Access Restricted (The Access Series)

by Severin, Alice

  Sarah was whispering into his ear, and he was nodding, smiling at the staff as we left, who were thanking us. They were always friendly, but were they just a little more obsequious than usual? I wondered how big a tip Tristan had put on, or if there were some fans among the staff. I shook my head, and sat down in one of the small garden chairs and tables outside, and took a deep breath. The last Greek coffee I had had woken me up a little, but I still felt woozy. Sarah and Nick had walked off a little ways together, a cloud of smoke coming out of Nick every so often. I watched as Sarah suddenly stopped and made a kind of squawking noise, and tried, unsuccessfully to cover it up, and looked over at me. I waved, and she looked away, back at Nick. I guess she knew now too. That made four people in the world—two drivers, and my two friends over here. And Alice, who knew for sure. Oh, and the handyman at his building. Probably. Six. Increasing rapidly.

  A cab pulled up, and I waved at the two of them again. This must be us. I got up and went to the driver, about to ask him if he was here to pick us up, when I heard a low voice. No. Not possible.

  “Hey darling,” and his eyes were dark and intense even in the gloom of the taxi. “Surprised? Get your friends, and let’s get out of here before someone spots us.”

  I felt my whole face go pink, as I stared at him, then quickly turned towards Nick and Sarah, trying to convey a sense of urgency without shouting “hurry the fuck up,” which is what I really wanted to do. There were already people slowing down, just to see who was arriving in the cab. I didn’t understand how he did it. Maybe he just gave off a certain energy that made people sense there was something going on they needed to see. But we didn’t need any mobile phone photos out there tonight, not if we wanted to get to their house without being followed. I skipped right up to the two of them, and giving Nick a look, jerked my head in the direction of the cab.

  Sarah, as always, was a bit slower on the uptake. But I hadn’t slept with her. Nick and I had always been good at reading each other. She started to ask a question, and he stopped her. “Sarah, later, we need to hurry, and please be cool.”

  Her head swung around to stare at him, as we approached the taxi.

  He was still there, waiting. I pulled the door open and dove in, restraining myself from flinging myself at him, sighing with pleasure when I felt his arm curve around me. Sarah got in next, too busy arranging herself to notice anything, and then Nick sat on one of the little fold down seats and slammed the door shut. We pulled away, and Nick gave the driver the address, their road in West Hampstead.

  When we had turned the corner, and started heading down a quiet road, away from all the people on the main street, I felt his lips press against my head, his hand stroking my back. He mumbled into my hair, “introduce me to your friends.” I pulled myself away from his hands, and sat up, out of the sensual languor I was quickly falling into, and I caught Nick’s eye. He was shaking his head and beaming at us. Sarah was trying to see past me to get a clear view of who the stranger in the cab was.

  “Nick, Sarah,” I stumbled over what to say next, “um, I, can I, I’d like you to meet, my, um, friend, Tristan, uh, Tristan Hunter.”

  I moved aside, letting Tristan shift forward to the edge of the seat, as Nick held out his hand, always cool, nonplussed. I could still hear the nervousness in his voice though he was hiding it well. “Hey man, pleasure to meet you. I’m a huge fan. And so’s Lily, obviously.” He threw me a crooked grin, and I glared back at him but couldn’t help smiling. I watched them shake hands, Tristan’s huge hand covering his. It was strange to see the two of them together. Sarah had finally gotten a good view, and was now staring, open mouthed. Nick kicked her, gently, and she coughed, then recovered, extending her hand too.

  “Wow, Tristan, wow. Pleasure. Amazing. Well. Our Lily. Wow. And thank you for dinner.” She seemed to recover herself a bit. “You didn’t have to. It’s our pleasure to help the two of you out, we’ve plenty of space. Hot water. Not that you need it. I mean. Oh hell. Nick, help me out here!” And she dissolved into a torrent of giggles that only stopped when Nick glared at her.

  Tristan smiled, charm on full. “No, the least I could do. I really appreciate you putting us up, especially at short notice. I hadn’t realized the hotel had already been scoped out, surrounded by the paps, so you’ve really helped me with a serious problem.” And he took her hand, and briefly kissed the top of it, giving her a blindingly seductive smile. She fluttered at him, and then looked over guiltily at Nick, who looked a bit green. Tristan saw it right away, and turned towards him like a beacon of dark light. “And I hear congratulations are in order. Nice one, man.” He slapped the top of Nick’s arm like they were on a team. “You must be doing it right, my friend. She’s a prize.” And then Nick glowed, and sat up a little straighter, nearly banging his head on the ceiling of the cab.

  And I lay back with my head on his shoulder, curling into his arm, watching the half-lit streets go by, listening to them chatter. Amazing. I felt myself drifting off, but when I tried to sit up, I was rewarded by Tristan pulling me even closer to him. When I opened my eyes, Nick and Sarah were holding hands, Sarah having left the bench seat to perch on one of the stools next to Nick. They looked happy, talking quietly.

  I turned and buried my head in Tristan’s neck. God, the smell of him. I kissed him softly, and whispered into his skin. “You came.”

  His mouth was over my ear. “You needed me. I won’t leave you alone, Lily.” And I curled up against him, our heads nestled together, as the black cab rattled through the streets.

  Chapter 10

  The cab eventually pulled up outside their little house with the red tiled roof and the bow window on the ground floor. There was a tiny garden in front, and we all stumbled out and into the street, Sarah already heading towards the door. Tristan gave some money to the driver, pushing Nick away playfully, saying “I got this man, no arguments,” while I stood there, staring at the two of them, taking in the quiet road, how surreal this all was and how utterly exhausted I was feeling. I started to stumble a bit, turning towards the house, and Tristan’s arm was around me in a second, his mouth at my ear. “It’s ok, we’re almost there.” Sarah finally got the door open, and we all filed into the narrow hall, Nick slamming and locking all the locks on the wooden door. Tristan and I followed her down through the small living room to the kitchen. It was much smaller than the one at Poppy’s, but still had the obligatory AGA tucked into a chimney breast, and down two steps from the main kitchen, a round pine table with a purple hand blown glass bowl on the center, with four chairs, positioned in front of the white painted double doors leading to the garden. The stove and sink were on the other side of a tiled counter, which we all stood around, leaning on it, a little awkwardly now that the excitement of the getaway was over.

  Sarah asked if we wanted a cup of tea. Tristan said of course, that would be great, and looked down at me, concern in his eyes. “I think tea would be good for this one, it’s been a long day. Very long. Do you have any green tea? I think that would be best.” And he kissed my forehead. I almost felt embarrassed. I could hear the small gasp Sarah let out. The famous Tristan, worried about me and deciding which tea I should drink. It was a lot to take in, I could imagine. It was a lot for me to take in. I wanted to say something, to smooth out the moment, make it more of a light jokey sort of thing, but I was too tired. And in the ensuing silence, I realized that I didn’t want it to be a joke, I didn’t want to pretend it away, I just wanted to revel in it, his presence, his attention, his control, the whole thing, down to my toes, and not act like it didn’t matter. Not like before.

  She gave us our cups of green tea, in the process throwing Nick a few meaningful glances, and started to chatter about the dinner, and how great it was to see me, and the concert tomorrow. Tristan listened politely for a couple of minutes, then stopped her. “Sarah, I’m sorry, you’ve been so kind to us, really, but I think Lily needs some rest. Could you show us where we can sleep?” Her eyes widened. People di
dn’t usually have much success shutting her down. And he’d done it with just a few words. Sarah nodded silently, and looked at Nick again, an odd squint on her face. “Will you take them upstairs, darling? I’ll just tidy up here, and I’ll be up in a tick.”

  “Of course, buttercup.” Nick was more relaxed than she was, and obviously handling it all a bit better, ironically enough. I wondered what the conversation would be about later, and if he noticed how strangely she was acting. “Come on peoples, let me give you the mini tour of the route to the spare bedroom.” We followed him out of the kitchen, and into the small living room. “This is the living room, where the TV is. Left here, and up the stairs, goes, well, upstairs. Follow me.” And we thumped up the small one and half person wide stairs to the first landing. “This is where our bedroom is, and the bathroom. There is a shower, it’s on demand hot water, not one of those timer things, so Lily, Tristan, if you want a shower before bed, feel free. There’s extra towels in the cupboard there.” He waved his hand in the direction of a bleached pine chest at the end of the hall. “Your bedroom is up these stairs, now.” And we went up one more little flight, to an even smaller landing with an attic door and a small door off to the right. Nick opened it, and led us into a little bedroom, under the eaves, with slanted walls, and a little French door that faced out onto a mini railing, towards the garden. It felt like we were in some enchanted room, high in the sky, away from everything. There was a little blue woven rug, and a small chest of drawers, again in pine, but other than a small light and the bed and the window, the room was plain. I thought I’d never seen anything as homey in my life.

  I turned to Nick, and gave him a hug, and a kiss on the cheek. “Nick, sweetheart, thanks for all this. And being so cool with everything.”

  Nick smiled. “Lily, you know I’m devoted to you. I’m glad I could help.” He looked up at Tristan. “Sounds like you’re a bit hemmed in.”

  Tristan gave a brief, ironic laugh. “Nick, my friend, it’s been pretty awful. I know publicity is good, but not for everything, if you know what I mean.” He looked over at me. “I’m used to it, mostly. But Lily doesn’t need this, not right away, anyhow. And it was supposed to be a secret visit, at least until the ticket giveaway tomorrow. But someone didn’t read the fine print, I guess.” He sounded angry. “Anyway, Nick. Thank you man, so much. Do you mind if we take a shower? I’m wound up, and Lily just got here—be nice to wash off some of stresses of modern life.” He laughed again, and Nick, who had been hanging on his words, like he’d been let into some great secret, seemed to remember where he was.

  “Sure. Of course. Mi casa and all that. Don’t stand on ceremony.” He held out his hand, and Tristan took it in both of his, and looked at him. “Look after Lily,” Nick continued, “I think she’s knackered.”

  Tristan smiled. “Got it covered.”

  Nick nodded to him. “Now I’ve got my own wifey to keep an eye on. Sleep well you two.” He had just turned and was at the door, when he looked back at us. “Should I keep an eye out tomorrow for souvenir hunters, that kind of thing? Not opening the door?”

  Tristan looked a bit guilty. “It couldn’t hurt, man. I’m really sorry about all this. Are you sure you’re up for it?”

  Nick just looked at him. “Any friend of Lily’s is our friend. Don’t even think about it. Go get her, before she falls over.” And he looked at me. “Nighty night, Lily. Get some sleep, tonight, ok?” And he winked and pulled the door nearly shut behind him.

  The minute he left, Tristan pulled me into his arms and held me there, my head against his chest, his arms circling me, his mouth against my hair. “I missed you today, Lily. I couldn’t play the star game properly today, I kept thinking of you, thinking of this morning. Nothing seemed that much fun.” I held on to him tightly. I just wanted to stay like this, listening to his deep voice rumbling in his chest, feeling him breathing next to me. “I knew what you were doing all day, because Dave had given me your whole itinerary. But I couldn’t warn you, or tell you what to expect. It wouldn’t have helped anyway. You know? You believe me, right?” I nodded against him. “You’re tired, darling. We can talk about all this tomorrow. I don’t have to be anywhere until twelve—I’ve got to pop into a couple of radio shows for the giveaway, and your first is with the famous Trevor, at twelve thirty. See, I know all these things. Not just a pretty face. I think your girlfriend thinks I am though.” He stopped for a minute, and held my face between his hands. “What do you think?”

  I was thinking a lot of things, but none of them seemed to make sense, and none of them were reaching my mouth. Instead I said the one thing I knew was true, the one thing I wanted. “Kiss me. Just kiss me.”

  His eyes glittered for a moment, and then he was kissing me, and all I could feel were his soft lips on mine, gentle, and warm, and it was though I’d been waiting for it my whole life. He was soft and sweet, and quiet, and he smelled good, and he tasted better and it was though the sun had come out, everywhere, all over. He pulled away finally, and dropped a kiss on my nose. “Lily. You let me in.” He kissed me again, quickly. “Could this mean you trust me? A little? Imagine.” He took off his jacket, and his boots, then looked at me. “Doll, let’s go shower. I’m exhausted.” He winked at me. “You’re still surprised, aren’t you?”

  I reached out for his hand. “Wouldn’t you be?”

  He looked serious for a moment. “Maybe I would, at that. I don’t know. Lily, it does no good to overthink things. We both do it. But where does it get us? Come on. Hot water is calling me.” And he pulled at my hand and we walked back down the stairs to the bathroom, hand in hand. Nick and Sarah were nowhere to be seen, which was fine with me. I didn’t want to be stared at anymore.

  We both managed to fit into the shower, if we changed places under the water. The rounded lavender purple soap bar looked good against his pale skin, my tired brain thought, as I rolled it around his balls, and over his thighs and down to his muscular calves, and back up again. It was nice washing him, I thought. He was beautiful. Washing just for washing. His body was hard, but his eyes were velvet and deep, and they looked observant and thoughtful and tired, not intense. He soaped me carefully, the way he had dried himself off that time in his bathroom. I thought of his apartment, sitting there silent, empty, waiting for his return. Would we be in it again? I looked at his dark head, down at his huge hands covering my breasts, sliding down over my hips, between my legs, where it was still sore. I jumped a little. “It’s ok, darling,” he whispered, “gently now,” and his fingers were soft and probing and it felt good, so good. But he stopped, and carried on washing my legs, picking up each foot and circling his fingers around each toe. All the tension in my body was easing away under his touch. At last he rinsed us off, and shut off the water. “Come on, I won’t bite,” and his low voice was a fire, warming me, as I shut my eyes, feeling the towel wrapped around my body, and his hands, rubbing briskly at my skin. He tucked the dark blue towel in on itself around me, and did the same for the lighter blue towel, which was wrapped at a dangerous angle around his hips, and took my hand again, after scooping up our clothes.

  He led the way back up the stairs, my hand tight in his, and pushed open the door with his body, dropping the pile of clothes on the floor. “Later,” he said, and led me over to the bed. He pulled down the comforter, and turned to me and peeled away my towel. “Beautiful,” he murmured, “a beautiful woman, on a beautiful night.” And his eyes traced over my nakedness, over all of me, and I was shocked to realize I didn’t feel embarrassed, like I would usually. Like I had with Nick. This wasn’t the same. His eyes were magic, making me feel special, glowing under his admiration.

  I looked up at his face, and his expression was serious. “I wasn’t lying when I said I didn’t expect this.” And he kissed me, slowly, his lips brushing against mine. He stopped and stared into me, through me. “But that doesn’t make it less powerful. In fact, the opposite. I think.” He pulled off his towel and let it drop to the floor. H
e was stunning, his milky skin shining in the half light from the moon that was all that lit the room now. I couldn’t help it; I ran my hand over his torso, soft and hard, down to his thighs, up over his silken cock, and back up to his face, where I let my hand trace his nose, his fine cheekbones, his brows over those dark, intelligent eyes. He kissed my hand. “That’s it. You see all of me, but you finish at my eyes. Like you know that’s where what you’re looking for will be.” He opened my palm and placed his lips on the center of my palm. “It’s so rare, darling, and that you don’t even realize makes it even more so.” He held me to him, his skin soft and lavender smelling, and I sighed. There was nothing to say, nothing that needed to be said. Words would only push it away. He bent down and kissed my neck. “Bed. Now. You need to be held, and that’s why I’m here.” He climbed into bed first, always on the left, I thought to myself, with a smile, and I clambered in after him, the sheets cool and smooth, his body warm and alive, and he pulled me into him, and we lay there, floating together. I finally spoke.

  “Tristan?” I whispered.

  “Yes?” His breath was warm on my skin.

  “Thank you.” My voice broke over the words.

  “Oh love.” He hugged me to him. “It’s not just for you darling, but you’re welcome. So welcome.” He kissed me, soft and ticklish and gentle again. “Now sleep. I’m here.”

  And I curled up against him, and let the smell of his skin, lavender and dark, drift me to sleep.

  Chapter 11

  The next morning I woke early, the sun shining in through the sheer curtains, a grey yellow fog, but warm. I blinked away the sleep from my eyes until everything began to focus a little again, then looked over at the long curved back of Tristan, rolled away from me slightly, half-uncovered. I pulled the duvet back over the two of us, then wished I hadn’t, so I could have admired the pale silky nakedness of his back, dotted here and there with moles. There was a tattoo at the line between his hip and back as well that I had wanted to examine a little more closely. But I wasn’t going to uncover him. The need to protect him in some way was fierce; it was stronger than either my desire or my curiosity. He had come to my rescue last night, when I was sinking back into that abyss, the one that I wasn’t going to tell him about, the same darkness that came to claim me on a regular basis, and always threatened the heart of anything I was doing. At this point in life, I was pretty sure I knew where it came from, and why, but as they said, the knowing didn’t help. But he had seemed to get all this, without long explanations or questions.