“Th-the rumors?” she squeaked. “I mean, I heard that and I just thought because…”
“Because I seem like it?”
“No. Because you never mention anything about it.” She kept her gaze literally riveted on her own boots. But… he was still right next to her. Her stupid eyes weren’t cooperating and she kind of snuck a peek at his long legs, which she followed with another glimpse of his waist. His waist was right next to her. She suddenly snapped her face up when she realized what she was doing.
“It? Meaning sex? You think because I don’t tell you the details of who I’m sleeping with, that must mean I’m gay?”
“There’s nothing wrong with it,” she insisted.
“No. There’s not. I’m just telling you, I’m not.”
“But… you never are connected to anyone.”
“Because whoever I’m with prefers to keep it that way.”
Her eyes jerked up to his before she snapped them downward again. He sighed as he sat up next to her and hooked his arms around his legs.
“My brothers always wondered about it. I just thought you were being… smart. Quiet. Just being you.”
“Your brothers also never noticed how you start nearly dancing around, you’re so grossed out at the mere mention of sex. I politely choose not to talk about it in front of you.”
“But… even Shane wouldn’t answer them.”
“Shane knows I don’t like your brothers to know who I’m sleeping with. He might be their best friend, but he’s my brother, first and foremost. He doesn’t spread any shit about me.”
“Shane knows? And who are you with? I’ve never even heard you being connected to anyone. I would know if you had a girlfriend.”
“Being with a girl isn’t having a girlfriend. We’re… friends. We just like to sleep together.”
“Who is it?”
“I’m not telling you. She likes it kept quieter than I do even.”
She? Suddenly, she had to know who it was. Who could Ian be having sex with? She was torn between humiliation and undying curiosity. She was also really offended she didn’t have a clue as to whom it could be.
“Kailynn?”
She swallowed and hunkered down, resting her chin on her knees. The beautiful day and their former bonding kind of wilted and withered inside her chest. “I’m sorry.”
He tossed his hat up and caught it, distracting her enough to finally lift her head off her knees. “I’ve heard the rumors. I’ve never really cared they were out there. It just surprised me you believed them.”
“You knew? Doesn’t it drive you nuts?”
“What do I care? I know what I am. I don’t need to prove it to anyone else. And if I were? I wouldn’t give a shit. I would just be. But being private about it, I am, no matter what.”
Why couldn’t she not give a shit? Why did she obsess over what people thought about her? The same people she wanted to get away from? How could she fail to see how much there was to admire about Ian?
He bumped her shoulder with his. “If you thought I was gay, why did you worry so much about your privacy? Now I’m surprised you didn’t just strip down for me. That would have been a lot more fun way for me to hear what you really thought of me.”
Unbelievably, a laugh bubbled in her throat. “I’m always private about that stuff.”
“I might have played along if you had done that.”
Finally, after mustering all her internal grit, she lifted her gaze to meet his. His blue eyes were so pale, they almost looked gray as they twinkled with amusement. He didn’t look mad, although most of the other guys she knew would have been pissed beyond words.
“Would it help convince you if I started talking like your brothers? Or Shane? ‘Cause I can. I know what to say. But just so you know, and if you ever get out of this godforsaken valley, every man who doesn’t talk about the pussy he ate or entered the previous night, isn’t necessarily gay. Perhaps, he just has common manners and normal decency. Or he just might be old-fashioned enough not to talk like that in front of women.”
A tiny smile started to lift one side of his mouth. “Okay; so noted,” she replied, adding, “and please don’t start doing that. It’s something I appreciate very much about you.”
“Honestly, I didn’t know you appreciated anything. Jack never talks that way. Tell me, did you think he was gay too?”
“Well, no. He had Lily, and then Erin showed up, I mean, all of them were hot for her. You were the only guy who wasn’t.”
“How do you know that?”
“Because you never looked at her.”
“I looked. I watched her pull up the very first day.”
Kailynn glanced up at him. She remembered looking out the living room window as Erin exited the car with her small, tiny body and perfect face. She managed to drive all the men at the ranch upside down and Kailynn saw it the second she spotted Jack and Joey with her. “So did I. Jack and Joey were like Rottweilers, circling for the last bone.”
“She’s pretty hot. Can’t blame them. It would have been Shane and me if we’d been out there. I just saw those guys and knew it was between them already.”
Her jaw dropped open. “Are you for real? We’re talking about Erin? Your almost sister-in-law.”
“Uh-huh. But not my sister. Do you want me to tell you what is so hot on her?”
She shook her head no, sensing he was teasing her, but she never heard him talk like that. Or use words like “hot” and “pussy” or talk about fighting over a girl.
“Besides, Erin wasn’t what I wanted.”
“It’s your mysterious girlfriend.”
“No. I already told you who. You just never listened to me.”
He did? When? What was he talking about? She shifted her butt around, suddenly conscious they were talking about sex, which was not something she ever discussed with anyone. Even Erin. She racked her brain and could not recall a single moment when they ever discussed it before. Isn’t that how she came to the whole he must be gay conclusion?
“Who? Who do you want most of all?”
“You. I want you, Kailynn.”
She jerked to attention and slowly turned her head towards him. He stared right at her. There was not even a flinch of embarrassment, only his gaze, strong and frank, staring at her. Her breath caught and she felt her pulse starting to flutter as blood rushed under her skin. Sweat broke out on her back. You. Did he really just say that? Then she remembered a conversation when she asked whom he even liked or wanted and he said the same cryptic thing: you. He wanted her? Was he for real? She originally shrugged it off because it seemed so unbelievable.
Her breath hitched again and she clenched her fists in her lap. What could Ian Rydell want with her? They were nothing. Friends? Neighbors? Business associates? What? He didn’t want her. It felt so surreal. Like she just drifted straight out of her body.
Still holding her gaze with an eye lock that seemed to send shivers down to the last lumbar vertebra in her spine, he seemed to be penetrating her heart. Her breath exhaled from her mouth when her lips opened in a small gasp. He was leaning towards her and still holding her gaze. Still observing her. Bold and strong, he was letting her know exactly what he was doing; and all she had to do was make a decision.
She didn’t lean towards him, or move away either. His lips touched hers. His mouth was soft and subtle at first. A little dry, yet pleasant. He eased back and looked up into her eyes. She couldn’t so much as blink. Her chest rose and fell almost as fast as her heart was beating. “Fuck it,” he suddenly mumbled as his mouth returned to hers. This time, the searching, as well as the softness were gone. His mouth felt hard and firm when it touched hers before he pushed his tongue into her mouth. His large hand came up to the back of her head and he cupped the bottom of her skull. Tilting her face up, he swiftly took advantage of the new angle. His tongue stroked hers, and he licked her lips. His teeth nipped gently on her lips, feeling strong and sure and macho, the exact opposite of everyt
hing she’d previously thought about him.
He kissed her for long minutes. On and on, his mouth played with hers. It was like a lifetime of making out. Her body started to soften from its rigidity, and her almost prissy straight up posture relaxed. Her stomach started to grow warm as waves of pleasure rippled down to her extremities. She slipped her tongue into his mouth finally. She touched the tip of it to his lips and tongue. He liked it. She could tell when his hands cupped her face, and he pulled her closer.
She shifted so her knees were beneath her and he didn’t have to bend down so awkwardly. He shifted his hands to her waist, encircling her. Did he think she was fat? He was so lean. Like a strap of leather, all hard lines and stringy tendons. Nothing soft like she was.
His mouth opened even more and his tongue nearly devoured her as he bent her head back. Using his other hand, which he tangled in her hair, he yanked out her ponytail and wrapped her hair around his hand. She whimpered as her insides suddenly exploded and her nerve endings felt like they were short-circuiting.
His hands strummed up and down her waist over her t-shirt. She was virtually lost. He gently laid her back so her head landed on the saddle blanket. He adjusted his body alongside hers, and lifted a hand, which he pushed through her hair. It cascaded down as he cupped her face and devoured her mouth with his. He was half on top of her, and her eyes were closed. She never felt this way before. Almost as though she were being lifted outside her body. She could only relish the strange sensations and couldn’t seem to remember where she was, or even who she was at that moment.
His mouth made little kisses in the corner of her mouth, her cheek, her chin and his hands slid over her shirt. He paused over one breast, his hand supporting its weight as he circled it so his thumb could drift across her pebbled nipple. It was a soft touch. But it set her on fire. She whimpered as his thumb stroked more circles over her. His mouth was on her neck and her collarbone while his hand slid down to the edge of her t-shirt. He bunched it up with his hands, hesitating barely a moment before laying it flat on her stomach. He seemed like his handprint was practically singing her. It was so warm. So tender. No one ever touched her before. She didn’t get hugs or any displays of affection from her father or brothers. Her mother hadn’t kissed her in ten years. The few boys she messed around with never touched her with any kind of tenderness or care. This felt so different.
She wanted to arch her body up into his hands, like a grateful cat. She cherished the warmth from his big hands caressing her. She wanted to feel another human’s warmth, and have his body closer to her. He inched his hand up and seemed to know already that her bra clasp was in the front. That’s exactly where his hand stopped, and with a quick twist, it was unclasped. It slid down instantly, causing her breasts to fall to the sides. They were so big and so kneadworthy. She hated them with a passion most men could never understand. They were no more than oversized, fatty mounds to her. They hurt her back and always made her appear far fatter than she actually was.
His hands both disappeared under her shirt to fondle them. He gathered each one into his hands and did the same thumb strokes on the bare nipples that were growing even more taut and tight and achy. He did it for several minutes. She lost track of how long it was as her head went fuzzy and her body started to feel something it never had before. She became hotter and achier. He lifted his mouth off hers and pushed her shirt out of the way. She was pretty sure he was looking at her chest, but she kept her eyes shut tightly. She couldn’t bear to imagine how ugly they were now, all spread out and squishy against her chest since she was lying flat on her back. But his hands kept playing with them, and a strange yearning like she’d never felt before began to increase in concentration between her legs.
The soft, wet warmth on the end of her nipple as his tongue touched it, before his mouth took it all the way into his mouth was like heaven to her. His tongue flicked over it as he sucked. She nearly thrashed her head back and forth as he kept doing it repeatedly, before switching breasts. Then he did the same to the other while his hand replaced his mouth on the first one. It was so much stimulation that her mind felt like a steam kettle and she worried the steam would soon start escaping from her ears.
She’d been groped by boys before. She’d also had their mouths sucking on her breasts before, but she never really liked it. She couldn’t understand what the big deal was. And it never managed to create literal shock waves that began deep down in her stomach before shooting out between her legs. She was swollen and wet and knew she wanted more. Much more. Her left hand crept up from her side, moving into his hair where she fanned through the straight, glossy strands. She cradled his warm head on her breast. Trailing her hand along the side of his jaw, she could feel the tendons in his face moving as he suckled her breast, which turned her on all the more. She pushed his face harder against her before realizing what she was doing. She instantly dropped her hand, utterly embarrassed by her strange reaction.
His mouth left that breast and the cool air chilled the wet end, making it ache in a pain that was also very arousing. She almost gasped in protest. She didn’t want him to stop. Never. No. Then his mouth was back on hers. He kept cupping her face and running his hands over her forehead and into her hair using soft, reverent strokes like no one ever did with her. It was soothing. She felt like she was a rare, breakable figurine that he valued and protected. His tenderness was something she never experienced, even at the hands of her parents, and he really knew how to touch her.
But the kissing? Not so gentle or tender. Rather, it was greedy and incessant. She grew almost breathless trying to keep up with the play of his lips over hers, and his tongue’s repetitive entrance and retreat in and out of her mouth. She turned toward him when she thought he was trying to ease away, putting her on her side and he turned onto his. He ran his hands down her body, and grabbed her thigh, which he pulled over his, so he was resting right up against her. However, instead of considering this the critical moment where she usually pulled away and stopped, she pressed her hips against his.
He reciprocated and the pressure made her groan in longing. She was mindless, lost, as their mouths played longer and she strained to be closer to him. So much closer. While her shirt was up around her neck and her breasts fell between them, his hands went from rubbing her butt to playing with her nipples again, and she was soon writhing underneath him.
He somehow got both of his arms around her. She didn’t consciously realize he’d undone her jeans until he slid his hands over the backside of her jeans, peeling them down from her waist. His hands were on her bare butt cheeks and she moaned at the delicious sensation. It felt so good. Incredible. When he squeezed her closer, the warmth from his chest and his hands encased her. She was on fire. She strained towards him, almost frantically now. Moaning, she made all kinds of little, strange sounds she’d never made before.
He kissed her, touched her, pushed on her, and pressed into her, and his hands squeezed her bare flesh. His hand left her butt and slid down around the top of her thigh. He stopped and didn’t move for several minutes while he kissed her more. Finally, he slowly placed his finger at the edge of her panty line. She writhed and moaned, pushing her bottom toward that hand. He pressed under the elastic and his fingertip finally touched her seam. Instantly, the moisture there turned on. She whimpered her need, one she’d never felt before, as he slid a finger along her most private parts.
He was very quiet. Unlike her, moaning, whimpering and full of breathless sighs, he was silent. She didn’t know what he was thinking or feeling. She only knew how he felt against her skin. She cried out when the strange sensations suddenly began to drown her like a giant wave. It engulfed her entire body, not just the spots he was actually touching. It bolted down right into the ends of her toes and fingertips. Her eyes nearly rolled back into her head when a release that was so perfect, and so fulfilling erupted into a scream of pleasure from her mouth. She cried, “Oh Ian! Oh Ian! Oh my God!”
She couldn’t comp
rehend what she said. She was incoherent and could only mutter, but she said his name a lot. His hands left her body and she nearly cried out in protest, falling, as if nearly boneless, to the ground. Her eyes were still tightly shut when she felt his arms reaching above her, and heard the sounds of him fumbling around with a bag or something. Eventually, she lifted her eyelids and barely allowed the shocking, bright afternoon sun to enter her dark, sensuous thought-filled brain. She saw him holding his wallet, which he took from his horn bag before a small, square, foil packet dropped out. He threw the wallet to the side as the packet fell down between them.
Condom. Her mouth opened to say something, but when he rolled back towards her, and touched his lips on hers again, she actually forgot what she was going to say. She simply fell backwards, fully compliant, and lay on her back. His mouth filled hers again as her hands played in the soft strands of his hair, and his weight pinned her beneath him. She loved how he felt. She stretched out under him and was thrilled to see how easily her body melded with his. She was languid and never felt so fulfilled and exhausted. Her bloodstream seemed to be oxygenated with rainbows and sunlight.
She closed her eyes, feeling nearly mindless, and he stroked the roof of her mouth with his tongue while his hands slid over her skin and inside her jeans again. He lifted her hips easily and managed to shove the jeans all the way down towards her knees. Sitting up, he dislodged her boots from her feet and pants. She should have moved or objected. She should have explained all the reasons why they could not have sex. But when his mouth suckled her breasts, she totally forgot what she was about to deny him. Lifting his head, he used his hand to feather into her hair again. She wiggled under him, waiting, longing, hoping for those huge hands to warm and soothe her skin again, and his tongue to set her on fire. Instead, nothing happened. She opened her eyes and saw him looking at her face, studying her. He was observing her. She swallowed as his gaze drifted down to her throat where he dropped a kiss. She sighed and smiled, which he caught as he lifted his head up.
River's Escape (River's End Series, #2) Page 13