Now We Are Ten: Celebrating the First Ten Years of NewCon Press
Page 25
“Of course I do.”
“I bet there’s been a rush on registrars.”
“This was last year, Mum.”
“Last year. Last year.”
“Mum –”
“Jesus, Kat. You got married? You’re nineteen!”
“And I’m not going to make the mistakes you made –”
A chasm of silence opens up. Of course she won’t make the same mistakes. She can’t. I feel the two years between us then, clear and cold. I feel the rift that stretches beyond the incident, further and further back. It’s no good, I think. It’s too late.
But when Kat finally speaks her voice is small and scared, and she breaks my heart all over again.
“Mum? It’s going to work, isn’t it? The Basher?”
“Of course it is,” I say firmly. “Professor Cox says so.”
“I don’t want to die, Mum.”
“Kat, no –” The memory tumbles into my head, Kat climbing into my bed after a nightmare, the monsters still present in her frantic beating heart. Clutching her to me, a wrench of that terrible, searing love that feels more akin to fury, at the idea that anyone or anything might hurt my little girl. All these years and everything that’s passed between us and that memory is undiminished. There is nothing tender about motherhood; it’s open warfare on the heart. And today, I and every other mother on the planet have failed to protect our little girls.
“Dad’s a mess,” she says. “He came over and just – burst into tears. I’ve never seen him like that.”
“He’s scared too, love. He doesn’t want to lose you, is all.”
Since when have I defended Oliver?
“Everything’s so awful.”
“I’ll drive down to London,” I say. “I’ll leave right now.”
“You won’t make it. There’s no petrol. The roads are chaos.”
“I’ll find a way.”
“I don’t want you to.” Her voice trembles. “Don’t you see? If you come – it’s like there’s no hope left.”
There’s a long pause.
“Okay. But you have to keep in touch. Promise me, Kat.”
“Okay. I promise.”
I know she’ll keep her promise. That’s who she is.
Day Two
I watch all of the Star Wars films back to back. Not the prequels, obviously. Vader barks happily, ecstatic to see his namesake up-close and remastered. Whilst Luke Skywalker blows up the death star, Kat and I message back and forth.
Sometimes, the words are easier on a screen.
*
After you were born, I was depressed for months. I didn’t understand what it was then, people didn’t talk about post-natal. I thought something inside me had gone wrong. I thought I couldn’t be a proper mother...
After you left the nightmares wouldn’t stop. I didn’t want to tell Dad. It would have upset him or he wouldn’t have understood. I was so scared without you there...
What I said that day, it didn’t come out right. I’ve never regretted having you, Kat. What I regret is you never had the family you should have. You never had a family like mine. I wanted that for you so badly.
It was revenge, me getting married. Not that I don’t love Liam, I do love him and I always will. But I knew one day you’d find out and I knew it would hurt you. It was stupid.
Not if you love him.
On the day the only person I wanted there was you.
It doesn’t matter now. None of it matters.
*
I hug Vader to me. His fur is so warm against my chest, his canine heart beats twice as fast as another human being. The adoration in his eyes as he gazes up is almost unbearable.
Towards the end of the day, the signal is failing and the texts squeeze out like the final dregs of a toothpaste tube. The networks will be down by morning. I mix coffee and whisky. I don’t want to go to sleep. I don’t want to let go of my thread to Kat.
Day One
I look at the vodka and strip of Valium on my bedside table. I’ve got clean sheets, a hot water bottle, a soothing playlist lined up on the laptop. I had it all planned out, but that was before she called. Now the idea of being asleep is abhorrent, impossible. Anyway, I’ve got Vader to look after. I can’t let Vader die alone. I pull on a coat and boots over my pyjamas, grab the vodka and Vader’s treats.
The rooftop belongs to the top flat but they cleared out weeks ago. Probably lying on a beach in Barbados. That’s one way to go. Somebody’s already kicked open the door. I hear voices drifting down, hesitate for a moment, then head up the steps myself, Vader padding behind me, close as a shadow. Does Vader know? Animals have a sixth sense about death.
On the roof there’s a small group of people who I recognize as neighbours, although we’ve never spoken. I don’t know their names, but we greet one another. Weirdly, it feels right to be with strangers. It’s how we come into the world after all - an unknown quantity.
We sit or stand companionably. The guy from the flat above mine is playing Oasis on a portable speaker. We get chatting, compare gig histories. He agrees that Noel has got more acceptable with age but Liam’s still a tosser. It seems absurd now to think I’ve lived alongside these people for years, but we’ve never spoken until today. So much mistrust for our fellow human beings. Why didn’t we introduce ourselves, make more connections? And even if we survive as a species, can we really do any better, or will it be the same old carousel of shit?
Around now, NASA will be launching the Basher. The sky is very light, very bright, but it might be the pollution, or the residues from thousands of fireworks, or the glow from fires breaking out all over Manchester. The sirens have finally stopped, but even now there are people out there, singing, shouting, fighting. I allow myself to hope. Maybe the asteroid will be destroyed. Maybe we’ll all get a second chance, even if we don’t deserve it. I text Kat. I love you. Message failed. I try WhatsApp. She doesn’t reply, but everyone’s doing the same thing and the networks must be jammed.
Vader pushes his nose into the palm of my hand. I feed him treats from the rescue centre’s collection.
“I should have got Kat a dog,” I tell Vader, crouching down and hugging his shoulders. All at once the fear hits me, vast and impregnable. “I should have –”
My phone vibrates.
love you too mum
I look up. Fierce patches of orange smear the sky. It’s beginning. In this moment, I don’t care if it’s the end. I’ve got my girl back.
About the Authors
Nina Allan’s stories have appeared in numerous magazines and anthologies, including Best Horror of the Year #6, The Year’s Best Science Fiction and Fantasy 2013, and The Mammoth Book of Ghost Stories by Women. Her novella Spin, a science fictional re-imagining of the Arachne myth, won the BSFA Award in 2014, and her story-cycle The Silver Wind was awarded the Grand Prix de L’Imaginaire in the same year. Her debut novel The Race, originally published by NewCon Press, was a finalist for the 2015 BSFA Award, the Kitschies Red Tentacle and the John W. Campbell Memorial Award. Nina lives and works in North Devon.
Rachel Armstrong is Professor of Experimental Architecture at Newcastle University. Her practice is deeply involved in imagining and building new experiences and worlds and interrogating them through a variety of media – from materials to poetry and circus arts. Specifically, she innovates and designs sustainable solutions for the built environment using advanced new technologies such as synthetic biology and smart chemistry. What is passed off by some as ‘science fiction’ – is to Armstrong a platform for a new civilisation in the making.
Rose Biggin writes stories and plays. Her published fiction includes “A Game Proposition” in Irregularity, “The Modjeska Waltz” in The Adventures of Moriarty and “The Gunman Who Came In From The Door” in Defenestration Magazine. Theatre work includes genderqueer retelling Victor Frankenstein and BADASS GRAMMAR: A Pole/Guitar Composition in Exploded View. She has a PhD in immersive theatre and tweets at @rosebiggin.
> Eric Brown has won the British Science Fiction Award twice for his short stories, and his novel Helix Wars was shortlisted for the 2012 Philip K. Dick award. He has published over fifty books, and his latest include the crime novel Murder at the Loch, and the SF novel Jani and the Great Pursuit. He writes a monthly science fiction review column for the Guardian newspaper and lives in Cockburnspath, Scotland. His website can be found at: www.ericbrown.co.uk.
J.A. Christy’s writing career began in infant school when she won best poetry prize with her poem “Winter”. Since then she has been writing short stories, screenplays and SmartYellowTM, her first speculative fiction novel. She holds a PhD in which she explores the stories we use to construct our identities and writes to apply her knowledge to cross the boundaries between science and art, in particular in crime, speculative and science-fiction genres.
Genevieve Cogman is the author of the Invisible Library series of novels. She lives in the north of England, and for her day job she works as a clinical classification specialist. Her hobbies include patchwork, knitting, and role-playing games.
Jaine Fenn is a classically trained ballet dancer and author of the Hidden Empire series of far future space opera novels (published by Gollancz), along with numerous short stories, some of which are set in the Hidden Empire universe. You can support her on Patreon (www.patreon.com/jainefenn), follow her on twitter (@jainefenn) or buy her a drink (in the bar, at any time). One in every ten of her bios contains a lie.
Peter F. Hamilton has been writing Space Opera novels for twenty-three years now, so he reckons he’s only got another ten years to go and he’ll have got away with not having a proper job for most of his adult life. He lives in Rutland with his family, and escapes this Earth every weekday by sitting in his shed at the bottom of the garden to ‘write’ while listening to playlists of 70s music. Which is what inspired this story.
Nancy Kress is the author of thirty-three books, including twenty-six novels, four collections of short stories, and three books on writing. Her work has won six Nebulas, two Hugos, a Sturgeon, and the John W. Campbell Memorial Award (for Probability Space). Most recent works are the Nebula-winning Yesterday’s Kin (Tachyon, 2014) and The Best of Nancy Kress (Subterranean, 2015). Her work has been translated into Swedish, Danish, French, Italian, German, Spanish, Polish, Croatian, Lithuanian, Bulgarian, Romanian, Japanese, Chinese, Korean, Hebrew, Russian, and Klingon, none of which she can read.
Ian McDonald is a science fiction writer living in Holywood Northern Ireland. His first novel Desolation Road came out in 1988; his most recent is Luna: New Moon, from Gollancz and Tor. Forthcoming is Luna: Wolf Moon.
Bryony Pearce lives in the Forest of Dean and is a full-time mum to two children, one husband and various pets. She is vegetarian and loves chocolate, wine and writing. People are often surprised at how dark her writing is, as she is generally pretty nice. When the children let her off taxi duty and out of the house, she enjoys doing school visits, creative writing workshops and other events. Her novels include Angel’s Fury (a dark thriller centred on reincarnation), The Weight of Souls (a thrilling ghost story), Phoenix Rising and Phoenix Burning (dystopian pirate adventures for teens), Windrunner’s Daughter (a science-fiction adventure on Mars) and Wavefunction (about a boy who can jump between universes). Find out more at: www.bryonypearce.co.uk
Jack Skillingstead is the author of two novels and a collection. He has been a finalist for both the Theodore Sturgeon Award and the Philip K. Dick Award. Since winning Stephen King’s “On Writing” contest in 2001, he has sold more than forty short stories to major science fiction magazines and original anthologies. Jack occasionally teaches writing workshops. He lives in Seattle with his wife, writer Nancy Kress.
Tricia Sullivan won the 1999 Arthur C. Clarke Award for Dreaming in Smoke. Her other novels include Maul, Lightborn, and Occupy Me. A New Jersey native, she now lives in Shropshire with her family. She is an MSc student at the Astrophysics Research Institute.
E.J. Swift is the author of The Osiris Project trilogy, a speculative fiction series set in a world radically altered by climate change, comprising Osiris, Cataveiro and Tamaruq. Her short fiction has appeared in anthologies including The Best British Fantasy (Salt Publishing, 2013 and 2014) and the digital book Strata (Penguin Random House, 2016). Swift was shortlisted for a 2013 BSFA Award in the Short Fiction category for her story “Saga’s Children” (The Lowest Heaven, Jurassic) and was longlisted for the 2015 Sunday Times EFG Short Story Award for “The Spiders of Stockholm” (Irregularity, Jurassic).
Adrian Tchaikovsky is the author of the acclaimed ten-book Shadows of the Apt series starting with Empire in Black and Gold (Tor UK). His other works include novels Guns of the Dawn and Children of Time and the new series Echoes of the Fall, starting with The Tiger and the Wolf (all Tor UK), short story collection Feast and Famine (Newcon Press) and novellas The Bloody Deluge and Even in the Cannon’s Mouth, both for Abaddon. He has also written numerous short stories and been shortlisted for the David Gemmell Legend Award, the British Fantasy Award and the Arthur C. Clarke Award.
Neil Williamson’s debut novel, The Moon King (NewCon Press), was shortlisted for the BSFA Award and the British Fantasy Society Holdstock Award. His short fiction has been shortlisted for the BSFA and British Fantasy awards and, with Andrew J Wilson, he edited Nova Scotia: New Scottish Speculative Fiction, which was shortlisted for the World Fantasy Award. He lives, works, writes and makes music in Glasgow, Scotland.
NewCon Press: The First Ten Years
2006
Time Pieces (anthology)
2007
disLOCATIONS (anthology)
In Storage (collaborative short story chapbook)
2008
Celebration: Commemorating 50 Years of the BSFA (anthology)
Myth-Understandings (anthology)
Subterfuge (anthology)
2009
Beloved of My Beloved – Ian Watson & Roberto Quaglia (collection)
Starship Fall – Eric Brown (novella)
The Gift of Joy – Ian Whates (collection)
And God Created Zombies – Andrew Hook (novel)
The Push – Dave Hutchinson (novella)
2010
The Bitten Word (anthology)
Conflicts (anthology)
The Unlikely World of Faraway Frankie – Keith Brooke (novel)
Orgasmachine – Ian Watson (novel)
Anniversaries: The Write Fantastic (anthology)
Shoes, Ships, and Cadavers: Tales from North Londonshire (anthology)
2011
Further Conflicts (anthology)
Fables from the Fountain (anthology)
A Glass of Shadow – Liz Williams (collection)
Now We Are Five (chapbook anthology)
Cyber Circus – Kim Lakin-Smith (novel)
Diary of a Witchcraft Shop – Trevor Jones & Liz Williams (humour)
2012
Imaginings 1: Cold Grey Stones – Tanith Lee (collection)
Dark Currents (anthology)
Saving for a Sunny Day – Ian Watson (collection)
The Outcast and the Little One – Andy West (novel)
Imaginings 2: Last and First Contacts – Stephen Baxter (collection)
Hauntings (anthology)
Imaginings 3: Stories from the Northern Road – Tony Ballantyne
Imaginings 4: Objects in Dreams – Lisa Tuttle (collection)
2013
Across the Event Horizon – Mercurio D. Rivera (collection)
The Peacock Cloak – Chris Beckett (collection)
Imaginings 5: Microcosmos – Nina Allan (collection)
Diary of a Witchcraft Shop 2 – Trevor Jones & Liz Williams (humour)
Imaginings 6: Feast and Famine – Adrian Tchaikovsky (collection)
Looking Landwards (anthology)
Legends: Stories in Honour of David Gemmell (anthology)
Imaginings 7: Twember – Steve Rasnic Tem (collection)
Shak
e Me to Wake Me – Stan Nicholls (collection)
Colder Greyer Stones – Tanith Lee (collection, expanded and reissued)
2014
The Moon King – Neil Williamson (novel)
Imaginings 8: Strange Visitors – Eric Brown (collection)
Noir (anthology)
La Femme (anthology)
The Race – Nina Allan (novel)
Marcher – Chris Beckett (novel)
Sibilant Fricative – Adam Roberts (nonfiction)
Paradox: Stories Inspired by the Fermi Paradox (anthology)
The End – Gary McMahon (novel)
Imaginings 9: Saint Rebor – Adam Roberts (collection)
2015
Total Conflict (eBook only compilation anthology)
Pelquin’s Comet – Ian Whates (novel)
Imaginings 10: Sleeps with Angels – Dave Hutchinson (collection)
Legends 2: Stories in Honour of David Gemmell (anthology)
A Better Way to Die – Paul Cornell (collection)
Rave and Let Die – Adam Roberts (nonfiction)
Lifelines and Deadlines – James Lovegrove (nonfiction)
Imaginings 11: The Light Warden – Liz Williams (collection)
Orcs: Tales of Maras Dantia – Stan Nicholls (collection)
2016
Digital Dreams: A Decade of SF by Women (eBook anthology)
Obsidian: A Decade of Horror Stories by Women (eBook anthology)
The Dead Trilogy – Paul Kane (eBook collection)
Splinters of Truth – Storm Constantine (collection)
Azanian Bridges – Nick Wood (novel)
The 1000 Year Reich – Ian Watson (collection)
Disturbed Universes – David L. Clements (collection)
Secret Language – Neil Williamson (collection)
The Sign in the Moonlight – David Tallerman (collection)
Now We Are Ten (anthology)
Crises and Conflicts (anthology)
The Spoils of War (Tales of the Apt 1) – Adrian Tchaikovsky (collection)
X Marks the Spot (anthology/nonfiction)
Just Three Words – V.C Linde (poetry)
Ten Tall Tales and Twisted Limericks (anthology)