Sap or not, I haven’t felt this alive since she’d left me. I was tinkering with the idea of keeping her after all was said and done.
Instead of taking both kids and sending her packing after she was no longer needed, like I’d planned, I could tie her to me.
The thought of owning her again was suddenly very appealing, all I had to do was tie her to me in such a way that she could never leave me again.
I looked down at my cock, which had started swelling along with my thoughts. “At least you approve.”
We were able to take Mia home at last and I spent the evening entertaining her while her mother watched us with a far away look on her face.
Sometimes, like now, she got such a look on her face that made me question everything I thought I knew. I still saw in her the same young girl with the innocent heart that I’d fallen so hard for.
I had yet to find anything in her to substantiate any of the things that I’d come to believe.
Or maybe it was just my own wishful thinking. Maybe because I’d made up my mind to hold onto her, I was looking for excuses for her.
Whatever the case, I no longer felt that deep-rooted anger; instead there was just a little kernel of hope.
***
That night, I knew she was too embarrassed to tell me if her body was once again ready to accept mine, but I could tell by her movements that the coast was clear.
I know what science says, that her most fertile time would be two weeks or so from now, but I didn’t want to wait.
I watched her all evening until it was time for bed. It was then that I realized that even when I couldn’t take her I was still taking her to my bed.
That first night when she’d got her period, she had gone to one of the guest rooms to sleep after her bath, while I was in the kitchen making her tea. But when I didn’t find her in my bed, I’d gone and found her and brought her back.
It had happened so effortlessly that I hadn’t paid much attention until now, as I watched her go into our room to my bed.
I sat up much later, my head full of questions. Could I really put the past behind me? Could I forgive her for the sake of the child we had and the one we were trying so hard to create?
If I protected my heart from her I was sure that I could do it. As long as I wasn’t dumb enough to let her into my heart again I should survive.
I could easily spend my life in a loveless marriage. I knew that there was no way that I would ever feel for another woman what I’d felt for her that first time, so there was really no point in holding out for happily ever after.
And we already had a child together, one who needed both of us, and I am ever willing to do whatever it takes to make my little girl happy.
She didn’t really have any say, or more to the point I wasn’t about to give her any, so why not?
I killed the nagging doubt that kept plaguing me. The one that said I was a fool to give in, especially when I still didn’t know what had precipitated her leaving me the first time.
But the lines were fading fast. I had a decision, a choice to make. I was either all in or not at all, but I think I already knew the answer to that, had known it since the day she stepped foot into my office.
I still had feelings for her, there’s no denying that shit, not even to myself. I could feel like ten times the fool, but there was no denying it. She was still in my fucking heart, always was, always will be.
I just had to decide which way to move forward. It goes without saying that I wasn’t about to give her my heart on a platter, but I could no longer fool myself.
I was still angry as fuck at her yes, but I didn’t hate her, probably never did. She was my Zania. I knew now that as long as I live, she will always be.
Chapter 16
With my new resolve in place, I entered our room in the dark, after first checking on our sleeping daughter.
I made my way over to the bed and looked down on her in the moonlight. “If you fuck with me this time, I will make you suffer.” I whispered the words knowing that she couldn’t hear me, it wasn’t for her ears after all; it was a promise to myself.
Closing my eyes, I took a deep breath before climbing in beside her and removing the pajama bottoms which is all I wore.
As with the other nights that I’d taken her, there were no words passed between us, but this time there was gentleness on my part when I rolled her over onto her back.
I looked down into her shining eyes as I settled myself between her thighs.
She wore a look of surprise on her face when instead of entering her swiftly, or rushing through the foreplay she needed so she could take me, I set about lighting her on fire with my touch.
She seemed scared for some reason and even tried to rush me a time or two, but I pushed her hands away and held them pinned together on her stomach as I took soft little nibbles of her flesh, from her pert nipples to her pussy.
It didn’t take long for her to move beneath my fingers and tongue, and I got a new sense of power at my ability to make her react to me this way.
“Open yourself for me.” She placed her fingers on her pussy lips and pulled them open after a slight hesitation.
I licked her pink slit until her juices were coating my lips. I stroked my cock as I ate her until my jaw begun to hurt, then and only then did I lift up and slip into her.
“Look at me.” I held her head back, making sure she obeyed, and that night I kissed her.
She sucked on my tongue like a starving lamb as my cock swelled inside her. I wanted to bury myself as deep inside her as I could go, and then I wanted to fuck her some more.
It seemed no matter how I touched her she had no power to resist me. She let me do any and everything I wanted to with her body that night and I gorged myself.
***
After that night, there was a definite change in our dealings with each other. We weren’t exactly mooning over each other, but the atmosphere was lighter.
Mia seemed to react most positively to this change too I noticed, her little smile was brighter and she just seemed happier somehow as if she knew.
After giving my business a couple hours everyday in the mornings, I spent the afternoons with the two of them.
I went back to trying to fit the five years I’d missed into a few days by spoiling Mia.
She got her pony along with every other thing she wheedled out of me. I even found myself having to fight hard to resist buying stuff for her mother.
In the past, hardly a day went by without me buying her some little trinket or the other.
I did seem to remember though that she’d always been more appreciative of the little things. Teddy bears and flowers got a bigger smile than diamond bracelets.
After she’d gone I’d put it down to another part of her trick to lure me in. But that bracelet was now upstairs in a safe.
I’d found it days after she’d disappeared, and at the time had decided that she’d overlooked it somehow.
Now as more time went by, I was beginning to question everything. Things just weren’t adding up any longer.
I was learning to relax more in her presence, and even though the past sometimes interfered, I was spending less time being mad at her these days.
The only thing is, the more time I spent with her, the more confused I became.
I hadn’t heard anything from Camille lately and mom seemed to be coming around to accepting the changes in my life, and the fact that she was now a grandmother. I hadn’t mentioned anything to dad as yet because of his condition.
It was hard, but everyone thought it best to hold off on telling him because of the shock, at least that’s what mom had said.
I was too caught up in the two of them anyway to pay much heed to anything else.
Each day became a struggle to keep my heart out of it. Especially when she too seemed to relax her guard.
When she’d laugh at something I said, it would remind me of the old days, the way she use to hang onto my every word.
Or the way she calls my name now, after weeks of never letting it leave her lips, except in bed when she couldn’t help herself.
The nights were torture. With her acceptance of me, I found it easier to slip back into old habits.
Like kissing her the whole time I was inside her, or spending longer and longer tongue fucking her before burying my cock balls deep inside her.
Our couplings were more like lovers, than rivals coming together for a shared cause.
She held nothing back now, opening her arms and legs to take me. But the real challenge came when she was the one to get things started.
When she would take me into her mouth and suck on me until I was hard and hurting, then she’d sit on my cock and ride me until she’d chased away her fears.
***
“Is she asleep?” She’d just come into the room after kissing Mia goodnight. I’d read her a story and came back to look over some work for the next day.
“Yeah she’s out.”
“What’s the matter?” She’s been acting jittery all evening but I hadn’t wanted to bring it up in front of Mia. Now without the child as a buffer, she seemed even more anxious.
Instead of an answer she threw a nervous glance my way before heading into the bathroom and coming back only seconds later.
She held her hand out to me with some kind of plastic stick in her open palm.
“What is this?” I hadn’t the first fucking clue as I looked down at the white tube with the pink stripe in the window.
“It’s uh, it means...” She bit her lip and looked at me as if willing me to figure the shit out on my own.
“Well?”
“I’m pregnant.” She said it in a rush but I still felt the punch. I looked from the stick to her face, then down to her stomach.
Reaching out, I snagged her around her middle and brought her down to the bed beside me so I could lift up her shirt and see for myself.
She was still flat as hell, but I guess I had to take her word for it. As the sweetest feeling went through me, I lowered my head and kissed her tummy.
“He’s in there, you sure?”
“As sure as I can be for now, I used the same test I did before...” She broke off, still hesitant to bring up the past for fear of my reaction, but today was not a day for animosity.
Today I didn’t care about any of it; all that mattered was what I now held in my arms. I was never too sure how I would react to this news.
I don’t think I’d ever let myself look beyond the point where the new baby saved his sister’s life.
Now the emotion was too raw inside me. I couldn’t find the words to thank her, so I did the next best thing.
“I want you.” It was the first soft words I’d said to her since she’d been back, the first little opening I’ve given her.
I was slow and gentle as I removed her clothes. Stopping every once in a while to nibble on her flesh, kissing and sucking on her, leaving my mark all over her.
Her hands wrapped around my cock and stroked up and down as I crouched over her. I was almost afraid to touch her; the slight tremble in my hand as I reached out for her was testament to that fact.
When I had brought her to fever pitch with my tongue and fingers I slid up and into her body.
Words of praise and admiration burnt holes in my tongue as I fucked her. “Give me your mouth; can I fuck you hard or will that hurt the baby?”
I had to ask because my cock was straining at the bit. It was as if all the emotion that I couldn’t or wouldn’t express, had gone straight to my dick.
“It’s fine.” She dug her nails into my ass to urge me on and I lifted her ass into my hands, pulling her on and off my cock as I pounded into her.
“Tell me if anything I do hurts you.” I sucked her tongue back into my mouth and her pussy clenched around my length.
She was hotter and wetter than I’ve ever remembered; even her movements were wilder.
My baby was inside her, not even when I was in love with her before did I feel this level of emotion.
I held her closer, with more care; my kisses were tender, until slow and easy wasn’t enough and I consumed her lips, or she consumed mine.
I couldn’t get deep enough inside her and I was afraid my cock was too hard. I knew fuck all about pregnancy and what was too much for her.
I did know that I didn’t want to hurt her, that I wouldn’t hurt her now for anything in the fucking world.
“Thank you.” I whispered those words in her ear as I emptied my seed into her. That much I could give her if nothing else.
***
That night after she fell asleep on my chest, which she had gotten into the habit of doing more and more often of late, I stayed awake thinking.
There was a lot to be done in the coming months. First things first, we had to get her to the doctor I’d already picked out for her. After that, we’d know what else was needed.
I slipped out from under her when I was sure she was completely out and wouldn’t be awakened by my movement.
I slipped down the hallway to our daughter’s room and opened the door. She was sleeping peacefully on her side, her little cheeks a little more rounded than when I first met her.
I wiped away the wet from my eyes as I looked down on her, finally feeling like I was doing something.
I prayed as I stood over her, that this was the answer. That what her mother and I had done would be enough to make her whole again.
I went back to bed with a sense of peace that night. Things were finally falling into place. I was trying to come to terms with all the shit that was going on in my head, but I still held part of myself back, a huge part.
I searched my heart and my mind as I laid beside her watching her sleep.
I no longer felt like strangling her with my bare hands. I’m thinking that’s an improvement.
Chapter 17
What was that she was singing? I woke up to her voice coming through the open en suite bathroom door.
I smiled myself awake as it took me a little longer to remember. She used to sing all the time when we were together. I hadn’t heard a peep out of her in the time she’d been back.
I left the bed feeling magnanimous, thoughts of the baby adding a little steel to my morning wood. I had visions of pinning her to the shower wall and drilling her.
Something about what she was singing caught my attention and I stopped to listen. I’m not sure what it was exactly, maybe the sad quality to the tune itself, or the raw emotion in her voice as she sang the words, but something stopped me in my tracks.
The words made me feel strange, the words and the way she sung them, like her fucking heart was breaking.
I caught a few of the words and reminded myself to look it up later when I had time.
Choosing not to let anything spoil the mood that still lingered from the night before, I joined her in the shower.
I had my arms wrapped around her from behind before she even knew I was there. I bit her ear playfully as I ran my hands over her tits.
She softened and leaned back against me, spreading her legs for my fingers to fuck.
She rubbed her ass against my cock until I was leaking pre-cum down her ass and thighs.
“Lean over and spread your legs for me.” She placed her hands flat on the wall and spread her legs, lifting her ass higher, making it easier for my cock to slide into her upturned pussy.
“Ahhh; so fucking hot.” Her pussy sucked me in and held me. I held her hips as I fucked into her as hard as I dared to.
Burying my face in her neck, I sucked her flesh between my teeth, and with one hand on her clit and the other squeezing her tit, I fucked her until she screamed.
I was pretty sure that was going to wake Mia so I hurried to the finish, only this time with my son already in her womb, I wanted to enjoy another one of my favorites.
Pulling out of her hot pussy, I turned her around and helped her to her knees. “Open.” She opened her mouth and held her head b
ack for my cock.
I fed her inch by inch of my cock until she gagged, then I pulled back and face fucked her until she sucked the cum from my balls.
I helped her to her feet when she was done and took her mouth with mine, holding her head in my hands tenderly.
I took sweet little nibbles of her lips as the water ran down on us, something I hadn’t allowed myself the pleasure of doing, not really, in all this time.
“I’m going to make an appointment for you to see the doctor, then we have to meet with the specialist and see what, if anything we need to do.”
I actually hugged her for the first time outside of bed, before grabbing the soap and the washcloth to scrub her clean.
***
After making all the necessary arrangements, I locked myself in my home office under the pretense of working.
There was some of that that needed tending to, but I had something more important to attend to this morning.
I felt like an ass as I typed the words in the search box, but I needed to know.
‘Let me watch you go with the sun in my eyes.’ What was it about that one line that pierced me to my very soul?
The whole thing came up on the screen and I read it word for word, growing more mystified with each line.
The whole fucking song was like a blueprint for the fuckery that was our past relationship. The only thing is I still don’t know why she’d left me and the song didn’t exactly explain.
“What the fuck happened baby?” Baby? What the fuck? I jumped up from my seat and paced in front of my desk.
I was really fighting here to hang on to what was, to separate fact from fiction. My mind could be playing tricks on me, making me see things that weren’t there. I can’t go back there with her again, I just fucking can’t.
I can accept the fact that I was still in love with her, but I couldn’t throw my hat in that ring again, no fucking way.
It was good about the baby, not only for Mia’s sake but the sake of the child itself. I had made up my mind not to hold the past against her any longer, to let bygones be bygones.
His Secret Child Page 12