by Zoe Dawson
The sandwich was delicious and she polished off half, not realizing how hungry she’d been. “Did you ever resent that Mom didn’t help you around the house?”
“Lord, no. She had her journals and articles to write. Always busy. I loved taking care of her. I was definitely the domestic one.”
“Both of you were so…selfless, caring, giving. I tried to be like you both.”
He studied her, her pensive tone coming across loud and clear. “What is it, sweetie?”
“I-I had a hard, so very hard time not being there when she died. I promised.”
He rose immediately at the sound of her voice and the look on her face. “Oh, honey. I know. I was devastated, too. But she knew we loved her, and she went so fast. I’m sure she didn’t suffer at all.”
“That’s just the thing. All this time I haven’t allowed myself to mourn her, Dad.” Tears streamed down her face and she wiped at her cheeks. “I have sacrificed so much of my life trying to be like you both.”
“We didn’t expect that, Dana. We were happy when you were happy doing what you wanted.” He hugged her close, and she pressed her face against his chest, her tears soaking into his cotton shirt. He smelled so good, so Dad to her. “I thought it was what you wanted. Maybe you should take some time. Figure out what you want to do with your life.” She nodded, her throat tight. “Your mother was very proud of you, Dana. Never forget that, ever.”
“I love you, Dad.”
“I love you, too, honey.” They stood that way for a while as she remembered her mother, and she was sure that her dad was also thinking about her. She took solace in his arms, missing her mom, missing Bowie and not sure exactly what she was going to do with her life. But the station offer made her feel good, grounded her like she’d wanted to be grounded. She told her dad and his enthusiasm fueled her own. Maybe it was time she followed her own heart.
When she got home, she showered and changed, her mind on Jeff. She was dreading this meeting with him and had been dreading it from the moment she’d first kissed Bowie’s sexy mouth. The memory of the wild sex they had against the tree overwhelmed her senses, even as the doorbell rang.
She opened the door and Jeff was standing there, a bottle of wine in his hands. He really was quite a nice man which only made her guilt much worse. Willing away the queasy feeling, her anxiety skyrocketed as he leaned in and gave her a quick kiss. Something Bowie would never have done. He would have been very thorough.
She had to stop thinking about him. He was out of her life.
“Come in. Thanks for the wine.”
He entered, his hair styled, his suit pristine, and all she could think about was Bowie’s unruly hair, the delicious stubble on his face, the way she’d touched him when she’d shaved him for the resort. How he’d looked at her the last few seconds before he’d walked away.
Her nerves jangling, she went into the living room and said, “Why don’t you have a seat, and I’ll get us some of this wine? Where did you want to go for dinner?”
“Anywhere is fine,” he said. “You choose.”
Nothing really appealed to her, but she figured after they had their talk, Jeff wouldn’t have an appetite for dinner. The queasiness back, she wasn’t exactly looking forward to it either.
Once she returned from the kitchen, she handed him a glass and took a sip. He patted the sofa. “Why don’t you sit down?”
“All right,” she said, and settled on the cushion next to him.
“Dana, I’ve been thinking for some time—”
“I can’t marry you,” she blurted out. She rose and paced. He had this surprised look on his face and she rushed on. “Something happened when I was in the Darién Gap, something that would never have happened if I was in love with you, committed to you.”
He leaned back against the sofa, taking a sip of his wine. “What happened?”
“I can’t go into too much detail…I met someone. He helped me out several times, but that isn’t the reason I love him.”
“It isn’t,” he asked, his voice neutral, and she had to wonder if he was hiding his disappointment.
“No, he’s so compassionate, a good listener—”
“You’d have to be with you, Dana.”
She nodded, then stopped and gave him a narrow look. “What is that supposed to mean?”
“You know very well what it means,” he said with amusement. “Come on and sit down.”
“You’re disappointed in me, aren’t you,” she said, feeling so awful.
He started to laugh, and she set down her wine glass, her hands going to her hips. “What’s so funny? Here you are ready to ask me to marry you—”
“I wasn’t going to ask you to marry me.”
She stared at him for a minute. “No?”
“Nope.” He stood and steered her to the sofa. “Will you please sit?”
“I need a drink,” she whispered, folding down. “You weren’t going to ask me?”
He shook his head. “No, I was going to tell you that we should break up, see other people. I have a wonderful girl in mind, but we’ve been there for each other, you for my dad and me for your mom. I think we knew that it wasn’t working. That’s why we stopped seeing so much of each other. I still want to be friends with you, Dana, but that’s all.”
“That’s all? Just friends?” She closed her eyes and sighed. “I’m so relieved.”
When she didn’t say anything more, he said, “Are you okay?”
She smiled and hugged him. “Yeah, I think I am. You?”
“Very much so.”
She sat back. How about we go to dinner for old times’ sake and I’ll tell you about Vanessa.”
“Is this the girl?”
“Yes, she works one office over from me, and I think she’s great.” He hesitated, then looked pained. “Is this too soon?”
“No. Vanessa?” she prompted. They rose and he continued to catalog the woman’s qualities all the way to the door.
Before they could leave, the bell rang. “Are you expecting someone?”
She pulled open the door, and he was standing there. Lieutenant Bowie “Ruckus” Cooper was dressed in a pair of sinfully tight jeans, a plain blue shirt that had Navy across it in white and a black leather jacket. He had a light stubble on his face, and his hair was windblown.
For a moment, she couldn’t speak. Bowie eyed Jeff in his very scary SEAL way and for a moment she worried about Jeff’s welfare.
“Bowie?”
“Yeah, I need to talk to you, cupcake. Is this a bad time?”
“Cupcake?” Jeff asked with a smirk. “She actually let you get away with calling her that?”
“Who’s the suit?” he asked.
“Jeffrey Snyder, this is Lieutenant Cooper. Navy SEAL.”
“The boyfriend,” Bowie growled.
“Ah, I think that’s my cue to skedaddle. Good luck, Lieutenant. You’re going to need it.” He bussed her cheek and squeezed out the door.
“Are you going to invite me in or keep me very inhospitably here on your porch?”
“No, of course not. Come in. Geez, you haven’t changed a bit.”
He walked past her, the whiff of him almost buckling her knees. He filled up her house and her heart, but she couldn’t let herself hope.
“Why are you here?”
He looked around. “This is real nice. It’s exactly the way I thought it would be. You look good, babe.”
“So do you.”
He shifted and said, “So is that guy out of your life or are you marrying him?”
“What’s it to you? You said you weren’t interested.”
“Damn, woman. That’s not what I said. I thought you deserved better.”
She narrowed her eyes. “Don’t tell me I’m a bad judge of character. I know what I want!”
“Is that so?”
“Yes.”
“Every damn conversation with you has to be an argument.”
“You’re the one shouting.”
He took two strides to her and pulled her against him. “Well, at least I know one way to win an argument with you.”
Before she could so much as utter a comeback or realize his intent, he captured her mouth with his. Her lips parted as she sucked in a quick, startled breath, and he shoved his fingers into her hair and held her head in his hands, rendering her immobile as he delivered a demanding, opened-mouthed, tongue-tangling kiss she couldn’t escape. Knowing how tough and obstinate she was, he wasn’t at all gentle with her. He was also hell-bent on making sure she knew what he wanted from her, what he’d greedily take given the opportunity—her soul.
He shifted closer and poured everything into the hot, ruthless kiss—aggression, dominance, and a desperate need. Fire pooled in her belly and lower, her pique mingling with an undeniable need for him to possess her in every way imaginable. She didn’t resist him as he continued to consume her mouth the same way she wanted to ravish his body, with her lips, teeth, and tongue, and the craving for him grew stronger, a ravenous heat and hunger she had only experienced with him.
When he broke the kiss, she looked up at him. “Why are you here?”
He took a breath and stepped back from her. Narrowing his eyes, he said, “I have something for you.”
He reached into the pocket of those sexy jeans and pulled out a plastic bag.
She looked at the bundle in his hand, then up at him, her vision blurring. Something inside her let go. All of it, her guilt, her need to constantly put herself out there for some test she didn’t need to take. When that dam let go, the grief for her mom simply came flooding out. She thought she’d let herself go when she’d first come home, but that had only been the tip of the iceberg. Her sorrow at losing Bowie was all wrapped up in it, keeping her from fully feeling. The numbing effects from the three weeks in the Darién Gap and the safety of home all made her knees weak.
She covered her face as the huge dam inside her burst, crashing, cascading emotions rolling out like flood waters. She missed her mom; it hurt so much, the sick guilt gone, washed away by the rending. She wanted to change everything, and she was so in love with this man, there was no going back, no letting go, nowhere to turn but his arms.
And he was there as fresh tears spilled down her cheeks, and her voice was a tortured whisper. “Bowie…”
A deep racking sob broke from her when he caught her against him in a crushing embrace. Bowie’s expression twisted into a grimace as he roughly gathered her close, his hold fierce.
A shudder coursed through him, his voice hoarse and shaking as he choked out, “Dana.”
Driven by need and love, Dana twisted her head free from his hold, searching for his mouth, and a low satisfied sound tore from him as the searing contact unleashed a frantic hunger. He groaned again, his embrace becoming almost brutal as her breath caught on a ragged sob, and he ground his mouth against hers, his control completely shattered. Fueled by days of separation, their reunion was nothing short of desperate, left no room for conscious thought, propelling them into a consuming passion. The only thing Dana knew was the granite hardness of his body locked against hers and the crushing strength of his arms.
Like a drowning man battling for breath, Bowie roughly grasped her head and tore his mouth away, his face contorted as he fought to haul air into his lungs. His chest heaved when he finally looked at her, his eyes so blue and filled with the mirror of her own.
He swallowed hard, then thrust his fingers deep into her hair. His eyes were mesmerizing as he caressed her scalp, then slowly, so slowly, he lowered his head, his touch immeasurably tender as he brushed his mouth against hers.
That soft, lingering kiss drove the strength out of her, enervating her with a thick, pulsating weakness and her eyes drifted shut as she swayed against him, hypnotized by the magic of his touch. His hand cupped her temple as he lightly moved his mouth back and forth across hers, slowly savoring her warmth, softly trying to soothe her raw emotions. He inhaled jaggedly as he shuddered again, his obvious struggle for control igniting a wild clamor that demanded more. With a soft moan, she caught the back of his head, the gentleness turning into a fierce and escalating need as the kiss deepened and turned hot and searching.
He pulled away just enough to lock gazes with her. “I have a great headboard that has some really stellar handholds.
His eyes darkened and his hand tightened in her hair. He closed his eyes and whispered, “You asking me to fuck you so good?”
“Just as long and as hard as your eyes are telling me you want to.”
He snagged her hand and set it against the bulge in his pants. “No way a man can hide what he wants.”
She molded her hand over him, and he caught his breath. She slid her hands beneath the leather jacket and pushed it off his shoulders and dropped it on the couch. Excitement erupted in her as she thrust her hands through the silky strands, then across his shoulders. The muscles in his back tensed as he watched her, his eyes kindling, his body tightening against the sensations she aroused in him. His jaw flexed and his nostrils flared as she slowly smoothed her hands back up his arms.
His eyes heated, then drifted shut as he breathed her name in a hoarse whisper. She touched his mouth with her trembling fingers, then blinking back tears, eased away from him. He caught her head, his eyes smoldering as he tried to draw her to him.
But she resisted, pressing her fingers against his lips. “Don’t, Bowie,” she whispered brokenly. “If you touch me again, I won’t be able to stop.” She managed an unsteady smile as she caressed his cheek. “I want a bed. I want you so many ways in my bed.”
He clenched his teeth, his whole body rigid, then sucking in a deep breath, he gave her one hard kiss and simply bent his knees and shifted her into his arms.
“Where’s the bedroom,” he growled.
“Upstairs, turn left, second door. You think you can handle finding it?”
“I’d find it in the dark, blind, cupcake.”
He made his way, carrying her so easily as if she weighed nothing, his strong arms so hard and solid beneath her body.
He entered her room, and at the bedside, let her slide down his body. He dropped the plastic bundle on the bedside table, the soft glow from the lamp illuminating his strong, gorgeous features.
She stared up at him, a charge building between them as their gazes locked. She never took her eyes off his face as she withdrew her fingers from him and slipped her hands across his shoulders and down his arm stripping his shirt from him. A pulsating warmth spread through her body as she stared into his smoldering eyes, her hands trembling as she let them slip down his hard abdomen to his waist, where she undid the buckle of his belt, then slowly pulled his zipper down. He remained motionless, and she smoothed her hands down his hips, peeling the fabric away. But the minute she touched his swollen flesh, he reacted, and with a low, ragged groan, he pulled her roughly into his arms, their hips flushing together with a desperate surge.
He locked one arm around her buttocks, the other hand buried in her hair as he sought her lips, driving her into a mindless ecstasy as he moved against her, his body hard and thrusting, his mouth plundering hers. A fever of desire scorched through her, and Dana lost touch with reality as she responded to him.
Bowie rasped out her name as he roughly stripped her garments from her, his need finally raging out of control. Then he crushed her against him and dragged her down to the bed, their bodies fusing together from shoulder to thigh. She didn’t want him struggling to regain control or gentleness, she fed their desperation and the urgency, crying out her need as she grabbed onto the headboard, her hips rising to meet his powerful thrusts.
There was no going back or recovering from this, that chance was gone. He entered her, his body driving powerfully against hers, their desire breaking around them, carrying them away in the ultimate rush. The release was explosive, welding them together in a white-hot eruption.
16
When he woke up, light held at bay by her blinds
and heavy curtains, he knew from his internal watch it was early morning. When he glanced at her bedside clock and saw the time, he realized that his military training had ingrained rising early into his very cells.
His eyes settled on the woman sleeping next to him. This was foreign to him, feeling like he wanted to do her again and never leave her side. In the past, he’d just gotten up, dressed and left. No ties, no binds, no attachments.
Then she exploded into his life in terry cloth and attitude. Now, he knew he didn’t want to leave here without some kind of a commitment. His heart sank when he realized that he couldn’t expect her to deal with his life as a SEAL. Mary Jo hadn’t, couldn’t. Of course, he hadn’t really helped there. He’d destroyed their marriage and thrown her love for him back in her face.
He took a breath, remembering his mom’s words. That was all in the past. All of it. He’d let it go. Dana, she was his future if she would have him. He trembled at the power she had over him, over the situation, but his alpha bullshit wasn’t going to help him here. With her. She’d walk all over his macho crap and then laugh in his face.
Damn but he loved that about her.
He reached out and pushed the covers off her, his breath caught at how beautiful she was. His heart ached, and his throat tightened. He would bawl like a baby if she was going to marry that guy who walked out of here last night.
She opened those honey brown eyes and they went over his face. She smiled softly. “Thank you for bringing back my memory cards. She shifted and wrapped her arms around his neck, an intimate warmth lighting up her eyes as her smile faded slightly. He kissed her, her mouth soft and warm.
She nuzzled his neck, sighing.
“You went through a lot for them. We had an opportunity to go back. I can’t go into the details, but I looked for them for you.” His voice gruff.
“You are so wonderful.” She moved deeper into his embrace, and he cradled her against his shoulder. Resting her head on his chest, she snuggled against him and he knew he’d never get tired of this.
“Are you going to marry that guy?”