Pieces of Paisley

by Leigh Ann Lunsford

  “You don’t know me, you don’t know what I have done. You can’t want me, Jake.” Those words couldn’t have shocked me more.

  “I do, Pais. I know the way your eyes change color depending on your mood. They are the purest color jade when you are upset or turned on, they turn murky green when you are stressed, and my favorite color is the sapphire they turn when you are happy. That is the color that makes my world right again, it is the same color I have been staring at these last few weeks. I have placed our pictures all over our home.”

  She takes a step towards me, and I feel myself exhale, and a calmness envelops me because in two more steps she will be in my arms. I should have been more prepared, and I could have stopped her when she reached me. “I love you, Jake. Please don’t do this; I can’t survive the way you will look at me when you find out the truth. Forget about me.” She quickly makes her way past me and is out of the front doors before I know what happened. I can’t follow her because I am no longer on my feet; I have fallen to my knees and stare helplessly as her form disappears out of the door. I can’t do any of those things she asked of me, I can’t forget her . . . she is burned so deeply in my soul, I don’t fully exist without her.

  I want to run after her, my feet start to move but my eyes land on the bathroom counter. I take a step closer and realize I am staring at a positive pregnancy test. I want to tell her it isn’t too late, and we can work it out. Logically, that isn’t an option. I would never rip a child away from its father, and I can’t relocate Laura and myself so Wayne can be a part of his child’s life. This was supposed to be our time; we were finally going to get it right. My breathing is uneven and my eyesight is getting blurry. I grip on the counter and will my emotions away. I have a little girl downstairs that I have to crush her heart without letting her know that her daddy is just as broken.

  Chapter 46

  Paisley

  The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched - they must be felt with the heart.

  Helen Keller

  He came. I have no idea how he found me or why he even came after me, and now I can’t contemplate how I can face anyone again. I run down the stairs not even feeling guilty for standing Wayne up, and when I reach the door, I hear, “Stop!” I catch Eric and Wayne out of the corner of my eye but don’t stop moving forward. “Don’t throw this away,” Eric pleads. Wayne tries to block my path, “Go to him, live your life please,” he pleads with me. I wish they understood. Nobody understood the situation; I had a baby that was created when I cheated, I was that girl I never wanted to be, and Jake’s love would fade. Our demise was over a child he didn’t want me to know about and children he didn’t want with me. All my dreams were in my grasp and I foolishly let them slip through my fingers by one lapse in judgment.

  I am almost to the road and searching my mind as to where I parked my car when a tiny voice stops me, “Paisley?” I turn around and find the most the precious child I have ever seen. She has the same soulful eyes I was drawn to and is the spitting image of her father.

  I don’t know what to say to her. I am mesmerized, and the feeling seems to be mutual. I bend down to her level and let her study me closely because she seems to be intent on doing that. “Where is my daddy?”

  “He is still inside, Laura,” I tell her. I want to reach out and caress her soft cheek and rub those little lines out of from in between her brows. She is obviously thinking about something.

  “He said he was coming out with you. I asked him if you could be my new mommy.” I gasp in shock. She wants me, and I was going to disappoint yet another innocent person.

  “You already have a mommy, Laura.”

  “I know, silly, but I have two daddies, and I want two mommies. That way daddy can always have the goofy grin on his face when he looks at your picture.” How can one little girl make me question everything I think is right? He brought her here to meet me and that rocks me to the core. He loves me, and wants me to be a part of his life, his entire life, not just pieces.

  “Laura, go back to Grandma for a minute,” I hear him say behind me. I have to find the strength to cross this hurdle, as I am the only obstacle in the way of us. I see Laura wavering and I don’t need to make this any harder on Jake than I have. I shoot her a wink and smile, and she claps as she runs back towards Rose and Brian.

  I turn around and see a broken man. His shoulders are slumped, and he isn’t looking at me. “Sorry about that, she is curious,” he tries to explain Laura away.

  “Jake, I’m pregnant,” his head whips up. A gamut of emotions passing across his face, realization of what I just said, sadness, and then determination.

  “I know,” he whispers. “I would love your baby like it was ours, but I can’t relocate Laura, I can’t take a child away from its father. I just waged war with myself up there, Paisley. I don’t have a solution to this. God, I wish I did.”

  I fall in love with him all over again. He doesn’t think it is his, and he is willing to do whatever he needs to have me, to have our life. “It’s yours.” I watch as the words sink in.

  His lips part on a gasp, and before I can blink he is in front of me, erasing all distance between us. His gaze never wavers from me and he cups my cheek, “Can I have that last piece now, beautiful?”

  “You have every piece of me, but be sure . . . I can’t do this again.”

  “I am more than sure, Paisley. I should have come after you the first time. The same feet that chased you down today will be the same ones I walk the floor at night with our child, the arms that will hold you close to me every night will be the same arms I cradle our baby with. The heart inside my chest that beats for you, will beat for our family. Every piece I have is yours, and I promise I will be the one to hold the puzzle together. You are the glue to my existence. Without you I am not whole, and I don’t want to live like that again.” He bends down and takes my lips in a gentle kiss while possessively covering my stomach with his hand.

  The giggling behind us breaks our moment, “Come meet your step-daughter,” he begins pulling me towards her.

  “I already met my daughter . . . this will never be a family divided. No halves, steps or any other degree of separation.” I tell him, and mean that with every beat of my heart.

  “God, you make me love you more each day.”

  “Remember that when I am trying your patience,” I tell him before I walk over to Laura.

  “Well?” she says with as much patience as a nine-year-old can who is watching her own Disney fairytale play out in front of her.

  “Looks like you are stuck with me. You are okay with this?” She nods her head exuberantly and tackles me in a hug.

  Jake chokes out a laugh, “Easy there, sweetpea, you don’t want to crush your brother or sister.” I guess we are telling people. Rose loses all sense of control on her emotions and Brian is grinning from ear to ear.

  “Shut up,” comes out of that sweet little mouth. I laugh as Jake chastises her.

  “We might have to come up with a new saying when you are shocked, little lady,” I tell her. Personally, nothing is wrong with a little shut up sometime, but I can see where others not appreciate it. “And the brother and sister thing . . . totally true.” She starts talking a mile a minute and I can’t keep up. Nobody else seems to be able to so we all watch her with smiles on our faces and our hearts full. Throats clear behind us, and I turn to see Wayne, Eric, my mom, and Marcus there.

  I look to Wayne for acceptance, and it is shining in his eyes. I didn’t lose him, and he makes sure I know it, “Way to go, baby girl. I am proud of you. Thank you for showing me how true love lives on.” He engulfs me in a hug.

  “I need you to keep your distance for a while. You were about to marry my girl, so I am not okay with the touchy feely shit,” Jake says, kind of in a menacing time. I feel Wayne chuckling.

  “Dude, you are the one who knocked up my fiancée, no reason to get pissy with me.” Are you fucking kidding me right now? This
is not a joke.

  “Hey, assclown, little ears are around.” I reprimand Wayne.

  “She is occupied, and assclown is so appropriate. Damn, Jake I may take your advice on distance because your kids are gonna be like Bebe’s kids and bad as hell.” I roll my eyes at him. I don’t have a clue where my life is taking me but I know it is surrounded with these awesome people.

  Eric steps forward, “You feel that?”

  “What?”

  “The sunshine . . . that is Krista’s smile shining down on you.” I choke back tears and Jake pulls me to his side. He knows I need his strength right now. I glance at my mom and Marcus, I turn around to make sure Rose has Laura out of hearing distance because I have no clue what will happen.

  “I wish you would have figured this out before today,” she is reprimanding me in a church parking lot, with my jilted groom and my baby daddy watching.

  “Yes, mother. There is a lot I am sure you wish I would have done differently. Doesn’t matter how we got here, what path we took . . . the end result is the same. We are here, and this is what happened.” She is actually shocked into silence. That only lasts for a moment.

  “What is the plan now?”

  I shrug my shoulders because I have no idea. “Well, hopefully, your daughter will finally marry me and move back to Kansas with me. I have to have Laura back in school by Thursday, so she flies out with my mom and Brian Wednesday. I am driving back with Paisley if she agrees.”

  “Sure,” I say nonchalantly like he didn’t kind of make that decision for me. I am perfectly okay with them. I realize he is making them for us. We are older and wiser and will figure everything out in time. Together.

  He looks down at me in disbelief. “You sure were agreeable.”

  “Give it a minute, I am sure something will set me off,” I smile at him.

  “That’s our girl,” Wayne cheers.

  “Dude, I can only take so much. We don’t share, there is no our in regard to my girl.” This is going to be interesting in the coming years.

  Jake spins me around to face him and whistles. Laura is at his side in a hot second, he drops to his knee, “Paisley, will you marry me?”

  “Us, Daddy. Marry us,” Laura admonishes him as she hands me the ring. It is my original engagement ring.

  “You still have it?” I am shocked.

  “I have everything, Pais.”

  I look at him, then reach for Laura and take her hand, “I will marry you.” I glance back and forth between them so Laura knows I am including her.

  “When? I have a test I have to take Thursday.”

  “Maybe during summer when you are off.” I want to make this as easy and seamless as possible. This little girl is like her daddy, has our lives planned out.

  “Nope, Daddy said you are coming back as his wife and my other mommy.” She is no nonsense. I glare at him.

  “I have an idea,” he sheepishly tells me.

  “I have no doubt, Jake. I have no doubt, at all,” I roll my eyes at him.

  “We don’t roll our eyes in this house,” Laura schools me. Oh little one, you have so much to learn. Eye rolling with a big sigh will be in all of our futures.

  I try not to giggle, “You are so right. I will have to learn your rules.”

  “You could just make your own; you are an adult. I think yours will be better than daddy’s.” I think she is right.

  “Deal,” I smile down at her and listen to Jake’s groan. “Want to tell me about this plan you have?” He nods at me and fills me in on what will happen over the next three days.

  Chapter 47

  Jake

  It is important that we forgive ourselves for making mistakes. We need to learn from our errors and move on

  Steve Maraboli

  I can take a deep breath, finally. After almost nine years since we fell in love, we will be joined legally and spiritually. I couldn’t believe how agreeable she has been today. She never fails to shock me. “Okay, this is enough for me. I need to get out of this dress,” she announces to all of us.

  “We will meet you back at the hotel, Mom,” I tell her. Laura is torn about riding with us or my parents. “We just have a few errands and then we will be there,” I reassure her.

  “Ice cream date later?” Paisley throws in. That sways my little girl, and she bounces off to my mom. “Bribery is a wonderful tool, Jake. Don’t look so surprised.” I laugh at her and kiss the top of her head. Whatever this girl wants, she can have.

  “Want me to talk to Wayne about getting your stuff?”

  “Nope. It is fine. I have to get my clothes, but most of my stuff I put in storage or got rid of. We can rid of the storage if you don’t need anything.”

  “I think we are good. Laura and I got new everything. We wanted a fresh start, but you can change anything you want.”

  “I have you, Laura and jellybean . . . I am good.” She runs over to Wayne and lets him know the plans, and he says he is going out with his friends to drown his sorrows. She punches him in the arm, and he laughs at her.

  She hands me the keys to her car, and I am sad to see she got rid of the Jeep. “Beautiful, we need to rethink this car.” It is a compact and it isn’t safe for my family and the roads can get pretty nasty during winter, she needs a four-wheeled-drive.

  “Why? It is only like five months old.”

  I explain my reasons, and she relents. “We can just sell it and fly back, I don’t want the hassle of registering it in a different state and taxes just to sell it.”

  “You are really okay with all this?” I can’t but have doubt. I feel bad for constantly questioning her.

  “Yes, and you can ask me that as much as you want. I deserve the doubts you have.” I don’t want her feeling bad; we both carry the baggage in this relationship.

  “No more from here on out. I promise.” I grab her hand and let her direct me to the house to get her stuff. I won’t ever refer to another home besides ours as hers. I decide to wait in the car for her to get her stuff, and she is relatively fast. One huge suitcase dragging behind her, and she is almost back to the car. “Is that it?”

  “It is enough for now. I can always get new stuff, but I can’t get back all the wasted time, so I want to make new memories starting now.” Her parents are meeting us at the hotel restaurant later so we can finalize what needs to be done. I want the world to fade away and be locked in the hotel room for days with her. I have the urge to be buried so deep inside of her I don’t ‘know where I end and she begins. “What is that smile for?” she asks me.

  “Well, I am thinking of what I want to do to you when I have you alone in the hotel room, and thinking those same things got you pregnant. I swear so many of my dreams came true today.”

  “Surreal isn’t it? I can’t believe it and keep pinching myself.”

  “It’s real, baby. Our life starts over, today.” As soon as we get to the hotel we are bombarded by a little girl wanting ice cream, and I let her and Paisley go on their own. I need to allow that relationship to develop without being a buffer. The look of shock and love from Paisley when I told her that killed me. I can’t believe that for so long she thought it was her fault that I didn’t tell her about Laura.

  She notices I was going down that road, “Remember, starting over. No more, Jake. You promised,” and just like that she brought me back. After ice cream her parents are there, and if I don’t get her alone soon I am going to burst. Laura insists on Paisley bathing her and drying her hair and I can see the day is taking its toll on her. She is ready to drop, but she caters to Laura’s demands. I will be having a talk with Laura soon about wearing Paisley out. I need to keep her safe and healthy. Finally, it is my girl’s bedtime. I tuck her in to my parent’s room and make my way back to Paisley. The anticipation is making me wired, and I need to calm myself because I want to savor tonight.

  She has taken a bath and is lying in the bed, and her beauty still makes me breathless. I stalk towards the bed and gently climb on top of her
. I kiss her ear, running my tongue around the shell, when she lets a moan out, I feel my dick jump and strain against my pants. I move to the other ear and start making my way down her body. The knocking on the door halts me, “Daddy, Paisley.” I hop off the bed and open the door.

  She runs in the room and jumps on the bed. Looking between us with her eyes as big as saucers, “I need to be with you. It is our first night as a family.” I am about to put this little manipulator back to bed when Paisley stops me.

  “Jake, this is our life now,” she turns to Laura. “Get comfy baby, and you can snuggle with us.” I groan and resolve myself to a cold shower. I am not really mad, just horny. Paisley is right, this is our life now, and I am embracing the hell out of it.

  I step out of the shower and stop dead in my tracks when I see the bed come in to focus. My whole world is within reach, all in one room and one bed. Laura is snuggled as close as she can get to Paisley and both are fast asleep. Paisley is cradling Laura, protecting and loving her in their sleep. I stop and silently thank the Lord. I will never take these moments for granted. I will cherish every second I have with them. If I have learned anything it is that life is precious, and you never know what tomorrow brings, so grab on to today and live it, love it, but most of all enjoy it. I will create memories every day, and the vision in front of me is one of my most precious memories. I slip into the bed, carefully so I don’t disturb them, I get as close as I can and take them both in my arms. The three loves of my life. I hold them close all night.

  The next two days are spent at the beach. It is Laura’s first time seeing the ocean, and she is as in love with it as Paisley. I realize how much Paisley had really lost herself when she tells me, “I haven’t been here since Krista died. I came on my nineteenth birthday and said goodbye to it, and I refused to come back. I felt like I was awakened here, I didn’t want to relive that time in my life. I thought it was over. You couldn’t have picked a better place to bring us back together.” She may have grown older, gained some insight on life, but she was still the same girl she was at sixteen. I am glad to see all her experiences hadn’t truly changed her.