by Yu Hua
Baldy Li didn't know how many butts his father saw that time, but according to his own experience, he figured that his father must have crouched down too low. He must have wanted to see the women's pubic hair and therefore lowered his body farther and farther down, until his legs were almost suspended in midair while the entire weight of his body rested on his hands. His hands would have tightly gripped the wooden slats, over which untold numbers of butts had once squatted, polishing them smooth and slick. This unlucky man may very well have glimpsed the pubic hair that he had dreamed about, his eyes bugging out like birds’ eggs. The nauseating stench of the cesspool would have made his eyes tear up and become unbearably itchy, but at that moment he certainly wouldn't have dared to blink. Excitement and trepidation would have made his hands slick with sweat, and that sweat would have made the boards he was grasping even more slippery.
Just at that moment, a man more than six feet tall had rushed into the toilet, frantically unbuttoning his pants with one hand. All he saw when he entered were two legs sticking straight up in the air, making him scream as if he had seen a ghost. This scream scared the living daylights out of Baldy Li's father, making him lose his grip and fall headfirst into the thick, viscous goo below. In seconds, the excrement filled his mouth and nose and then his lungs, and that was how Baldy Li's father drowned.
The man who let out the cry was Song Gang's father, Song Fanping, who later became Baldy Li's stepfather. As Baldy Li's birth father fell into the cesspool, his future stepfather watched in shock. It appeared to Song Fanping that the pair of legs had disappeared in the blink of an eye. Beads of cold sweat covered his forehead as he contemplated the possibility that he might have seen a ghost in broad daylight. At that moment, a shriek was heard from the women's side of the toilet: Baldy Li's father had hit the cesspool like a cannonball, and now the women's backsides were all covered in shit. They jumped up, startled, and when they looked down, they saw that there was a man lying in the cesspool below.
Utter chaos ensued. The women cried out repeatedly, like summer cicadas, attracting a curious crowd. One of the women ran out of the toilet without remembering to pull her pants up, but when she saw the men in the crowd staring at her lecherously, she let out another scream and ran back in. The women with their backsides covered in shit discovered that they didn't have enough toilet paper to clean themselves off and started begging the crowd to gather some leaves for them. Three men immediately climbed up a wutong tree and collected at least half of its broad leaves, then asked a young woman to take them inside.
In the men's section, at the other end, crowds of men stood around engaged in animated discussion. They peered down through the eleven toilet holes at Baldy Li's father, debating whether he was dead or alive and how to retrieve him. Someone suggested using a bamboo pole, but someone else pointed out that while bamboo might suffice for lifting a chicken, for a grown man they would need a metal rod. The question was where they would find a rod long enough.
At that moment, as everyone was standing around chattering, Baldy Li's future stepfather, Song Fanping, walked up to the cesspool opening where the sanitation workers siphon off the waste and proceeded to jump right in. Is this why Li Lan would come to love this man so deeply? Buried in human waste up to his chest, he held up his arms and slowly dragged himself through the muck. Maggots crawled up to his neck and face, but he still moved forward with his arms over his head. Only when the maggots climbed up to his mouth, eyes, nose, and ears did he reach down to sweep them off.
Song Fanping moved through the cesspool, picked up Baldy Li's father, and slowly made his way back out again. He lifted Baldy Li's father out of the pit and then climbed out himself.
The crowds around the latrine quickly moved away. When they saw Baldy Li's father and Song Fanping, both covered in shit and maggots, they felt their skin prickle with revulsion. They held their noses and covered their mouths, complaining incessantly. After Song Fanping climbed out, he squatted near Baldy Li's father's body and held his finger under the man's nose, then felt his chest. Eventually he stood up and announced to the crowd, "He's dead."
At that point, the tall and muscular Song Fanping hoisted Baldy Li's father onto his back and walked away. The sight of the two of them caused an even greater commotion than Baldy Li's parade would years later: a live man walking down the street with a dead man, both of them completely covered in excrement, with filth sloughing off them, leaving behind a stream of stench extending several blocks. About two thousand people came to watch the spectacle; of these, a hundred or so yelled that their shoes had been stepped on, a dozen women shrieked that they were being felt up, and a few men cursed that their cigarettes had been picked from their pockets. It was through this sea of humanity that Baldy Li's once and future fathers both arrived at his doorstep.
Baldy Li at this point was still in his mothers belly. She had heard the tragic news and was standing in the doorway with her huge belly, supporting herself by leaning against the door frame. She saw her husband being lowered from a mans back and placed, motionless, on the ground. Her dead husband looked like a stranger lying there. To those who saw her, Li Lan s eyes appeared utterly vacant. This sudden blow left her dazed, and she seemed not to grasp what she was seeing or even understand where she was.
After placing Baldy Li's father down, Song Fanping proceeded to the well, where he lifted pail after pail of water to rinse himself. It was May, and the icy well water ran down his neck onto his clothes, making him shudder uncontrollably. After he finished rinsing himself off, he turned to take a look at Li Lan, whose blank gaze convinced him to stay a little longer. He used the well water to rinse off Baldy Li's father, turning the body over several times, then stood up and looked at Li Lan, whose wooden expression made him shake his head. Song Fanping lifted Baldy Li's father and walked to the door, but Li Lan still stood there motionless, so he had to carry the corpse in sideways.
Song Fanping saw that the pillowcases, bedspread, and blankets in the inner room were all embroidered with a big red Double Happiness character, indicating newlyweds. He hesitated for a moment, but in the end he didn't place Baldy Li's father's wet corpse on the ground but, rather, on the newlyweds’ bed. When he turned to leave, Li Lan was still standing motionless and leaning against the door frame. Song Fanping saw the people outside, all looking as if they were watching a show, and in a low voice he urged Li Lan to come inside and close the door. She acted as if she hadn't heard him. Eventually Song Fanping had no choice but to walk out, dripping wet, into the crowd. When the people saw him coming toward them, they immediately opened up a path, as if he were still covered in shit. In the resulting commotion, it seemed that there were more people who lost their shoes and more women's butts that got felt up. The icy well water made Song Fanping sneeze repeatedly as he walked out of the narrow alley and into the street. The crowds returned, continuing to watch the pitiful Li Lan.
Li Lan slowly slid down the door frame, her wooden expression suddenly transforming into one of anguish. She lay on the floor, legs spread and fingers digging into the ground. Beads of sweat covered her forehead, and her eyes opened wide to take in the crowds of people around her. Someone noticed that there was blood coming from between her legs and screamed, "Look, look, she's bleeding!"
A woman who had had a child recognized what was happening and shouted, "She's giving birth!"
CHAPTER 4
BALDY LI'S birth marked the beginning of Li Lan s migraines. For as long as Baldy Li could remember, his mother wore a scarf wrapped around her head, like a peasant woman in the fields. The dull, steady ache and the sudden onslaughts of sharp pain caused her to weep all year long. She often rapped her head with her knuckles, and her knocks grew ever crisper and louder, like the steady drum of a temple clanger.
After losing her husband, Baldy Li's mother then lost her mind. But as she gradually recovered she felt no pain or fury, just shame. Baldy Li's grandmother came from the countryside to help take care of them. During Li Lan s three
-month maternity leave from the silk factory, she never once left the house. She didn't even want to stand near the window for fear of being seen by someone. After the third month, Li Lan finally had to return to work. Trembling all over, her face pale, she opened the front door and stepped out as if she were about to jump into a vat of boiling oil. But she had no choice and so timidly walked into the street, her lead lowered to her chest. While hugging the sides of the buildings as closely as she could, she felt that the stares of people on the street were like needles stabbing her all over her body. An acquaintance called out her name, and she reacted as if she had been shot, nearly falling to the ground. Heaven knows how she managed to walk into the silk factory. How she managed to work the silk shearing machines all day. And how she managed to walk down the street to return home. From that point on she became mute, and even in her sealed-off house she scarcely spoke, even with her own mother and son.
The infant Baldy Li also became the object of the town's derision, and whenever his grandmother carried him outside, people would point and stare at him and say horrible things. They said that Baldy Li belonged to that man who drowned in the latrine while peeping at women's butts. Their comments were completely illogical, seeming to implicate the baby in the episode. They would say that this little rascal was just like his father, often dropping the "just like" and saying instead that the two of them were actually identical. This made Baldy Li's grandmother turn both pale and livid and left her unwilling to take him out again. Occasionally she would carry him to the window to let him get a bit of sunlight, but if anyone passed by outside, she would quickly move away. As a result, Baldy Li's once cherubic face became gaunt and sallow from spending day after day in a dark room.
After her husband died so shamefully, Li Lan never again lifted her head to look at anyone and never cried out—the head-splitting pain of her migraines audible only through the anguished grinding of her teeth and her soft groans as she slept. Whenever she held her son in her arms and saw his pale face and thin limbs, she would weep abjectly. Even so, she lacked the courage to walk outside with him during the daytime.
After more than a year, Li Lan finally took Baldy Li outside on a clear moonlit night. Her lowered head tight against her son's face, she walked quickly along the sides of the buildings. Only after having made sure that there were no other footsteps did she slow down and lift her head to look at the clear moon in the sky, enjoying the cool night breeze. She liked standing on the deserted bridge, gazing into the water and the steady waves of moonlight reflected on its surface. When she lifted her head, she saw that the trees by the river were still, as if they were asleep, their tips painted with moonlight and swaying slightly like the water. There were also the fireflies leaping and darting in the dark night, like an undulating melody.
Li Lan held her son on her right side and with her left hand pointed out the water under the bridge, the trees by the river, the moon in the sky, the dancing fireflies, explaining to him, "This is a river, this is a tree, this is the moon, these are fireflies…"
Then she sighed contentedly. "The night is so beautiful."
From that point on, sunlight-deprived Baldy Li would bathe in the moon's rays every night, wandering the streets while all the other children in town were sound asleep. Late one night, without realizing it, Li Lan walked until they reached the edge of town, to the south gate, where the fields under the moonlight seemed to extend forever. She let out a soft gasp. Now that she had become familiar with the peaceful silence of the houses and streets in moonlight, she was caught by surprise at the majestic beauty of the wide open fields under the same moonlight. In her arms Baldy Li also became excited, reached his arms toward the wide expanse of field, and uttered a mouselike eek.
Many years later, when Baldy Li would become Liu Towns premier tycoon and decide to take a tour of outer space, he would close his eyes and imagine himself high in orbit peering down at the earth below, whereupon this impression from his infancy would miraculously return. When he imagined the beauty and majesty of Earth, it was the same as the sight of the endless fields under the moonlight, the time his mother first took him down to the south gate. The infant Baldy Li's gaze passed over the scene like a Russian space shuttle.
So it was under the cool, bright moonlight that Baldy Li learned from his mother what a street was, what a house was, what a sky was, and what a field was. Baldy Li was not yet two, and he gazed out with wonder at this cool, bright world.
Once when Li Lan was walking in the moonlight with him, she ran into Song Fanping. As Li Lan walked with her son in her arms along the deserted street, she saw a family chatting and walking in the other direction. This was Song Fanpings family, and the tall Song Fanping was leading his son, Song Gang, who was a year older than Baldy Li. His wife was holding a basket in her hand, and their voices rang clearly through the quiet night sky. Upon hearing Song Fanpings voice, Li Lan suddenly lifted her head, recognizing instantly who this tall man was—he was the man who had carried her husband back to her, all the while covered in filth. At the time Li Lan had merely leaned dazedly against the door frame, but she had always remembered the sound of the man's voice and how he used the well water to rinse down not only himself but also her dead husband. So now she lifted her head, her eyes perhaps flashing when she saw him. Then, when she saw him pause and say something to his wife in a low voice, Li Lan lowered her head again and scurried away.
Li Lan ran into Song Fanping twice during those late-night strolls with Baldy Li. Once he was with his entire family, and the other time he was alone. The second time Song Fanping suddenly used his large figure to block the mother and son's path. His big, rough hands touched the child's upturned face, and he said to Li Lan, "This child is too thin. You should let him get more sunlight, since there are vitamins in sunlight."
Poor Li Lan didn't even dare to lift her head to look at him. She trembled as she held Baldy Li, and Baldy Li was jostled in her arms as if by an earthquake. Song Fanping smiled and walked away, brushing past them. This particular night Li Lan didn't linger to enjoy the moonlight, instead hurrying home with Baldy Li. The grinding noise from her teeth sounded different than usual, because perhaps this time it didn't come from her migraines.
When Baldy Li was three, his grandmother left her daughter and grandson and returned to her hometown. By this point, Baldy Li had learned to walk but was still very thin, even thinner than he had been as a baby. Li Lan s migraines had their good and bad days, but she had developed a slight stoop from walking around with a perpetually bowed head. After his grandmother left, Baldy Li started having the opportunity to walk in broad daylight. When Li Lan went to the market, she would take him along. She walked quickly with her head lowered, and Baldy Li would stumble along behind her, holding on to the hem of her clothes. By that time no one pointed them out anymore—in fact, no one even looked at them—yet Li Lan still felt the public s gaze like daggers in her back.
Every other month Baldy Li's frail mother went to the rice store to buy forty jin of rice. These would be Baldy Li's happiest times, because when she hoisted the forty-jin sack of rice on her back, he no longer needed to hurry and stumble after her. She panted as she walked with her sack of rice—by that point even her breath began to sound like the grinding of her teeth. She would walk and pause, walk and pause, and Baldy Li would have time to take a look around.
One autumn day around noon, the tall Song Fanping walked up to them, and just as Li Lan lowered the sack down to wipe the sweat from her face, she saw a strong hand suddenly lift the sack of rice from the ground. Startled, she looked up to see this man smiling at her, and saying, "Let me carry this home for you."
Song Fanping carried the forty-jin sack as easily as if he were carrying an empty basket. With his left hand he scooped up Baldy Li and hoisted him onto his shoulders, telling the boy to hold on to his forehead. Baldy Li had never seen the world from this height. He was always lifting his head to look up—this was the first time he had ever been able to look down a
t the passersby in the street. He couldn't stop giggling as he sat on Song Fanping's shoulders.
This well-built man carried Li Lan's rice sack with her son on his shoulders and spoke in a ringing voice as they walked down the street. Li Lan walked alongside him, her head lowered, pale and drenched in cold sweat. She felt that everyone was laughing and staring at her, and she wished she could simply disappear into a crack in the ground. Song Fanping asked questions as they walked, but Li Lan would merely nod or shake her head, her teeth still making that grinding sound.
They finally arrived at her front door. Song Fanping placed Baldy Li on the ground and emptied the cloth sack into the rice barrel. He glanced at the bed, made up with the same coverlet and sheets that he had seen three years earlier. The Double Happiness character on them had faded, its embroidery frayed. As he was about to leave, the man told Li Lan his name was Song Fanping and he was a teacher at the middle school, adding that if they ever needed help with anything, she should let him know. After he left, Li Lan let her son play outside by himself for the first time and locked herself in her room, doing who knows what. She didn't open the door again until after dark, by which time Baldy Li had fallen asleep leaning against the door.
Baldy Li remembered how, when he was five, Song Fanpings wife died of an illness. After Li Lan heard the news, she stood at the window for a long time, her teeth chattering, until the sun had set and the moon had risen. Then she took her son by the hand, and together they walked silently under the night moon to Song Fanpings house. Li Lan didn't dare enter his home; instead she stood behind a tree watching as people sat and walked around under the dim light inside. A coffin sat in the middle of the room. Baldy Li held on to the hem of his mother's clothes and listened to her chattering teeth. When he lifted his head to look at the moon and stars, he saw that his mother was crying and wiping away her tears with her hand. He asked her, "Mama, are you crying?"