The Rose Thief

by Claire Buss

  That explained the sour tang thought Ned. He turned to face her. 'That, Your Worshipfulness, is your problem. We were assigned to solve the theft of the Palace's roses – which we have done. It was Mia – er, do you have a last name Joe?'

  Joe nodded. 'It's Green.'

  'It was Mia Green. She stole your roses.'

  The Upper Circle planted herself in Ned's path. 'Aren't you supposed to catch the thief?'

  'Not today.' Ned was resolute. He wanted out of the Palace. He wanted to check in with the rest of his team, have a pint of something indescribable in The Noose, go to sleep for a week and then he'd decide whether they could catch the thief in question. He stepped around the Upper Circle pulling Joe and Jenni in his wake, leaving her standing there, speechless. The group descended to the ground floor and left the Palace without being stopped by anyone. There were more guards milling around outside, but none of them seemed to know what to do about people leaving. Their orders were clear about people trying to come in though. That wasn't allowed.

  When they arrived back at The Noose, it was eerily quiet. For once there was no-one in the pub. Not even Reg. Ned frowned but decided it was a problem for another time. As he wound his way carefully up the stairs, he could hear sobbing.

  Pushing open the door carefully he was surprised to see Willow in a heap on the floor. She had lost all her greenness and was decidedly naked. Joe's Adams apple began to bob alarmingly as he took in the scene and dashed to Willow's side. Ned went to a chest in the corner of the room. He was fairly sure there was some kind of clothing inside, or at least a blanket – ah, there. It looked, and smelt, like a horse blanket, but at least it would cover her up. He draped the blanket round Willow managing to avoid copping an eyeful. He lifted her gently to standing and guided her over to a chair. She sat, hugging the blanket round her and lifted her tear-stained face to the others. Even her eyes had changed. Now they were grey.

  'It's gone,' she said, in a small voice.

  'What has, love?' Ned asked gently.

  'Exactly.'

  'Sorry? I don't understand. Where's your green gone Willow?'

  'It went with love.'

  'You mean you gave it away to someone? Can you do that?'

  'NO!' Willow shouted. 'Love, it's gone. There's no love anymore. I'm a nymph. A child of love and nature. Well, they've split and now I'm just human. And I hate it!' She dissolved into tears again.

  Ned ran a hand over his face. Not only had Mia stolen the imperial roses, usurped the throne, introduced a meat and two veg chef into clean eating, sent her boyfriend and the red rose of love to an unknown dimension, now, apparently, she'd managed to lose love.

  'If love is gone, why don't I feel any different?' Joe was prodding his chest and taking the opportunity to sniff his armpit surreptitiously. It didn't work, everyone noticed - they always do. And if you can smell an unsavoury smell, you can bet your life everyone else can.

  'I guess you must be newly infatuated or something,' Ned hazarded a guess. 'Love's hold is strong in the beginning, it will take a while before that fades away. In normal circumstances, I'd say about a month. That's when you find out... well that's probably why anyway.' He turned back to Willow. 'C'mon, love, let's get you sorted out. You can't stay here – you should go home.'

  'I'm a nymph. I live in a tree. But without my powers I'm just a long-haired naked woman sitting on a branch in the freezing cold.'

  'Right, er... I know, I'll take you to the Druids. They know all about nudity and hair.' Ned smiled encouragingly.

  Willow shrugged. She let him lead her out of the office and down the stairs. Joe followed behind.

  'Where do you think you're going?' Ned didn't want to babysit a love struck warlock as well as deal with a de-nymphed nymph. Then he realised Jenni was missing. 'Jenni? Jenni!' There was no answer or sign from the diminutive sprite. 'Look Joe, stay here and keep an eye out for Jenni. And Sparks for that matter. I'll be back as soon as I can.'

  Joe looked disappointed, he was looking forward to the nudity and the hair but he nodded reluctantly and traipsed back upstairs. At least he could pretend he was in charge and sit in the big chair.

  Ned held Willow's hand and led her through the streets to the Druid Grove. There were a few catcalls on the way. A significant amount of leg was showing from beneath the blanket, but on the whole the streets were quiet. Ned felt uncomfortable. Wasn't it market day today? Admittedly with everything that had happened he was not exactly sure what day of the week it was, but privately Ned thought the market decided to spring up on most days ending with 'y'. There was always someone hawking something. Usually it was rubbish, but whenever you strolled through without any money, you always saw something you liked or had been looking for for ages, yet the next time the market came and you did have coin, nothing. And there was no way the sellers sold that much merchandise in one small town. Ned had a hard time believing the marketeers made any money at all, but then commerce had always seemed like a foreign language to the lad with the city in his bones. Walking the streets was soothing to Ned's soul. So why did he feel irritable? Why would he rather be anywhere than here? He tried to focus on the sobbing girl beside him, but to be honest he was beginning to not care what happened to her.

  'Ow!' Something kicked him in the shin, hard. He looked down but there was nothing there.

  'WHERE ARE YOU GOING, BOSS?' shouted an unseen person.

  He knew that voice, it was Jenni. But there was no-one there. He drew on some power from his well belt and tried to concentrate. Jenni's overall shape began to shimmer in front of him. Abruptly she snapped into being.

  'Boss! 'ow could you?' she demanded.

  'How could I what?' Ned felt slightly bored. What was he doing again?

  'You stopped believing in me. Ain't I real to you no more?'

  'You're the one that disappeared on me.' Ned picked at a fingernail. 'Anyway – do you know where we're going?'

  Jenni kicked Ned again.

  'Owww! Would you quit it? What did I ever do to you?'

  'You forgot 'bout me. 'Oo is that anyway?' Jenni jerked a thumb at the naked girl walking alongside them.

  'It's Willow – she's lost her nymph. I'm taking her, taking her... we're going to... somewhere. I can't remember. Doesn't seem important anymore,' replied Ned.

  They all walked along in silence. You see, without love, you stop caring. Love fuels your passions and interests. It makes you care about people and things, sometimes highly irrationally. If you take love away then people become forgetful and aimless, nothing seems to matter anymore. Chefs stop cheffing. Florists stop flowering. Parents stop parenting. In short, no-one cares about anything anymore.

  There was a giant smashing noise to the left of them as a brick landed in a shop window. Ned looked on as two men climbed in, disappeared from view then scrambled back out, each holding a handful of jewels. He felt a slight unease. Wasn't he supposed to do something about things like that? He needed to get rid of this naked girl first. Willow – that was her name and he was taking her to the Druids. He felt like he was waking up from a dream.

  'Jenni! Where have you been?' Ned asked in surprise.

  'Right 'ere Boss.'

  'Oh. Sorry. I must have missed you. What did you do to me? I feel...different?'

  'Nuffink. Just added some fae magic to your well is all. Gave you a bit o' passion. Seems like you needed it.'

  'Yeah.' They walked together in silence, Willow shuffling along besides them. 'Hey Jenni - why is it affecting Willow like this if you're alright?' Ned asked.

  'I fink it's cos she's nature right, and I'm straight fae. Most people don't know the difference.'

  Ned nodded but he wasn't entirely sure he knew the difference either. 'I think we're in trouble, Jenni. Love has only been missing an hour or so and look at how badly we've been affected. We've got to do something.'

  'You're not wrong, Boss. Let's get rid of the dead wood first, eh?'

  They rounded the corner and arrived at the Druid
Grove. It too, was eerily quiet.

  Chapter 19

  'Where is everyone?' whispered Jenni. They entered the courtyard, avoiding the magical death mark that still splashed some of the cobbles. Only visible to those who cast, it was a stark reminder of the tragedy that had befallen the Druids. Ned found he didn't particularly care, he just wanted to make sure he didn't walk through it with his boots. They were a devil to clean at the best of times and trying to get rid of magical splashback was time consuming. Although, he wasn't trying to impress anyone so it didn't matter what he looked like. Come to think of it, it probably didn't matter whether he turned up for work or not, there was a good chance that no-one would notice the difference. After all, no-one cared about Roshaven anymore. Why would you? It was dirty and smelly and broken and... an immense wave of nostalgia washed over Ned. It was his home and he, he, he felt something for it. It was warm and a bit tingly but he wasn't sure what it was. Ned looked down to notice that Jenni was standing on his foot.

  'Any particular reason?' Ned asked, wriggling his toes.

  'Just 'minding you of love, Boss.' Jenni looked up at him hopefully.

  'What's that then?'

  Jenni scratched her head. 'It's that fing wot makes you all googly inside. You know, that fing?'

  Ned shook his head and then his boot. As Jenni moved off his foot, the warm feeling went away and Ned felt a little emptier than before. 'I think you'd better stay close Jenni, losing this love thing is having a bigger effect than I thought.'

  Willow had stopped in the courtyard - she looked deep in thought. But a sort of empty-headed nothingness of thought rather than an I'm-having-a-coherent idea kind of thought. Ned poked her gently and she swayed a little but did not move. He waved his hand across her face and she didn't even blink.

  'Got another one, eh?' A cheerful voice rang out across the courtyard. Ned turned to see an extremely fat nun waddling over to them. 'Hello dears,' she said. 'I'm Sister Eustacia. Can I help in any way?'

  'Why hasn't the sadness affected you?' Ned felt highly suspicious of this do-gooder.

  'Between you and me, I haven't the faintest idea.' Sister Eustacia chuckled a happy, burbling chuckle and beamed at all of them. Ned almost smiled back, she was rather infectious.

  'Fae blood,' Jenni spat on the floor. 'She's a halfer.'

  'Halfer?' asked Ned.

  'Yeah – either 'er ma or pa was fae and did it with a 'uman. 'appens. Don't see 'em much.' Jenni turned her attention to the smiley nun. 'You got any powers?'

  'Just faith in the lord, my dear.' Her smile slipped slightly as she glanced around the courtyard. 'Faith that seems to be seriously lacking elsewhere but I will keep the flame lit. Shall I put her with the others?'

  'The others?' Ned was reluctant to leave Willow where she was but he wasn't sure he trusted nuns or people who smiled this much.

  'Come along dear, I'll show you.' Sister Eustacia took Willows' arm and gently tugged her to get her moving. Willow shuffled along quite happily and even managed to work her legs to step down the stairs into the inner hall.

  Ned and Jenni followed, looking around. Ned had never been this far into the inner sanctum of the Druid Grove before. He thought he ought to be interested and excited at the possibility of seeing some of the secrets of the universe but he actually felt mildly annoyed. Why were these women making him do things when all he wanted to do was go home and sit in his pants? Preferably for several days. Jenni put her warm, slightly sticky hand into his. Some of the indifference left him but not as much as earlier when she had been standing on his foot.

  'It's getting worse, fast, Jenni. We've got to think of something.'

  'Here we are, dears.' Sister Eustacia gestured to a room off to the side of the main hall. Inside were about a dozen figures, most standing still and staring into space. One or two bumped aimlessly around. An air of general wretchedness hung over them all. There was no spark of life or happiness in the room. Even the colours looked like they had been leached out. Sister Eustacia gave Willow a gentle push and she moved into the room as far as this small amount of momentum allowed. 'She'll be safe in here dears, until whatever this is goes away. Any idea when that will be? Only I should be getting back to the Nunnery. I came for the student exchange program we've been running. An effort to improve relations between the Lord our Saviour and the heathen masses.' She giggled. 'Only don't tell them I called them that, they'll think I haven't been paying attention.'

  Ned gazed at her with barely concealed indifference. Jenni kicked his shin but even that only earned her a vague glance, not even mildly tinged with disgust. Jenni made a snap decision. It was probably the wrong one, but she had to do something. Grabbing his leg, Jenni popped them back to the Emperor's throne room. Sister Eustacia blinked in surprise, then shrugged. Fae, she thought. Before the Emperor pretender had chance to react, Jenni found the trace magical signature from the portal through which Mia had sent Brogan, reopened it and threw herself in with Ned bobbing along behind. They landed with a thump on black sand, wind howling round their heads, Brogan nowhere to be seen.

  'Where the bloody hell are we, Jenni?' Ned had to shout over the tempest. 'It looks like the back end of beyond. What did you do?'

  'It's close, Boss. It's the middle of nowhere. I fawt we'd go get that rose fingy.'

  'I can see it's the middle of nowhere but where exactly are we.' Ned asked again crossly.

  'Er... the middle of nowhere, Boss.'

  Ned looked around. Black sand crunched underfoot, and a black sky hung overhead but there were no stars. There didn't seem to be any light anywhere and yet Ned was able to distinguish the difference between the ground and the sky. The black was showing off its shades and without the colours of the rainbow interfering, it was doing an impressive job. The only distracting thing was the wind howling round their heads. Ned hunched into his jacket as much as possible but it didn't do much good. High winds were practically non-existent in Roshaven, despite it being a sea port. The ships seemed to glide in and out of the harbour. No wind meant the delightful odours of the place remained unmixed. You could tell where you were by closing your eyes and following your nose. Of course if you closed your eyes in the Black Narrows you would probably never open them again. A wave of homesickness flooded Ned and he struggled to fight back the tears. The rational part of his mind was berating him heavily for being close to weeping like some big softie. He sniffed loudly.

  'So where's Brogan gone, then? Is there some place else, other than the middle?'

  'Not sure, Boss, never been 'ere before. Summink's sorta glinting over there.' Jenni pointed off to the left, but Ned had something in his eye and couldn't see clearly so he nodded and strode off in that direction. They walked for several minutes. Nothing in the landscape changed. Time and distance stretched out in front of them as Ned thought about all the people he was probably never going to see again. Ma Bowl with her delicious chicken soup, Aggie with her cinnamon twists, Sparks who had gone missing and was probably dead somewhere. Poor little delightful Sparks. Ned had never shown his full appreciation for that bug and now he never would. He couldn't hold them back anymore. His shoulders shook as he wept and wept for all his friends left behind, all the people he was never going to see ever again. For his city.

  'Er, Boss? You alright?'

  'Yep.' Ned's voice was a little high-pitched.

  Jennie peered up at him and saw the tears. She calmly put her hand in his and waited a few minutes.

  'Jenni? Why are you holding my hand?' Ned's voice sounded back to normal, although his other hand and sleeve were rather wet after having wiped his face dry.

  'There's a Great Sadness 'ere, Boss. S'affecting you.'

  'And not you?'

  'Nah. I don't get sad, I get even. S'alright, I fink we're nearly at the shiny bit.'

  Ned focused his attention on the horizon in front of them. The small hand in his was making him feel much better, at least now he could see out of his eyes. There seemed to be a lumpy shape sittin
g next to a shimmering pool. As they drew closer the lump revealed itself to be Brogan, who was bawling his eyes out. He did not stop crying as they approached, he didn't even seem to notice their presence. At his feet was the shimmering pool, more of a pond really - it did not look that deep.

  'Jenni?' Ned asked. 'Has Brogan made that pool out of his tears?'

  'Looks like it, Boss. I fink this is where the sadness is coming from.'

  Ned looked around, there was nothing else but more sand and horizon as far as the eye could see, in all directions. Without any distinguishing characteristics they looked like they were still slap bang in the middle of nowhere. He looked down at the barbarian weeping in front of him, a mere shell of the man he had known earlier that day.

  'Brogan? Hey Brogan, buddy! It's me – Ned. Remember?' He shook Brogan's shoulder.

  Brogan managed to lift his head and half shrugged in response before a terrifying wail of grief burst out of him. Ned sat himself down next to the large man and attempted to put an arm around the giant muscle and barbarian armour.

  'There, there, mate. There, there. It's going to be alright.' Although how exactly, Ned wasn't sure.

  Jenni had let go of Ned's hand and instead she was sitting on Ned's knee which felt a lot weirder than Ned was happy to admit, but if it stopped him from feeling the Great Sadness, then he was happy to go with it. She extended a grimy hand to Brogan's arm and immediately his sobs lessened and shudders wracked his body as he brought his grief under control. Eventually he was able to speak.

  'What are you two doing here?'

  'Looking for you,' Ned replied. 'How are you feeling?'

  'She banished me, she don't want me no-more. She sent me here to nowhere and she don't even care.' Brogan dissolved back into tears. The others waited as he collected himself. Again. Jenni produced a grubby hankie from who knows where and Brogan blew his nose loudly. She told him to keep it and he tucked it into his breastplate with a small squelch.

  'Where's the rose, buddy?' Ned wanted to try and put everything back where it was. Starting with that bloody rose.