To the Devil's Tune

by Barnard, Jo

  “Oh, nice one, mate,” replied Shane the Mane, his shaggy hair hanging loose around his face.

  “I felt really bad for my colleague at the time who’s lost his job, but it turns out that he was hoping for the redundancy anyway. I can’t tell you how relieved I am, and I even found myself telling Maria about it. I think it’s really helped you know.”

  “Ray, that’s great news,” I added, patting him on the arm.

  “So, this is what you all do when Annie’s not here then is it?” came a voice from the kitchen door. “Stand around drinking tea and chatting?” It was Guy, grinning cheekily.

  We walked through to the main room and grabbed a chair each (a job that Annie usually did for us), and arranged them in a circle.

  Guy, who had subsequently made himself a coffee, was last to sit down. “Right then, folks. I’ll be here for the duration this evening. I managed to get to an AA meeting last night, so I won’t have to rush off this time.

  “Now, Annie has asked that we discuss Step Eleven together, and then she would like Jude to take over the running of this evening’s meeting.”

  “Hey? Why would Annie want me to do that? I don’t know enough about it,” I asked, feeling my cheeks blush with surprise and embarrassment.

  Guy smiled. “Well, I don’t know, Jude, but I’m sure Annie does. Let’s just trust her, eh?”

  “Well, ok then,” I agreed

  “So then, folks, Step Eleven: We seek through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God (whatever our understanding of that may be), praying only for knowledge of His will for us, and the power to carry that out.”

  We all took a while to absorb the words and their meaning.

  Shane scratched his head, looking puzzled. “I’ve kind of got my head around the prayer bit, but I must admit, I’m a bit lost on the meditation front. If we’re being asked to meditate on our own, then I’m not really sure what I’m supposed to do.”

  For once, I felt able to help. “Well, my understanding of meditation, from my time in India, is that you take time to relax and focus on something specific. So my interpretation of this step is that we take time out to sit quietly and ask for guidance from our God.”

  I looked to Guy who was nodding approvingly. “Do you still meditate, Jude?”

  “Well, to be honest, I seriously lost my way when I came back to the UK. My situation got really difficult and I fell apart. But looking back now with what I’ve learnt from Annie and this group, I didn’t need to feel quite so alone, and things didn’t need to be quite so bad.”

  Raymondo chipped in, “But don’t you think things had to get really bad in order for Annie to find us and share her knowledge of these steps?”

  “Ray, you’re totally right, mate,” agreed Shane. “I would’ve laughed about all this stuff a while back. I would have called it mumbo jumbo. But now it just makes sense.”

  Mousey Martha, who had been pretty quiet up until now, chipped in with her views too. “Well, I pray every day; always have done. But thinking about this step, I guess I’ve always prayed for things to be different, and for my son to change, rather than focusing on what I can do.”

  “Interesting isn’t it?” added Guy.

  We continued to chat about how the steps were helping our individual situations, and before I knew it, it was time for the session to end. I realised that although I’d been instructed to lead the meeting, it had pretty much taken care of itself. Perhaps to share my understanding of meditation was all that was needed.

  “Get yourselves home safely, folks. I’ll give group leader Jude, a hand to put the chairs away.” Guy winked, teasing me for being the chosen one, albeit kindly.

  We stacked the chairs and I washed up my mug. I looked at my watch, and realising I’d missed my bus anyway, I flicked the kettle back on. “Would you like a tea or coffee, Guy? I’ve got thirty minutes to kill.”

  “Oh, go on then, I’ll have a coffee. Milk no sugar please.”

  “So, what is it that you do for a day job, Guy?”

  “I’m a graphic designer. How about you?”

  “Oh, I work in a gift shop in town, ‘The Treasure Chest’. It’s my friend’s shop, but we’ve decided to go into partnership. We’re in the process of revamping and relaunching, so there’s loads to organise – converting a room, hiring different services, and getting the word out there.”

  “That sounds exciting! Well, give me a shout if you need any help. I’m a dab hand with a paintbrush you know.”

  “Well, that’s really kind of you. I’ll certainly bear that in mind and might even hold you to it! Come to think of it, I do need some leaflets making up. Don’t suppose you could design something for me? I’ll pay you of course.”

  “Yeah, no worries. Just send over the logo and wording and I’ll get some ideas to you next week. I can’t do it for nothing I’m afraid. It’s a promise I made to myself a long time ago you see. But I can certainly give you a favourable rate and I’m sure you won’t be disappointed.”

  “Brilliant, thanks! Well, that’s one less thing to worry about then. And I wouldn’t expect you to do it for nothing by the way. It’s your job.”

  “I’ll gladly give you a couple of hours of my time for painting though if you need the manpower. No charge for that one. Only for my day job.” Guy winked.

  “Well thank you. I’m really glad I missed my bus now! Speaking of which, I’d best not miss my next one. I’ll be in touch.”

  We said our farewells and headed off in opposite directions. What a nice chap, I thought. It seemed more apparent than ever that friendship, be it old or new, was a gift to be truly treasured.

  Chapter Eighteen

  I was so excited about our plans for the shop and how good it could be, but there was so much to be done that I didn’t know quite where to start. I wanted to secure a handful of different services to offer our customers, but so far I hadn’t much clue about what, who or how. Feeling overwhelmed by it all, I shuffled my deck and picked a card for guidance.

  I was shown a picture of a girl with a knife pointing at her head. No one seemed to be holding the knife, and neither was it close enough to hurt her. ‘UNFOUNDED FEARS – it’s time to confront them’ was the message.

  Ok, ok, I thought. I had to start somewhere, so I would begin by calling Rose. I still had her number, and fortunately she was in and had time to chat.

  “Rose, it’s Jude from The Treasure Chest. Do you remember me? You kindly gave me a reading.”

  “Oh hello, dear. How are you getting on with your cards?”

  “I absolutely love them, Rose. They seem to comfort and guide me. Thanks so much for bringing them in, it was really kind of you.”

  “It’s a pleasure, dear. And thank you for putting the poster up for me. I’ve had a few calls you know. You can’t beat a nice exchange.”

  “Well, that’s brilliant news!” I replied. “Anyway, the reason for my call is that I’ve decided to go into partnership with my friend, Saffie, who owns the shop. We’re in the process of clearing out our stock room and transforming it into a therapy room. We want to offer various services to our customers, and you’re my first port of call. I wondered if you’d like to work from the shop one day a week, giving readings?”

  “Oh, and you thought of me? How lovely. Well, dear, the idea sounds marvellous in theory. But the only day I have free at the moment is a Thursday.”

  “Well, that’s fine with me, Rose, as you’re the first person I’ve called. So can I pencil you in for Thursdays then? We’ll start up in the new year, but I’ll let you have the finer details nearer the time.”

  “Why not? Let’s do it!” Rose chuckled.

  “Great! Now to find five other people who want to work with us too! Don’t suppose you know anyone who might be interested do you?”

  “Errrr. Well I do know that my friend Shona is looking for a new clinic to practice from. She’s an acupuncturist. Might be worth calling her to see if she’s interested? And then t
here’s Toni who does spiritual healing. Lovely lady. She travels far and wide to do her work, and might be glad of a base that’s closer to home.”

  “Oh, fabulous. Thanks, Rose, I’ll definitely call them.”

  Rose gave me their details, and slowly, The Treasure Chest’s new ‘box of delights’ began to fill up. It made me realise that sometimes all you need to do is make a start, and the rest will fall into place.

  Later that day, Annie sent each of the group a message, asking us to meet at hers this week. I did wonder whether it would be too much for her, but she seemed pretty adamant that that’s what she wanted. And when Annie’s mind was made up, there was no point in trying to change it. Besides, none of us would dare to try anyway.

  We arrived at her bungalow; a small but pretty cream building with a stained-glass picture of an owl on the front door. There were flowers everywhere, and the place felt well-loved. We piled into Annie’s tiny front room, much to her delight at having some dearly wanted company. Despite her ill health, she remained dressed up to the nines in brightness, with sparkly jewellery and plenty of rouge.

  Everyone bent down to kiss her cheek as they entered the room, relaying their fears about her health problems.

  “It’s so wonderful to see you all, darlings, and thank you for coming to me this time. It’s lovely to know how much you care, but did you honestly think I was going to croak it before I’ve taught you the full twelve steps for goodness sake?!” She winked and licked her lips cheekily.

  “Now then, how are we all doing? Martha, let’s start with you, darling.”

  Something about Mousey Martha had changed this week. Aside from her new haircut and bright red bag, she actually looked quite relaxed, and less, well….mousey.

  “Do you know, Annie, I feel like I’m finally making some progress – as if I’ve turned a bit of a corner. The situation with my son hasn’t changed; that’s still upsetting and stressful, but I think I’m learning to focus a bit more on me and my happiness now. Something seems to have shifted, and I feel as though I’m actually conversing with God for the first time, and that some of the guilt and shame that I’ve carried around for all these years has left me.”

  “Well that’s wonderful, darling. Keep returning to the steps and you’ll continue to find strength – like I still do every day.” Everyone smiled as though we were all genuinely pleased for Martha.

  “Shane? How about you, darling? How are you getting on?”

  “Well, since I last saw you – you know, when I’d had that relapse for want of a better word – I feel like the meanings of the steps are really starting to sink in and make sense. I must admit, I did struggle with the whole God thing to start with, as I’d had a problem with this God bloke who‘d taken my mum away from me. But now I’ve found a way to make Mum my God, well that’s changed everything. It all makes sense and I take great comfort in feeling close to her again. She always loved and supported me, and I feel like she’s able to do that again. And, Annie, I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart for helping me to find that reassurance.”

  Shane the Mane was having to look up at the ceiling to stop his tears from rolling down his face. It was heart-warming to see him so attuned to his emotions. Chest hair aside, there was no sign of bravado or machismo about him this week. Martha handed him a tissue and patted him on the back of his hand; an action that took Annie by surprise. She smiled lovingly at them, seeing that they had forgiven their differences somewhere along the way.

  “And how about you, Ray, my darling?”

  The Great Raymondo’s cheeks were rosier than ever. Mind you, Annie’s room was mightily warm. He too looked quite relaxed; less nervy than usual.

  “Well, I’m pleased to say, Annie, that I managed to keep my job, and have since confided in Maria. I’ve been praying every day this week for the power to carry out God’s wishes for me, and have drawn great strength from that. And do you know what? We are starting to talk a bit more. Not small talk, but about stuff that really matters.

  “And like Shane said, I feel supported. Alright, I know the debts are still there. None of that’s gone away. But I somehow know that I will deal with this, and it’ll be ok. Deep down I know we’ll have to sell our house at some point and downsize. But hopefully, when the time’s right, I’ll find the right words to put this to Maria.”

  Annie nodded in agreement. “Well, my goodness, darlings, it has been a positive week. Now don’t forget, it won’t always feel like this. But rest assured you’ll have all the tools you need to get you through. You just have to remember to use them!” Annie winked. “And how’s this week been for you, Jude?”

  I told Annie and the group about my plans with Saffie for the shop, and how, with the help of the steps and my spiritual cards, solutions were starting to present themselves to me. I invited everyone in the group to our Christmas shopping bargain event, and they all seemed keen to support me. Annie promised to write me a shopping list of presents that she needed for her nieces, nephews and grandchildren, and asked me to source them from The Treasure Chest. “It’ll be a weight off my mind, darling,” she explained.

  We looked together at Step Twelve – our final step in the programme: Having had a spiritual awakening as a result of these steps, we try to carry this message to others, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.

  I thought about Annie. And Guy too. They were both living proof that the steps could restore you to sanity, if you focused on your problems one day at a time. And what’s more, they weren’t afraid to get themselves out there and share this message. Not to just anyone, but to those who seemed ready to listen and hear; to people who desperately needed their love and support. They went wherever they felt guided; like angels I thought. I sat for a while in admiration, and hoped that one day I too could be such a loving role model.

  Chapter Nineteen

  I arrived at The Treasure Chest to find Guy waiting for me at the door.

  “What time do you call this then?” he joked. “Thought you’d at least have the kettle on by now!”

  I checked my watch and winked. “I call this on time actually, Guy.”

  I’d made sure I wasn’t late for our meeting. Guy was bringing in some design ideas for the leaflets and he’d offered to give me a hand with the painting while he was there. It was Sunday, so the shop was officially closed. Just as well, I thought. There was mess everywhere.

  Saffie was due in shortly to sort through the boxes of stock; what was going into our sale, what was being stored in the shop, and what she’d be taking home. And my job was to freshen up our new therapy room which we now fondly referred to as The Box of Delights.

  “Nice to see you made an effort,” Guy said, teasing me about my paint-stained jeans and old polo shirt which I’d ruined whilst painting my flat.

  “Hey! What are you saying? This is my Sunday best I’ll have you know.”

  Guy laid out three different design options. They were all good, but one in particular stood out as perfect.

  “Hey, Saff, this is Guy. What do you think of his leaflet designs?”

  Saffie took a large bite of buttered toast she’d grabbed from the coffee shop, waved the rest of the slice at Guy, and peered over the counter. “Ooh, I’m loving that one.”

  “Me too,” I chuckled. “Glad we both agree. Looks like this is the outright winner then.”

  “I had a feeling it would be,” replied Guy. “I’ll get a load run off for you in the next couple of days. Nothing like a last-minute panic to put a rocket up your arse, eh?” Guy had been really helpful in turning the leaflets around so quickly. Fair enough, I was paying for them, but he had bent over backwards nevertheless.

  “Thanks, Guy. I owe you one.”

  “No worries. Might have to go and get myself some toast before we start. Smells delish. Either of you want anything while I’m there?”

  “No thanks,” we replied.

  As soon as he was out of earshot, Saffie nudged me hard in the arm. “So, c
ome on then? Spill the beans. What’s with you and Mr Nice Guy then? Get it? Mr Nice Guy?”

  “Yes, I get it. Hilarious.”

  “Well?”

  “Well nothing. There’s nothing to spill. He’s just a friendly and helpful chap who’s offered to give me a hand.”

  “And how are you going to repay him, dear Judith? He must want something in return,” she teased, scanning me up and down.

  “Honestly, Saff, it’s not like that.”

  “Why, has he got a girlfriend then? You’d make a cute little match you know.”

  “I don’t know if he has a girlfriend or not, Saff, and I’m really not interested. He’s just a nice bloke that’s all.”

  “Ok, ok. If you say so.”

  “I do. So let it go now please?”

  Guy walked back in. “Right then, refuelled and ready for action ladies!”

  Saffie nudged her foot into mine under the counter. Ignoring her, I pointed to the old stock room. “This way then. Let the painting commence.”

  The three of us worked well together and the morning passed really quickly. Guy freshened up the ceiling and did all the high bits, while I did the crouching down bits that caused my thighs to feel like jelly. We opted to keep things simple, white and cleanlooking. I had a couple of nice paintings of brightly coloured angels at home which I’d done years ago. They’d fit the theme of the room perfectly, I thought.

  Guy disappeared at midday to get started on the printing of the leaflets. If we had them by Tuesday, we could start putting the word out straight away. There was no time to lose. Our Christmas shopping evening was next Saturday and I hoped to be able to tell everyone about the treatments we had planned for the new year. I still had a couple of therapists to find but didn’t know quite where to seek them as yet.

  Saffie had worked hard on the display, with one side of the shop dedicated to our full-priced items, and the other half chocked full of reduced bargains. We’d decided to be bold and offer our Christmas shoppers below-cost-price deals, focusing on how they were helping to clear our stock room rather than what Saffie may have lost along the way. If all went well then we’d probably keep a bargain corner going to entice people in from the street.