jungle. Protective, so freaking gorgeous, exuding all that sexual magnetism. Her heart constricted, her throat tightened as her eyes closed and she drifted to sleep, her tears dropping onto her pillow, her heartbreak complete.
15
It was early evening, the smell of honeysuckle in the hills of his home as familiar as his name. Being home, which was a pretty big misnomer was as easy as slipping on an old, worn pair of shoes.
But he wasn’t here to come home or feel at home. He was here to visit his mom after twenty years of estrangement. Dana had convinced him that getting all this done was the best thing for him. That’s why he was doing this, but letting go of his anger was something he didn’t think he could do.
Not a day had gone by that he didn’t think about her. Not dropping off Salazar in DC to be taken into custody. Ruckus still wanted to kill the bastard with his bare hands. But justice would be served, and rumor had it that old Hector wasn’t going to ever get his freedom. Killing federal agents warranted the death penalty. They had a pretty tight case against him, and as expected, Panama was happy to get rid of him.
The place had changed quite a bit. When his dad had been alive, there was nothing but dirt in front, the lawn was often left unmowed until Ruckus did it himself with an ancient hand mower.
There were flowers and bushes now in front, the lawn lush and green. The porch had been repaired and there were two rockers with a table in between them. A pitcher of lemonade and…two glasses.
There was laughter and the front screen door opened and his mom came out, a man followed. He wrapped his arms around her and kissed her deeply. Caught in shock, he stared. The man raised his head and peered out to the walk.
“Who is that?” he challenged and with another shock, Ruckus realized that the man was Sam Walker, the local real estate broker.
His mother turned around and then froze. The look of pain and hope on her face made him take a step back as if he couldn’t handle rejection from her again. She had said never to come back.
“Bowie, is that you son?”
Her voice was hushed as if she’d said too much, he might disappear into thin air. Before he could take a step forward, she rushed off the porch and threw her arms around him. “Oh my, you are so tall.” He could hear the tears clogging her voice.
Unable to deny himself this hope, he wrapped his arms around her and said, “Yes, Mom, it’s me.”
“Come into the light, and let me look at you.” She pulled him to the porch, and Sam stepped back beaming at him. He offered his hand and Ruckus took it, the man’s grip tight and welcoming. “It’s a pleasure to meet you, although, I knew you when you were just a kid.”
“Yes, I remember you.”
“Sam and I are married,” she said, wrapping her arm around his waist.
Sam cleared his throat. “Yeah, last year. We started going together a year after your daddy passed.”
“You remarried?”
“Yes. I’m assuming you got the email about your father’s death. He wasn’t much of a man, but I thought you should know.”
“I don’t give a damn about him,” Ruckus said, the anger that often accompanied those words gone.
“Why are you here, son?”
“I’ll go make the salad, Beth, and start the steaks grilling. Will you be joining us?”
“Throw one on for him, honey. Let us have a few moments to talk.”
Sam nodded and disappeared into the house and his mom sat down in one of the rockers. “Have a seat. Let’s get this started.”
“I’m here to ask you why you threw me out? Why you abandoned me? All I wanted to do was protect you.”
She took a deep breath. “That’s all I wanted for you, my boy. When you knocked him out and I saw how powerful you had grown, I knew that your father would most likely kill you or you’d kill him. I didn’t want my only child, my boy to have to do something drastic like that. I ran you off because I knew you had the navy, and they would be the right choice for you. I was so proud when you graduated from the SEALs.”
“Wait, you were there?” His lungs felt compressed, his heart turning over.
“Yes, I was there, but your father wouldn’t have seen kindly to it, so when the invitation came from the navy, I hid it, made up a story about going to see my sister and went off to Coronado. I’m so happy that I was there to see you come into your own. Are you still serving?”
“Yes, I plan to serve until I retire. I’m a lieutenant now.”
She beamed. “I was so hoping that one day you would come home so we could clear the air. I have been so happy with Sam. He is so good to me, and we have a great life. But it would be so much better if you were in it.”
He bowed his head and she came off the rocker and knelt, pulling him to her. It had been years since he let himself think about this moment. His mom holding him to her. His heart feeling as if it was going to break under the pain. He had to let go of the anger that was inside him. He had to let go and forgive, move on, allow her back into his life. Silent tears rolled down his face, and he held her just as tightly.
“I’m sorry, Bowie. I know this has been so hard on you. But it’s over now and both of us can forgive. Sam was the one who told me to write you that email, and if it brought you to me, I will be so grateful.”
“It was more than the email, Mom. I met this amazing woman.”
He told her about Dana and as he spoke, he realized that he’d been wrong, he was husband material, friend material, son
material. He had always been. It had taken Dana and her compassionate heart to listen to him, see what he was missing and encouraged him to reconcile.
“When you can, you bring her around. I need to meet her. Sam has two grown children and three grandchildren. I so want you to get to know them as well.”
“It was then he realized that he needed Dana in his life. He needed his mom and her new family in his life. It was fuller and richer now because of Dana. He loved her. His gut clenched. He’d never said it first. It was his rule.
He wasn’t sure if she’d done what she needed to for her own closure. But for the first time since he’d said goodbye to her on the deck of the USS Annenberg, he was sure that he was going to damn well find out.
Just as he finished the delicious meal with his mom and Sam, his cell chimed. “Mom, they’re calling me in. I’ve got to go.”
On the porch, she hugged him hard. “Stay safe, and let me know when you return home. When we can plan a get together.”
He hugged her hard and shook Sam’s hand. “Thank you for taking care of my mom.”
“She’s the best,” Sam said.
Ruckus was sorry that he’d wasted so many years not knowing his mom but he pushed that aside. There was no longer any room in his life for bitterness, and his only regret was not taking what Dana had been offering.
By the time he got back to Coronado, he discovered he and the team were going back on the USS Annenberg and back into the Darién Gap. Hector Salazar had given up Angel Nunez, his second-in-command. He’d been the one to plan and carry out the murders. He was now their HVT package.
But when they inserted and made their way to the compound, there was no one to be found. The place had been abandoned, and Nunez was in the wind.
“What now, LT?” Cowboy asked.
Ruckus said, “I’d like to turn this place upside down and see if we can locate Dana’s memory cards.”
“Copy that,” he said with a grin. “Let’s go, ladies.”
They worked from the top of the place to the bottom, but no cards. “Where would that bastard hide them. “I think I know,” Kid said. He ran back upstairs and came back with several cameras and sure enough, inside were the cards hiding in plain sight.
Once they were in the chopper, Kid nudged him and said. “Now you will have to go see her, LT. I bet she’s going to be happy to see you.”
It took her a week after getting back to San Diego to actually get around to seeing her dad. She spent the first few days visiting with Liam and he looked tired and haunted, admitting to her that he was seeing someone to help with the nightmares that plagued him. “I’m so happy that you’re safe, Dana. I never trusted Salazar for one moment after I saw the way he was looking at you. We’re all so lucky to be alive.”
“We are,” she said, accepting the cup of coffee from his wife. Their three-year-old daughter Jennifer was playing with blocks near the sliding glass door.
Selma said, “I was so worried about him. I hope you don’t have any plans for any more trips into dangerous places because Liam and I discussed it. And, well, he’s going to take a job with a local news desk here in San Diego as one of their producers. I hope you understand. I want him home and after coming so close to losing him—” Her voice broke. “I can’t handle him going off any more.”
“Would you be willing to edit stuff for me, Liam?”
He took his wife’s hand and Selma gave him a smile and a nod.
“Of course, but my trekking days are over. I want to be home at night for Selma and a dad to Jenny. I’ve already missed so much of her growing up already.”
“I totally understand.” At the end of their visit, he hugged her hard.
“You are the frigging best I’ve ever worked with across the globe, my girl. Please take care of yourself and say hi to James when you see him. Let him know that we’ll be up there tomorrow for a visit.”
“I will.” She left Liam’s pretty neighborhood and drove to the hospital. James had been admitted after the navy had flown him home. When she entered his room, carrying the flowers she’d purchased, he was sitting up in bed. He beamed at her when she walked in. The room was filled with balloons, cards, and more flowers, some plants and even a teddy bear.
“Oh, my God,” she said, tears in her voice. “It’s so good to see you.” He hugged her hard, holding her tightly. Gratitude toward not just the navy, but for the role Bowie and his team had played filled her. She kissed his cheek. “How are you?”
“I’m mending. I’m still having some headaches, but the docs tell me that’s normal. I’ll be out of here in a week.”
“Do you have somewhere you can stay?”
“Yeah, Liam’s offered me his spare room and his wife Selma has graciously offered to nurse me. She used to be an R.N. before she quit her job after Jenny was born.”
“That’s good to know. Then I can visit you both.”
“I’m glad you’re home in one piece,” he murmured. “He didn’t…hurt you, did he?”
Sweet, protective James. He’d been injured because he was fighting to help her. Worried about her.
“No, he never got the chance. I was protected and rescued by eight very large, very in charge Navy SEALs.”
He nodded and she took his hand. “All that matters now is for you to get well.”
Deep down inside, she missed Bowie so much. Even an hour without him had felt so empty. She had wanted him in her life, but he hadn’t been able to see himself there. Maybe she was in love with him, but maybe he didn’t feel the same way about her. She spent an hour with James, and by then, it was late afternoon. She figured it was time to go see her dad, Bowie heavy on her mind. She wanted to get closure. As she pulled into his driveway and parked next to his sedan, her cell phone rang. She answered.
“Hi, Dana. It’s Jeff. I was wondering if it would be okay for me to come by tonight.” Her conscience was clear, and she had clarity for the first time in a long time. She was sorry that she had to hurt his feelings.
She took a deep breath. “Yes, that’s fine.”
She got out of her car and heard the saw going. Her father had a workshop behind the house and made furniture now that he’d retired from nursing. It also kept him busy so he wouldn’t think about the loss of his wife.
As she went around the back of the house, her cell rang again. She answered, thinking it was Jeff again.
“Did you forget something?”
“Hello,” the unfamiliar voice said.
“Oh, I’m sorry. I thought you were someone else.”
“Is this Dana Sorenson?”
“Yes, it is. How can I help you?”
“This is Sara Campbell from KASD here in San Diego. I have an offer for you.”
“An offer?”
“Yes, I’m a friend of Liam Nelson; he’s done some work for me. He mentioned your trip to the Darién Gap and I’m thoroughly intrigued by your story. I’ve been following your career ever since he mentioned you. We have an opening on our international desk, and I’d love for you to come work for me. I know this grounds you a bit, but I can promise you the excitement of a war correspondent and a freelancer doing stories across the globe. I like what you’ve come up with so far. I’m sure open to anything you might like to do—documentaries, history pieces, investigative, and something I know is close to your heart, the human condition.”
Dana wasn’t sure what to say, the offer catching her off guard. Grounded in San Diego, the possibility of being in one place long enough to make a life with someone was appealing to her.
“I know this is a lot to process,” she said. “Take some time and let me know when you’re ready. Say next week? We could have lunch and discuss it.”
“Yes, thank you so much for calling.”
Suddenly unable to face her dad right now, she paced the narrow flag walk, the agitation splintering into a dozen different reactions. Grateful. She was grateful to be recognized for her accomplishments. She was terrified—the thought of letting go
of her vagabond life and the work she thought her mom wanted her to do making her jittery. Then there was the anger. Anger at Bowie over his refusal to recognize how much he truly had to offer her. If she could be sure about one thing, he was in love with her. She was certain of it. But it was so hard to go against all that had piled up against him over the years. She closed her eyes feeling his loss keenly. She could only hope he would find his way out. That man was so damn brave in so many ways, but what made her melt, made her want more of him was the vulnerability he let her see. That had done her in.
She went to the workshop door and when her dad saw her, he smiled broadly, flipped off the saw and removed his safety goggles. Rushing behind the work bench, he grabbed her up in a strong embrace and held her tightly for several minutes. Her throat constricted. “My baby is back. I was so worried about you, sweetheart.”
“I know, and I’m sorry you had to go through that.”
“Come in the house. Have you had lunch?” he said over his shoulder as she followed him.
“No, I’ve been to see Liam and James.”
“Oh, yes. How are they doing?”
“Fine. Liam isn’t going to be doing anymore overseas projects. James is probably going to retire.” He went to the fridge and pulled out ham and some potato salad. In her family, he was the cook and the manager. Her mother had been brilliant, but she relied on her dad for the everyday necessities to be done. It made him a strong, independent guy who didn’t need his daughter hovering around him.
He made them both a sandwich and dished up a heaping spoonful of potato salad and some corn on the cob. Dana loved it cold. He brought the plates to the patio table and then went back for glasses of iced tea.