Chaos Theory

by Susan Harris

  I knew that, the first time we met, he’d been intrigued by me because female vampires were few and far between. Now, I had his full attention; I was fairly confident he’d be focused on me in the near future rather than attacking humans.

  “We must reconvene another day, Beauty. I am eager to discover if your skin feels as soft as it looks.”

  Rooted to the spot, I watched as the rogue fled the incoming sun’s rays, ducking once again out of view. I remained standing on the bridge until I felt the heat of the sun on my skin, and then I used my speed to get back to Nickolai’s apartment complex just in time.

  Once inside the private elevator, I mulled over the reactions of those who no doubt awaited my arrival. The doors pinged as they opened, and the moment I stepped into the penthouse, all three men stood as if they hadn’t expected me to appear.

  I guessed we were having a slumber party for the day. Awesome.

  Jack stepped forward, opening his mouth to speak, but I held up a hand to stop him. Whatever apologies or platitudes he’d planned on saying were not warranted, and we had bigger fish to fry than dealing with my obvious mental health issues.

  “The rogue is eastern European and was either part of a court at one point or at the very least was raised by wealthy vampires. His accent sounds Hungarian, but I can’t be sure. He knew about the issues we’re having with blood and possible extinction. Not sure he knows who I am or who Nickolai is,” I said, wrapping up my intel report, “but he did offer to make me his queen after we bathe in blood together.”

  With a shrug, I turned toward the kitchen, grabbed a bottle of blood from the counter, twisted the cap off, and drank down a few gulps, resting my forehead on the closed fridge door. A moment later, I sensed Nickolai coming up behind me.

  “Are you okay?”

  Straightening, I turned, leaning against the fridge as Nickolai rested against the counter. The space between the counter and the kitchen area was small, made even more so by Nickolai’s bulk. Broad shoulders, a stomach Tom Hardy would have been envious of, tree-trunk legs; when Nickolai became king, he would lead from the front, and his people would adore him for it.

  “I’m good,” I said. “He didn’t get near me. Plus, I can handle myself.”

  Nickolai smiled, and I tried to ignore the sensation in my stomach as he said, “I wasn’t worried about that. The rogue doesn’t know what he’s let himself in for. I just hope I get to watch.”

  I returned his smile as he continued. “I was referring to what you said before you ran out. Ryan—”

  “Look, Nicky,” I interjected, unwilling to discuss my little slip of the tongue. “Forget it, okay? I’m not going to walk into the sun. I have a job to do, and I’ll do it. We need to concentrate on the rogue and completing your mission. Everything else can wait.”

  I stepped around him as his hand fell on the crook of my elbow. “You can talk to me, you know. I mean, I’m not sure either of us will fit in the cupboard under the stairs anymore, but I can try and squeeze in if it makes you feel better.”

  The image of Nickolai squeezing himself into our childhood cubbyhole dragged a howl of laughter from me. Atticus and Jack glanced over at us as I shook my head.

  “I’m not sure you could survive the embarrassment, Nicky. Imagine the guard having to knock down a wall to yank your ass free. On seconds thought, try it—I’d pay good money to see that.”

  Nickolai growled, but there was laughter in his eyes as he gently pushed me away. Grinning more than I expected to, I flopped down on a chair next to Atticus and Jack, kicked off my shoes, and set my feet on the table in front of me.

  “Anything else, Ryan? You notice anything else about the rogue that could be useful?”

  I nodded my head as I drank from my bottle again. “You know that show, Chicago P.D.? The rogue sounded like Voight from it, just with an accent—you know, gravelly, like he’d suffered an injury to his voice and it hadn’t healed properly.”

  Atticus and Jack shared a look.

  I sat up straighter in my chair. “What? Do you know who he is?”

  Jack rubbed the back of his neck, glancing up at Nickolai.

  They were clearly keeping something from me even though I was the one who’d found out about the rogue. I couldn’t believe they were looking for Nickolai’s permission to fill me in. Rage began to bubble up inside my chest, and I felt my skin heat as I got to my feet and shook my head.

  “You know what, Jack? Don’t tell me. I’ll find out by myself. I give it two nights before he seeks me out again. Keep your secrets.” Turning to Nickolai, I added, “Since you have two strong, capable members of the Royal Guard to watch you, I’m taking the bed.”

  Surging forward, I slammed the bedroom door behind me before anyone could speak.

  I paced the length of the room, too mad to lie down. I didn’t think I was angry at them, really—more the fact if I had a penis, I’d be more included.

  The rogue’s words sounded in my mind. “It is not the nature of male vampires to leave such a prize to venture out by herself.”

  Was that all I was, a prize to be won? Was Katerina humoring me with a position in the Royal Guard in the hopes I’d get bored, suddenly overwhelmed with the need to become a mother, and the crown would get what they wanted in the end?

  With a sigh, I glanced over at Nickolai’s bed. It had been made with military precision, not a crease out of place. My body ached at how comfy it looked, and I couldn’t wait to sleep my brains out.

  Stripping off my leggings, I shucked off my jacket and tossed it to the side, unclasping my sai belt and setting it down on the bedside table. I liked to keep them close to me, as if having them nearby would summon the ghost of my mother, as if she were with me every single time I wielded her weapons.

  Yanking back the covers, I slipped into the bed and smothered a groan. After six weeks of sleeping—or rather, not sleeping—in an air vent, lying down on this bed felt as if I were lying on a cloud of cotton candy. I reached over to the nightstand in search of a book, cursing as I realized I’d left mine with Krista.

  There was no way in hell was I walking back into the living room, so I laid my head back and stared at the ceiling for what felt like forever. Considering how weary my body was, I was almost impressed how well sleep continued to evade me. I growled, punching the mattress as a knock sounded on the door a second before it opened.

  Nickolai slipped inside, waving my worn book in the air. He must have gotten it back for me from Krista. “I know you can’t sleep unless you’ve at least read a few pages,” he said, holding out the book to me.

  How did he know that about me? How did he seem to know a lot of things about me when I’d gone to extreme lengths to distance myself from those I cared for?

  My lips remained shut as I sat up in bed, our fingers grazing as he handed me the book. He glanced around the room, looking the least comfortable I’d seen him in a long time.

  “What?”

  “I’m wondering how to ask you if I can stay here tonight without you thinking I’m being forward.”

  “I know it might be a foreign concept to most of the males of our species, but how about you just be straightforward and stop skirting around the truth? Eve only knows, maybe I’d be reasonable if you treated me as an equal.”

  A muscle ticked in Nickolai’s jaw as he rolled his eyes. “The reason Jack didn’t say anything is because you do not have clearance to know. You are not Royal Guard just yet. The secrets we keep are for the safety of the entire court, not just something we do to piss you off.”

  Now it was my turn to roll my eyes. “Puh-lease. I’m not that conceited. I cannot do my job effectively if I only know half the facts. In fact, knowing half the facts will likely get either you or I killed. I don’t care about secrets and lies, Nicky. I just want to do my job.”

  Sitting down on the edge of his own bed, Nickolai scrubbed a hand down his face. “Not even I have clearance to tell you,” he said, “but we will. I already sent a request t
o my mother for it. We should be able to brief you soon.”

  “Okay.”

  Nickolai smirked. “Okay? That’s all I get?”

  “I can’t argue your reasoning.”

  Nickolai’s mouth dropped open.

  “Shut your mouth,” I said with another eye roll. “You’ll catch flies.”

  Opening my book, I began to read, though I couldn’t concentrate on the words even though I read them maybe a dozen times. Nickolai remained quiet, sitting there at the end of the bed.

  “Okay, Romanov, spit it out,” I snapped. “You’re getting on my nerves and interrupting my reading time. Why are you hiding in here with me?”

  Nickolai glanced down at the floor, then cleared his throat before he replied, his words low and hushed. “I’m giving them some alone time. It’s rare they get to spend the whole day together, so I said I’d sleep in here with you.”

  Confused, I set the book down. “Why would Jack and Atticus need alone time? I mean, they’re guardsmen—they spend all night with each other. Why would they need to spend the day toge—”

  My words broke off as it finally dawned on me, my eyes widening as my mouth formed an O. Atticus and Jack? Damn… how had I never noticed? But hey, that wasn’t my main concern.

  While same-sex relationships were not something the crown forbid, it was frowned upon since our species was dwindling. How had they managed to keep it a secret for so long? And why was Nickolai telling me now?

  “How long have you known?” I asked.

  “Awhile. I’ve been training some with Jack lately, and Atticus was hanging around. The way they were with each other, it was too familiar to just be comrades in arms. I never said anything until Atticus told me himself, drunk one night after a fight with Jack. There are only four alive who know their secret.”

  Shaking my head, I chewed on my bottom lip as I mulled this over. “You shouldn’t have told me,” I said finally.

  “Jack ordered me to,” he replied. “He said it was harder to sit next to Atticus and not touch him than it would be to have you know their secret.”

  Jack had been my father’s closest friend—even more so than Anatoly. Jack had stood beside me as we gave my parents a warrior’s funeral. Jack had kept his eye on me when everyone else had given up. Did I care if he was in a relationship with Atticus? Hell no!

  I grinned at Nickolai. “I mean, when you think about it, I guess it’s kinda hot. They’re both rather handsome—not my shot of vodka, but I can still admire it.”

  Nickolai rolled his eyes, and any tension in his shoulders seemed to evaporate. Getting to his feet, he grabbed a pillow off the bed and tossed it on the ground. As he went to lie down on the floor, I surprised us both by asking what he was doing.

  “Going to sleep, Ryan. What does it look like I’m doing?”

  Ever the mature and sophisticated one, I stuck out my tongue at him as I scooted over in the bed. “Get in before I change my mind. And keep your hands to yourself.”

  He stared until I growled.

  “Give me a second,” he said. “I’m trying to decide if it’s worth the pain of listening to you snore all night.”

  I threw a pillow at him before turning my attention back to my book. Nickolai laughed, lying on the bed fully clothed, his arms behind his head. We said nothing, lying in silence until the words began to blur on the page and my eyes grew heavy.

  I vaguely felt Nickolai pluck the book from my hands and tuck the covers up to my chin. I let loose a sigh as I smiled, allowing myself to drift off to sleep and feel safe for the first time since I was seven.

  11

  I slept better than I had in a long time but woke to find Nickolai gone; the only reminder we’d shared the space was the dwindling heat on his side of the bed. I stretched out my limbs, casting aside the duvet and pulling on my leggings before I walked out of the bedroom barefoot.

  Night had crept in quietly, descending around us while I’d slept the day away. When the clock struck seven, I realized I’d slept longer than I’d planned. The apartment was quiet, with only Nickolai remaining, his eyes scanning a textbook as he balanced a notebook on his knee and jotted down notes.

  “Jack and Atticus left to update Idris on our progress,” he said, barely looking up from his notetaking. “Jack asked me to invite you to coffee on Friday night if you wanted to talk on neutral ground. He was adamant I let you sleep.”

  “I’ll text him.”

  “I told Mother we would not be home for Samhain. Told her there were too many things going on around campus for me to disappear.”

  Coming into the sitting area, I sank down into the chair. “Why do I feel a but coming? You don’t have a happy tone.”

  Nickolai sat back in his seat and set the notebook aside. Watching me with tentative eyes, he said, “Kristoph is going to stop by for a visit. He suggested we all go for dinner on Saturday evening.”

  I arched a brow. “The three of us?”

  “The four of us.”

  I snorted, chortling as I shook my head. “If either of you expect me to sit down opposite Natalia and not stab her with a fork, then you’re both nuts.”

  “I have to go. As my nominated bodyguard, you have to be there. If you want to sit off to the side and not speak to us, I understand. It just seems a shame for you to miss out on eating at Murphy’s because of Natalia.”

  By day, Murphy’s was a quintessential Irish pub, but when darkness descended, the back room became a vampire restaurant whose menu vampires travelled across the world to sample. The wait list for a table—assuming one could afford to dine there—was several months long. The night chef was a vampire, and the food… Well, the food was to die for.

  “You fight dirty.”

  Nickolai grinned.

  I clucked my tongue at him. “It will be your fault if I end up stabbing her.”

  “At least we’ll all be entertained.”

  We fell into silence, Nickolai turning back to his books as I went to the kitchen to make myself some breakfast. I brewed some coffee and poured it into two mugs, setting one down in front of Nickolai before returning to butter my toast and eat it as I stood looking out the window.

  I left Nickolai to his own devices as I showered and changed, having grabbed my bag of clothes out of the living room. I spent a little time brushing the knots out of my hair, then plucked out a can of hairspray, something I hadn’t done in weeks as I’d tried to remain stealthy. I didn’t have to hide now, so I shook out the can and sprayed the tips of my hair with a light, frosted blue.

  While the color was drying, I left my hair down and went back outside. Nickolai was tapping away on his phone but stopped when he heard me approach. He blinked at the sight of my hair but didn’t mention it.

  “The guys want me to go play a game of soccer with them. We won’t have classes until next week, so I said I’d go.”

  “Okay.”

  “I would suggest you stay here and get some rest, but I know that’s not going to happen.”

  I replied with a nonchalant shrug.

  We readied ourselves to head out after Nickolai changed into shorts and a tee, each grabbing a water bottle from the fridge even though we both knew a human soccer game was barely a warmup. I slipped my jacket on once I’d secured my sai, making sure I was equipped to face the rogue should he appear.

  “Nickolai,” I said as I waited by the door, waiting until the crown prince gave me his full attention before I spoke once again. “If the rogue does attack, you need to act as if you’re human. You need to pretend to be afraid. You can’t rush off like Superman and try to save the day. If you want to keep up the pretense, then you need to be completely human.”

  Nickolai bounced on his feet. “I consider myself more Batman than Superman. Does that make you Catwoman or Supergirl?”

  “If the next words out of your mouth are about you thinking of me in a catsuit, I’ll knock your fangs into your stomach for you.”

  A slow grin spread across Nickolai’s
face. “I wasn’t before, but I am now.”

  Letting loose an exasperated sigh, I pressed the button and ordered the elevator downward without waiting for Nickolai, the vampire slipping in at the last possible minute.

  Once outside the apartment complex, we crossed the quad quickly. The amount of security around the college had increased significantly, but even a dozen of these men would be no match for a dangerous, bloodthirsty rogue.

  Making our way to the field where we’d first encountered the rogue, I stayed hidden in the alleyway while Nickolai stepped into view. His friends called out to him, already kicking a ball around, but Nickolai hesitated, staring over his shoulder at me even as I waved him forward.

  Coming back into the alleyway, he tried to steer me out, but I dug my heels in and refused to move.

  “Come and watch us play.”

  “No thanks.”

  “Are you ashamed to be seen with me?”

  Snorting, I shook my head. “No. I just have no intention of being the subject of gossip and speculation. I get that enough at home.”

  “You’ve never let it bother you before, Ryan.”

  “Contrary to popular opinion,” I said, folding my arms across my chest, “I’m not made of stone. I might not be easily offended, but I am easily annoyed.”

  Nickolai’s eyes went from mine to his friends. “I’d never let them insult you.”

  “You’re not going to just let me stay here in the shadows, are you?”

  It was Nickolai’s turn to shake his head, flashing me an irritating grin as he nudged me out of the alley and into view. I was aware of the boys all watching us with amusement and interest as Nickolai and I walked onto the field together. Nickolai playfully nudged my shoulder with his as we walked along, and I glared at him.

  He cast me a mischievous grin as he walked with an annoying swagger to meet up with his friends. The boys clapped him on the back, grinning like idiots.

  “Nicky!” I yelled after him as I came to a stop by the edge of the pitch and sat down on the grass. “Remember what the doctor said. Try and avoid contact with others until the test results come back. We don’t know if that rash is contagious.”