Seven Tears at High Tide

by C. B. Lee

  Morgan falters, and he swims ahead, angrily making his way through the waves and the otherwise peaceful night. Why can’t he have everything? Be able to see Kevin whenever he wants, shift whenever he wants?

  “Morgan.” Linneth swims up to him quietly and extends a comforting flipper to his back.

  “The Sea says if I’m human I won’t remember,” Morgan says, choking up. “I won’t know you or any of the herd and I won’t remember Kevin, either, so what’s the point?”

  “A chance, if you want it. There are dangers, those who would harm us and other supernatural beings. You would be safer if you didn’t remember. And you wouldn’t be alone.”

  “What are you talking about?”

  “Do you think it coincidence that I brought our herd to sum­mer here? A place I haven’t visited in, say… seventeen years?”

  It takes a moment for Morgan to realize what she’s talking about. “My father. You’re saying he lives here. In Piedras Blancas.”

  “If you choose to live as a human, he could—I could ask him to help. I know he would. You wouldn’t have to be helpless, with no memory of who you were or who you could be. They have things, writings, ways to record—”

  “Yes, I know. You think there’s a way he could help me remem­ber who I was?”

  “You won’t be able to remember you were a selkie. But you could make a note of Kevin, your feelings…”

  Morgan sighs. “When do I have to choose?”

  “The new moon.”

  “That’s in four days.” Morgan looks at the barest sliver of light hanging in the sky. “Kevin asked me to—he wanted to do something special on Saturday, he said for my birthday, the way humans celebrate it.”

  “That’s fine. Go spend time with your lover. It is the end of the summer anyway, and the end of the terms of your Request. Say goodbye. Or tell him to find you when you see him again. Whatever you want to do, it will be fine.” She looks resigned, as if she knows it won’t be, and Morgan can see the same bittersweet glimmer in her eyes that she used to have when talking about his father. He wonders if she’s already decided to think of Morgan as lost. “I only want you to be happy.”

  Morgan wants to cry, to ask how he could be happy if he’s being forced to make this impossible choice—if he could have Kevin, but not his family, or vice versa. He keeps silent, though, knowing that look on his mother’s face, knowing she’s close to tears and doesn’t want to cry in front of her son.

  His mother places a gentle kiss on his forehead and swims back to shore, letting Morgan stew in his own thoughts.

  He looks up at the dark sky, swims on his back, listens to the Sea whisper around him, as if the Sea is waiting for a question, ready to give him more information, more stories of what other halflings have done.

  Morgan has so many questions. Why had no one told him sooner? Would his decision to take the Request have been the same had he been told at the beginning of the summer? But for the first time in his life, Morgan doesn’t ask—he doesn’t care what the Sea knows.

  Morgan’s certain that before meeting Kevin he would have accepted just being a seal. He wouldn’t be able to shift, but since he’d never shifted before, he wouldn’t have minded. And he would still be able to be with his family. He would not be able to talk to his family as he could now, but he would still be around.

  But now? He knows the Request is only for the summer, and then the herd will leave, following the current to wherever his mother decides to take them for the next few months. It has always seemed possible that Morgan could return to Piedras Blancas, the next summer maybe, and see Kevin again. At the very least, he could tell Kevin goodbye and promise to return.

  But this? Morgan will be a shell of himself, whatever he chooses. As a seal he would get to stay with the family, swim and hunt, live out the rest of his days with them, but he would be like—he would be mundane, as he understands it.

  And as a human? With no memory? Even if his father agreed to help, would he be the same person?

  “What do I do?” Morgan asks the night sky.

  The stars wink back at him, and there is no answer.

  Thirteen.

  Kevin is excited about Morgan’s birthday. He doesn’t want to make the same mistake he did when he bought him clothes at the mall. Spending time giving Morgan the best possible experiences of the human world will be far more valuable to him. The county fair will be great—lots of people to watch. Morgan will like that. Plus, all the fried foods he can eat, the games, the rides.

  Kevin can’t believe he’d forgotten about the fair. The flyer came in the mail a few weeks ago and it completely slipped his mind until Morgan told him about his birthday.

  Morgan hasn’t shown up this morning. That’s okay. Sometimes he spends time with his family doing seal things. Kevin grins as he jogs to the beach. My boyfriend is magical. He says it to himself again, pleased that he’s entrusted with such a huge supernatural secret. Kevin’s been doing a pretty good job of keeping that secret so far. His parents are both incredibly nosy—well-intentioned, but nosy. They’ve dropped hints about wanting to meet Morgan’s parents, asked what they do for a living, where they’re staying.

  Kevin doesn’t enjoy lying to his parents, but he under­stands the need for secrecy, so he has done his best to give evasive answers as close to the truth as possible, letting them draw their own conclusions. He said that Morgan’s family was “at sea,” which his dad took to mean they owned a boat. Kevin tried to come up with an explanation for why they weren’t at the docks, but didn’t get further than saying that they were avid fishers, and his dad just nodded, guessing that they were currently anchored somewhere north of town. Kevin might have to ask Morgan if it’s okay to tell them the truth, but right now Kevin’s more interested in daydreaming about taking Morgan on the Ferris wheel.

  Kevin jogs down the beach, watching the waves roll in. He catches his breath at the lifeguard tower, intending to say hello to Sally, but she isn’t alone.

  Three other people sit in the sand in front of the tower, listening intently as Sally reads from her clipboard.

  “Kevin! Hey! Trying out for junior lifeguards?”

  “Uh, just going for a jog.” Kevin nods at the others, recognizing the tall black girl and the shaggy-haired blond guy next to her, but not the third person. Michelle and Connor were in his English class last year. He might have seen the other guy with the soccer team. Kevin’s seen all of them around town before, but he’s never tried to socialize with any of them.

  “You totally should. There’s enough money in the year’s fund­ing to train and hire four people. Plus I’ve seen you swim­ming and bodysurfing all summer; you could totally do it.” Sally bumps Kevin with her hip, causing him to stumble a little.

  The guy on the end laughs. “Hey, I’m Patrick. Totally bump her back, dude. She did it to all of us.”

  Kevin hesitantly bumps his hip back against Sally, and she snorts a little at his daintiness, but the three sitting on the ground cheer politely. “I guess having a job would be nice,” Kevin says.

  “Fantastic,” Sally says. “Have a seat.”

  Two hours later, Kevin is completing his first group interview session, scheduling a CPR class and has a bunch of new employment forms to take home to puzzle over.

  “Hey, you live on my street, right?” Michelle asks, with her flyaway corkscrew curls bouncing as they start walking toward town.

  “Yeah.” Kevin has seen Michelle on his bus, but he’s never talked to her before.

  “We can totally walk back together. Connor rode his bike and won’t let anyone sit on the handlebars because he’s a safety nerd—”

  “Hey!” Connor snaps on his helmet. He makes a rude gesture toward Michelle, who turns around and mirrors it, laughing.

  “You’re taking AP history this year, right? We should totally be study buddies. I hear Miss Tran
does pop quizzes every week. We can totally go over stuff on the bus ride to school,” Michelle says.

  “Yeah, sure,” Kevin says.

  Connor whizzes by on his bike, waving and hollering, and Kevin feels out of the loop when Michelle and Patrick shout back at him. The feeling is fleeting, though, because they’re soon talking about studying for the SAT and the Marvel movie that’s coming out next year. Michelle is a DC fan, so this sparks what seems to be an old argument between her and Patrick as Kevin watches, amused, not wanting to get between them.

  “You’re pretty cool, Kevin,” Patrick says. “Just goes to show certain people at school don’t know what awesomeness they’re missing out on.”

  Kevin makes a face. “Let me guess. You’ve heard what Skylar’s been saying?”

  Patrick nods. “Yeah, I mean I left the soccer team because he was being such an idiot about me being in the changing room. Not that I would ever look at his pasty ass.”

  Kevin knits his eyebrows together in confusion. “Wait, you’re—”

  “Gay, yeah,” Patrick says. “I didn’t come out until after you did, though. Didn’t see what the big deal was about telling people, but I used to be friends with the dude, and I wondered if he’d do me the same as he did to you. So, yeah. I think he would have, if my mom wasn’t the principal, but I think I got the least of it. Just some snide remarks from him. And since he was team captain, the other guys just kind of followed suit.”

  “Sorry to hear that.”

  “I’m not. Michelle convinced me to join the swim team, and I’m having way more fun there. Plus we actually win our competitions, unlike the soccer team.”

  “Whoa,” Michelle says, halting them in the middle of the street. “Who is that? I thought I knew all the cute guys who live in this town.”

  Patrick turns and follows her gaze, then lets out a low whistle.

  Kevin spots Morgan casually walking on the other side of the street, apparently on his way to Kevin’s house. He’s wearing only his board shorts as usual; the line of his bare back is visible as he walks. Then he turns, noticing them. Morgan’s face breaks out into a smile when he sees Kevin, and he waves at them.

  “You know him?” Patrick asks.

  Kevin grins. “Yeah, that’s Morgan, my boyfriend.”

  “Your friends seemed very nice,” Morgan says when Kevin finally manages to pull him away. Morgan walked up to them, and then Kevin introduced them, and then Michelle and Patrick had more questions than Kevin was sure Morgan was comfortable with: where he went to school and where he lived. They also seemed fascinated when Morgan talked about swimming, though, so luckily the conversation went in that direction. “Michelle remarked that she wished she had the courage to walk around in her swimsuit like I am. I get the feeling it was meant to be flattering, but somehow also not.”

  Morgan pokes his stomach, staring at himself, and Kevin sighs. “Hey, some people are just self-conscious about their bodies. Don’t take it the wrong way. I think Michelle was impressed you’re so confident, and you’re not like… Mr. Six Pack or anything.”

  Morgan’s eyebrows knit together. “I don’t know who that is.”

  Kevin considers explaining, but Morgan is probably better off without being saddled with the insecurities that might come from the explanation. “Don’t worry about it; you’re the hottest selkie I know,” he says, leaning in for a kiss. “And they both thought you were great, so it’s all fine.” He takes Morgan’s hand, squeezes it tightly and walks with him toward his home. In the distance, Michelle and Patrick wave goodbye.

  “I’m glad to see you making friends,” Morgan says. “I feel a lot better, knowing you won’t be lonely.”

  “Yeah, I guess. I mean, I always kept to myself at school. I figured having one friend was enough, but I guess he wasn’t really a friend. Or anything else, really.”

  They walk past Miles’ house, and Kevin can see him in the upstairs window, glancing out to the street. Kevin thought seeing him would be weird, or that he’d feel vindicated somehow, or he’d want to rub it into Miles’ face that he’s moved on. Kevin hasn’t felt any such thing, and now doesn’t have the urge to do anything other than keep walking to his door with Morgan.

  They go to Kevin’s bedroom. Morgan usually sprawls out com­fortably on the bed, but today he’s standing by the wall.

  “Hey, are you okay?”

  “Yeah, I just—I wanted to tell you something.”

  “Is everything all right?” Kevin has a sudden, terrible thought. “Your family’s okay? Those hunters didn’t figure out where your beach was, did they?”

  “No, nothing like that, I…”

  Kevin pats the bed next to him, and Morgan sits down. He takes a deep breath; worry is written all over his face. Kevin slings his arm around his shoulder, pats him and strokes his thumb over Morgan’s shoulder in a repeated, comforting motion.

  Morgan looks up and gives him a small smile. “I—um, I found out my father lives in Piedras Blancas.”

  “What? Really?” Kevin is surprised, but calms himself down, looking to Morgan for an appropriate guideline on how to react. Morgan doesn’t seem excited about it, or angry, and Kevin’s not quite sure what to do. Should he be comforting? Encouraging? Go for a hug?

  Morgan’s jaw is set. “My mother wanted to give me the option of meeting him. If I wanted to. That’s why we came here this summer.”

  “And do you want to?”

  Morgan looks ahead. “I should. I really want to ask him a few things.”

  “Do you know who he is? Need help finding him?”

  “His name is Richard, and he was a fisherman. That’s all I know. I suppose I could ask my mother to track him down, but I don’t want her to know I went to see him before…”

  “Before what?”

  Morgan shakes his head. “It’s not important.”

  “Okay, well, if you want to talk to him, he should be pretty easy to find. I’m sure someone will know who he is; it’s a small town. And you say he’s probably lived here the entire time? Since before you were born?” Morgan nods, so Kevin stands up. “All right, I’m gonna ask my parents later, if that’s cool. They can definitely help you out.”

  Kevin’s parents are still at work, so Kevin opts for putting on a movie instead of studying. Morgan picks The Little Mermaid, which makes Kevin laugh, but they watch the Disney movie any­way. It’s a cute movie. Kevin hasn’t seen it in a long time, but he remembers all the songs.

  As usual, watching Morgan enjoy the movie is the best part. He laughs at the portrayal of mermaids, shakes his head disparagingly when the movie shows the glorious city of Atlantis and his eyes widen when Ariel makes her deal. During Ariel’s foray into the human world, though, instead of bombarding Kevin with questions, Morgan falls quiet.

  When the credits roll, Kevin looks at Morgan’s pensive face and brushes up against his shoulder hesitantly. “Did you like the movie?”

  “I don’t know.” Morgan grips the sheets on Kevin’s bed, with his hands tight in small, frustrated fists. “I don’t think that situation would have happened in the first place. If Ariel had wanted to explore the human world, she wouldn’t have been shamed for it. At least not if she were a selkie. It might be different for merrows. I only know of them from stories, and they don’t care for humans much at all.”

  Kevin thinks about the story Morgan told him earlier in the summer, about the wounded merrow singing desolately for her lover, dying in vain as he drowned. “I can imagine why,” Kevin says dryly. “This particular story is made up, though, for fun. You know, mostly for kids to see a happy ending and true love conquer all, and all that.”

  “It doesn’t always.”

  Kevin stares. He’s never seen Morgan get upset, not since his pelt went missing, and it’s a weird thing to be upset about, a lighthearted kid’s movie.

  “Hey, hey,” K
evin says, pulling him in for a hug.

  Morgan trembles slightly, but he holds on tight. Kevin feels hot, wet tears drop onto his back. “Do you want to talk about it? Is it the merrows? It’s sad because what happened to them in real life is a tragedy, and the story makes you feel…”

  Morgan shakes his head, and Kevin holds him, feeling the beat of his heart against his chest, waiting for Morgan to open up.

  “I just think it’s not fair,” Morgan says finally. “I—people should get happy endings.”

  “Come on. You’re thinking about that sad story you told me, aren’t you? Look, there’s nothing we can personally do to change any of that. But what we can do is focus on ourselves. Hey, I can tell you about my surprise.”

  “Surprise?” Morgan pulls back to look at Kevin.

  “Yeah, for your birthday. You’re turning seventeen the day after tomorrow! I have something totally awesome that you’re gonna love. I’m gonna take the whole day and we’re gonna drive down to SLO and I’m gonna take you to the county fair. It’s a gathering of people, just to have fun! There will be rides and games and so many fried foods. You’re gonna love it!”

  Morgan nods at him; the corner of his lip quirks up a little, even though sadness remains in his eyes. He hugs Kevin again, presses his face into Kevin’s neck, breathes deeply. “Thank you, Kevin. It’s really thoughtful of you to think of something I’d like. It sounds like a lovely way to end the summer. I’m…I’m looking forward to it.”

  Kevin strokes Morgan’s back, glad that Morgan is excited about the fair, and starts talking about cotton candy and how amazing it is, in hope of drawing him out of the mood even further. Morgan nods and listens, holding on tight to Kevin. Cuddling isn’t new for them, but this time Morgan doesn’t want to let go. Kevin doesn’t understand, but he’s happy to stay in the embrace until Morgan lets go.

  Fourteen.

  Morgan has three days left to decide his future, and he is no closer to knowing what to do. Kevin has been adorably concerned, though he assumes what’s weighing on Morgan’s mind is only the idea of meeting his father for the first time.