"I feel like I completely understand what you were going through with Derek, and I'm so sorry that I tried to push you two back together. I can't imagine staying with Aiden after this discovery, and if I had known then what I know now, I never would have tried to push it on you either. I'm really sorry Lou."
I sighed, deciding that I wasn't going to harp on it anymore. Derek knew I didn't want him. Charlie knew she was wrong. It was over.
"Speaking of Derek, you know yesterday he was over at the house trying to convince me that he loved me and then not two hours later I stopped by his hotel room to tell him I never wanted to see him again and he had some woman with him."
"Wow. Derek really had some woman in his hotel room? Like in his bed?"
"Yes, Charlie. Some great men we chose to spend our lives with huh?"
"You can say that again," she laughed.
"He kept saying how he wanted me back, but he never said he wanted Carly. I had to remind him about her several times, and each time I did, he'd be like, oh yeah, Carly too, but it was like she was just an afterthought."
"Well, what about Carson. He did seem to have a strong bond with Carly. I really didn't give him a fair chance, but I promise I'll rectify that if I ever get to see him again."
I put my head in my hands and looked down at the ground trying to think of a good way to tell her the whole truth, but nothing would come to me so I decided to just lay it out there.
"Charlie, I haven't been one hundred percent truthful with you about Carson. We didn't meet after I moved to Savannah, we met when I came down last March for the interview with Foster & Company."
I let that sit there for a minute, waiting for her to put two and two together. A moment later she gasped.
"Wait, he's the guy you met!? The one night stand?"
"Yes," I breathed out, relieved that I didn't have to spell it out for her.
"He's Carly's father. Why didn't you tell me before?"
"I'm sorry I didn't. I never told you about him initially because I didn't want you to accidentally mention something to Derek. When I found out I was pregnant I told you about my one night stand, but I didn't mention his name to you at all, so you couldn't have known. Liz only knew because she was there when I picked Carly's name. Hell, I didn't even tell Carson until yesterday that he's her father. I couldn't tell you before I talked to him because I knew you two would meet at some point, and I didn't want you to blurt it out and tell him by accident... or on purpose."
"I deserve that, I guess... So, what did he say?"
I groaned. "He was upset and took off. I guess he needed a minute to let the news sink in. In the meantime I packed up all my stuff and drove to Liz's. I've been a total idiot about the whole thing. He never wanted me to leave in the first place and I just took off without saying anything. I'm probably going to go back to Savannah tomorrow and try to smooth things over with him."
"Well, let me know if he won't take you back because I'll be more than happy to kick his ass."
I laughed. "He already texted me to say he loves me and wants me to come home. I'm just so thankful I didn't do too much damage, he was really upset with me."
"Well, given how he stares at you as if you are the best thing that ever happened to him, and seems to love Carly just as much as he loves her mom, I'm pretty sure you're going to be fine," Charlie assured me.
"God, I hope so. I don't know what I'll do with myself if I messed this up," I confessed.
"It has to work out, and you know why? Because your relationship with Carson gives me faith that someday, when I'm ready, I'll find someone who makes me happy too."
I could hear her quiet sobs through the phone and my heart broke for her all over again.
"You will, Charlie. You will," I said with confidence.
Chapter 42
Lou
"Liz? Do you think Zach and Vanessa want to get in the pool? I'm thinking about taking Carly out there."
Liz and Rick had a heated pool at the back of their house, and even though it was October, the weather was mild for this time of year in Virginia, and I wanted to take full advantage of it, especially on such a sunny day.
"I'm sure they'd love it," Liz said. "I think I'll join you all as well."
About fifteen minutes later I was in the pool with Carly in her covered baby lounger while we floated around the pool together watching Zach and Vanessa jump and cannonball off the diving board.
They had so much enthusiasm for life and no idea how quickly it could take a turn for the worst. Sometimes I wished I could go back to being a kid and just enjoy it. No jobs, no money issues, no stress, their only worries were what to eat for dinner, and what to wear to school the next day.
My phone rang from the poolside and I swam over, pulling Carly behind me, to answer it. After five minutes on the phone with the insurance adjuster, it seemed at least some of my stress had been alleviated. They were going to pay my claim on Monday. The money would be wired to my bank account.
I was relieved that I could finally secure a place for Carly and I to live and afford to furnish it. Even if nothing else worked out in our favor, at least we had the silver lining of knowing we'd have a roof over our heads and warm beds to sleep in.
"Hey!" Liz said, coming out onto the patio. "I made margaritas. You want one?"
"I'd love one actually."
"Was that Carson?" she asked, referencing my phone call as she leaned over to hand me a drink.
"No, it was the insurance company. They're finally ready to pay my claim," I told her feeling relief wash over me.
"Oh, that's great news!"
"Yeah, now I'll be able to find a new place for Carly and me to live," I agreed.
"So, what about living with Carson?" she asked, taking a sip of her drink.
"Well, he never really asked me to live with him. It was more like an offer to stay for a while after the fire. I took it as a just until you get back on your feet kind of thing, and I wouldn't want to take advantage of that now that I have the means to move. What I need to do is get a game plan for going forward. It's just been so nice to have him around to lean on for support, I felt like I finally had someone to help me raise Carly."
"This is another one of those things Lou. He loves you and he says he wants the both of you in his life. If he's serious about that, then I can't imagine why he'd want you to move out. And if Carson is as smart as you say he is then you should at least hint to him that you're thinking about your own place and give him a chance to ask you to stay," Liz said.
Liz's advice had always been priceless to me. During the end of my marriage to Derek she had been my sounding board and helped me get through the toughest of conversations. I'd always been able to rely on her, and she had never steered me wrong.
After leaving Dr. Roland's office I climbed in my car stunned. I was pregnant with Carson's baby. My god, I didn't know anything about him, not even his last name. How am I going to explain this to Derek?
I fumbled for my cell phone and called Liz.
"Hey Lou, what's up?"
"Liz, you aren't going to believe this..."
"What?" she asked.
"I'm pregnant."
I heard her gasp, apparently as shocked as I was at the news.
"Oh no, Lou. Now even if you do go through with the divorce, you're still going to be stuck with that asshole in your life forever," Liz said, apologetically.
"Liz, it's not Derek's baby! He's sterile."
"Oh my god. And he let you think that you were the one who couldn't get pregnant? What a lying, sorry, piece of shit. All that time you spent being upset over the fact that you couldn't have children and the whole time he knew it was him. What I wouldn't give to have a hall pass to hurt that dickhead."
I laughed. Liz always knew what to say to lighten my spirits.
"So you're having a baby with the one night stand guy? What are you going to do?" Liz asked. "Do you know how to get in touch with him?"
"I have no idea," I sighed.
"And I don't know how to tell Derek. He's going to be so angry with me, but at least he'll let me go this way."
"Lou, no way, don't tell Derek about the baby. If you're getting divorced, it's really none of his business, is it? You don't need to rub salt in the wound."
"What do you suggest then, just ask him for a divorce?"
"You need to research some lawyers and talk to someone soon. You also need to tell Derek that you want a divorce, and move out of the house as quickly as possible. You're more than welcome to stay with me as long as you need to, even after the baby is born."
"But..." I protested.
"Lou, just do this one thing for me. I don't want you to tell him. What if he does something rash?"
"You think he would hurt me?" I ask her.
"I don't know, Lou. I've only met the guy a couple of times, but what I do know is that people can react poorly to all sorts of situations, and I'd rather you be safe than sorry. He's hurt you before, and he could be tempted to do it again."
"Okay, Liz. I won't tell him," I told her knowing I'd be devastated if anything happened to my baby. I'd only just found out I was going to be a mother, but I was already in crazy protective mode.
After hanging up with Liz I went straight to my house and packed some of my things. Derek came home as I was loading my car.
"Where are you going?" he asked.
"Can we talk inside?" I asked him, hoping he wouldn't cause a scene out in the yard.
"Whatever it is Lou, just say it."
I contemplated telling him about the baby, but decided to stick with Liz's advice and not bring it up. It would only make things worse and I didn't know how he'd react.
"I want a divorce Derek," I said, meeting his eyes. "We haven't been happy in a while and at this point, after everything, I just don't see how we can move forward. We haven't treated each other well in a long time, and I don't think we can ever get back what we used to have," I said, pleading with my voice and hoping that he'd understand.
"What? How can you do this to me?" he asked.
"Derek, please lower your voice," I said, looking around the neighborhood, hoping none of our neighbors were overhearing our conversation.
"Lou, don't do this to us. Let's go to counseling, you can quit your job, I'll stop sleeping around, we can be happy again if you'll just give us a chance."
I shook my head. "Derek, I'm sorry, but I've given you as much time as I can and nothing has seemed to change."
"This isn't what I wanted Lou. I just wanted to take care of you, and provide for you. I wanted to give you everything, but you wouldn't let me. God, I'm such a failure," he ranted, grabbing at his hair.
He said he wanted to provide for me and give me everything, but I knew what he meant was that he wanted to possess and control me.
"You're not a failure Derek, we've failed at this together."
"My mom isn't going to see it that way. She's going to see my failure to become a father, and my failed marriage and think I'm worthless."
I didn't agree with that. She would probably blame it all on me since her son could do no wrong, but I didn't think it needed to be said. He'd find out soon enough.
"I'm sorry Derek, but I've made up my mind. I'm going to go stay with Liz for a while until I can figure the rest out," I told him.
"Fine. I should have known this was coming, so just get your stuff and go. I won't try to stop you," he said, turning to go inside the house.
I stood there staring at his back, wondering what had just happened. He wasn't going to hurl insults or tell me how it was all my fault?
"So, that's it?" I asked, unwilling to let it drop.
"Yeah, that's it," he said, stopping at turning around. "I'm done trying to make you happy when it's obvious I have no idea how to do that, so just do me a favor, get your stuff and go."
I clenched my jaw and followed him into the house, rounding up a few more necessities and promising to come by with a truck to move some things into storage as soon as I could.
Later that night as I sat with Liz at her kitchen table, telling her how Derek reacted, she said, "That loser didn't know what he had when he had it. How could he just let you walk out the door? I mean, for your sake I'm glad it went that way, but it's obvious he's not a very smart man. A smart man would never have let you just walk away."
Liz was right then, about Derek not being smart, and definitely about keeping the baby a secret based on his later reaction to the fact that I was pregnant. I had to believe that she was right in this case too, and that Carson would want us all to be a family, and would ask us to stay with him. I couldn't wait to get back to Savannah.
Chapter 43
Carson
By five o'clock in the evening I was beat. It had been a really long day. When I finally turned into the neighborhood and let my GPS direct me to the address I'd typed in around nine in the morning, I felt like it had been days since I'd been in Savannah.
Pulling up in front of a large brick colonial, I turned off the truck, stepped into the street and stretched my legs before heading up to the door.
A young boy answered the door when I rang the bell.
"Hi, is this the Larson residence?"
"Yes. Who are you?" he asked.
"Zach? Who's at the door honey?" I heard a woman call before footsteps were evident in the hallway.
A moment later a petite blonde woman stepped in front of Zach.
"Hello, can I help you?" she asked.
"Hi, Liz? I'm Carson Foster, a friend of Lou's. Is she here?"
Liz's eyes crinkled and a smug smile pulled at one side of her mouth.
"Friend huh? I doubt if you were just a friend you'd have driven all the way up here from Savannah just to find her."
I hung my head and rubbed the back of my neck, a full blown smile coming to my face. Raising my eyes back to hers I said, "You got me there."
"Come on in Carson, she's out back by the pool."
I stepped into the foyer and looked around Liz's home. Even though it was an impressive size, it was warm and homey. It looked lived in, and I immediately felt welcome. I was really happy that Lou had some place like this to come to, and friends who cared about her and could take care of her when she needed them.
I followed Liz through the house to the french doors at the back. She stopped before opening them and my breath caught at the sight that greeted me. Lou was in the pool, in a bright red bikini. Her dark hair was piled up high on her head in a messy bun. Carly was in some sort of float and Lou was pulling her around in circles while she full out belly laughed.
I opened the door and stepped onto the porch, my heart speeding up at the sight of my girls, safe and happy.
"Lou," Liz called. "You have a visitor."
Lou's head snapped in our direction and as soon as she saw me she froze, sliding her sunglasses up on top of her head.
"Carson," she said as she quickly made her way to the steps, pulling Carly along behind her.
A moment later the two of them were in my arms and my whole world was right again.
"I'm so sorry Carson. I shouldn't have left."
"Shhh. It's okay," I said as she shook in my arms, crying. Pulling back from her I caught her eyes. "Lou, the night we met was one of the best nights of my existence. Because of you I changed my entire life for the better. I love you and I love this little girl," I said, taking Carly from her. "There's no way I would ever let either of you go over something like this. If anything, it only makes us stronger."
Lou sobbed into my shoulder. "I'm so glad you came. I missed you so much Carson, and I love you more than you'll ever know."
"I take it I don't have to convince you to come home with me then?"
"No," Lou laughed, swiping at her tears. "I'd have already been on my way if it weren't for visiting with Liz. I haven't seen her since Carly was born, and I figured I'd just head back in the morning."
"Well, now that I'm here, we can afford to spend a day or two, if you'd like, and if it's
okay with Liz, of course."
"Oh, it's more than okay with me! I'd love to get to know you Carson, and you know Lou is my best friend. The more time I get to spend with her, the better."
"Did you bring a bag?" Lou asked.
"Yeah, it's in the truck."
"I hope you brought a swimsuit, we've already gotten you all wet."
"Sure, I'll change and get in the pool with you," I said before turning my attention to Carly. "Hi pretty girl, can you say Dada?"
Carly smiled a crooked smile and patted me on the cheeks with both hands before leaning in and planting her open mouth on my face.
"Aww, she just kissed you," Lou said and I turned to see more happy tears sliding down her face. "Now go and get your swimsuit on before I turn into a big pile of mush watching you two love on each other."
**
After dinner with Liz, Rick and their kids that night, where they recounted stories of Lou's antics with the kids, and family vacations together, Lou and I took Carly upstairs and retired for the night.
Once Carly was asleep we both brushed our teeth and crawled into bed. I pulled Lou's body, naked aside from her panties, against mine and kissed her temple.
"Why'd you leave Lou?"
She turned in my arms so she was looking me in the eyes.
"I just overreacted Carson. You said you needed time, and I though you meant more than a few hours."
"I thought you said you'd never doubt me again after that issue with Caroline at Churchill's."
"I don't think it was you I doubted Carson, I think I doubted myself. I doubted my confidence in our relationship, and I doubted Carly's and my importance to you."
"Well, if I haven't said it enough, I'll say it again. You and Carly are the most important things in my life and I could never let either of you go over something like this. Do I wish you'd told me sooner? Yes. Do I regret meeting you, having a daughter, and falling in love with you? No. But I do need you to make me one promise."
Emergence (Awakening Series Book 2) Page 20