Calm to Chaos

by Garth Wade

  were common examples of Riley’s text messages to Lyndon.

  Each and every message took him back to the evening of Jessica’s death two years ago.

  Lyndon and Jessica had called each other boyfriend and girlfriend for around three months, and had been having sex for around four months. They had discussed buying some ecstasy tablets to take at an upcoming party at Pete’s parents’ house, and have their ‘sexual experience enhanced’ in Pete’s bed. They had both been told by friends that it was a great decision, despite neither of them having had sex for very long at all.

  Lyndon never had to get parental permission to go anywhere, and he felt a little lost without any boundaries. He drifted, and was cast into the big bad world of drug use and addiction early in his teens. He had been buying weed and pills from an older guy at school, who was sixteen and dressed like a banker, and rightfully so as he was doing well for himself.

  The day of the barbecue party was dry and hot, and everybody hung out around the pool for most of the day, swimming, sunbaking, and chatting. Pete’s parents were always around and were good supervisors, making sure the twenty-odd teenagers behaved safely, but they didn’t shadow them too much or spoil their fun.

  When the sun went down, Jessica followed Lyndon into the kitchen where they grabbed a can of soft drink and ran upstairs to Pete’s room. They swallowed a little pink pill each. Lyndon told Jessica that the banker had said, ‘These pinkies have a higher percentage of MD, so it’ll be even better.’

  Then they wandered back downstairs, where, within ten minutes, Jessica’s condition began to deteriorate.

  At first she dismissed the attention her friends were giving her, saying that she must have eaten something that upset her stomach, when in fact she hadn’t eaten anything all afternoon. Her good friends gathered around, refilling her glass with water, over and over, watching her guzzle, unable to quench her thirst. Lyndon asked what the matter was, and she said she felt hot and sick. Lyndon thought it was maybe just from having fun in the sun.

  In ten minutes Jessica projectile vomited and collapsed on the grass near the pool. Despite there being twenty-five people aged between thirteen and seventeen, plus three adults, nobody checked Jessica’s airway or even thought to roll her on her side. Pete’s parents immediately called the ambulance.

  The closest ambulance crew was delayed. They were three minutes away from the party house but had been sent to a forty-year-old woman who had a toothache.

  The ambulance took twenty minutes to arrive. By that time, Jessica was dead.

  De shrink just said mum haz to stay. Shes in deep I think. Not bout me I hope? I have to stay here coz Dad aint home. Shitballs!

  He needed to get into the hospital. Somehow, Lyndon thought it more sensible to attempt to break in, find his way to the mental health department, and then help Riley, rather than walking through the front door. Most people would think Riley was simply a bored thirteen-year-old girl, but Lyndon thought that it was his responsibility to help her. He hadn’t been able to save her sister.

  Just the thought of Jessica produced a fire in Lyndon. He had met Riley only the one time, but she messaged him regularly, and told him things that made him feel like her big brother. He thought he advised her wisely. He’d never had to fill this role before and felt he was doing some good now.

  Lyndon had also been injecting crystal methamphetamine for the last two months and tonight a rage burnt inside him. The cool air hit his hot face but he didn’t notice the temperature. He felt his stomach sway with every message from Riley, his mind never far from her sister. He parked the car and read Riley’s last text.

  Lyndon’s options were limited, perhaps due to circumstance, but more likely due to his innate lack of common sense. Thinking he would make it through to the mental health wing quickly and effortlessly, Lyndon stormed from the car park and up to the ambulance bay. As Cameron swiped his pass to enter back into the ED, Lyndon timed the swing of the brick perfectly.

  Mental health

  01:55 hrs – Amber

  Amber told the mental health admin desk operator that she was an off-duty ED nurse, looking to pass on a message to Doctor Marcia, who was doing rounds in the psych ward tonight. Amber was then politely told that Doctor Marcia was with a patient right now and could not be disturbed. Amber felt particularly discouraged when, even after producing her hospital identification, she nonetheless had to sit in the small waiting area outside the admin office.

  Near the only visible power socket, Riley sat against the wall, with her mobile phone charging while she urgently tapped at it. Amber sat across from her, and for the next five minutes the two sized each other up by exchanging glances. A couple of times their eyes met and they both smiled.

  Amber wanted to take her mind off recent events, hence her need to speak with Marcia, and broke the silence with Riley instead. ‘How long have you been waiting?’ she said. Riley jumped, then smiled and said, ‘It feels like forever. Like, I’m not sure what time we got here, but now my mum is in there. She’s been in there for, like, two hours.’

  Amber raised both eyebrows and uncrossed her legs. ‘Are you okay with it?’

  Riley took a long breath in, ready to reply in the most unnecessarily comprehensive way possible, before she remembered that she was in the mental health waiting room, and, like, who the hell was this crazy chick anyway?

  ‘Yeah, I’m okay. Thanks.’

  Amber grinned, recognising Riley’s defensive nature. She could see herself in the girl.

  ‘My mum was a bit erratic when I was young,’ she said, ‘but it eventually turned out okay.’ Riley nodded and forced a smile. ‘Hi, I’m Amber. I’m an ED nurse; I’m just waiting for my doctor friend to chat with a patient in there.’

  ‘Hi Amber, maybe your doctor friend is the one figuring out my mum? That’d be a bit crazy, if they both came out at the same time and, like, one walked to you, and, like, my mum walked to me.’

  ‘Oh that wouldn’t be too bad, because then all four of us could go out and have a super early breakfast somewhere nice.’ Amber wondered if young Riley would get the joke.

  ‘Ha ha, yeah totes that’d be comfortable wouldn’t it?’ Riley said, not fully understanding.

  ‘I think it’d be okay after a while, after we all forgot about our jobs and our problems. I’m sure it’d be fine. We’re all just people, really.’

  ‘Just people? That’s a funny thing to say.’

  ‘Well we’re all people, you know. We could all go and have breakfast. I don’t think it would be a problem.’

  ‘Yeah but, like, you don’t know my mum,’ Riley said with a warning tone.

  ‘Yep that’s true, but trust me, my mother and I had our issues when I was your age.’

  ‘How old do you think I am? And, like, how old are you?’ Riley was now facing Amber and had forgotten the phone.

  ‘About fourteen or fifteen? Is that right?’

  ‘I’m fourteen in July. Do you think I look older?’

  ‘Well, we can’t speak about age until you tell me your name, you know …’

  ‘I think I look way too young. So annoying. I’m Riley.’

  ‘Hi Riley. And you shouldn’t be worried about looking too young. I think you are very pretty,’ Amber said kindly.

  ‘Some of the kids at school who are my age act like they’re old. And how old are you? You didn’t say.’

  ‘Yeah, it’s just human nature isn’t it, to always want what we don’t have? When we’re young we want to be old and appear mature and grown up and to rush in and experience everything like we can’t wait, and then, when it’s done, we want to reverse it all. It’s kinda silly really,’ Amber’s mind floated away a little before snapping back. ‘And I’m twenty-six. I’m happy with my age.’ Amber didn’t sound too convincing, even to an almost-fourteen-year-old girl.

  ‘You’re very pretty. I love your hair,’ Riley said confidentially.

  ‘Thank you Riley,’ Amber said. ‘What’s your favouri
te subject at school?’

  ‘Hmmm, I don’t really have a favourite. I have to make sure I’m the best at every subject.’

  ‘That’s a fair bit of pressure to put on yourself.’

  There was a long pause before Riley opened up. ‘Like, I know right … but it’s not, like, me … it’s my dad, it’s just that I’ve gotta get good grades for him and it was stressing me out today, that’s why I’m here you see because Mum called the ambulance, who brought me in to see someone to talk to, and Mum came with us, but then the people in there said I was fine and they still have Mum in there.’ She paused again, this time for breath.

  ‘How come your dad isn’t here waiting with you?’

  ‘He’s overseas. He’s usually travelling somewhere for work. I miss him and I think Mum does too. We have a strange family sometimes. Well, it’s been stranger since my sister died.’

  ‘Oh no.’ Amber let the words hang. ‘You probably have quite a story, Riley. I’m happy to listen, you know, if you need someone to talk to. We all need someone to talk to sometimes. That’s why I’m waiting for my doctor friend. I need to talk to her. She knows me—’ Amber interrupted her own digression, ‘but hey, I’m happy to chat to you.’

  Riley moved directly across from Amber and positioned herself comfortably, with only two metres separating their seats.

  Amber felt butterflies stir inside her and could see her own face at thirteen in place of Riley’s. She forced another smile and noticed herself blinking excessively. She found it difficult to look into Riley’s eyes. Riley stared, intrigued to realise she felt instantly comfortable chatting with this woman – a first for Riley.

  A full two minutes passed before Riley spoke, which seemed strange to them both. The silence made the time seem longer, but warmer, and the two felt closer.

  ‘I just had a panic attack, that’s all it was. Why I was in here.’ Riley took a measured breath. ‘What I mean is, the ambulance brought me here because I had a panic attack, and couldn’t control my breathing. I’m not crazy.’ She smiled. ‘Hopefully my mum isn’t crazy either.’ Her smile faded.

  ‘And how are you feeling now? After it’s all finished?’

  ‘I feel good. I feel fine. But, like, I am actually worried for Mum. I never really think about what is, like, going on with her, ’cause she’s, like, my mum.’

  ‘And that was worrying you today?’

  ‘Hmmm, not really … I was worried about what my boyfriend was doing. That’s what was worrying me.’

  ‘What was he doing?’

  ‘Just, like, texting me stuff about my sister.’ She repositioned her legs. ‘Well he’s not, like, my full boyfriend. But we chat a lot.’

  Amber understood. She nodded, glancing at Riley and each time seeing herself more and more clearly.

  ‘Maybe he’ll be good to you. Is that what you think?’

  Riley squinted. ‘He’s already good to me. But, he’s not my boyfriend, he’s just, like, a friend.’

  Amber’s expression remained the same, calm and kind. ‘You said that your sister died. Why would he text you stuff about her?’

  Riley didn’t think twice before she replied. ‘Because he cared so much for her, and he also cares so much for me. He’s, like, a great person, and I know he loved my sister very much.’

  ‘How old is he?’

  ‘Nineteen.’

  ‘Oh,’ Amber said as she slid back into her seat. ‘And your dad? I know you said you miss him, but is there any chance you could spend more of your time with him when he is home?’

  ‘Yeah, we do. We spend loads of time hanging out when he’s home. But, he’s away more than he is home. And yeah, I know what you’re saying.’

  ‘And he’s good to you? Your dad?’

  ‘He is, but he grounds me if I don’t do what he says, or, if I don’t do what I say I’m going to do. But he’s usually very kind to me. He’s a happy dad.’

  They both smiled slightly.

  ‘He sounds like a good dad. You should cherish him.’

  ‘Except when he stresses me out about school.’

  ‘I suppose he just wants the best for you though, right?’

  ‘I suppose.’

  Amber sensed Riley didn’t want to speak about her father any longer. She left another long pause before changing the subject.

  ‘So, this nineteen-year-old guy, your not-full-boyfriend, do your parents know about him?’

  Riley’s comfort evaporated. ‘My mum knows of him, but, like, neither of them have met him. He’s just a good friend, not my boyfriend. I’m sorry I even said that. And apparently he knew my sister really well. That’s, like, what’s kept us close.’

  ‘So, he’s more like a brother than a boyfriend?’ Amber said, noticing her friend Doctor Marcia walk out from a door near the admin desk. They saw each other and Amber pointed a finger, signalling for her to wait and Marcia nodded.

  ‘Oh no,’ Riley said hurriedly, ‘that’s, like, feral. He’s not like a brother at all. He’s such a great guy. He really cares for me. He says the nicest things. No way, not a brother at all.’

  ‘How often do you meet with him?’ Amber spoke gently.

  ‘What do you mean?’

  ‘Do you see him every second day … or once a week … or just whenever?’

  ‘No. That’s not it. We’ve never met up except when I saw him at my sister’s funeral. That’s, like, the only time. I still feel close to him though.’ Riley sounded slightly defeated.

  ‘Okay. That’s okay. You’re allowed to feel close to him,’ Amber leaned forward and put out her hand. Riley gave it an apprehensive look, squeezed her own hands together, took a deep breath, and then placed her hand in Amber’s. Marcia coughed in the background as she stood waiting.

  ‘I know you’re not asking for my advice,’ Amber said, ‘but I can really see my younger self in you. Almost down to your eyelashes. I remember when I was almost fourteen and how I didn’t like to listen to guidance from anyone, so I don’t expect you to take my words seriously. I’d still like to tell you, at least for my own sake. Is that okay?’

  Riley nodded.

  ‘I want to tell you so much, and I know everybody’s circumstances are different, and I also don’t know the full story of your life and the people in it. But,’ she paused and took a deep breath, ‘firstly, you should love your dad and be as close to him as you can. It sounds like you two are already pretty close and that you have a good relationship, I urge you to hold onto it and to not forget how good that is. And to love your mum too. She may need more love than your dad, but you have to never forget that family is number one.’ Amber’s eyes began to glisten. ‘Secondly, and I know you’re not going to like hearing this, but you need to not spend any more energy on the nineteen-year-old guy. When it all boils down, nineteen-year-old guys are really only after one thing, and the direction your life may take if you follow that path will be rocky and unnecessarily difficult.’ Amber’s eyes filled with tears, and Riley watched in amazement. ‘Love will come to you. Let it. Don’t rush.’

  The speech should have been too much for an almost-fourteen-year-old girl to process, but it wasn’t. Riley soaked it up; she sat with wide eyes and an open mind. Still, it didn’t make a dint in her attitude. ‘And what makes you such an expert?’ she said as she let go of Amber’s hand. The door tinked shut as Marcia gave up waiting and escaped.

  ‘Riley, honey, I am definitely no expert. At all. But I know what I still struggle with in life. And I know why. And I want you to avoid that. Maybe this conversation will help, maybe not. I hope it does.’

  Riley grabbed back Amber’s hand and nodded.

  ‘We all have faults. Nobody is perfect. I just hope that there are strong seeds of independence growing in your mind. That’s what I hope.’

  Amber stood up to leave. Riley’s grip tightened.

  ‘Good luck, beautiful Riley,’ Amber said, then left by the same door as Marcia.

  Riley squeezed her fist firmly and placed it to
her lips. She pushed up an armrest to allow her to lie down on the chairs.

  She visualised her future and what she wanted while she left her phone charging at the wall.

  Cameron

  01:58 hrs – Princess Alexandra Hospital Emergency Department

  Syd followed Sonia, both of them striding back up to the hospital while he shot questions at her about what had happened and how he thought Cameron was in the write-up room. Sonia remained silent, the questions hung unanswered.

  As they approached the ambulance bay, Cameron could be seen lying on his back with a nurse and Doctor Das kneeling beside him.

  Sonia knelt next to the doctor and put her hand on Cameron’s neck to check for a pulse. ‘What happened?’ she asked.

  Doctor Das’ tone was as calm and clear as ever, although this time he spoke rapidly and used expansive gestures.

  ‘We have had one nurse assaulted as well by someone who just stormed into the ED. He was highly combative and security has now detained him. But I’ve no idea what happened to Cameron.’

  Sonia looked over Cameron’s head as Syd raced into the hospital to retrieve a bed and scoop to put Cameron on. Cameron’s pulse was rapid, and he was breathing with no obvious difficulty, but he was most definitely unconscious.

  She formed a fist with her left hand and firmly rubbed her knuckles against his chest.

  ‘Can you open your eyes Cameron?’

  His shoulders shrugged inwards towards the sternum rub she gave him and he let out a moan as his eyes flickered.

  While Sonia instructed the nurse to go and get a bed and two wardsmen, she inspected the underside of Cameron’s head, looking for blood or depressions, then, after finding nothing unusual, supported his head for cervical spine protection. The nurse stood to go but was stopped by Syd who returned wheeling a bed accompanied by two nervously fidgeting wardsmen.

  The team soon had the large Scotsman on the bed which the wardies quickly wheeled toward the resuscitation area with Sonia and Syd in tow. Doctor Das had resus filled with assistants in no time, who took a full set of Cameron’s vital signs and continued to assess his neurological status. The doctor phoned through to CT to prioritise Cameron’s treatment, and then spoke with the other doctors who were assessing the injured nurse.