Typical female, she was using her wiles on me to get her way. “Oh she does, does she? Hmm, I wonder if she was a very good girl to get that pony.
Like maybe she ate all her veggies without a fuss, or she took her medicine without complaining.” She scrunched up her nose at that one, making me grin.
“No daddy, it’s because she’s a princess like me, that’s why her daddy got her one. And guess what daddy. I told her my daddy was going to get me one too. So are you daddy?”
“Nicely done, reel me in and then trap me. We’ll see about the pony, I have to go see your doctor for a minute okay, then I’ll be right back to read you a story.”
Kissing her cheek I got up and put her back to bed. “Daddy you didn’t say hi to mommy.” There was such hope in her little eyes when she said that, as she looked up at me expectantly.
“You’re right I didn’t.” I looked over at her mother who was sitting on the side of the bed looking anywhere but at me. Leaning over, I kissed her forehead before turning away for the door.
The doctor didn’t have anything to give me except the same old reassurance. Apparently running high fevers and getting sick was part and parcel with her sickness and they were doing all that they could.
All day I have been fighting the impatience that was now riding me hard. It will take nine months for the baby to be born before anything can be done.
That’s a whole year of her suffering while I stand by helplessly. There was nothing else I could do, I know, I’ve checked.
An old anger reared its head brought on no doubt by my frustration. Not only at the medical hell I was in, but also because of the doubts I was having concerning Zania and her reasons for defection.
Had she not walked out on me, this could’ve been avoided.
***
When we left the hospital that evening after she fell asleep for the night, I was in a foul mood. All the old anger just rose up inside me out of nowhere and I know it showed.
“I’ll see you back at the house.” I left her to ride in the back of the car that was there to take her and Mia anywhere they needed to go if I was away or too busy, but also doubled as my eyes and ears.
This way she couldn’t pull a fast one on me like before, and disappear. I would say that no sane woman in her right mind would try something like that at a time like this, with the child being so ill; but I don’t trust her and history has taught me that I don’t know her. I’m not taking any chances.
I sped through the streets to home, with my anger growing. I know it was fear for my daughter more than anything else that was making me feel this way, but that didn’t stop it from happening.
I was back to blaming her for all of it. If she hadn’t ran maybe Mia would never have gotten sick, or if she’d stayed and our baby got sick we would’ve caught it in time and got her the help she needed.
By the time I pulled up to the house I was a raging lunatic. I heard the car coming down the driveway minutes later and had the fleeting thought that this woman was about to step foot in a house with a madman and no one knew it.
I grabbed her as soon as she came through the door and without a word dragged her to the master suite. She knew the deal; there was no need for words.
I’m not quite sure why my anger morphed into this need to bury myself between her thighs, but it had.
Now all I could think about was getting inside her and pounding out this unwanted lust, and the anger and frustration that had been riding me hard for the last few hours.
“Get this off.” I heard something tear as I wrestled with the top she wore, until her chest was bare.
It was short work pulling her bra down her arms and releasing her tits, which I sucked into my mouth as she struggled with my belt and I the zipper on her jeans.
When we were both bare, or had all the pertinent parts free, I lifted her with her legs around my ass and fucked into her hard.
She screamed and tried to pull off my dick but I wasn’t about to let that happen. “Cord.”
“Shut up, just shut the fuck up.” I didn’t even take her down to the bed, just stood next to it with her impaled on my cock and used my hands on her ass to pull her on and off my dick, hard.
How was it possible for my dick to be this hard for a woman I detested? There was a war going on inside of me, a battle between hate and necessity.
She softened around my cock, her pussy juice running onto my thighs. I pulled her head back and looked down at her. “You like that don’t you, like having me inside you again.”
She bit her lip and tried to turn her face away but I held it still. “Oh no you don’t, look at me. Whatever else, your body still wants me, you can pretend all you want this doesn’t lie.” With that I slammed into her hard enough to topple us both over onto the bed.
I lifted her legs higher so that I could fuck into her as hard and deep as I wanted. I needed to exorcise this shit out of me, once and for all.
I lost myself in my thrusts. All I wanted was the heat of her around my cock. I didn’t want to think, didn’t want to feel, I just wanted to fuck and breed.
Pretty soon she let her inhibitions drop, which is the norm every time I put her beneath me.
Her nails scraped down my back as she lifted into my pounding. The bed shook and squeaked with each hard thrust, as we grunted and groaned like two wild animals.
I held her head still so that I could look into her eyes while I fucked into her, and fought not to give in to the feelings that were getting harder and harder to ignore.
It was true; there was still something there for her. I hated her even more because of it. “Ouch.”
The thoughts in my head had me biting into her neck, marking her the way I use to, but I bit her too hard. I wanted to consume her in that moment.
I couldn’t seem to help myself this time, and she wasn’t fucking helping either with the way she was throwing her cunt back at me.
“Get on your knees.” I pulled out and sucked her nipple into my mouth while I plunged my fingers inside her wet pussy.
“Ahhhh.” Those sounds of pleasure were getting harder and harder for her to hide, and they only worked to fuel my lust for her.
She got up on her hands and knees and I buried my face in her pussy from behind, licking deep into her for the first time.
That fucking taste, how could it be the same? And how can I remember it so well?
I ate at her pussy until she came and my mouth hurt.
Kneeling behind her, I ran my cock up and down her weeping slit, hitting her clit on each downward swing.
“Cock your ass for me; yeah that’s it.” I opened her pussy with my thumbs and watched her juices seep out of her.
My cock bobbed in the air before I took it into my hand and led it to her waiting pussy.
“Cord...” I fucked her too hard and she screeched, but I covered her mouth with my hand and kept fucking until I thought I would fuck right through to her back.
“Take my cock like a big girl.” That was something I use to say to her in the past. She always had trouble taking my whole length, and this time has been no different.
That was part of the problem; nothing had changed. It was still my pussy, the one that I had awakened, and if what she had intimated was true, no one else had ever taken what’s mine. So then why? What the fuck had happened?
The anger kept my cock hard for a very long time, so that she was crying out for soreness, while I was just hitting my stride.
I flipped her onto her back and spread her legs wide, lifting them at her ankles. With her spread out for my pleasure, I lowered my head to her pussy once again.
Tonight was the first time I’d put my mouth on her, I think I knew that the die had been cast when I stuck my tongue in her pussy for the second time that night.
Her taste was just as I remembered, sweet, hot and spicy. I couldn’t hold back the growl that escaped me as I feasted on her pussy.
I wrung three climaxes out of her before I’d got my fill of he
r pussy juice, and dropping her legs, climbed up her body.
I grabbed her head and brought her lips to my cock. This too was something we had forsaken in the last few weeks.
I’d taught her how to please me with her mouth before. “Let’s see if you remember.” She looked up at me with lust burning in her eyes.
Her tongue came out and teased my cock slit as she held my eyes with hers like the siren that she was.
I used my grip on her hair to force my cock down her throat and break the spell. She gagged but remembered to relax her throat and breathe.
“Throat me.” She swallowed and took a few more inches into her warm mouth, sending me into her throat.
I used slow easy strokes to throat fuck her, holding her head in place with a tight grip on her hair.
“I’m not cumming in your mouth let go.” I had to wrestle my dick away from her, reminding me that she loves to suck my cock.
I brushed aside the wayward thought of whether or not she’d shared the same with someone else, as I slid back into her waiting pussy.
I still didn’t give into the one last intimacy left. I refused to take her mouth even as she looked at me pleadingly.
“No.” I didn’t say anything more, but the sudden tears in her eyes told me that she got it. I was tempted, if only to erase that look of hurt from her face, but I still couldn’t bring myself to do it.
For the rest of the night I stayed inside her as we both tried to outrun the shit that was going on around us.
If I wasn’t turning to her, she was the one doing the reaching. We were two confused individuals in a fucked up situation on doubt about it.
I just wanted it all to be done and over with, wanted the mystery solved and things to go back to being on an even keel.
Chapter 14
We spent the day at the hospital, back to being strangers. No words were spoken about the night before. Instead we focused all our energies on our daughter.
Mia was having a better day than the one before, but still she was not at her best.
We kept up the happy pretense for her sake; never letting on to the turmoil going on inside, the tension in the room was palpable only to us.
All day I kept stealing glances at her and cussing myself for being a fool. My dick was now back to staying hard around her, and the anger only seemed to make it worse.
I was weakening somewhat I knew, but I was going to fight this shit with all I had in me. No way am I going to give her another shot at me.
Somehow I knew that I was waiting for her to break first. She was the one who’d left after all so why the fuck should I run to her like a little fucking dog after a bone? Fuck that.
I fielded calls from my mother and ignored a couple from Camille. I was pretty sure that we’d said all there was to say to each other.
I never did ask Zania about that crack she’d made about my fiancé; she’d probably picked up the gossip here in the hospital.
I was pretty sure that my name has been the topic on many a tongue in the place, though thankfully the local news rag hadn’t been tipped off as yet, and it better never be or I’d sue every motherfucker in here.
That night we left with the assurance that we could take our girl home the next day. We were both tired from a night spent mauling each other and all I was interested in was a quick bite a hot shower and bed.
She headed into one of the guest bathrooms as soon as we got in the house while I went through to the kitchen.
I’d gotten into the habit of fixing her dinner too, without much fuss. It was just easier that way, or so I had convinced myself.
I was in the process of scrounging through the produce bin for the fixings for a salad, when I heard something crash against the wall and then break in the other room. I hurried to see what the fuck was going on and came up short.
She was standing in the middle of the room surrounded by broken glass, with just a pair of panties and a tank top on. It was the look on her face though, that caught my attention. She was white as a sheet.
“What the hell...?” I stepped further into the room and waited for an explanation. I wasn’t going to let either of us fold under the pressure, not yet, not until we’d done all we could.
Yes she’d been carrying this burden a lot longer than I have, but that was through no fault of mine. “I asked you a question, what the hell is this about?”
“I’m not pregnant.” Her voice was full of pain, a pain that I felt in the depths of my soul as her words hit home.
“You, how do you know?”
She waved a wrapped tampon in my face as proof before slumping down onto the toilet seat.
I took the blow and stepped back, before turning right around and leaving the room.
I didn’t know what to feel other than the bitter disappointment that crawled up my throat.
Grabbing my jacket from the chair arm where I’d left it, I slammed out the door, knowing that I was being a real dick for leaving her there like that, so fucking devastated.
In the car I had only one thing in mind, getting to my daughter. I needed to see her little face, to reassure myself that she was still here, and alive.
I know I’d just left her mother feeling responsible for her body’s natural reaction. That was another fucked up move on my part, but I couldn’t help it.
I just wanted to save my little girl, was that so horrible? We’d obviously done this shit before, so why was it so hard this time?
I was halfway to my destination when it hit me. All the fucked up things I’d thought and felt since I’d started this.
Just what the fuck am I doing? I’ve let my hate and anger fester to the point that I’d lost sight of all common decency.
This baby that I was trying so hard for, for all that she or he was needed to save their sisters life, was still a child in its own right.
Here I was, thinking of it in cold impersonal terms, like it was a science project or some fuck.
I pulled over to the side of the road and rested my head on the steering wheel as I tried to get myself under control.
This baby was going to be a part of me, a part of her, of us.
He or she was going to need love and security too, like any child would.
Where the hell had I been in my head? When had I become such a fucking asshole? I felt sick to my stomach and had to battle back the nausea.
It didn’t matter what I felt about Zania and the shit she’d done, this was my own child that I had been thinking of as if it were nothing more than a means to an end.
I hated myself in that moment as I brought to mind my own actions in the last month or so. What the fuck had I become?
I strengthened my resolve to do better, to love this child before he or she were even conceived, and hope to fuck that they never found out just what an asshole their dad was.
Picking my head up, I made a U-turn and headed back to her. I’d been about to go see our daughter without her, when I knew she must’ve wanted to see her too.
To reassure her own self, just as I needed to, that even with this tremendous setback, our little girl was still with us.
I also remembered as I headed back, that in our brief time together, she’d suffered horrendously during these times, something about a medical condition.
I remember how I use to suffer right along with her, with every twinge of pain that she endured. I’d forgotten all about that over the years.
I heard the wailing from outside the door and surmised it must be a really bad one. The old memories came swarming back and I felt that knee jerk reaction, the one that always made me want to take care of her.
She was curled into herself in a chair with her arms wrapped around her middle.
Walking over I stood in front of her. “Do you have your pills with you?”
She shook her head but didn’t pick it up to look at me. “There was no time.”
I pulled my phone and called a friend for a favor. Don’t ask me why I remembered the name of her medicine, bu
t I did.
“Jon I need a favor. I need a prescription.” I filled him in and he told me it was no problem, but that she could have her doctor call it in anywhere.
“Do you have your doctor’s number?” I hung up the phone. If this way were faster, I’d rather do it. I found that for all that I despised her still I couldn’t stand to see her suffer.
“It’s in my phone.” I got the phone and passed it off to her. She found the number and called while I absentmindedly ran my fingers through her hair.
We both realized what I was doing at the same time. She froze as if expecting me to strike, and I pulled my hand away as if it had been scorched.
I ended up taking care of her the way I used to. Getting her medicine, running her a bath and putting her to bed, my bed.
It was hard dealing with the disappointment, but it wasn’t the end. I won’t stop trying until we succeeded.
I stayed up reading over a proposal for a new contract and keeping an eye on her before going off to sleep myself, with a heavy heart.
Chapter 15
It was a torturous few days waiting for her body to heal. I was on pins and needles as I counted down to the time when we could try again.
Each day I spent more and more time with little Mia, which helped to make me realize with this new way of thinking, that I was actually looking forward to having another little one.
I had missed my chance with Mia, hadn’t been there for any of her firsts. I had lost so much. With this new baby, I would be there from the beginning.
I could watch my son or daughter grow from the womb and protect them from everything.
The more I thought about it, the more I liked the idea. I felt almost ashamed of myself for what I’d set out to do.
Not for the way I’d persuaded her to have my child, but the way I had perceived that unborn part of me.
I also admitted to myself that I missed being inside her. I couldn’t wait to get back between her thighs and slate this renewed lust that she’d awakened in me.
I also accepted another truth, it wasn’t just to fuck my kid into her either, I just wanted inside her again in the worst fucking way. What a fucking sap.
His Secret Child Page 11