by Anna Gracie
not think we have ever been as close to the stars as we were in the
mountains. Do you remember when you said it was as if you could truly
just reach out and touch them? "
Tallie did not reply. Magnus tightened his grip around her, silently
willing the return of his eager, excited bride. It was the sort of
night which would have had her in raptures just a short time ago.
Tallie sighed.
"It is difficult to believe so much time has passed... Sometimes it
feels like it was just a week or so, and at others... a lifetime."
"It's just over two months," murmured Magnus.
"But it feels like less, doesn't it?"
Magnus slipped his free hand under her cloak, laying it on the rounded
curve of her belly.
"It feels like more to me."
Tallie smiled and leaned her head against him.
"You've coped magnificently, my dear." Magnus pulled her closer. There
had been times he'd thought he'd never get her home safely.
The journey had taken much longer than anticipated, and had been much
more arduous. For when they had reached the Swiss border they had
discovered that Napoleon had invaded Switzerland as well. There had
been no alternative but to head into Lombardy, and then east, towards
the Austrian border. Numerous times they'd had to scramble off the
road and hide from French soldiers.
Once over the border, they'd made their way towards Vienna. From there
they had travelled to Prague, on to Dresden, and thence to Berlin.
From Berlin they had headed towards the coast, and finally, at Husum,
in Schleswig-Holstein, they'd managed to secure passage on the packet
Lark, which was crowded with other fugitives--not only Englishmen and
women, but others hostile to Napoleon's conquests.
They had boarded the boat with great relief, only to spend the next two
anxious weeks at anchor, waiting for a favourable wind. Magnus had
chafed at the delay. But now, finally, after six days and nights of
sailing, England lay ahead.
"You have become a much better sailor, have you not?" Magnus was
determined to cheer her. He hated to see her so low in spirits.
She shrugged.
"I suppose it has something to do with my condition."
Magnus trailed his knuckles down her cool cheek in a gentle caress.
"Are you not enjoying this beautiful night, my dear? You are cold,
perhaps? Would you like to return to your cabin?"
"No, not at all. You are right, my love--it is a lovely night," said
Tallie sadly.
"On such a night one finds it almost impossible to imagine that there
is such ugliness in this world as war..."
But she knew there was, because lashed to the deck in front of her,
secured in oilskin bags, were all the important papers on
board--passports, regimentals, letters and dispatches. The captain of
the Lark had ordered them secured out in the open--ready to be tossed
overboard should the ship be boarded by the French. It was no idle
threat, because for two days their ship had been pursued by French
cruisers. On the third night the Lark had managed to slip away.
And so she was safe. but her little brother was still in danger. Her
unknown little brother, so much more real to her now than he had been
when first she had decided to search for him. A bad, merry little boy.
alone in the mountains. She hoped there were plenty of apples for him
to steal. but winter was drawing nearer.
"Oh, I do hope he will be all right."
Magnus frowned. He knew full well who he was. She'd spoken of him
almost every day since they had left Carlotta's, just like this--out of
the blue--indicating how constantly he was in her thoughts.
He wished there was something he could do about it, but there was
nothing. He'd racked his brains, over and over. It was his
unexpressed opinion that the boy was probably dead, but he would rather
cut off his hand than say so and distress her further. But he could
not bear to see his vivacious little bride so wan, and his inability to
do anything about it chafed him unbearably.
"No doubt one of Carlotta's relatives will find him," he said
bracingly.
"They do turn up in the most unexpected places."
He inclined his head towards the couple standing at the rail near the
bow of the ship. Monique and Gino--the handsome young nephew who had
followed them to Switzerland and then Austria. Finally, in Berlin, he
had convinced Monique to marry him.
"I hope I won't be obliged to provide homes and jobs for all
of'Carlotta's relatives," Magnus murmured jokingly in her ear.
"I doubt even d'Arenville Hall is big enough for them all. "
Tallie smiled, but it was still a trifle too wistful for his liking.
Damn it, he wished he could do something.
It was almost an anticlimax to land at the placid English town of
Southwold, with its small fleet of sailing boats and its line of little
bathing boxes arrayed along the beach.
They found an inn, and Magnus and Tallie entered while John Black went
to hire a coach and horses. The smell of new- baked bread and roasting
beef informed them dinner was almost ready. Tallie's stomach rumbled
as they sat down to table in a private dining room. Magnus smiled.
"It smells very good, does it not, my dear? At last--fresh bread and
good honest English beef with no fancy sauces. And plain baked
potatoes and boiled vegetables." He rubbed his hands.
"A real pleasure after all that foreign food and our recent rations of
pickled pork and ship's biscuits."
Tallie cast him a look of burning reproach.
"At least we always had plenty to eat. We were never in danger of
starving."
Magnus gritted his teeth. It was not his fault they had not been able
to stay and search for her brother, blast it! And he was getting fed
up with feeling guilty about it. He had his wife to protect--and her
unborn child! What did she expect him to do?
Take a pregnant wife on a wild-goose chase, searching for a child who'd
been abandoned in the mountains God only knew how long ago! No child
would have survived that. Even without the added danger of the war, it
would have been an exercise in heartbreak--and he knew whose heart
would break. And he was damned if he'd allow it!
"You cannot prevent your brother starving by starving yourself," he
said bluntly. "And besides, you have another child to consider."
"Oh, yes, I am well aware of that!" she retorted, suddenly angry with
the way he kept trying to divert her from speaking of her brother.
"A more important child-your child, the heir to the great d'Arenville
name. Not some poor little lost, half- foreign bastard--' She stopped,
clapping her hand to her mouth, horrified by what she'd suddenly
blurted out.
"A bastard?" said Magnus, frowning.
"Your brother is a bastard? He is only a half brother, then?"
"No, he is my brother'." she insisted angrily.
"I do' not care what Mama may have done, or who his father may have
been. I do not care a rush for what anyone may say--he is my
brother!"
&nbs
p; "But-' She pushed her chair back from the table and said bitterly.
"I planned never to tell you. I knew how it would be. The noble
family of d'Arenville must never be tainted with such as he."
She glared at him.
"Oh, do not bother to deny it, Magnus, I can see from the look on your
face what you think. That is why I never told you why it was so
important to me to find my mother's grave, why I went off into the
mountains to search for him without your permission.
I knew what you would say, knew you would find some way to prevent me
finding him. "
"I was not responsible for the blasted war breaking out again!"
She waved his objection away.
"I know that! But even without it you would not have taken me into the hills to search, would you?
"
He met her level gaze.
"No, I probably would not have allowed my pregnant wife to drag herself
around the mountains on some wild-goose chase--' " Exactly! And if I
had found him, what then? "
Magnus hesitated.
"You would have considered him an embarrassment, wouldn't you?" She
nodded, as if she had read confirmation in his eyes.
"I thought as much. You would have sent him away to be hidden from the
eyes of the world, wouldn't you? Farmed him out with a tenant--the
more obscure and distant the better, no doubt." She sniffed.
"And you wonder why I did not tell you."
She seemed to have it all worked out, he thought dully.
She thumped her fist on the table.
"Well, I won't have it. Do you hear me, Magnus? As soon as this
frightful war is over I will go back there myself and search until I
have found him. Do you understand? And I will bring him home and we
will be a family. I do love you, Magnus, but if you do not like it,
you can... you can disown me!" She burst into tears and fled the
room.
Magnus sat there, unmoving, his face stiff and hard. So that was what
she thought of him, was it? That he would be so shocked by a bastard
half brother. an unknown bastard half brother who meant more to her
than and that he valued his family name more than. You can disown
me. The choice she expected him to make.
Yes, her news had come as a surprise to him. What man would not be
shocked? But he had said nothing. nothing to make her think. She
certainly seemed to feel she understood him well enough to predict his
reaction. She'd been judge, jury and executioner.
Would he have predicted her reaction with such complete and utter
certainty? Yes, he realised ruefully. His wife was nothing if not
predictable. She was loyal and loving. It was not in her to turn
her back on anyone who needed her--not a bastard half brother. Not
even a cold-hearted earl. She still claimed to love him. He still
found the notion terrifying even though he had come to depend on it
utterly for his happiness.
Happiness. Six months ago happiness had been a foreign concept to Lord
d'Arenville of d'Arenville Hall. As had love. He loved his wife. He
recognised the truth of it now. He loved her, loved Tallie, with an
intensity that rocked him to his soul. And he had no way, no words
with which to tell her.
The words sounded easy enough, simple enough to say.
The words came to others so easily--a lie to smooth a path, to get a
diamond necklace, to flatter, to deceive. He had never been able to
utter the lie before. Had never expected to wish to.
But now he loved her.
And he could not say the words.
She wouldn't believe him anyway, he decided. Not after what she had
just revealed. She thought him a cold, proud man, who cared only for
his family name. Her reading of his character had shocked him, hurt
him. Because there was an element of truth. She expected him to
disown her bastard half brother and to force her to do the same. And
six months ago, before he had met her, he might have. Six months ago
he would have had every expectation that a wife of his would no more
acknowledge a foreign-born bastard half brother than walk naked down
St. James's Street. But that was six months ago.
A great deal had changed in six months--not the least Lord d'Arenville.
Magnus drained the tankard of ale at his elbow and called for another.
He knew what he had to do.
"That is d'Arenville Hall?" Tallie peered out of the coach window,
looking up at the imposing edifice with some trepidation. It was
enormous. A great grey building, heavy with carved, ancient stonework,
glittering mullioned windows the only sign of life.
"Your future home, my lady," murmured Magnus behind her.
Tallie blinked. She could not imagine herself as mistress of such an
impressive establishment. And as for a small boy who'd been raised by
Italian peasants. "It ... it's very grand," she said at last, casting
him a quick glance.
He still had that. that stony look on his face. He hadn't forgiven
her for her outburst yet.
He seemed deeply offended by her desire to provide a home for her
brother. It upset Tallie to think of it, and she was distressed by his
coldness towards her, but she had resolved not to give in to him on
this. Her husband would have to learn to accept that at times she
could be just as stubborn as he.
And if she couldn't go into raptures about his home she was sorry. It
was very difficult to manufacture delight she didn't feel, especially
difficult when he kept looking at her like that.
It was her fault, she knew. She had annoyed him with her defiance, and
he was punishing her with his stiff and starchy manner. But now that
they'd finally arrived at her husband's home she would have the
opportunity to mend their differences. Hopefully they would share a
bed once more. Their differences had a better chance of being sorted
out there, in her experience. Tallie sighed. It had been a long time.
She'd had to share her ship's cabin with three other ladies. She
missed him in her bed most dreadfully. missed the comfort of waking in
the night, feeling his warm body beside hers, hearing his deep, even
breathing. It was lonely in bed without him. And since their quarrel
she felt lonelier than ever.
The coach drew up on the curved, immaculately raked gravel drive and a
string of servants poured from the house and lined up.
"The butler's name is Harris and Mrs. Cobb is the housekeeper. They
will take their instructions from you," said Magnus gravely. He moved
solemnly forward, introducing this servant or that. It was all
horribly formal, Tallie thought, as she received yet another bow and
curtsy. She walked into the huge marble entry hall. Her steps echoed
and she shivered.
"Are you cold?" Magnus enquired with cool solicitude.
"Harris, please show Lady d'Arenville into the Brown Room. I presume
you've lit a fire?"
Harris bowed.
"Yes, of course, my lord. This way, my lady."
Tallie was ushered to the Brown Room. It was enormous and gloomy, for
the windows were shrouded with heavy brown velvet curtains. The room
was stuf
fed with large, ornate, heavy items of furniture. Tallie
wrinkled her nose. Everything upholstered in the same horrid dark
brown. She wandered over to the fire, having to step around no fewer
than three occasional tables, two embroidered fire screens and a
settee. The room was immaculately clean, but she felt stifled. She
thought instantly of the little peasant cottage in the mountains of
Piedmonte and its cosy simplicity. She pushed the thought out of her
mind with a pang of regret. There was no use in her worrying about her
brother just now. This was her new home and she needed to accustom
herself to the fact. Besides, she had fences to mend with her husband.
A few minutes later Magnus entered, followed by Mrs. Cobb, the housekeeper.
"Are you warm now?" he asked. Tallie nodded.
"Then Mrs. Cobb will show you to your room. You will wish to rest.
I've ordered a tray sent up for your dinner," he informed her.
No, Tallie wanted to cry, I do not wish to rest. I want you to show me
your home and introduce me to all your favourite haunts. I want you to
tell me stories of when you were a little boy growing up here, so that
I may learn to love this hideous mausoleum. I want things to be normal