“I’m so sorry,” she mutters, voice thick with sleep and sadness. Her eyes fall to the scratches that she made on my skin, but I tip her chin up so she doesn’t look.
“I don’t know how to protect you from it,” I confess guiltily.
She shakes her head and closes her eyes. “This is my fault. I thought I was okay with my choice. I thought I made the right decision. I was depressed afterward and had a couple bad dreams. Some of them about the night you left me and other times they were about the baby, but it was never this bad… He’s back in my dreams, Seth….”
I didn’t think my chest could hurt any more. Mother fucker. I wish I had killed him that night, so she would never have to worry about living in the same world as someone who destroyed her.
“Then Blake’s there,” she continues. I tighten my grip on her shoulders, and she opens her eyes to look at me, apologetically.
“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t be talking about-,”
“Shut up, Jos. Tell me what you see.” She nods her head and nestles into me.
“He’s so angry. The look he had on his face at the party, filled with so much rage and anger, that’s the look he has in my dream. He’s so mad at me, and I try to ask him what’s wrong but I can’t hear him. We’re at a graveyard with a box between us and when I look down, there’s blood soaked through my shirt on my stomach. I look at my hands and there’s so much blood, and a bloody knife. Usually I don’t see anything in the box, but tonight I saw a pink bow…. I killed her.” She whispers the last sentence.
“You need to let it go, baby. We need to change the way you see yourself because of it,” I tell her quietly, holding her tighter. I kiss the top of her head, and her brush her hair back. “We’ll work through it. You’re not alone anymore, okay?”
“Thank you,” she says in a low voice. I hate seeing her face streaked with the pain that haunts her dreams. I lean down and kiss the small stray tear resting on her jaw, hoping to take away just a fragment of her aching. Then I graze her skin until I reach her lips, tenderly kissing them. Her lips are so soft and tender after she cries, and I’ve always wanted to taste them like that.
I kiss her gently, memorizing her lips and tongue in a slow and sweet way. She makes small soft noises of pleasure as I try to illustrate that I’m here for her, and I grab the side of her face and let the kiss turn into something so much more than safe. It’s sensual and pure passion, pulling her lips into my mouth so my tongue can consume them.
Her hands run through my hair grasping onto me whenever I pull away for an instant. It’s so sexy the way she needs me, because I need her just as bad. I never understood what it meant to feel whole until she let me inside her heart.
I pull myself over her tiny figure, never breaking away from her mouth. There’s something so intimate about this moment with her. Our mouths show each other that we need each other to breathe, and our hands hold each other close, not ready to separate. I move my hand down to her thigh, pushing up the t-shirt she’s still wearing.
Just the slightest touch of her silky skin makes me hard, and my dick’s throbbing by the time my fingers slip inside of her. She’s already wet and heated for me. I position myself at her entrance as my hand glides up her shirt. Her skin is like fire under my touch. I run my thumb over her hard nipples, playing with them until her moans get louder. I plunge my tongue deeper into her mouth, and then push myself into her pussy.
Fuck. I’ve had a lot of girls, but no one has ever felt as good as it feels to be inside Josie. Once I slide all the way in, her mouth parts and her breathing is too fast to focus on doing anything else. I nip at her lips, and then move to her neck. I suck on her skin, making my mark on her, and I rock into her gently.
It’s slow. It’s passionate. It’s fucking perfect.
I move back up to her lips, my movements getting quicker as I try to work her to her climax. Her hands run down my back, her legs wrap around my waist, and her hips reach up in unison with mine. I rest my forehead against hers and breathe gutturally.
“Jos, open your eyes…,” I plead. She opens them so I see her eyes loaded with love and calmness that she didn’t have earlier. She starts to shiver as we look at each other, small moans making me need to drive into her deeper. I run my thumb across her cheek bone and wrap my other arm under her to pull her even closer to me.
“Say it, Jos.” I need to hear her say it again. I need to know this is real. I need to know I have her, and that she’s mine completely. She holds onto me, as if beseeching me to never leave her and looks at me fiercely, expression no longer hiding what she feels.
“I love you so much, Seth.” Those fucking words. The best words I’ll ever fucking hear. I groan and rock into her harder until her nails claw my back. I kiss her again. I’ve never felt so consumed with feeling. It feels fucking incredible.
“I love you, Pussy Cat.” I moan against her mouth, her legs clamp harder around me, and I feel her tense. She whimpers as she comes, and her insides clench around my cock. I groan again and come with her, holding onto her tightly and never wanting to let go. I continue to kiss her even after I’ve calmed down from the bliss she just gave me.
I’m so in love with this girl, it fucking hurts.
I feel something wet run across my fingers, and pull back enough to see tears falling from her closed eyes. My heart expands more and I swipe them away, grabbing her face to kiss her again. She feels it, too. She understands exactly what I’m feeling.
She ruined me, and I love her even more for that.
Chapter 19
Josie
“Ugh… this is going to be so freaking embarrassing,” I groan, pulling on a pair of Seth’s shorts. His eyes slide over my legs and he gives me a sexy half smile that makes my skin prickle and insides heat.
“Jos, I guarantee they will make things awkward,” he says, a note of humor and laughter in his voice. I groan again and hop on each leg as I try to put my Toms on my feet. When I steady myself, I give Seth a glare that makes him smile bigger.
“You really suck at this whole making me feel better thing.”
“Wasn’t trying to. You should be scared. They’re fucking crazy.”
I roll my eyes. “I’ve known them since I was six… They aren’t crazy.”
“Yeah you know the version that knows you as my best friend. Now you’re my girlfriend. They’re going to freak you out. Just trying to prepare you,” he says with a shrug, waiting for me to finish messing with my hair so we can go to the main house for breakfast. He skipped helping his dad this morning so he could stay with me, holding me so I wouldn’t feel alone.
I stick out my tongue at him and walk to his door to leave. He grabs my waist before I pull it open and pulls me against his chest.
“What should that tongue be used for, Pussy Cat?” he asks throatily. I slant my eyes, and purse my lips. He leans his forehead against mine and smiles faintly. I tilt my head up and lick his mouth and across his cheek, just like he did to me last night.
He laughs loudly as he runs his hand across his face to wipe off the slobber. “Close, but I can think of another place where that might be a little more welcome,” he says with a bright smile that makes my heart skip a beat. He opens the door, and we walk down to the house.
“I can’t believe I’m wearing your clothes right now,” I mutter.
Would I have cared if we were still just playing the friend game? No. I couldn’t care less. But the fact is, his mom now knows that Seth and I are obviously hooking up, so things are different. Especially because this isn’t just a hook up, this is so much more. Now I feel like I should be making a good impression since I’ve admitted that I’m in love with their son.
“I mean, you could have worn that cute dress again…,” Seth responds to my grumbling.
“Yeah with no underwear and covered in dirt from…,” I glance away and don’t finish my sentence. Seth grabs my hand and stops me.
“Please for the love of all things sacred, finish that sentenc
e,” he begs with a smile. He pulls me into him again and sticks my hair behind my ear. He holds me tightly so I can’t move away.
“Ugh, Seth! You’re driving me nuts already!”
“Just finish that sentence, Pussy Cat.”
“Fine. From being fucked so good and hard against a tree,” I finish seductively, loving the way his eyes darken and his mouth parts. I walk out of his embrace and leave him standing there.
“Ah, Josie! You’re sexy as fuck, you know that?” he says and wraps his arm around my shoulder. I shrug my shoulders, and move to open the side door to his house. Seth stops me again by wrapping his arm around my waist and leaning me up against the side of his house.
“Move in with me, Pussy Cat,” he says again, running his nose up my neck and into my hair. His sexy voice rumbles in my ears and makes me weak in the knees. “Then you’ll always have your clothes. You won’t have to worry about me ruining them from fucking you the way I want to.”
His words send a nice shock between my thighs, and I curve into him. I don’t even know how to approach this subject with him. I’m so terrified of everything that could go bad in our relationship, and that makes it hard for me to think about agreeing to live together. My mind plays out every possible negative scenario. We break up, and then I have to watch him mess around with other girls. That would kill me.
“Seth,” I whisper, loving the way he’s biting my ear.
“Shh, Jos. Just think about it. You don’t have to decide yet, just promise me you’ll think about it.”
“Okay,” I agree. His head pops up and he grins.
“Yeah? You’ll think about it?”
“Yeah,” I say with a soft laugh. “It’s not a yes though, so don’t get your hopes up.”
He huffs out a laugh and takes my hand. “It’s practically a yes. And I know a few ways to get a yes out of you.”
I groan and he smiles while we walk into his house. I hear talking coming from the kitchen area, and am shocked to see my Dad there talking to George and Gayle.
“What the fuck,” I mutter under my breath.
“Told you they were crazy,” Seth whispers and kisses the top of my head.
Gayle turns around at the sound of our voices and smiles enormously, opening her arms wide for me to walk into. I never needed a mom. I had a great childhood with my dads, and I never felt like I missed having a mom in my life. But if I ever did want a mom, I would want Gayle. She’s always been a motherly figure that I never thought I needed.
“I missed you so much, Josie,” she whispers, hugging me tightly. I don’t exactly understand what she means because I saw her a couple weeks ago, but I don’t contradict her. She’s about an inch or two taller than I am, and she has the warmest heart of anyone I know. Her embrace and personality fill me with sadness as I think about Daddy. The two of them are similar in so many ways.
She pulls back and sees the grief on my face. She grabs my cheeks and smiles sadly. “Oh, dear. It’s okay. I know it’s still hard.” I nob my head grateful she understands why I’m hurting.
I’ve been blocking so many feelings for so long, that I haven’t let myself hurt about Daddy’s passing. I just tried to live each day, making sure I did what I had to do to survive. If I thought about how I felt, then I would want Seth to comfort me, and that wasn’t an option at the time. I feel an arm snake around my waist, and feel an immediate sense of peace as Seth pulls me into him. I bury my head into his chest and try to control the emotions that came out of nowhere.
I take deep breaths, willing myself not to cry, but the tears have already started. How could I go so long without thinking about Daddy? It’s not okay to forget about him or never grieve his death. I’ve wanted to be strong and show that I can move on with life even though I’ve been through so much suffering, but the full force of that anguish hits me violently as I think about Daddy.
“Josie,” Seth whispers. I feel him lean down and tilt my chin up so I’m looking into his beautiful blue green eyes that immediately help calm the pain. He runs his fingers across my jaw, comforting me with a simple touch. “It’s okay to hurt about it, baby.”
“I don’t want to be weak,” I admit in a whisper.
“You’re not weak. You’re just feeling something.” He leans his forehead against mine. “It’ll be okay, Jos. I’m here for you.”
His words send an alleviation through my heart that calms down my worries. He kisses my nose and then my lips briefly, making me feel better about the sadness that had just washed over me. He makes me feel like everything will be okay. I take a deep breath and nod my head. I turn back around, and all three of our parents have their eyes trained on us, curiosity in their expressions.
Gayle has a small smile on her face as she watches our interaction, and I get a little embarrassed by the way I just reacted.
“Seven letter word for an uncomfortable situation when no one knows what to say?” George asks pointing to his crossword in the newspaper. His pen taps his chin as he ponders the answer. Seth’s arms wrap around my stomach, holding me close to him just how I want him to be. George lifts his eyes and raises his pen as he figures out the answer. “Awkward!”
Seth chuckles behind me, and the joke clears the tension from the room. I laugh and lean against Seth as Gayle continues to cook, and George and Dad talk. Dad looks good. I think the fact that he came here in the first place is great, but he looks so much better than he did a couple months ago. I’ve been around for him, but I haven’t been in the clearest state of mind, so I’ve missed these little things.
Seth turns his head to my neck as we stand there, and his tongue slips out to taste my skin. Every cell in me is on alert at the heat of his tongue. I lean my neck to the side so he knows I want more, and his grip around my stomach tightens. His tongue makes its way from my neck to my shoulder, where he takes a small bite. He soothes it quickly with a kiss, and moves back to my neck. I get completely lost in his touch, not caring that we’re standing in a room with our family. My stomach flutters and tightens in the most beautiful way, reacting to his perfect mouth on me.
“I’d appreciate it if you didn’t have sex with my daughter right in front of me, Seth,” my Dad’s deep voice says, interrupting our moment. I feel Seth’s lips curve into a smile in my neck, before he pops his head back up. My cheeks redden and in my imagination, I clobber my cartoon form into a pancake.
“Okay. We’ll be right back,” Seth says, grabbing my hand and pulling me toward the hall. I stop my feet, and try to pull away, laughing.
“Seth! Let go!” He looks at me while I try to pull my hand out of his clasp, and raises his eyebrows.
“You sure?” he asks.
“Yes!” He shrugs and lets go quickly, making me fall flat on my ass. I lean all the way back on the floor and cover my face with my hands. I’m gonna fucking kill him. I feel him come down next to me, unable to hide the deep chuckle coming from his mouth. He grabs my hands and pulls them away from my face.
“You won’t kill me,” he says, smirking. Fuck, I must have said it aloud. “You told me to let go.”
“You did that on purpose!” I try to pull myself up, but Seth blocks my movement with his arm.
“I can make it better,” he says low enough for only me to hear. “I’ll kiss that ass all day ‘til you feel better.”
“Oh yeah?” I ask, incapable of not smiling back at him.
“Mmmhmmm…,” he moans, closing the distance between our mouths. “Say it,” he presses when his lips touch mine briefly. My breathing is already shallow and I’m focused only on him and what I want his mouth to do to me.
“I love you,” I whisper, heart racing and lips tingling from the light friction. He smiles, eyes bursting with so much fulfilment, and he plants me with a light kiss. He grabs the back of my head and kisses me while we lay sprawled out on the floor.
“Eight letter word for something you want to yell at two people who can’t keep their hands off each other,” George starts. Seth and I pull
away grinning and wait for the punch line. “Get a room!”
I hear Gayle mutter something not so nice under her breath, but I hear my dad laugh and it’s a nice sound.
Seth grabs my hand to help me off the floor. “That’s three words, not one.”
“Smart ass,” George mutters, going back to his puzzle.
No one asks us about the change in our relationship, and I’m grateful because I have no idea how that conversation would even play out. Seth and I continue to touch each other throughout breakfast, and it kind of feels like we are scared to let go for one second. I never want to feel the emptiness I felt before last night ever again, and I’m scared if we let go of each other, then it’ll come crashing back in.
After everyone finishes eating, we sit at the table and continue to talk.
“I’ve got something to say,” Seth announces loudly, grabbing my hand. Oh my god! This dumbass is going to kill me. Everyone looks at him and waits for him to continue. “I’m in love with Josie.” He raises our clasped hands up so everyone can see, and I close my eyes and groan. Everyone waits a beat, then starts cracking up laughing.
“You’re so dumb,” I mumble, holding back a grin. His jaw drops overdramatically, and he takes his hand back and places it over his heart.
“I’m seriously offended. She’s denying our love.” He turns to his parents and my dad and tries to gain their sympathy, but they just dismiss and chuckle at his obnoxious behavior. He shrugs and sighs loudly. “Guess I gotta kiss it out of her…”
He pulls my neck to bring me close to him and kisses me right there at the kitchen table, not skimping on the tongue or the smacking noises. I laugh as he assaults my mouth, and adore the way Seth is with me. It’s surreal to think how I opened myself up to him not even twenty four hours prior, and he’s already making me feel loved in a way I never thought possible.
“I just needed an excuse to kiss you again,” he murmurs, eyes glinting humorously as he looks at me.
Seth’s not always this happy. He goes through dark spots where he’s moody and depressed, and it only got worse after I was raped. A dark haze pulls him in, and he becomes a tortured man who feels worthless, insignificant, and filled with self-loathing. One night he admitted to me that it always pissed him off when he was feeling depressed because he has a pretty good life. He’s got parents who love him and is surrounded by friends, but he still feels like shit about himself. I try my hardest to prove to him that he’s an amazing man, but sometimes it doesn’t work.
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