by RJ Heaton
“God, Nikki. I’m so glad that you’re okay. He could have hurt you.” The tone of his voice changes to almost desperation. “I don’t know what I would have done without you.” He nuzzles his smooth shaven face into the crook of my neck and I inhale the scent of his cologne that wafts over me with comfort. I feel the urge to give back and rub my hand over his back in a smooth, circular direction to calm him. He’s too good to me.
“I know,” Is all that I’m able to say.
“Momma! I just heard what hap …” Lexie barges in my bedroom door unaware that I’m not alone. I’m the mother and shouldn’t feel ashamed, but I pull away from Ethan’s embrace and meet her stunned gaze.
“Uh … oh, I’m sorry.” She stammers caught in utter surprise. I don’t know why I haven’t told my children that I’ve still been seeing Ethan. I feel guilt blooming like a vibrant red rose being caught without an explanation to them.
“Hi baby. It’s okay, you remember Ethan?” Lexie walks closer to the bed and Ethan stands to shake her hand.
“Yeah, sure how could I forget. You were at my graduation dinner.”
“Nice to see you again,” Ethan says, a hint of pink rising up shading his otherwise tan skin with embarrassment. Their handshake is brief.
“I really am sorry. I didn’t know my mom had a visitor.”
“Don’t worry about it.” He smiles nervously. “I’m going to go grab a glass of water.” He turns to look at me and I know he’s stepping out so that I can have a minute alone with my daughter. I nod my head in acknowledgment and his thoughtful kindness brings a warm smile to my lips. He acts so much older than he is, but his youthfulness is still plainly worn on his skin.
When he steps out, Lexie comes and sits on the edge of my bed exactly where Ethan had just been, heating my cheeks remembering his arms wrapped around me. “Momma,” she wiggles her eyebrows. “I thought that things between you two were …”
“ … Over?” I finish her question.
“Well, yeah. After you disappeared on us and went through a mental breakdown hiding in a hotel. I just well … I didn’t know you were back on again.”
I shrug my shoulders, “I’m not entirely sure what’s going on between us myself, but I know I like him. He makes me feel good about me.”
“Oh momma, I’m happy for you.” She leans over my bed and hugs me tightly to her. Lexie’s soft, pale-pink, silken blouse rubs across my face as we sit silently for a moment embracing. “But what about Shad?” She whispers into my ear. Hearing his name has me inhaling sharply. The man shouldn’t get me so twisted up in knots just by the simple sound of his name, but somehow he has wormed his way into my soul.
There’s a sting to my heart when I say, “we’re just friends.”
Lexie leans back to look at me and lifts her eyebrows in question, “Just friends, huh?”
“Yes,” I groan.
“Alright, alright whatever you say. I’m not going to give my mom dating advice when my last boyfriend decided he preferred men to women.”
It’s not funny, but I let out a little giggle. The thought of my daughter giving me her opinion on my love-life deserves a small amount of humor.
“Seriously though mom, W T H?” She says the abbreviation like she’s texting one of her girlfriends. “Dad broke into Aunt Heather and Uncle Joe’s house. What had he planned to do? Was he going to hurt you?” The panic and pain crackles through her voice.
“Truthfully, I’m not sure what his intentions were. His body was being driven by rage.”
“Why?”
“From all I have gathered, he was upset that he got served divorce papers earlier in the day. If he thought he wouldn’t get divorced before he remarried than the man is unquestionably certifiable.” I search my beautiful daughter’s face trying to read her emotions. I am beyond grateful that she was not here during her father’s tyrant. “Lexie, I don’t think he really intended to hurt Uncle Joe. Your dad was here for me. If Shad hadn’t gotten here as quickly as he did…” I shiver as the realization of how close I had come to being just another statistic hits me. “Who’s to say what might have happened,” I let the truth and fear resonate aloud. I had never really thought it through since Sean broke in, and verbally saying it out loud sends a bone shuddering chill to my core.
“Oh my god Momma. He has changed so much.”
“I know baby. I’m just glad you weren’t here. The thought of you being hurt …” I can’t even finish the sentence knowing that I would lose myself entirely if something ever happened to any of my children.
“It’s okay. We’re okay momma.” She leans forward again placing her head on my chest near my collar bone. I rub my hand absentmindedly over her silky supple hair. “What’s next?” She says almost in a whisper.
“We move on baby. Tomorrow is another day and we get up, face it head on and live it to the best of our abilities.”
“You’re right, Momma.” She looks up at me and I melt by her adoring eyes. “But”… She says, “I think before another world war breaks out in Aunt Heather’s house, you should probably separate Ethan and Shad. I think the two of them left unattended could be very unhealthy … and I would put my money on Shad.”
“Lexie!” I chastise, but I know that she is right. Leaving the two of them alone together is most likely very dangerous, and after I saw Shad take down Sean in a vicious fury, I would hate for him to unleash that on Ethan’s beautiful face.
We both sit up at the same time, but Lexie looks at me, “No, no you just hang out. I’ll go send Ethan in here and save Shad from his pummeling Ethan thoughts.” I lift my eyebrows in question.
“How do you know Shad has thoughts of pummeling Ethan?”
“Oh, Momma, are you that blind? By the way he devours you with his eyes … yeah he most definitely wants to pummel Ethan right now.” She rolls her eyes at me, like she is explaining to one of her besties that a boy has a crush on her. I’m not sure what’s worse, that she has to explain it to me, or that I get giddy hearing the news. “Ah man, who would have thought that my mom has more men chasing her than I do?” I slap her arm gently.
“Knock it off.” I giggle.
“I love you Momma. I am so grateful dad didn’t end up doing something a lot worse than the destruction of the house.”
“Me too, baby.” I give her a slight smile to reassure her that I am still here. “I love you too. Please, send Ethan back in here?”
“Sure,” and my daughter spins around and leaves me alone with my thoughts.
Ethan comes back in, but the worry that lined his face is gone, now all that remains is agitation. “I’m not sure how you guys are friends with that guy. He is a douche.”
I beckon him with my finger to come sit next to me. I can only imagine the retorts and asinine comments Ramp was showering Ethan with. I cringe when Ethan sits hard on my bed. I can feel his temper rolling from his pores. “He’s actually a good guy, Ethan. It’s just his prickly personality trying to razz you. He wants a reaction, and you give it to him.”
“He wants you and I don’t like the idea of some vulture circling what’s mine.”
“Yours?” I ask breathlessly.
“Yes, he and your ex need to get a clue that I’m not going anywhere.” Before I register what he’s doing, Ethan leans down and connects his lips to mine. I need this connection. His soft supple lips move in a slow methodic purpose. The kiss is far different from the energized need of Ramp. Ethan is slow, gentle and makes sure to take his time searching my mouth with his exploring tongue. I let him search. I know that he needs to know that I am openly giving myself to him. When he pulls back I slowly open my eyes and meet his crystalline blue eyes. Being around him is like the calm after the storm. He settles my nerves and brings me back to find my footing settled on the ground. “Nikki,” my name on his lips pulls at my heart. “I’m sorry I ran.”
“I guess we’re even now,” I let out a low laugh.
“Both of us need to stop running.” I nod my head
in agreement. He squeezes me. “Baby, speaking of running, I hate to rush off, but I really do need to get back to work.” I look up at Ethan. I was so worried about myself that it completely slipped my mind that he had come over to bring me the manila envelope on his lunch hour. Because I’m in a psychotic frenzy, he ended up spending all of his lunch hour and then some, on me. Hopefully he didn’t have clients waiting on him.
“Oh no, I am so sorry. I hope I don’t get you in trouble.” I rasp.
“Nikki, you have no idea what sort of trouble you have gotten me into.” My eyes widen. My mind flickers to his job, and the clinic is nowhere near done. He can’t lose his job over me. I would feel horrible. “Calm down, not that kind of trouble, I mean my heart and how fast I’m falling.” My stomach lodges in my throat. I swallow hard trying to get the lump to push down, but to no avail. Only a few hours ago the same thoughts had gone through my mind and here he is confessing his feelings for me. Electric currents spark and I feel like all of my systems are on overload.
“Ethan,” I’m at a loss for words. I am not ready to tell him my whole mind-set yet. I think I could be falling for him as well, but then a pin pricks at my heart and thoughts of Shad embed into my subconscious, what about Shad? What do you feel for him?
Ethan’s lips pull up into a full beaming smile. “I got to run, but I can come back after work if you would like?” The nod of my head is my only response. I’m afraid to use my words. I’m still speechless as he leaves my room.
Three
Technically, this isn’t my house, but I do live here. I should not be the one hiding in my bedroom. But, Shad is giving my emotions whiplash. That kiss … “Ugh,” Shad has knocked me off the ground from the start, and I need to find my footing fast. What I really need is Ethan to come back around, he stabilizes me.
I lay on top of my bed staring at the ceiling. Today has felt like the longest day of my life. Between the lack of sleep from being up all night and the ricocheting emotions of my daughter Lexie, Shad and Ethan, I want to curl up and sleep for days. I hear the sound of vehicle doors opening and closing. Now who’s here? I don’t think I can handle too much more excitement today.
“We’re back!” I hear Joe’s voice echo through the house.
“I’m excited they’re home, but mostly relieved. I have been so worried about Joe and that Sean possibly could’ve seriously injured him. I push myself out into the living room and watch as Heather’s face falls when she sees the devastation of her home. If I had been a good sister, I would have had most of this cleaned up before she got here, but I was too wrapped up in my own emotions to think how about the others that were affected by Sean’s impulsive insanity. I see Joe take in the plastic covered window and he winces as his head moves to the other mess. A white bandage is wrapped around his wound.
“It must be good news if they sent you home already.” I say breaking the silence in the room.
“He’s thick headed,” Heather retorts.
“I need to be if I’m going to be attacked with baseball bats.”
Heather rolls her eyes, “Men,” she huffs and sets her purse down on the one chair that isn’t littered with debris. “He has a concussion, they had to stitch him up and for the next twenty-four hours he needs to be constantly supervised. They wanted him to stay the night, but his stubborn ass said he was going home.” She shakes her head dejectedly. “Hopefully, there are no hidden fractures that the CT scan didn’t pick up. There is so much swelling that it was hard for them to tell.”
“Lovely.” I say.
“That’s what I said.” Heather’s disdain is evident in her scrunched up eyebrows and forehead. I need to help relieve some of the ache in my sister. I push into the kitchen and lay a broom over my lap. I wheel back into the living room and start pushing glass into a pile. Heather follows suit, but brings buckets to dump our debris into. Joe leaves the room silently.
We both clean lost in our own thoughts. Shards of glass litter the floor. God love my sister. Her bickering and mumbling has been kept to almost non-existent. “I’ve been telling Joe to replace this window for years. It lets a cold draft in that keeps the furnace running non-stop.”
I look up to the now plastic covered window, “If you ask me I’d keep the plastic. In the summer you could take it off and have a wonderful eastern breeze and not to mention we can’t overlook the distorted rays of light that comes through the film. It will soon be all the rage in home décor.”
Heather grabs a small square beige couch pillow and throws it at me. We both burst out laughing. “Joe would love that idea. The less work and money for him the better. He’s such a tight wad.”
“I’ll make sure to thank Sean the next time I see him. Although you might have to drive me to the jail for that visit.” It’s just a quick movement, but I see Heather put her head forward and shake it dejectedly. We’re all in disbelief over his demeanor.
“Do you think they will keep him in jail for awhile?” I know she doesn’t want to show weakness, but I can see the concern in her eyes as her eyebrows pull up causing her green eyes to round and her nostrils to slightly flare. She has every right to be concerned. The man broke into her home smashing and throwing things around like a loose tornado, and the worst part of his rampage got the man Heather adores hurt.
“I’m not sure.” I answer feeling the same underlying terror of the situation. She nods her head in understanding and props her hands on top of the broom she’s been using to clean up broken glass.
“I’m worried he’ll get out and …” she pauses.
“Heather I am so sorry. I know that I’m the one who brought this all on us.”
“What?” She snaps. “Are you kidding me?” Her broom becomes animated and the wooden end points directly at me as she rants. “Sean did this. It was him from the very start. Did you make him cheat on you that night at Lance’s party with that little bimbo Sarah? Nope! No you didn’t. And the accident? Nicole, you had just caught your husband cheating with the girl you were hoping would be the one for Lance. Lance had to have been hurt too. It is not your fault that the two of you left in a hurry.” She takes a deep breath in. Lance was maybe not in her life quite as much as mine, but she thought of him like a brother too. He was important to us all. “That accident was a tragedy, but it was, Not. Your. Fault.” She enunciates the last three words with a distinct punctuation.
“But maybe if I …”
“Uh-huh, don’t you dare say it. You did everything for that man. He used your kindness, your sympathy—damn it, he used the love you have for your family. The man was a leech. He was bleeding you dry of everything that made you—you.” She takes a deep breath in and pushes it out in a deep huff. “I have never in my life met such a controlling, manipulative player.”
“Why don’t you tell me how you really feel?” I guffaw.
“Oh come on Nik? Don’t tell me you couldn’t see what he was doing? I’m shocked he even let you keep Carrie as a friend. He pushed everyone else out. If your family was all nit-witted-push-overs he might have succeeded in putting a wedge between you and us as well—but,” She laughs wickedly. “No way we’d ever let that happen.”
I dump more glass into the bucket as I numbly pick up the disaster left by my husband. “How was I so blind?” I mumble more to myself than to my sister.
Heather gives me a sideway glance and returns to her sweeping, pushing a pile together. “Nik, again don’t blame yourself. He broke you down so slowly that we even missed it. Him cheating, although it is absolutely horrible, is a blessing in disguise. You get to move on now and find yourself again. We love you Nikki.”
“Who’s finding themselves again?” A deep baritone voice interrupts our conversation as Shad strolls into the disordered living room.
“I was just telling Nikki this is her chance to start over.” Shad gives me a wide mischievous grin and comes to me where I’m sitting on the floor surrounded by debris. He kneels down and kisses me on the head. It’s a simple gesture, but as h
e stands back up my stomach is doing summersaults. I watch his graceful movements. For someone built with such strong powerful muscles he is smooth and very nimble. His head moves back and forth as his eyes take in the disaster of the living room. At least it seems like we are making head way on the clean up.
“Love what you’ve done with the place, except it might be easier to sit on the couch and watch TV if it wasn’t flipped on its side.”
“Joe’s television watching times were getting out of hand. I decided to limit his access, so I only put it down for an hour a day.”
“Poor bloke, I’ll have to invite him over for some quality boob-tube time.” Shad says completely deadpanned.
I can’t help it and laugh out loud. The rolls have been reversed. Usually it’s Joe and I bantering back and forth, but its Heather and Ramp this time. They are so at ease with one another. It’s wonderful that they get along so well, especially after Heather was so freaked about me meeting up with Lance’s mysterious friend that popped up out of nowhere. It appears to me he fits right in with the family.
“Wait a minute!” I retort. “I’ve never been to your house, but you’ll invite my brother-in-law Joe?”
Shad spins around, “Hmm, want to come over baby?” I should know better what I say around him. My face immediately heats up. If I could see it, I’m sure its bright crimson red with embarrassment.
“That’s not what I meant.”
“You sure about that?” He winks at me.
“Hey Heather, what did that sound like to you? She was practically begging for me to take her home wasn’t she?”
“ … No I wasn’t.” I interrupt.
“I don’t know Nik, kind of sounded suspicious to me. Maybe you should get it over with and see what…”
“Ugh,” I interrupt again. “Don’t you have a job or somewhere to be?” I glare at Shad, and he feigns disbelief by grabbing at his heart.