Jack of All Trades Box Set: books 1 to 3

by DH Smith

  Chapter 58

  ‘She’s given me three months’ notice,’ said Donna.

  ‘It was going to be a month,’ said Jack. ‘Then she realised, she’d have to get someone else in to clean and cook, someone she didn’t know. And she wasn’t ready to start building works on your flat… She does go backwards and forwards.’

  ‘Whatever the reason, it works for me,’ she said. ‘Eric is going to help me look for a place near him. We’ll start tomorrow.’

  ‘I’m glad it’s come right. I wasn’t sure it all would when I saw you at the police station, no matter what I said.’

  ‘What a terrible time! All that questioning, on and on. Then a couple of days in a women’s prison. Some of those poor women, they’ve got children outside, brutal husbands, drugs and mental health problems… I thought, is this going to be me for the next fifteen years? And then without notice, along they came, I was in a knitting class at the time. And I’m free.’ She shook her head. ‘Whoever would have thought it was Carol? She was a love. I wish she’d got away with it.’

  He wished it too. Since the morning at 6 am when he’d seen her off with a single suitcase. A long kiss in the drizzle.

  ‘Take what you want,’ Carol had said. ‘Any of my household stuff. Here’s a note saying it’s yours. Especially the sheets and towels. Take my music collection too. Jazz, classical and world music. And think of me when you play a track.’

  And off she drove, out of his life.

  Her flat was rented a month in advance, giving him time to take bits and pieces. Though he hated going there. Quickly in and out.

  They found her car at an airport car park a few days later. Had questioned him several times, but what could he say? ‘I don’t know where she is. And she is not going to contact me. Ever.’

  He spotted Joanna in the garden. And put down his coffee.

  ‘There’s Joanna. I’ve got to catch her.’

  ‘Come back for some lunch,’ said Donna.

  ‘Sure, Donna.’

  And he was out the back door. Joanna was gazing at where the summerhouse had been. Now a rectangular hollow, about two feet below garden level.

  ‘Changed your mind?’ he said.

  ‘Could be a pond,’ she contemplated. ‘That would be restful, go out and work and watch the dragonflies and fish. Could have a little gazebo.’

  ‘I’m done here,’ said Jack. ‘Last skip has gone. I’ve left my invoice with Nora.’

  ‘Oh, she’s useless, Jack. I’m going to have to sack her. Carol was the best I ever had. Any idea where she is?’

  ‘All we know is she flew away.’

  ‘She speaks three languages, according to her CV,’ said Joanna. ‘French, Spanish and Japanese. That gives her a lot of continents.’

  He’d spent two weeks grieving. It was like a death in the family. Thinking too much of her. At the top of the hill, her glee at seeing Jupiter though his telescope… If she were to evade capture, she’d need to create a new identity and make no contact with anyone she’d ever known. As if she had died. He’d spent several nights wishing Donna had never gone into that room. And then Carol might… Or he might have been arrested himself.

  It was useless playing with maybe-worlds.

  ‘I’m back with the bloody fairies,’ declared Joanna. ‘Nora is a waste of space. And I’m setting up my new housing office…’ She stopped. ‘You wouldn’t like to be on the interview panel with me? I need someone who knows something about building work. And you know the problems. So how about it?’

  ‘Paid?’

  ‘Of course.’

  ‘I’ll do it. Give me a bell when it’s set up.’

  ‘I’ll fix up an appointment one evening when all the applications are in. We can go through them together. And…’

  You never knew with Joanna’s ‘Ands’. And his own. Like the worlds of mights and maybes. Where would he be if Carol were still here? Lovers, partners, contemplating marriage…

  Reality. Get back. She was a high flyer, way out of his league. Gone. He hoped she’d find somewhere. Someone.

  What jobs were coming up? Who might he yet meet? Carol was dead. He wasn’t.

  He looked at the hole in the ground. And thought of all those windows that had gone in, and come out again. Useless for anyone. Made to measure. Though he’d sold the sink, shower and toiletware. Up it went, down it came. And all skipped out. Leaving a hole.

  ‘I look forward to watching the dragonflies on your pond,’ he said.

  ‘A pond it is then.’ She turned away. ‘Where the hell is Nora?’

  JACK OF SPADES

  A Jack of All Trades novel

  DH Smith

  Part One:

  The Cast & Setting

  Chapter 1

  A mid chunk of the wall had toppled like a sideways domino, crushing the flower bed, the top broken onto the edge of the lawn. The rest of the wall leaned dangerously, all the way from the house to the high fence at the back of the garden, as if it had been pushed by a giant’s boot. The brickwork was a dirty yellow, pitted and lumpy like bread pudding. There were tired flowers along its length, some white and red chrysanthemums, funeral flowers he thought. Was that a dahlia clump? And other plants, sad green islands past their flowering. On the wall itself was a gnarled climber, with a few scattered orange roses braving the October wind.

  Jack had already spoken to the family next door, telling them he’d need to go into their garden too. The old lady had asked him to be careful of the flowers and he’d told her that with the way the wall was leaning, most of the demolished bricks wouldn’t go into their garden at all. It was the gripe of garden jobs; always someone saying take care of my flowers, keep off the lawn. And then coming out to watch you, but honestly, how can you take a wall down and look after flowers too? He was going to clobber the brickwork with a sledgehammer; he wouldn’t be taking fairy steps to mind the irises. He had a club hammer and cold chisel, in addition, to get him started in various places, but the bricks would fall where the bricks would fall.

  He’d start with the fallen length and break it up into manageable bits, then wheelbarrow it out to the skip he had in the road outside. Then go for the wall still standing on either side of the gap. He adjusted his safety goggles, never liked them, they irritated his nose and brow, and took the sledgehammer and gloves out of the barrow just as a woman came out of the house.

  Here we go.

  He shoved the goggles up onto his forehead as she approached. She was youngish, mid 20s perhaps, skinny in a shapeless dress that came below her knees. She had a distressed look and he knew she was coming to claim ownership of the flowerbed. He smiled as she came close; she had a timidity about her, the way she was chewing her nails.

  A couple of metres away, on the edge of the lawn, she stopped. She was wearing plastic trainers and no socks. Her skin was sallow, too white, her hair straight and lank. She was trembling, breathing quickly.

  ‘Hello,’ he said, to help her out. ‘Do you live here?’

  She nodded and smiled through a mouth of yellow and grey teeth, gaps here and there.

  ‘You the builder?’ she said in a quiet, squeaky voice.

  ‘I am,’ he said. It was a too obvious question, but he felt a joke at her expense would shrivel her like a spinach leaf in hot water. ‘I’m taking down this wall. About to fall down by itself anyway. Then I’m replacing it with a wooden fence. Hope to finish by the end of the week.’

  ‘They’re my flowers,’ she said, indicating the flowerbed along the length of the distressed wall.

  Jack sighed. ‘I’ve got to knock the wall down, there’s bound to be some damage.’ He could see tears welling in her eyes. They were very blue and she seemed about to collapse herself. ‘I’ll be as careful as I can but you can’t be delicate with a sledgehammer and falling bricks.’

  She nodded, wiping her eyes with the back of her hand. ‘If I prune the roses, then…’

  ‘That would be a great idea,’ he said over enthusiastically
. ‘A real hard prune. I was wondering how to deal with them.’

  ‘They’re old,’ she said, ‘but I do love that orange colour. It’s the same as nasturtiums. They’ve been here all my life. My mum planted them when she and Dad first moved in, before I was born.’

  ‘Tell your mum, I’ll be as careful as I can.’

  ‘She’s dead.’

  ‘I’m sorry,’ he said.

  ‘Ten years ago now. I told her I would look after her flowerbed.’

  Jack was feeling distinctly uncomfortable, he didn’t need her family history. ‘I can’t take the wall down brick by brick,’ he said. ‘I’ve got to clobber it.’ He shrugged helplessly.

  He watched her eyes, those very blue eyes, and expected a tantrum, the sort of thing his ten year old daughter would do. And then what would he do? Great start to a morning.

  Then she surprised him.

  ‘I’ve got my tools in that shed,’ she said, pointing out the structure at the end of the garden. ‘Suppose I dig up the plants just before you get to them. You take away the broken bricks, and then I put them back in.’

  ‘You’re a very practical young lady,’ he said, impressed. ‘That’s a good plan.’ No tantrum, liquid intelligence in those blue eyes.

  ‘Thank you,’ she said with her toothy smile, and almost curtseyed. ‘Would you like a cup of tea?’ Then as an afterthought, ‘What’s your name?’

  Jack had his thermos in his van, but knew better than to say no. The first job of a small builder is to get on with the householders.

  ‘It’s Jack,’ he said. ‘And I’m dying for a cuppa.’

  Chapter 2

  Anne watched, through the French windows, the silly girl upstairs with the bad teeth. Always around the house. The girl made her angry. Clothes were cheap enough, and there were jumble sales too. Her dress had been washed to a rag, and her hair and those tacky trainers… As if she was determined to make the worst of herself. Anne wasn’t expecting her to step out of Vogue, but a little attention to hair and body, a little pride in herself. She could get a better dress for a pound from a charity shop.

  Bessie. Why Bessie? Why not Betty or Liz? Bessie sounded like a fat bakery assistant.

  Was she chatting up the builder? Not a bad looking guy. Curly brown hair, muscular, almost as if posing with that sledgehammer by his side. Cliché. Nice though. Shirt sleeves rolled up, in paint-flecked, navy overalls. Ready for work. She shook herself. Fantasies. Undo those straps, pull down that bib and get her hands under his shirt…

  The baby started crying. She half smiled and shrugged, picking the baby out of the playpen. The smell and lumpiness in the nappy area said changing time. The crying said feed me. Which end should she attend to first?

  She glanced at the twins. The girl was splayed out on the carpet, fast asleep, the boy chewing a wooden giraffe. When the girl woke she’d read them the animal book. It bored her soppy, she’d read it so many times, but they loved the noises the book made and her attempts at animal sounds.

  Food for this wailing bundle. Shut up the racket. She flicked a finger under his chin and tweaked his nose. The baby without ceasing the clamour pulled his head away. Realising distraction was useless, Anne put him in the highchair, locking him in securely. It was all locks and bolts and halters, this childminding business. Don’t let them out of your sight for a second. No wonder she couldn’t have an unbroken fantasy. She glanced wistfully out of the window. They were still talking. Surely he didn’t fancy her? Though you could never tell with men. Teenagers, children, babies even. How did that work?

  Anything they could overpower.

  The baby was shaking its fists frantically. She held his cheeks and rubbed her nose against his.

  ‘Just like you,’ she said, kissing the tip of his nose. ‘Who will you be thumping in twenty years?’

  And she left the pugilist, to put a bowl of mush in the microwave.

  About time she met someone. She’d endeavour to have a word with the builder. Size him up close to. Might be just a football obsessed thicko but you never know. And she was a little desperate for adult company. The girl was waking up; there’d be a fight soon, they’d both want the giraffe. Feed wailer, then milk and a satsuma for those two. Change ex-wailer.

  And so it goes on.

  She looked out again at the builder. Bessie had gone. He was togged up, squaring up to hit the fallen wall with his sledgehammer. Strongman stuff. I am paying for you, she thought. Down came the sledgehammer with a mighty thump. Up, and another crack. She watched him pick up a clump of bricks and put it in his wheelbarrow, just as the microwave beeped.

  Mustn’t forget the meeting tonight, as she took out the mush. To discuss Tarzan’s wages, and there was to be a plumber, an electrician, and roofing work too. Two thousand bloody quid was her share. No way, with or without a sledgehammer. She took a sip. Too hot. Wail on, little one, you don’t want to burn your tongue.

  The fight over the giraffe had begun.

  Chapter 3

  Nancy had her coat on, the green check one with the big black buttons. Her stick was ready by the front door. Dial-A-Ride should be here in twenty minutes. Should she go to the toilet again? She’d gone twice but you never know. It was horrible to be caught short, you never knew where or when, and toilets had shut almost everywhere. She’d purposely not had breakfast, just a cup of tea, to keep herself empty.

  They said they’d ring ten minutes before they got here. She looked at her list again. Should she make it three tins of sardines instead of two? It was all getting so expensive. Sardines were so easy. On toast, with beans, a sandwich. And if she didn’t finish a tin, well Tickles would. Where was he, the little rascal?

  And that girl. Out there chatting with the builder. She paid her £15 a week to empty the cat litter, put out the bins and just do a few errands. And there she was chatting away, keeping a man from his work – and the cat litter stinking her flat out. One thing she wouldn’t begrudge was cat litter. Tickles deserved it. He shouldn’t have to do his business over his own mess. He was her pretty boy, sitting in her lap while she watched Flog It!, purring like an old fridge.

  And the girl’s father had kicked him. Can you imagine! She would never have known if she hadn’t seen. Tickles had got past her out the door, and was going past him on the stairs when he booted the cat down the steps. A really vicious kick. She’d yelled at him. Keep your dirty animal off the stairs, he’d yelled back. Tickles wasn’t dirty. He never messed on the stairs as he hardly ever went out. And what a trouble she’d had getting him back! The man wouldn’t help at all. Just yelled, serves you bloody well right. It was the nice lady downstairs had caught Tickles. He might’ve been run over.

  Nancy told Bessie. And Bessie said sorry for her dad. Said she’d tell him, but she knew the girl wouldn’t. Frightened of the brute. They say it starts with animals, serial killers, something easy to practise on, then people.

  Now she was really careful when she went to the door, keeping Tickles in. He might be passing again. It’d really bruised poor puss’s ribs, that kick.

  She counted the money in her purse again. £35. Plenty. Oh, that time when she did her shop in Stratford and just had a fiver with her. So embarrassing. She had her credit card and couldn’t remember the pin number. She had written it down, but could she find it when she needed it, really needed it? It was only when she left the supermarket that she found it, a screwed up bit of paper at the bottom of her purse. She’d had to leave the shop with nothing, her face burning with the shame of it, all those people fuming in the queue behind her. That week cost her a fortune, she’d had to send Bessie up to the corner shop on Upton Lane where everything cost twice as much.

  Ted said, come to Canada, Mum. Oh, fine to say! Where she’d be in the way, know no one. They’d soon get sick of her. At least here she had her bingo and Millie, who was coming tomorrow from Barkingside, if her cold was better. And that girl to do her errands. When she stopped talking to the builder.

  At this rate
Dial-A-Ride would come before Bessie did, she’d have to go out and then would come back to a flat stinking of cat litter. Stinking even more than now with Tickles having to go on dirty litter. If only she had a balcony or was down on the ground floor, then Tickles could go outside and do his business. But that Anne, the childminder, had the downstairs flat, though she did have children to look after. She’d made her flat really nice, had invited her in when it was finished. The nursery room was lovely. But no, Nancy wouldn’t be moving. Not her time of life. This was where they’d lay her out. All the stuff she had, it gave her palpitations just thinking about furniture vans.

  It was difficult having to do everything yourself. Or at least make sure things got done. John had done so much, gone nine years now. They’d argued a lot when he retired. He was always around the house, but then he got into the garden, planting half the patch out there with vegetables. And that was better for both of them. She missed him so much at first, no one here but herself. And Tickles of course. He’d saved her life.

  A glance out the window, and yes, Bessie was going in at last. Had finished with the builder. What a gossip that girl was. She’d catch her on the stairs. Nancy grabbed the edge of the sofa and pulled herself along. She’d have to be speedy to catch Bessie, as she always bounced up the stairs so quickly, so noisily for such a slight thing.

  Hand on the wall, Nancy took the last few steps to the front door. Next to it lay the stinking tray, the lumps covered, but it was damp and sharp.

  Bessie was padding up the stairs. She’d just catch her.

  The phone rang.

  That’d be Dial-A-Ride. Nancy changed direction. She should have put the handset in her pocket. She was always doing this, leaving it in its block and then having to rush to make it before the ringing stopped. She scrabbled along, holding onto the back of the sofa, then fell to her knees – and continued crawling along the carpet, breathing fast, the footsteps outside padding past her door.