The Dollhouse (Paperdolls #1)

by Nicole Thorn

  “Honey,” she said as the anger melted away in a moment. She rushed to me, still keeping a distance. “You’re not in trouble. Don’t cry.”

  Was I crying? I hadn’t even noticed. I was still surprised when I wiped my cheek with my palm and found it wet.

  “Maybe you shouldn’t answer the phone anymore,” my mom decided. “No one can get your cell number, so that’s safe enough. When that phone”—she pointed—“rings, don’t answer. Do you understand?”

  I nodded, because it was all I could do.

  Nothing was safe. Not really. There would always be someone that wanted something from me. My parents wanted me to be normal, talk to someone. That woman wanted a story. Strangers wanted to know my past in detail. That was a lie that only I was aware of. They wouldn’t want to know. There were horrors they couldn’t handle. They wanted to see me talk, or read my words so that they could be grateful that they’d never been through something like that. Beatings and starvation that lasted almost a decade. My childhood taken from me. Destroyed the past and future. Talking about it would be nothing but retrograde. I would be thrown back into the abyss that held me.

  Mom’s eyes searched mine for something. “Don’t worry. I’ll keep you safe. How about we go out? We can all get some lunch, and we can stop by the store. Pick you up some things.”

  I blinked. “Can we get something for my hair?”

  She smiled. “Sure. Anything you want. Just don’t be scared.”

  I watched her face as she wished away my fears and brokenness. It took me a while, but I was ahead of her on one thing. You can never really fix what’s broken.

  Wilson

  e should play games today,” Jude decided as he ate the breakfast I’d just made him.

  Pancakes with blueberry syrup. The exact recipe my mother taught me. The recipe she would never be able to teach Jude.

  He was still in his pajamas, swinging his legs over the edge of the chair he was too little to sit in. I smiled at him and poked at my own food. “And what would you like to play?”

  “I wanna play a game with you and Max.”

  “Okay.”

  “And Riley.”

  Damn. It wasn’t that I minded spending time with the girl, but I wasn’t really sure what she could handle. She had a habit of aiming those big blue eyes at me and making me feel like the wretch I am. She touched me like it was some kind of experience for her. It could have been, but I didn’t know what that meant. Why touching me seemed to matter as much as it looked like it did. Human connection. That was probably all she was looking for. I was in the right place at the right time.

  I liked her. She was sweet and sad, in a beautiful way. Like a cracked porcelain doll. Each crack only made her look more interesting. Eye catching. She stood out where someone else might blend in. That was her downfall.

  She was special, and I wasn’t sure if that was because she was taken, or why. The thought was revolting. She didn’t do anything wrong. It wasn’t her fault she was the way she was. Made to be broken. It’s amazing when something can look so fragile while she wept so violently. Like there was too much in her for that little body to contain.

  “I’m not sure Riley’ll be up for that.” I took a drink and watched for the reaction I knew I would get.

  He didn’t quite throw a fit, but I knew he was close.

  “She loves to play. We can bring her over here and play a video game with her.”

  There was no getting out of this. “We’ll see if she wants to come over. Okay?”

  He literally cheered before he went on to finish his breakfast. When he was done, I told him to go up and shower and that I’d be waiting on the porch.

  The sky was a threatening gray this morning, but it was clear of rain. I sat on my steps and dug into my pocket for my lighter and the half-empty pack of cigarettes. I had one in my mouth and the lighter was half an inch from its destination when I paused.

  I sighed, cigarette still in my mouth. If I went over there smelling like smoke, she would be all pissy with me. I smirked at the memory of her nose wrinkling at the smell. She didn’t want me polluting air. She held it precious because she’d been deprived of it for so long.

  And with that, I shoved the cigarette back into the pack and went to stash it in the desk drawer. The least I could do was not disappoint Riley more than this life had already done to her.

  I sat back outside, waiting for my brother. He was almost bouncing off the walls when he got out to me. He ran ahead of me, ringing the Cain’s doorbell. I was half sure that Mrs. Cain would kill me for it.

  A few seconds after I stopped Jude from knocking and ringing the bell, I heard Riley call, “It’s open!”

  Jude shoved the door open without waiting, and I was met with something wonderful.

  Riley was an absolute mess, and Maxwell was standing at her side. She had blue all over her hands, face, neck, and hair. There were tones of silver thrown in, but they were hard to see. Those eyes of hers were wild and excited. For me? I wasn’t sure. Even I wasn’t that arrogant. Well… I was. But not with her. Not with the definition of wild card.

  “Good!” she declared pointing at me. “I need help.”

  “I can see that…”

  “You have to come upstairs with me.”

  I smiled and lost control of my mouth for a moment. “If I had a dollar…” I wouldn’t actually have that many dollars. I could get myself something almost filling off the dollar menu at McDonald’s. Maybe a shake too. At least enough food for a meal.

  I turned to the kids. “Tell Mrs. Cain that I’m gonna take you for a while.”

  Then cheered and screamed for “Mom” as they ran away. It always killed me a little when Jude did that.

  I was lamenting when Riley grabbed my hand and yanked me up the stairs. Then she shoved me into a bathroom and shut the door. I smiled when I saw the filthy counter. Covered in blue and grayish silver.

  “What did you do, Cookie?” I asked.

  She smiled and squirmed like her skin couldn’t contain her. “Well, I needed to be different, so my mom got me some hair dye. I liked the gray and blue, so I tried to do this myself. It got…” She drifted off as she looked at the counter.

  The contents of two different colored boxes were splayed out on the counter. Instructions and dye and gloves she didn’t use. It made me grin more than it should have.

  I eyed her. “And you thought that an adult man was your best shot at getting help?”

  She shrugged sheepishly. “Mom was busy.”

  I shook my head. Christ… this was happening. I sighed. “Okay then. If I fuck up your hair, then you can’t get mad at me.”

  She flinched at the curse word, but agreed. I was pulling the gloves on when she jumped up in the air.

  “Wait! I know what I had to do.”

  There was no more warning than that before she rushed past me and left me in the bathroom. My hair might have been blown back.

  When she returned, she had scissors in her hand. I backed up, holding my hands in front of me. “Not a chance am I cutting your hair.”

  “Please?” she asked. “I can’t do it myself. I need to be different. I don’t want to be what he wanted me to be.”

  If there was a God, He hated me. He hated me hard. Sending me this too-endearing-for-words girl and giving her the means to have me in the palm of her small hands. When she looked at me with the desperation she had right now, there probably wasn’t much I wouldn’t do for her.

  I gingerly took the scissors from her hand. “How much?”

  “All of it.” She smiled wide.

  This was a test. The universe was testing me to see how much I could take. Or, it was punishing me for the bad I’ve done. It put her in the soft gray top she was in. It undid two of her buttons. It made her trust me for no reason at all. The universe was a bitch.

  Riley turned to face the mirror, letting me have at her hair. Hair that would take a long time to grow back if she hated what I did. Her hands rested o
n the counter, and she looked so… happy. I guess I really had to do this.

  I used my fingers to straighten out as much as I could, getting it all into my hand. “Really, how short?”

  “I want it all gone.”

  She was sure and confident. Maybe more so than I’d seen from her before.

  With the deepest breath I’d ever taken, I opened the scissors and positioned them to take off more than two feet of hair. “Last chance, baby,” I warned.

  “Do it.”

  I did.

  What was left of her hair fell from my hands and framed her face, just barely tickling at her chin. I was frozen, holding a fucking ton of hair, and I was watching for the inevitable crying and regret. That was not what I was met with.

  Riley’s smile changed as she examined herself. Then there was no more smile. No frown. No pinched brow. There was only peace on her face. Like she finally had a moment to feel purely nothing at all.

  I dropped the hair into the trash, feeling different.

  Riley was facing me when I got back to her. She mashed blue dye into one of my hands, and that grayish silver into the other. “Okay, go.”

  I blinked at her. “Meaning?”

  She pointed at her hair. “Just put it all over.”

  When I didn’t do anything, she took my hands and put them in her hair. When her hands dropped, I started running my fingers through her hair. I think she wanted randomness. Chaos. I could do chaos.

  It was over, and her hair was a mess of color. Blue, silver, and blonde. I took the gloves off and threw them away. “I think you’re supposed to let it sit for a while.”

  “Okay.” And she began pacing.

  Well, this wouldn’t do.

  I took her by the hips and sat her at the clean part of the counter. I held her face to keep her attention. “Will you sit still so I can clean you off?”

  She gasped a little before she said yes. I took the washcloth by the sink, and I soaked it, starting on her face. I held her chin in my hand, and she let me get all the little bits of skin she wasn’t careful about. My painted doll.

  I got her face and hands all cleaned up, then her arms. She was very compliant the entire time. It made me worry about how many other times something like this had happened to her.

  The counter was harder to clean. I got everything up before it could stain, and I shoved the trash into the bin on the floor. “Okay,” I patted her knee. “You can wash it out now.”

  She hopped off of the counter and went to the shower. She turned the water on before I was out of the room, and then stepped inside.

  I sighed. If I turned around to see her naked, I think I would hate myself a little bit more for the thoughts I wouldn’t be able to fight off. The very pleasant, but filthy thoughts.

  I glanced over, relieved, disappointed, and confused all at the same time. The curtain was clear, and I could see her just fine. Riley was fully dressed and standing under the running water. I don’t even know if I could be shocked at this point.

  Since she was dressed, I didn’t have to leave. I leaned against the door instead, watching her as she hummed one of the songs from my iPod and cleaned her hair.

  She stepped out, soaked through her clothes and grinning like a mad woman. She picked out the white towel and dried her hair off, no care about it. God, she was lovely.

  The towel dropped to the floor, and she rushed to the mirror. There was excitement and joy when she looked at herself; hair wild and colorful as she accidentally pressed her bottom against me. She was bending, happy and gorgeous, and she was very close to rubbing up against something she shouldn’t get near.

  But I wasn’t paying much attention to the stirring below the belt. I was too fascinated with the look on Riley’s face. It was blissful as she looked at the mess we made. The shortness made her hair a little wilder. Thicker looking. There was no pattern to the colors, and she probably won’t be welcomed into any black tie events any time soon. It didn’t matter, because she was happy.

  Riley turned around, grinning at me. “Do you like it?”

  I smiled and moved a damp lock from her face. “I love it.”

  My approval meant far too much to her. “Good.” Then her face wrinkled. “Wait, you never told me why you were here.”

  I let my eyes wander down her body. “You’re soaked. Do you want to change before we have a conversation?”

  She only seemed to notice when I pointed it out. She took my hand and dragged me to her bedroom. I sat on her bed while she went over to her closet. I had a horrible and selfish hope that she was about to change in front of me, but she instead walked into the large closet. The door was almost completely closed when she started changing.

  “Jude wanted to invite you and Maxwell over to play video games. Do you like video games?”

  “Um… I used to. I haven’t played since, well, before.”

  I had to take a breath.

  I just didn’t know what to do with her. I wanted to be sensitive to her issues, but she didn’t deserve to be babied by everyone around her. That wasn’t fair. She should be treated like a person.

  It helped she didn’t crumble at every memory that popped in her head. I caught looks where I knew she was slipping away, but she wasn’t pulled down. Riley was far stronger than anyone was giving her credit for. So I guess my plan would be to treat her like she was just another person. I’d get real smiles out of her that way.

  When she came out of her closet, I might possibly have died. Ghost Wilson was chillin’ on her bed, eyes stuck on the figure in front of him. She was dressed like a damn bumblebee, and I don’t like at all that it turned me on. Nor will I look closer at that. She wasn’t literally dressed like a bee, of course. It was just the dress and stockings. The tights were black, but the very short dress was black and yellow stripped. Okay, so she liked stripes. I decided to file that away… for whatever reason. My mind just felt like it should hold on. Her sleeves were almost not there, showing off the unnatural paleness she wore well. All arms, neck, and face. Pure white but for the cheeks, which were flushed ever so slightly at my gaze. Why do you hate me, Riley?

  Her blush deepened as she looked at the dress, smoothing it with her delicate hands. “Do I look silly?”

  You look edible. “You look adorable.”

  And then we were off. The kids were very excited to play games with us, so they needed to be warned that Dad was still asleep. Normally they were pretty good about that kind of thing. They sat on the floor, and I sat with Riley on the couch.

  I thought I’d go for something she might know, so I broke out the Nintendo 64 and popped in Mario Kart 64. I handed Riley the controller and was pleased to find that she was familiar with it.

  She smiled at me as she crossed her legs. “I used to play this game when I was little.”

  “Good.” I smirked as I picked out Donkey Kong as my character.

  She went with Peach, and Jude and Maxwell were Mario and Luigi respectively. The game began, and Riley’s sudden glee distracted me. Then her face went perfectly blank as she concentrated. Eyes narrowed and jaw set.

  I’m in so much trouble.

  The game went on, and the boys kicked our asses. They may not be very used to the older games, but they adapted quickly. One of the little punks got a green shell and aimed it at Riley. I took one for the team and swerved in front of it. My car spun out, and she didn’t even notice as she passed the finish line first.

  Those big blues of hers lit up, and she was barely able to contain her excitement.

  I rubbed her back, giving her the appreciation she deserved. “Ya did good, Cookie. Let’s see if you can do it again.”

  She picked up her controller, and we played on. Several rounds, and we were all mostly even. I was the farthest behind but only by one round. My fault for looking over at Riley half the time. I had to make sure she was having a good time. I couldn’t watch her cry again.

  I think we were playing for a couple hours when she got bored with it and pu
t the controller down. She’d gotten a few wins in, and that seemed to be enough.

  “Can you go back to Zelda?” Maxwell asked, looking over his shoulder.

  Riley lit up again. “The one with the ocarina?”

  That did it. I confirmed her question as I switched games out. I’d already started a couple weeks ago, so I was fairly far into it. I was just about to reach the time travel part.

  I found it entertaining how the boys would hum along to the Lost Woods song as I ran through fighting bad guys. They danced in their seats while humming the tune at each other. Riley watched with that look of loss she had sometimes when she saw her brother. The years she missed out on that weren’t her fault.

  I finished up Jabu-Jabu’s Belly, and Riley very much enjoyed watching it. She found it funny that I had to carry the Zora princess, Ruto, out of the temple.

  I waggled my eyebrows at my companion. “Something funny, sweetheart?”

  She blushed and gestured to the screen. “She’s just such a brat. I find it entertaining.”

  That was a fair point.

  I progressed enough to be able to turn into adult Link, so I headed to the Temple of Time and pulled the sword from the stone. The whole little thing went on, and I exited the temple. Now, I was very familiar with this game. I just didn’t think it through very clearly.

  When I walked out of the temple and into the destroyed village, I was met with about a dozen ReDeads. One screamed and latched onto me. As I fought it off, I felt Riley move.

  I had a habit of scooting up in my seat when I was playing games. I didn’t know why, but it happened when I was at an especially hard part of the game. I’d done it today, and it left space between me and the back of the couch. Space that Riley wiggled into. She was pressed firmly to my back with one leg folded behind me and the other out and hanging over the couch. It pressed against mine, fitting snuggly. All of her fitted snuggly against me. Fingers held onto my shoulders, and I felt her nose against my back.

  I paused the game to look over my shoulder. “Is this too much for you, baby? I can play something else.”