In The End (Butterfly #1)

by Isabella Redwood

  ‘She was here this morning, yes she could have left, I can’t watch her twenty-four-seven, it would look too obvious you fucking idiot,’ the voice hissed, and I recognised it as one of the new guards Nicholi had hired. Retrieving the bottle, I sprayed the contents liberally around the bolt, and with all the force I could muster, pushed, finally it gave way and opened enough for me to climb through. It was pitch black and using the light on my phone, I struggled through.

  ‘Well done, baby; now you will see a further hatch up through the middle of the space and to the left. Take the spray with you just in case.’ Placing the bottle in my pocket, I crawled on my hands and knees in the direction Nicholi had confirmed, the dust circulating the air all around, making it difficult to breathe, but just trying to focus. ‘Once you get it open, check there is no one in the bedroom, you should be able to swing through and stand on the vanity unit in the bathroom, then just run, baby, to the mirrored door, use the watch just like I showed you. I will be there soon.’

  ‘Please be careful, wait for the police, one of the guards is working with them, and it’s too many to take on, promise me.’ I enunciated the latter with as much vocal sound as I dared, terrified at any moment they would find me, what then? No, concentrate Caitlan. In times of crisis, I always reverted to my birth name, seeking solace in a time when I had nothing to fear.

  The lock opened without issue and pausing to listen for any movement, my ears straining, I climbed through onto the vanity unit. Pausing once more to ensure no one was present, I ran as fast as I could to the mirrored glass, now not looking a dumb place to hang a mirror after all. I flew through the door and finally was able to breathe once more as it sealed closed, gasping for air, the adrenaline thundering through me.

  ‘I’m in, one is with Christian in the living room, Gardner is down on the ground outside the back entrance, and the other two are upstairs, they must have checked this floor first.’ They were almost at the attic room.

  ‘I’m so proud of you, baby; now sit down and have some water. I will activate the alarm and the police will be there in minutes, you did it.’ I saw the gate opening on the monitor, those huge cast iron dragon gates, they still filled me with trepidation, but now another fear was overtaking.

  ‘Nicholi, what the hell are you doing?’ I could see him on the security monitor, he had scaled the gate and was running at speed towards the house, but he was not alone. A man, mid-forties, physically fit, keeping pace with him without concern, both carrying guns; holy crap it was my dad.

  ‘I’m finishing this, baby, hold on; you will be in my arms soon.’ The phone went dead and all I could do was internally scream, Nicholi and my father, both about to go head to head with the three intruders.

  I was so engrossed watching the monitor trailing everywhere Nicholi moved that the camera covered, I did not hear anyone enter the bedroom. Something caught my eye, a shadow cast across the light that was flowing through underneath the door. Turning he was staring straight at me, though he didn’t know that, the dark sadistic look still pulsing through his almost black eyes, he had shot my sister and mother and now I could almost touch him.

  ‘She is not here, fuck, I told you this wouldn’t work, we should have taken her out of the house. You never fucking listen.’ He was yelling at his brother who just turned sardonically back at him.

  ‘Oh, she is here all right, the alarm has been tripped, my guy at the firm just texted. We don’t have long until the police get here.’ His spit was pooling around the sides of his mouth, taking the sleeve of his jacket he wiped it across his lips, scattering the drops like shards against the glass.

  My heart stopped; breathe, he does not know you are in here; you’re safe.

  ‘I think we should smoke her out, go get me the gasoline from the car, now,’ he yelled, his brother’s face lighting up in glee.

  ‘Now you’re talking.’ I broke from watching them back to the monitor, where was he? Scanning the screen for every little movement, I saw nothing. A figure emerged, taking out the brother as he attempted to exit the house, silently with stealth, the only way a Ranger can. Christian was back. I watched him scurry in silence to the back of the house and once again, there was nothing. My dad appeared in the entry hallway, approached the stairs and started walking up.

  ‘About bloody time, how long does it take to get some fucking gas?’ Exasperated, the remaining brother turned towards the doorway, I could not see around the corner, but heard the audible breath catch in his throat.

  ‘I have been waiting five years for this, you son of a bitch.’ Bullets rained down throughout the room, he was catapulted back, blood scattering over the turquoise wall covering the cherry tree, dripping off the branches and pooling into the cream carpet, now a sea of red. I heard Nicholi shout my name, he ploughed across the room to the mirrored door and I flew out into his arms, heaving sobs wracking throughout my body, it was over.

  We left that evening, initially checking into a hotel for the night before driving down to Mia’s, collecting Jacob on the way. Nicholi sat holding me in the back seat, Jacob as usual playing his computer game, and Cross driving. The air was filled with unanswered questions, epithets and hushed thoughts. I had learnt so much in the last twenty-four hours about myself, my coping mechanisms, Nicholi and his overwhelming desire to protect me at any cost and my father, the man I had loved so dearly as a child and turned away from when I became my sister. Would I ever forgive him? Could I? Nicholi, sensing my thoughts, held me tightly to him, kissing my head, I stole a glance his way, and he planted a chaste kiss on my lips, it was over, I had survived against all odds once again.

  Needing sleep desperately, I tried to close my eyes, the confessions of last night still so raw, my subconscious blistered and weeping.

  ‘How could you cheat on mom with her?’ I yelled, my voice dripping vehemently with disdain, disgusted at the man stood before me. A stranger who had helped save my life, my internal struggles fighting amongst themselves.

  ‘I never meant for it to happen, Cat, my head was all over the place and I made a mistake.’

  ‘Don’t call me that, not now, not ever.’ My father’s nickname for me, Cat. Hearing those words stung like a thousand hornets. ‘A mistake is forgetting your wallet or losing your keys, not sleeping with the devil, Dad.’

  ‘Your mother forgave me, but I’m not asking that from you. It’s all my fault.’ He sank to the floor, head in hands. My mother knew. This revelation hit me with the force of a sledgehammer, plummeting me into a black hole of despair. ‘It was meant to be me there, not her, not your brother.’ His voice dissipated to almost a whisper and I could not hear anymore, blocking the words that were blistering whenever they touched.

  ‘Goodbye, Dad.’ My voice was raw with unspoken disgust.

  ‘Wait, please, Nicholi, I know you love my daughter and want to protect her as much as I do. Larissa, she would never let go, would not accept it was over. I have been investigating that night for the last five years, pulling every contact I know and I believe that she orchestrated it. Every lead goes back to her, your brother.’ He stalled and my eyes once closed gouged into him.

  ‘What about Cross?’ My blood was curdling in my veins.

  ‘I think he is mine, Cross is your half-brother, Caitlan.’ I was swaying in time to the pendulum on the clock overhead, if only it would stop and the world would be quiet, every noise echoing throughout the room. The air conditioning hissing like a python awaiting its first taste of a newly captured prey, the buzzing of the mini fridge, a hive of bees under attack from an onslaught of killer bees. Every fibre of my being was shredding, like discarded paper.

  ‘Baby, I got you, come sit down. I think that is enough, Mr Thomas, you need to leave.’ Nicholi’s voice was harsh and disjointed, my head throbbing, disbelief swamping my consciousness. Closing and locking the door behind my father, hushed voices penetrating then quiet. I was cradled in Nicholi’s arms.

  ‘Let’s go to bed, baby, you need to rest, we will
process this all tomorrow, for now sleep.’ I lay on my side, Nicholi’s arms wrapped securely around me and I let dreams enter, always a mistake.

  ***

  I was sitting on the balcony at the hotel, the moon casting its reflective light allowing the shadows to dance amongst the crystal waters, rippling gently with the southern breeze. Looking at the stars twinkling down from up above I sighed with the weight of a million dreams crashing down, the pieces scattering across the lake, skimming the surface before they were sucked down into oblivion.

  ‘Penny for them?’ Cross was leaning against the back wall of the hotel, the moon moved, providing a momentary shimmer of light, illuminating his angelic face. I sighed once more.

  ‘Nothing and everything, same old, same old.’ My voice was travelling across the quiet abyss then dwindling back to silence. As he sat down next to me his hand unintentionally brushed against mine, sending ripples of pleasure down my body, and I shuddered.

  ‘Cold?’ Moving closer, he draped his arm around me, a protective shield from the elements though that just made it worse; I was not cold.

  ‘What my dad said back at the hotel, it’s not true, it can’t be.’ He looked pensively at me before replying.

  ‘Why?’ A simple question yet one filled with so much innuendo, laying waste to all the lies and just leaving the cold hard truth, though it was not cold at all and looking into his eyes I was drowning.

  ‘I…’ I whispered, my words stumbling away from me, like a lamb taking its first steps after birth. ‘Lexi would never have loved you the way she did, it is impossible.’ I closed my eyes; locking away all the memories that were trying desperately to fight their way through the blockade I had immersed them behind five years ago, though it felt like a lifetime.

  ‘He is not my father, I had a paternity test done when I was nineteen, she either lied to him or he wanted it to be true, I don’t know, but I don’t want to talk about that, it’s not important. Caitlan.’ The sound of my birth name brought me back to the present with the force of a hurricane, hearing my name on his lips I quivered internally. ‘I kept waiting and waiting, hoping, longing for you to face it, but I realise now you can’t. You have hidden from your feelings for so long they are impenetrable to you and it’s almost too late.’

  My mind was frying, the electric circuits overflowing, no safety switch in place. ‘Here, this is yours, I gave it to you and I want you to have it.’ He placed the bracelet in my hand, the letter L sparkling under the caressing moonlight, shimmering against my pale skin. ‘I know, Caitlan; I knew from the moment we kissed that night. You loved me just as much as I loved you and you still do.’ My heart was pounding, the sound echoing against the quietness of the prairie, the wild flowers catching a gentle gust of wind, sending their perfumed goodness surrounding us.

  ‘Cross, I’m not your Lexi anymore; I haven’t been for five years. That girl you loved is gone and I cannot get her back for you. I love Nicholi so much and we have a future together.’ The tears escaping their dam were flowing briskly down my face, tortured by each revelation.

  ‘That is all true, Sophia, and I know it, as much as it pains me to admit it I know you and Nicholi are in love, but you love me too, I can feel it right now radiating out into me, you want me as much as I want you, please just admit it for once, be honest with me.’ Honest, that word conjures up so many meanings. To be honest means crawling on hands and knees through hot molten lava, searing ice burning exposed flesh, hearts crushed beyond viability, there was no other option, I owed him this.

  ‘You’re beautiful, god-like, an Adonis to be put on a pedestal and admired from afar. The first time I saw you I felt that and more, but you already know that as all women feel that way in your presence. That night when you were drunk with Alexis I was floored, how could you be so perfect on the outside, but so flawed inside and then I realised, you were not flawed at all it was me; it was always me. I could never compete with Lexi, she was untouchable, and everyone wanted her to be their friend in grade school. She was so full with the fire of life it was beyond impossible to not get drunk in it.

  ‘When you contacted her and wanted to write, it was the first time I had ever felt something was truly mine. Being an identical twin is a miracle and a curse, you are never treated as individuals and in our case as Lexi was the stronger character, I was just seen as an extension of her, but with you I was me, the real me, I could shine and that was all because of you. You made me able to dream about my life, my future, my hopes and I believed anything was possible with your love; we were impenetrable.

  ‘That night stole every hope and dream away from me, ripped out my heart and savagely beat every last element that made me the person your love had created. The night at the Lake House, seeing you with the model, my feelings of self-loathing and inner turmoil crept back in, you were right, I was jealous and I could not make sense of it. I love Nicholi, why would I be jealous of a girl you were dating, it made no sense.

  ‘Discovering that night who you really were, it all came flooding back, how much I loved you, our future, our lives together, but it was caught up with the love I have for Nicholi and what he means to me. You asked me to be honest with you and this is the best I can do. Your Lexi loved you completely and unequivocally. Sophia loves Nicholi in the same way, but she still loves you too.’ I never thought it was possible to be in love with two people at the same time, always ridiculing those who claimed it possible; you cannot share your heart that way. When your heart has been torn to shreds and slowly rebuilt, those existing feelings still remain mingled with the new fibres, joining together, I loved both of them.

  ‘I can’t move on without you, you’re intrinsically linked to me in every way possible. I know I shouldn’t say this, you’re my brother’s fiancée, but I have to because if I don’t I will always wonder what if, and that’s no way to live. Sophia, Caitlan, both of you, I want you, all of you, with everything I have; I love you and will love you forever. I have to leave and give you space, we could have a life together, a future and it is not tarnished by the past or the present because our love transcends everything. Despite everything that has happened, we are still unequivocally linked as we were five years ago. You have my heart and always will.’ He pulled me into his arms and I was too weak to fight, my resolve shattered and longing. Our lips met once again, not like in the stables before he left my grandmother’s, no, this was new, fuelled with all the secrets we had shared, and all the desire that had ignited them thundered out into the kiss. He pulled away and we both gazed at each other.

  ‘Now that should have been our first kiss, I love you, baby, bye for now.’

  The sound of a car horn jolted me awake, my eyes wanting to close and go back, fighting with my consciousness plaintively.

  ‘We are almost there, baby, not long now.’ I smiled softly at Nicholi, turning my eyes to the mirror, meeting Cross’s eyes briefly then pushing them to move away with all my strength. It would have been so easy to say none of that was real, it was just a dream, but the truth was, that was no dream, that happened in reality a mere eight hours ago on the hotel balcony and every part of my body knew that.

  We arrived at Mia’s shortly after and having got Jacob tucked up in bed, I lay down next to Nicholi, watching him sleep. He was exhausted, as were we all, and for once in a long time he looked completely at peace. Feeling restless and not wanting to disturb him, I headed downstairs to the kitchen and saw Cross opening the back door with a rucksack, he was leaving.

  ‘Where are you going, you weren’t going to say goodbye?’ I cried, having no right to feel this way, but not being able to halt the unprecedented wave of hurt rattling through me.

  ‘I can’t stay, baby, and watch you play happy families with my brother knowing how much I wish it were me. It’s soul destroying and I can’t do this, pretend anymore. I am taking myself out of the equation; it is the only thing I have left. I have got a new lawyer for you, but with the undertaker admitting he was bribed to conceal the fact
that Jacob wasn’t dead, there is no point in pursuing the exhumation, so I have asked him to investigate the bribery accusation, you will have peace soon, I promise.’ Opening the door, he stepped out into the night.

  ‘Please, don’t go, not like this.’ My head was pounding. ‘Cross, please.’ My voice filled with all the longing being near him created, fuelled by the anguish that he was leaving left me an empty vessel without a voice.

  ‘Take care of yourself; I couldn’t bear it if anything happened to you. Goodbye, Sophia,’ and with those last words he was gone. The hum of the engine drowning out the sobs ravaging my body, he was really gone.

  ***

  Cheesecake Saves The Day

  ‘Hi, I’m Sophia Nichols and I’m eight months pregnant,’ was all I managed to say before a voice interjected.

  ‘Welcome, Sophia, I’m sure you will fit right into the group.’

  I smiled in response and surveyed the room. It was full of married women with husbands who no doubt own multi-national companies and had neither a care in the world nor care about the world. No, I cannot say that about people who I have just met for two minutes, I must restrain myself from judgements, after all isn’t that what I’m worrying they are doing. Judging the young single mother.

  I looked around deciding where to park my monster truck ass, noting instead of chairs and tables, the group of ten women were all positioning themselves on the floor in various states of readiness. Some were struggling to remove shoes and socks, others plumping up their cushion trying to get comfortable.

  ‘No chairs?’ I directed my question to the lecturer, worrying if I could even get on to the floor, how I would get back up again.

  ‘No, we find the mat relaxing and informal, a chance to meditate and look into one’s self,’ she replied as though reading from the pamphlet that I had rested my orange juice on this morning.