Disobey

by Jacqui Rose

  ‘Okay, but we can’t just go storming in, we have to do this right.’

  Franny agreed. ‘The best thing we can do is wait for the others; Del and Frankie, to come. They should be here tomorrow by the latest. That way we can put our heads together.’

  Chloe looked startled. ‘Tomorrow?… We can’t wait till then. We’ve got to go back now!’

  ‘Calm down, Chloe, I know it’s hard but it’s for the best. Alfie knows what he’s doing and with the help of Frankie and Del, I’m sure we’ll bring her back.’

  Chloe burst into tears again, but this time Franny held her in her arms as she cried through her words. ‘I’m begging you, please let’s go tonight.’

  ‘Honey, we can’t. It’s not safe. Trust me, it’ll be alright, won’t it Lola?’

  Lola looked dubious but didn’t say anything; she certainly didn’t want to add to Chloe’s anxiety. She wasn’t sure it would be – people like Mr Lee didn’t take kindly to people getting one over on them and if she knew anything, Lola knew he’d want somebody to pay.

  56

  Alfie sat on Lola’s couch in the dark, deep in thought, and slightly anxious about the imminent arrival of Del and Frankie. He wasn’t particularly looking forward to seeing them; he was ashamed and sorry. Sorry for all the fucking crap he’d caused … But how was he supposed to tell them that? How would he, a face, a man who’d traded on his reputation of invincibility and being a hard-edged bastard, apologise and allow himself to show the kind of remorse appropriate?

  Alfie sighed to himself. If he were honest, he was surprised they were coming over, but then a lot of things had surprised him lately, no more so than Chloe-Jane.

  What he’d said to her earlier hadn’t even come close to how he felt. He’d treated her badly, treated her like a second-class citizen and a person who just spelt trouble. Alfie shook his head, continuing to gaze out of the window. How ironic, how fucking ironic to think of Chloe-Jane as someone who caused trouble when he himself often seemed to be at the heart of any trouble.

  He wished he could find the words to show Chloe just how incredible she was, but that was one thing he’d never been great at. Yes, he’d been good with his fists; breaking bones and stamping fear wherever he went. He was good at wheeling and dealing; making and losing millions only to make them all over again, and of course he’d been good, no, he’d been awesome with the ladies – but that was a given, he was after all Alfie Jennings – but words. Shit, words were the one thing which had always eluded him.

  ‘Hey, mind if I join you?’

  Alfie jumped slightly, he hadn’t heard anyone come in the room. He smiled, awkwardly.

  ‘Yeah, of course.’ He shuffled up to the end of the couch, pushing off Lola’s piles of magazines onto the floor.

  ‘Silly question, but you okay?’ Franny sat down looking directly at Alfie who stared back; stuck for what to say.

  ‘Listen Fran, I … I …’ He stopped, feeling a prickle of sweat break out on his forehead. He tried again. ‘Look, what I mean to say is … I … I …’ He paused again, despairing at himself. Ah fuck it, what was there to lose? What if he did look stupid? After everything that had happened, was it really worth worrying about?

  Taking a deep breath, Alfie blurted out his words.

  ‘I love you. And I’m sorry, and I know that won’t make no difference to you after I lied and well, everything else. I’m an idiot, but you know that already. You’re the best thing that’s happened to me. You and Chloe-Jane. I don’t deserve either of you and it’s shit that it’s taken all this stuff with Mr Lee to make me realise what a wanker I am. I had me reasons for doing the casinos; I thought if I got enough money, you and me could leave Soho and start a new life somewhere. I’ve never wanted to settle down with anyone, until you. And it was stupid because I wasn’t thinking about anyone except meself. I didn’t care what happened to Soho, to the others, or if I was disobeying the rules, even though I knew what would happen. All that mattered was I got what I wanted. So there it is … Shit Fran, I love you and I need you to forgive me, ’cos I don’t want to live me life without you.’

  He stopped, feeling embarrassed. He waited for Franny to reply but she said nothing and it nearly killed him to sit patiently. Eventually, she spoke.

  ‘Alf, I love you too, but I need time. I can’t just pretend it all didn’t happen. I didn’t come and help you, did I? What does that say?’

  ‘It says you were pissed off and rightly so, babe. You’d had enough of me, of all of it. I don’t blame you, Christ knows you’re only human. You put your neck out for me with Vaughn and the others, and I chopped it off. Ain’t nothing for you to feel bad about. Will you think about it? About us?’

  Franny put her head down. ‘I don’t know, so much has happened.’

  ‘All I’m asking is for you to think about it, doll. Will you do that?’

  ‘Okay, I’ll think about it. But don’t push me on it, and I’m not making any promises.’

  Alfie smiled. ‘That’s good enough for me, girl … And Fran?… Thank you.’

  57

  Alfie woke after a terrible night’s sleep on Lola’s couch. He looked at the clock; it was almost eight and everyone was still asleep. It was tempting to make himself a cup of tea but he had somewhere to go, and as much as he wanted to put it off, he couldn’t.

  Going to the bathroom to throw some water on his face, Alfie thought of Franny. Although he hadn’t heard exactly what he wanted to hear from her, it was a start. It could have been far worse; he knew that, and Alfie was grateful she’d listened. But as for giving her time without pushing her on it, he wasn’t sure if he could restrain himself. All Alfie wanted to do was get back to how things were, and one way or another he was going to achieve that.

  The traffic had been frantic, as Alfie had been when he’d screamed at the lorry driver who’d cut him up, but he was here now – even if a very large part of Alfie Jennings wished he wasn’t.

  ‘Thanks for seeing me.’ Alfie spoke sheepishly.

  ‘Make this quick.’ Vaughn pulled up the chair and sat down opposite.

  Alfie gazed round the prison visitors’ room. ‘Good to see you, Vaughn, you’re looking well.’

  Vaughn sneered. ‘Is that supposed to be funny?’

  ‘No … No, I just thought you were.’

  ‘What? Is the break doing me good?’

  Alfie shifted on his seat. ‘I didn’t mean it like that, you know I didn’t.’

  ‘I don’t know what you meant, but I do know you’re looking like shit.’

  A few weeks ago, Vaughn’s comments would’ve wound Alfie up to the point where he wanted to put his hands round his neck and squeeze tightly, but now, what the hell, it didn’t matter; none of it did and besides, it was true. He did look like shit. Alfie also felt like it but at least for the most part, it was over.

  ‘I’ll give you that one, Vaughn, you won’t believe the last few days.’

  ‘If you’re telling the story; you’re right, I won’t.’

  The men fell silent, with Alfie having to battle not to begrudge how much like hard work Vaughn was making it for him. Okay, he didn’t expect him to make it easy; but Christ, he was black-balling everything he said.

  Aware he needed to get back to Lola’s before the others arrived, Alfie pushed through with what he’d come to talk about.

  ‘I’m sorry, Vaughn … Okay, I’m really sorry.’

  Vaughn gazed at him. ‘For what?’

  Rubbing his head with exasperation, Alfie spoke, still with patience in his voice. ‘You ain’t making this easy on me.’

  ‘You don’t really expect that?’

  ‘No, it’s not my place to expect anything, but I would like you to listen.’

  ‘That’s all I seem to have been doing over the past week. So go on then, how’s the kid? I spoke to Franny last night, she said she was safe; well at least for now.’

  It rankled Alfie to think Franny had spoken to Vaughn without mentioning it last ni
ght when they’d had a heart to heart, but he wasn’t going to show it. ‘She’s good; well she will be. I’ve got a lot of making up to do with her, but she’s going to be a credit.’

  Vaughn raised his eyebrows. ‘A credit? A credit to what?’

  ‘The Jennings name.’

  ‘Have you heard yourself, Alf? Your arrogance never ceases to amaze me.’

  ‘Perhaps I’m not great with words, Vaughnie, but I’ve learned me lesson, I certainly don’t mean it in any other way than pride. I’m proud of what Chloe did; proud and humbled by her. And there’s no part of me which feels I was part of what she did or how brave she was. Calling her a credit was a crude and stupid way of saying that.’

  There was another long pause and another shake of the head, but it was Vaughn this time who spoke. ‘Fair enough Alf, but it’s too little too late wouldn’t you say?’

  ‘Not if you don’t want it to be.’

  ‘What difference does it make to me? I’m looking at a lump, mate. Ten stretch, maybe fifteen.’

  Alfie tried to give comforting words. ‘It won’t be that long, not now Casey’s awake.’

  Vaughn stared at Alfie incredulously. ‘Oh well that’s alright then, I’m only looking at an eight-year stretch; I’m laughing.’

  ‘Sorry … I’m sorry. This ain’t going how it should. It sounded a lot different in me head when I was thinking about it on the way here … Look, I came here to say, I want to make it better. You, me. The whole thing. Tell me what I can do to help.’

  ‘Alf, I dunno what to say, mate. Suddenly you get a streak of conscience and you want to put the world to rights. Do me a favour. Ain’t nothing no one can do, I’m up in court for a bail application in a couple of days, and you know as well as I do I won’t be getting it. What you going to do, magic me out of here? Just drop me out, Alf.’

  ‘Look, I’m not stupid, I know how it all works and I also know too many things have happened between us to be bosom buddies again, but what else? There must be something else I can do. You want me to make a statement? No problem. You want me to sort out some money and keep things ticking over whilst you’re inside; I can do that, but you gotta tell me. Tell me how I can make your life better, considering the circumstances.’

  Vaughn studied Alfie. The geezer seemed so sincere, and if he’d been anyone else he would be taken in by it all. ‘You’ve had a wasted journey. I’m glad the kid’s okay, and I appreciate the fact Del and Frankie have put themselves out to make sure of it, but they can go back home now. I don’t suppose they really wanted to come over here in the first place. So all’s well that ends well.’ Vaughn began to stand up.

  ‘Stay!… Give us a minute.’

  ‘What for, Alf? I ain’t got nothing to say, and there’s nothing you’ve got to say that I want to hear.’

  Vaughn turned and nodded to the prison officer, letting him know he wanted to go back to his cell, listening to Alfie as he called out to him. ‘I’ll sort it, Vaughn. Whatever it takes, I’ll sort it. I’ll get you out of here.’

  The visit to the prison to see Vaughn had depressed Alfie. He hadn’t assumed anything, but he certainly hadn’t thought he would be going away with nothing. Vaughn hadn’t wanted to know, and although Alfie could see where Vaughn was coming from, he also thought he was cutting off the proverbial to spite his face.

  It wasn’t as if Vaughn didn’t know the rules of engagement when it came to gangland London. Arguments happened. Threats were made; people got hurt and even killed. That was how it had always been and always would be, but Vaughn was acting like this was new to him and as a result he wouldn’t allow himself to let go of their rivalry.

  It wasn’t as if Alfie was asking Vaughn to apologise, or even to make amends for his behaviour, his childish ways. No, he wasn’t going to mention or insist on that – although perhaps by rights he should, there were a lot of things Vaughn Sadler had cause to be contrite about – but Alfie was going to be the bigger man; deciding he’d take full responsibility without pointing any fingers at anyone. And how was he being repaid? To have it all thrown back in his face. But unlike the Alfie Jennings of old, he wasn’t going to go back on his word, he was going to sort it. And like he had told Vaughn, he’d get him out of Belmarsh somehow, and make everything like it had been.

  ‘Alfie? What are you doing here?’ Casey turned to look at Alfie as she opened her eyes. She’d been sleeping; partly because of the painkillers and partly because what else was there to do but sleep?

  ‘I just wanted to see how you were getting on, girl. And besides, I owe you.’

  ‘No you don’t, Alf; I should be the one apologising to you … I made a real spectacle of myself didn’t I?’

  Alfie winked. ‘We’ve all been a few lashes to the wind at one time or another.’

  Casey smiled. ‘You’re being kind. And it’s not just that is it? The whole thing with Vaughn, I’m responsible for it.’

  Alfie took Casey’s hand which surprised her, but she didn’t pull it away. ‘No darlin’, you ain’t. And who’s being kind now? You know full well the ball started in my court. I made everyone think it was just Vaughn and his vendetta … I went to see him.’

  Casey’s eyes brightened at the thought of Vaughn. ‘How is he? Lola told me he wasn’t doing so good.’

  ‘She’s right, he ain’t too clever and he wasn’t thrilled to see me either. He’s up in court in a couple of days for a bail app. Doubt he’ll get it.’ He shrugged. ‘Anyway Cass, I’m not here to give you a sad song; just coming to try and sort out all me wrongs and tell you I’m going to get Vaughn out of there.’

  Casey stared at Alfie. ‘What?… How?’

  ‘Course, that’s the part I ain’t figured out yet; but I will. I ain’t leaving it like this. I ain’t leaving him to rot for some shit I did. I don’t know quite what happened to me, maybe it’s Chloe-Jane coming into me life, or you getting shot, or even something to do with Franny; fuck knows, but I’ve changed.’ Alfie saw the way Casey was looking at him. He threw his hands up in the air. ‘I don’t blame you for looking at me like that, I know you’ve heard me say this bullshit before over the years but it’s a strange thing … I can’t look at meself in the mirror and know I’ve caused pain and ultimately been part of putting someone inside. Someone who shouldn’t be there. Believe me, if I could go back to me old ways I would, there ain’t nothing I’d like more than to bury me head in the sand and get on with me life. But somehow I woke up and got meself a conscience.’

  ‘Alf, I don’t want to put a dampener on it, but …’

  ‘I know it sounds like I’m talking out of my arse but I’m going to figure it out. I guess that’s why I came to see you. I want to know if you’ll be up for it.’

  Casey frowned. ‘Up for what?’

  ‘For helping.’

  ‘Alf, you aren’t making sense.’

  Alfie threw a grape into his mouth from the fruit bowl sitting on the side. ‘All I need to know is if you’ll be on board with helping get Vaughn out.’

  ‘You know I want that as much as you, and I’ll do whatever I can but I can’t imagine what use I’ll be when it comes to breaking him out. I’m not really sure if anything went wrong I could stand doing time. Vaughn’s always told me how bad it is.’

  Alfie gazed at Casey, open-mouthed, before bursting into loud and infectious laughter. It took a minute or so for him to be calm enough to talk.

  ‘Oh I needed that, Cass! That did me the world of good. It’s been a long time since I did a belly laugh. The idea of you doing a breakout … I don’t know what movie you’ve been watching, but take my word for it, Casey, I’m certainly not suggesting anything remotely like that; though seeing you with a sawn-off shotgun in your hand and a balaclava on your face would be something I’d like to see. Maybe it’d be worth doing it just for that.’

  Casey grinned, she could see what a ridiculous assumption it was. ‘But if it’s not that, what?’

  Alfie sighed. ‘Like I say, Cass, I ain’t worked it
out yet, but even if I have to take the blame myself, I want to make sure you’re on board.’

  Casey looked horrified. ‘You can’t do that, Alf!’

  ‘Unless I can come up with something else, Cass, then taking the blame is the only way.’

  58

  ‘Oh look; here he is.’ Lola spread her arms wide, greeting Alfie in a warm embrace. ‘It’s like the good old days. You’re all here. All me boys, well apart from Vaughnie, that is. But it’s good to see you all putting your differences aside.’

  The raised eyebrows of the men said it all. And the frozen expression on Alfie’s face as he entered Lola’s lounge made Franny shuffle uncomfortably. It was only Lola herself who was blissfully ignorant of the tension in the room.

  ‘Ain’t you going to say hello, Alf?’ Lola pushed Alfie forward, looking like a proud mum in the playground.

  ‘Hello.’ Alf put his head down, feeling stupid.

  Lola roared with laughter. ‘It’s like you don’t know one another. Come on boys, turn it in and give each other a proper welcome.’

  Del snapped, then regretted it immediately when he saw the look of hurt on Lola’s face.

  ‘Drop me out, Lola … Look, I’m sorry, I’m just tired. A long journey and a bit of stress. Ignore me.’

  ‘He didn’t mean it, you know what a plank he can be sometimes.’ Frankie nudged Del, attempting to make light of the situation.

  Lola smiled, appreciating them trying. ‘So who wants a cuppa?’ As an afterthought, Lola said, ‘It’s good you’ve come. Chloe will be pleased.’