Jack of All Trades Box Set: books 1 to 3

by DH Smith

  Cathy smiled. And Ellie knew she was thinking of their clean up last night by the lake. She wouldn’t admit it to Cathy, but was grateful to have her sister there. Scraping the surface with the board, removing the tyre marks and their footprints, wetting the surface with the bucket where it had hardened… Cathy had been organised. She more scatty, not being able to help herself looking at the just visible thing floating so close to the shore. Getting back to her mother’s she hadn’t slept much, and was surviving now on adrenaline, caffeine and nerves. All would catch up with her. This limbo would break into pieces. The world would know.

  Cathy was vacuuming again. Such a thorough clean up they had done. Could there possibly be a single hair they’d missed?

  ‘See you at lunch,’ Ellie said, and headed for the school entrance.

  Chapter 23

  Jack was chiselling into the doorjamb, a large chisel to get on the move. It wouldn’t matter if it was rough and ready as it would be covered by the plate. But he liked to do a decent job if he could, though it was amazing what you could cover up. What lay under a smooth surface layer.

  He put down the rubber mallet and wondered whether he should go and see Mia in the library. Then thought no, finish this. The aim was to be done today. Half an hour say, then go and see her for a tea break. Or maybe take her over to the caretaker’s.

  He felt guilty at bringing her in. But the whole thing had been sprung on him.

  He switched to a quarter inch chisel to work on the corners. Gentle taps. Sharp tools.

  And heard a car pull into the car park. Curious, he went to the window. It was the caretaker in his van, and he saw, at once, the back was stuffed with computers. They had to be those from the boathouse. The stolen ones. What was going on?

  He noted he was not the only one watching. Cathy had stopped her clean up and was standing arms akimbo as George got out. He said something to her, she said something angrily back. He flapped an arm and went back to his van. She shouted something which he ignored as he took out a trolley and began loading computers onto it. Cathy remained eyeballing him as if she was willing a curse.

  It was then Ellie came into the classroom.

  ‘Good morning, Jack,’ she said. ‘How’s it going?’

  ‘Look at this,’ he said.

  She came to the window. And her face darkened.

  ‘He’s taken them out of the boathouse,’ he said. ‘In plain sight. I don’t get it.’

  ‘It’s some insurance fiddle,’ said Ellie dismissively. ‘Forget it.’

  The caretaker’s trolley now full, he leaned it back and wheeled it to the ramp at the front entrance, then up its slope and through the school door, observed by the three of them. Even when he’d disappeared, Cathy remained watching the door he’d gone through, as if she might by her fluence pull him back.

  ‘Aren’t you supposed to do such things in secret?’ he said shaking his head. He turned to Ellie. ‘You don’t know anything about this scam, do you?’

  ‘No.’

  The way she turned away, he wondered whether she did.

  ‘All this breaking of doors and windows…’ he said. ‘It’s such a charade.’

  She came to him. ‘If he hadn’t, you wouldn’t be here.’

  He ran a finger round her eye.

  ‘You didn’t sleep well last night.’

  ‘Hardly at all,’ she said. ‘Worry. The school. Family stuff. You know.’

  ‘How’s your dad this morning? Quite a headache, I should think.’

  ‘I haven’t seen him,’ she said with a shrug. ‘He must’ve got up early.’

  ‘I didn’t see him in his office.’

  ‘He’ll be somewhere about the school,’ she said, and then indicated the open window. ‘It’s a lovely day. Too lovely to be cooped up in here. You should have your tea break by the lake…’

  ‘I think I will. I’ll take my daughter down.’

  ‘Oh. I’d forgotten about her.’

  ‘She’s in the library. Watching a movie last time I looked in. Some Harry Potter thing.’

  A sound from the window drew him back. George was returning with the trolley, presumably for another load. Cathy was patently ignoring him and had gone back to her cleaning.

  ‘I always try to keep in with caretakers,’ he said as he watched George taking a computer out of his car. ‘They can make life difficult for you. But George… It’s more than that. He seems to be able to do what he wants here.’ Then he reflected. ‘Except he’s been sacked, he’s moving out. This doesn’t make sense… It’s as if he’s daring you.’

  ‘Does it really matter?’ said Ellie. ‘Besides, I came to see you. You’ve got sawdust in your hair.’ She brushed some out, fuzzing his hair.

  He kissed her. She threw her arms about him and embraced him back, gluing their mouths and bodies, hands seeking places.

  ‘You are preventing a workman in the course of his trade,’ he murmured.

  ‘Profit and loss,’ she moaned.

  Chapter 24

  Mia had seen this movie three times anyway. It wasn’t a lot of fun on your own. No one to say ‘this is a good bit’ to, to laugh at with. Earlier she’d looked at the science section in the library and was scathing at the astronomy books. Though it was possible the good ones were out. That’s what happens. The rubbish gets left behind. She half read a novel, played a computer game. Too educational. They never had the really good ones in schools. And then fixed on a movie… But all this space, on her own. She could have smashed everything up, if she’d a mind.

  She felt a bit ashamed. All these books, games, and movies, and she was bored. Like a little kid. But what she wanted was company. She’d go and see her dad. Persuade him to go outside for a while.

  She turned off the computer. She had her backpack with a few edibles in, but Dad had the tea and chocolate biscuits. She went out into the corridor, closing the door behind her. The corridor stretched on like a hospital to a final door, way down. It was ghostly. All the emptiness, the high ceiling. No one in sight. Anything could come along this passage. She would run and scream and the sound would be lost in the volume. She shivered. She wanted her dad.

  She could phone Mum. It would probably be OK, unless she was having some operation, having her breasts cut off or something just as painful.

  That was her Dad’s classroom. He wasn’t at the door working. There he was, back by the shelving, kissing a woman. Heavens, they were going at it. Mia pulled back, so she was almost hidden by the door. He’d said he didn’t have a girlfriend, though he certainly seemed to have one now. She felt uncomfortable watching. It wasn’t like in a film. It was your dad and some woman. And all so animal and noisy.

  The couple released each other. The woman stroked his face, he was looking into her eyes. Then she opened a door behind them, a stock cupboard or something. And the two of them went in.

  And Mia knew what for! And she wasn’t going to stay. Fancy! In a stock cupboard. Her dad. And was she a teacher? None of her teachers would do anything like that. Maybe independent schools were different.

  She marched fiercely down the hallway, wanting to get away. Were they taking their clothes off? Stop it, stop it. She mustn’t think about such things. In a stock cupboard!

  Once out in the open air, she felt better. The sun was warm in a brilliant sky, a slight breeze blowing. Sex in theory was alright. She knew all about it. Well, quite a bit about it. But it’s not the same when it’s your mum and dad. Her mum had had a couple of boyfriends and Mia had heard them in the bedroom at night. Then in the morning she was just the same as she ever was, as if she hadn’t had all those things done to her, and maybe done all sorts of things herself… But her dad wasn’t like that.

  Oh yes, he was. They were practically eating each other. And in the stock cupboard, going at it like goats.

  Yuk!

  She had drifted down to the trees. How long did sex take, before she could go back and pretend she hadn’t seen anything? Quarter of an hour maybe. He’
d said he’d be over for their tea break. She wasn’t sure she wanted him to be. Not after where he’d been.

  There was the lake, down there, sunlight twinkling on its fractured surface. A family of ducks glided by the island. There was something there, floating by the shore.

  It looked like a man.

  Chapter 25

  Jack’s phone rang.

  He sat up and looked at his phone, the only thing lit up in the darkness.

  ‘It’s my daughter,’ he exclaimed. ‘I’d better answer it.’

  Ellie was rising, creaking, half moaning. He could smell sweat and cooped up sex.

  ‘Hello, Mia,’ he said as lightly as he could. ‘You OK?’

  ‘Dad, there’s a dead man in the lake.’

  ‘You sure?’

  ‘Course I am. I’m by the lake. He’s just there, two metres away. Please come, right away.’

  ‘Be there in two minutes, love. Don’t panic, I’ll be there.’

  He switched off almost the same instant as the stock room light came on.

  ‘What’s going on?’ Ellie said.

  Ellie wore only a t-shirt and socks, scattered about lay her knickers, bra and jeans.

  ‘She says there’s someone dead in the lake.’

  ‘You’d better go at once.’

  He kissed her on the cheek, and pulled his jeans on. His pants he shoved in his pocket. The same with his socks as he slipped into his trainers.

  And was out the door, running.

  It was only then he wondered why Ellie wasn’t coming. It was her school, her lake. But then it was his daughter. Halfway down the corridor, he tripped over a shoelace. He stopped and tucked them in the sides of his trainers and ran on. Along the long hallway, all at once grown up again. Screwing in stock room cupboards was for teenagers.

  Into the vestibule, and across the space where arrays of schoolchildren smiled perpetually in the sunlight. Out the door and into the car park. The caretaker was gone, Cathy’s car was locked up.

  Across and into the copse of trees and down the hill, where he could make out Mia standing by the lake, looking up towards him. Responsible parent coming in fast. She spread her arms and waved.

  ‘Dad! Dad!’

  ‘Coming, Mia!’

  There was something behind her. In the lake, gaining in human form as he rapidly homed in.

  And then he was there, breathless. And his daughter rushed to him and threw her arms round him.

  ‘It’s a dead man, Dad.’

  He held her to him as he walked the few paces to the water’s edge. And there, face down in the water, a man in a suit, the jacket fanned out as if he was trying to fly. What he could see of the face was white like fish flesh. He knew him; the man he had wheel-barrowed home yesterday.

  And almost certainly dead. Face down, how could he be alive? But just in case, Jack slipped off his trainers and waded into the water. It was cold about his ankles. The body was only a pace or two off the shore. He bent low and flipped the corpse over, splashing himself as the arms flapped.

  The eyes were closed, the skin on his face white and bubbly. There was a snail on his cheek. There could be no doubt the headmaster was well and truly dead.

  Jack came out of the water where Mia was watching.

  ‘Is he dead, Dad?’

  ‘Yes, he is. And I’d better phone the police. I’m sure it’s some sort of accident.’

  He took out his phone. Was it 999, or some other number as this was no emergency? But he didn’t know the other number. 999 would have to do. He dialled.

  ‘Which service do you require?’

  He wasn’t sure of this. But it was too late for an ambulance.

  ‘Give me the police.’

  Chapter 26

  Jack put his arm round Mia’s shoulder and led her away from the lake. He needed to tell people, the caretaker and of course, the DeNeuves. He didn’t know how long the police would be. Five minutes? An hour? They walked up the hill, into the cool of the trees. He felt guilty at having left her this morning, especially doing what he was doing. But then he wasn’t to know there was a body in the lake. And Mia was a sensible kid, so normally nothing would have happened.

  Except he was responsible. He should have been keeping an eye on her. She must have come past the classroom when she was going out. And any other time he’d have seen her. Could even be she’d come to see him but he’d not been visible. He wouldn’t enquire, as she might ask him where he was. And he’d prefer not to lie. He wondered what Ellie was doing. It already seemed ages ago when they’d been going at it on the floor of the stock room. Twenty minutes ago, maybe.

  Then he saw her. She was striding towards the big house. She was a little way ahead, on the higher road and walking faster, so she couldn’t see him. Well, he’d catch up with her later.

  ‘How did the man die?’ said Mia.

  ‘Well, you can’t be sure,’ he said. ‘They’ll have to investigate, but I know he drank a lot, so I’d guess he got very drunk and collapsed in the lake. And drowned.’

  ‘You used to get drunk,’ she said. ‘I remember.’

  That hurt. It wasn’t a good thing to be remembered for. The state he’d been in.

  ‘I was pretty stupid,’ he said. ‘You’d be surprised how many grown ups are. They pour the stuff down…’

  ‘It tastes horrible,’ she said.

  ‘You get used to it.’

  ‘I don’t want to get used to it.’

  ‘Very sensible,’ he said.

  ‘But why get drunk anyway? It makes you an idiot, it makes you sick. It makes you fall in the lake and die.’

  ‘It’s quite nice to start with,’ he said. ‘Drink makes you happy, and that’s where you should stop. But lots of people can’t. I couldn’t.’

  ‘Why, Dad?’

  ‘I wasn’t happy. In fact I was miserable. And when you get drunk, you don’t know or feel anything anymore. You’re a staggering lump of nothing.’

  ‘I’d rather be miserable,’ she said.

  He tugged at her shoulder. ‘And so would I.’

  They had reached the gatehouse. They went through the front garden gate and up the path to the front door which was wide open.

  ‘Hello!’ called Jack into the hallway which seemed a little emptier than on his last visit.

  George came out of a side room.

  ‘Hello, Jack. Come in.’

  ‘This is my daughter, Mia. I can’t stay. I’ve just got some news for you.’

  Jenny came running down the stairs.

  ‘Do you want a cup of tea, Jack? This your daughter?’

  ‘Yes, this is Mia.’

  ‘Hello,’ she said shyly.

  ‘Come in, come in,’ said Jenny eagerly. ‘I’ll put the kettle on.’

  ‘I can’t stay,’ he said. ‘And I’ve got news…’

  ‘What news?’ said George.

  ‘There’s no easy way to say this,’ he began. ‘But Mia went down to the lake a little while ago…’

  ‘And I found a drowned man,’ she said.

  Jenny’s hands went to her mouth. ‘Oh no!’

  ‘Who?’ said George.

  ‘The headmaster,’ said Jack.

  George and Jenny looked at each other.

  ‘You sure?’ said George.

  ‘I am,’ said Jack. ‘And I’ve phoned the police.’

  ‘He was lying face down in the water,’ said Mia. ‘His face was all white and crinkly, he had a snail on one cheek…’

  ‘Oh, how terrible for you!’ said Jenny.

  ‘Quite a shock, I’m sure,’ said George.

  ‘My advice is don’t go down there,’ said Jack. ‘The police will be here soon. And they’ll have to investigate. You know what cops are like. Ask questions. It’s obvious what happened but they have to make sure.’

  ‘Of course,’ said Jenny. ‘He fell in drunk. I knew it was going to happen one day. I’ve seen him in the school, absolutely blotto. Staggering down the hallway.’

 
They were silent for a little while, taking in the new knowledge.

  ‘Might change things for you,’ said Jack. ‘The owner dead. His wife might have a different view on your position.’

  ‘Good point, Jack,’ said George. ‘Do they know yet?’

  ‘It’s my next port of call, to tell them.’

  Jenny turned to her husband. She said, ‘Do you think, George? Mrs DeNeuve might reconsider…’

  ‘I get on better with her,’ said her husband. ‘She might very well see things differently. Seventeen years’ service. I’ve worked hard here.’

  ‘Oh George! Do you think it’s possible we can stay?’

  ‘Don’t count your horses yet, love. But you never know… Don’t do any more packing until I’ve had a chat with Mrs DeNeuve.’

  ‘And I’d best be off there. Not that I’m looking forward to it,’ said Jack.

  ‘Be quite a shock, I’m sure,’ said Jenny.

  ‘Can you look after Mia?’ said Jack, ‘While I go over. I won’t be very long.’

  ‘Of course, of course. Come in, dear,’ said Jenny. ‘You’ve had a terrible shock. Come and have some tea and cake. Or maybe you’d prefer a coke?’

  ‘Won’t be long,’ called Jack.

  And he left them.

  He had an uneasy feeling as he made his way to the big house. The way the caretaker and his wife looked at each other, their enthusiasm. It was as if George and Jenny had known already, and had been acting up for him.

  Chapter 27

  Jack was in the sitting room with the three DeNeuves. Not an easy experience. He was standing, Vicky was in an armchair, Cathy on the sofa and Ellie seated on the arm of the other armchair. She caught his eye and looked away guiltily. Cathy had taken off the baggy tracksuit, obviously not her own, and was back in her dress suit.

  ‘You say your daughter found him, Mr Bell?’ said Vicky.

  ‘Yes, she did.’

  ‘She shouldn’t have been here at all,’ said Cathy.

  ‘I said he could bring her in,’ said Ellie.

  ‘Well you shouldn’t have done. Employees can’t bring their children in whenever they feel like it.’