Limited Light

by Carla Rossi

  Marti blinked. She felt her mouth open, but nothing came out. Was he really going to challenge her here? Now? And why ? I am a financial advisor, not an accountant. The church already has an accountant, and we have discussed these figures. There was a click and a swooshing sound as she moved to the next screen and cleared her throat to continue.

  So you are educated and certified in the area you are speaking about?

  Lord, what is happening... She glanced at Jim who had scooted to the edge of his seat. Behind her, Chris let out a heavy sigh and mumbled something under his breath. As if seeking help, she quickly scanned the room and found that most people were looking at Preston with more curiosity than approval. Maybe she could still defuse the situation.

  I have a master’s degree in business and finance, and more certifications in the area of financial planning and money management than I can list right now. I also have a successful career in this field. If you or anyone else would like to discuss my qualifications, I would be happy to talk with you about it privately. I would also like to remind everyone that I am here as an unpaid consultant and my interest is strictly personal as a member of this congregation. She returned her attention to the paperwork in front of her .

  The squeak of a folding chair to her right caught her attention in the stilted silence. Charles stood up. We appreciate that, Marti. I, for one, do not question your expertise. Thanks for the work you’ve put into this presentation, he said and sat down .

  A low rumble of agreement filtered through the crowd. From the corner of her eye she watched Jim lean back in his chair and breathe a sigh of relief .

  Good, she said and smiled. I want to share just a little more information with you before Chris takes over. This congregation is in an excellent position to pursue building at this time. As you’ll see in your folder and on the screen, the next page is a membership growth chart for the previous year and projected growth for the coming year.

  Preston stood up in the back and unfolded a piece of paper. He made a show of snapping it open to make enough noise to cause everyone to look .

  She turned to meet Chris’s gaze. Sorry, she whispered. I don’t know what he’s trying to do.

  Don’t worry, he replied, and gave her a supportive nod .

  Marti turned back to address her adversary face to face. Do you have something else, Mr. Woodruff? We’d really like to move on to the reason we’re here.

  I do. My interest is in preserving the integrity of this congregation. If we are going to pursue this course of action, I believe we should only take advice from honest and moral individuals whose work ethic and personal character are above reproach.

  What ? Danny’s voice was a crashing sound in Marti’s already ringing ears. I’m one of several people in this room who will vouch for Marti’s integrity, Preston, so can we please let her continue without further interruption?

  Marti pressed her fingers into the sides of the podium so she could stay upright. This isn’t happening...this isn’t happening.. .

  I just want to share my concerns, Preston continued. She says she has a successful career, but the truth is, she’s currently unemployed.

  She does have a successful career, Kimmie snapped. She’s in between jobs right now, and is caring for her grandmother since the stroke.

  I would like to read a letter from her former supervisor, Mr. Philip D’Angelo at Brawner & Fitch Financial Services. It was faxed to me this morning in response to a reference request I made on behalf of this church.

  Marti felt the blood drain from her face. Philip ? Her knees faltered. She gripped the sides of the podium to keep from drowning and looked for Jim. Shouldn’t he be stopping this ridiculous attack? He knew Preston’s behavior was way out of line. He said he would take care of him. Wasn’t it time for him to say something? She glanced his way. He was frozen in his chair.

  Her natural defenses started to surface. I would like to say, Mr. Woodruff, that while I have nothing to hide regarding my employment at Brawner & Fitch, it is not customary to solicit references from one’s former employer without the courtesy of notifying them first. I don’t believe this meeting is the place for you to share that information. The pastor of this church, as well as the accountant and treasurer, asked me provide input in this matter. I think their endorsement should be enough for you.

  That’s my girl, Chris whispered behind her. His show of support strengthened her .

  Marti met Jim’s gaze. Make this stop...do something... she begged in silence. He didn’t move .

  Preston refolded the paper and placed it in his shirt pocket. Fine, he said. But professional credentials aside, there is still the matter of personal character.

  Danny and Kimmie bolted upward with such force the metal folding chairs they sprang from tumbled backwards. I don’t think you want to pursue this any further, Preston, Danny warned .

  On the contrary. I think it’s only fair this congregation knows they’re being advised by a woman who lost her job because of an adulterous relationship. Marti Randolph had an affair with her married boss. That’s why she’s unemployed, and that’s why she is unsuitable to serve in the capacity of financial advisor to this congregation.

  Marti took a step backward. Funny how the first thing she saw as the shock waves began to overtake her was Jim’s vacant gaze. Even now as the bomb went off, she still expected him to help her .

  He looked away .

  She closed her folder while some muttered and others stared in shock. I would like to thank you for your time, she said softly and without emotion. She snapped her laptop closed and placed it under her arm. My only desire is for the success of this congregation. I do not want my presence here in any way to be a distraction, so I will leave you in Chris’s capable hands.

  Jim jumped from his seat and met her at the door. Wait, Marti.

  Words were impossible when she met his gaze. Too late .

  She closed the door behind her. Somewhere in the back of her mind, a fairy tale had reemerged. A love story, actually, where horrible memories of past mistakes faded away, and a new love blossomed with hope and promise. She remembered her buried secret, the love for Jim she’d guarded in her heart. She went in her mind to the door of that hidden place. She closed it. There was nothing .

  ****

  Jim pressed his hands against the door Marti walked through. He turned to the sea of faces before him. Preston’s sneer, Kim’s disgust, Chris’s stoic business face, everyone’s disbelief, disappointment, and compassion. Marti’s devastation .

  Kim charged the door. I’m going to check on her, she spat out in a choked whisper .

  No. I’m going.

  Oh really? she snapped. Where were you when she needed you a minute ago? You let him hang her out to dry.

  I know, I know. I’m going to fix it.

  You’d better fix it.

  Jim addressed the crowd. Please continue with Chris. He looked to the back of the room. Preston, meet me in my office.

  Preston’s response was a defiant smirk .

  Jim squared his shoulders. That wasn’t a request. I’ll see you there shortly.

  He bolted from the room. The weight of his heart in his chest slowed his steps. Affair ? Married man ? He shook it off. There had to be some mistake, or at least an explanation. Marti was just too genuinely decent to have set out to destroy a marriage. And why didn’t I do something? She must feel completely betrayed .

  He found her at her car. Wait, Marti, please.

  Slow and mechanical, she opened her trunk and placed her computer inside. I have to go.

  He expected to see tears, hear screams of outrage. Instead she walked and talked as if in a dream. A slow and painful dream with numb and methodical movements .

  Please, Marti, he begged. I don’t know what happened. One minute it was going well and you were holding your own. I was so proud of you. All I could think about was how well you were handling Preston, and then--

  I know the details.

  I’m go
ing to take care of Preston right now. He’s waiting in my office.

  She opened the car door and paused. What are you going to do, Jim? Kick him out of church? Demote him from his position as church elder? She tossed her purse on the seat .

  I’m going to do something.

  She pressed her fingers into her scalp. You don’t get it, do you? This isn’t about Preston. Forget him. I know what he’s about. He’s a crotchety old man, so bitter with grief and so overwhelmed with Lily that he lashes out at anyone within reach. Do you think I haven’t been challenged in meetings before? She turned and rested her head in her hands against the roof of the car .

  Jim put his hands on her back. I—

  Don’t touch me. She jerked out of his reach, kicking up gravel as she skidded away from his arms. You know something else? I don’t even care that he attacked me personally. Most of the people in there already knew. They talked about me for weeks. Remember? It was a shock and a cheap shot, but I’m past beating myself up about Philip. And just so you know, she said, and pointed an angry finger in his face. I was in love with Philip. I had no idea he was married, and I didn’t lose my job because of him. I left because it was too hard to stay.

  I’ve never cared what happened in Houston, you know that. It has nothing to do with what is between us.

  There’s apparently nothing between us.

  That’s not true. He reached for her again. I’m going to finish up here, then I’ll be over and we’ll talk.

  She side-stepped his advance. That won’t be necessary. There’s nothing to say.

  Yes, there is. We can sort this out.

  She headed back to her car. No there isn’t, and I’ll tell you why. She sagged against the door. When Preston was putting on his little show, I looked around the room. I had support in there. Kimmie, Danny, Charles, Chris...even the nursery coordinator whose name I don’t know was about to pick up her folding chair and beat him with it. No one in that room was looking at me like I was a terrible person. They were looking at Preston like he was. She dropped into the seat and turned the key. The only person in that room that wasn’t on my side was you.

  She reached for the door to slam it closed. He grabbed it first and held on. Please, Marti, you’ve got to give me a chance to explain and make this right.

  Too late. All you had to do was say something. This is your church...those are your people, and I thought I was...I thought I was... never mind.

  But you are —

  She ripped the door from his grasp and shoved the car into drive. In seconds, she was gone .

  ****

  Fourteen...fifteen...sixteen...

  Marti counted the electric poles along the highway on the way to Grandma Rose’s. If she focused on the poles and kept counting, she didn’t cry. Crying could wait until she could put her head in Grandma’s lap .

  She burst through the front door .

  You’re back early. How’d it go? Her father came to the foyer, dressed for company and with his too-long hair slicked back behind his ears .

  Oh God, oh God, oh God...they think they’re still getting pie.. .

  He’s not coming, she said, and dropped her purse at the bottom of the stairs. Where’s Grandma Rose? She kicked off her shoes and tried to still her shaking body .

  Her mother came smiling from the kitchen in an aroma cloud of freshly brewed coffee. Where’s Pastor James?

  He’s not coming, she repeated. Is Grandma in her room?

  Her mother stepped closer and put a hand on her arm. What’s the matter, honey? You don’t look good.

  Marti balled her fists at her sides and stomped her foot. That’s because I’m not good. I need to see my grandma, and I need to leave here tonight.

  Just a minute, her father interjected, his big blue eyes filled with concern. When we took her to the doctor yesterday, he gave her some new medicine. It’s not sitting well on her stomach, so he gave her something else to help that, now she’s weak and tired. She’s in bed, and hopefully she’s gone to sleep.

  And that was it .

  She couldn’t hold back any longer. She collapsed onto the bottom step as huge sobs overtook her. And it wasn’t just any crying jag. It was the wailing and slobbery kind you never want any other human to witness. She lay, a boneless blubbering heap, across the bottom three stairs .

  Her father dropped to his knees by her side. Please, Honey Punkin’, tell us what’s the matter.

  With a long, mournful cry she rolled onto her back. What do you people want from me? she screamed. Honey Punkin’ ? You see me but two times in three years and you think you can come in here with pet names and chocolate milk and make everything right?

  Her mother tugged at her arms. C’mon, let’s get you into the living room.

  No! She pulled away and struggled to get up on her own. I need my grandma.

  Talk to us, Suga— I mean Hon— I mean Marti, her father begged. We’re your parents. We want to help.

  She scrambled to her feet and absently straightened her clothes as if it made a difference. Since when? Since when do you want to help? Was it when I was sitting at the hospital, not knowing if Grandma Rose was going to live or die? How ‘bout when I was trying to wrestle an adult potty chair into the car? Oh, I know, she said and snapped her fingers. It was when I was sitting in a limo at my junior formal and was afraid to get out because my date was a jerk. Was that when you wanted to help?

  It couldn’t have been a cleaner kill .

  The pain in their eyes was shattering; the slump of their bodies final. She’d drawn her sword and slashed them to ribbons--and it didn’t make her feel one bit better .

  Oh, no... She brushed past them and headed for the couch .

  Slowly they followed--wounded and worried, devastated and confused.

  Her mother sat down on the arm of an easy chair. Obviously, you have some issues with us we need to resolve--

  I’m sorry, Marti interrupted. I shouldn’t have said that.

  You’re clearly angry with us. Her father joined her on the couch and picked tiny balls of lint off the cushions to occupy his nervous hands. Might as well get it out now.

  Still reeling from the sting of Jim’s betrayal, she searched her tired mind for a way to make this right. She felt nauseous. There was no way out except right through the middle. I’ve recently been helping a young woman at church whose parents died. She’s the age I was when I lived here with Grandma and was separated from you. All I have the energy to say right now is that I did have some moments when I looked back on that time and felt a little angry about not having you around when I needed you. I think it all bubbled to the surface when Grandma Rose had the stroke, and I couldn’t even reach you.

  We got here as soon as we could, her father whispered .

  I know, Daddy, she said, and patted his hand.

  Believe me, Marti. There were nights when your mother cried herself to sleep because she missed you so much. You weren’t the easiest teenager to keep up with, you know.

  How do you figure that? I was pretty captive here in Madison .

  Oh, Marti. Her mother laughed and shook her head. Do you know how hard it is to mother someone who doesn’t want to be mothered? To try and give advice to someone who is so smart she already knows everything? From the age of ten, you ran your life like a mega-corporation and with no help from us.

  That didn’t mean I didn’t need you.

  Oh, honey, we know that now, she replied and rushed to her side. I’m not making excuses. We should have forced ourselves into your well-run little world and shook things up a bit.

  Marti sighed and got up to grab a roll of paper towels from the kitchen. And to think we’ve never won Family of the Year. She blew her nose. Go figure.

  Her father stood and pulled her into his arms. It was a daddy hug. The big, strong kind that steals your breath and makes you giggle all at the same time. Too bad there wasn’t a giggle left in her. We’ll settle the rest of this later. Tell us about the meeting. And where is Pa
stor James?

  Grandma Rose crept slowly into the living room, touching walls to keep her balance as she walked. She plopped into her recliner. What’s going on out here?

  Marti tore herself away from her father and raced across the room to bury her head in her grandmother’s lap. She wept quietly while the older woman stroked her hair. Sshhh...Martha, what is it?

  I’m leaving.

  Where are you going?

  I’m going to Dallas to take that job I was offered. I’ll be back every weekend, don’t worry. It’s only three hours away.

  Does Pastor James know about this?

  He’s the reason I’m leaving.

  Oh. She paused and took the time she needed to work her fingers through a stubborn patch of curls. Would you at least elaborate a little, so when he comes looking for you, I’ll know how hard to hit him with my frying pan? ‘Cause I will hit him if he hurt you.

  Marti brushed her cheek across the soft, silky material of her grandma’s nightgown. I appreciate the offer, she sniffed, but it’s not going to help. Nothing will.

  I know for a fact that man is in love with you. What in the world could he have done that was so bad?

  Marti looked up into the older woman’s eyes. Oh, Grandma...

  It took mere minutes to get out the whole disgusting story. Marti sat back with a sigh. It should have taken longer to explain the end of something that at one time looked so promising. Even so, hearing it again made the hole in her heart even bigger .

  I need to get a few things together. She stood up and smoothed her pants. It’s best if I leave tonight. I’ll be back next Friday.

  I’m going with you, her mother insisted. You don’t need to make that drive when you’re so upset.

  That’s not necessary, Mom.

  This is not a negotiation. I’ll go grab a bag.

  Marti nodded and headed for the stairs .

  Wait. Her father took her cool, shaking hand in his large, warm one. I’m not defending the guy, Marti, I don’t even know him. But I do know what kind of job he has and what kind of position he was in tonight. Did he try to explain?