by RJ Heaton
“I’m wounded.” He winks, “So, did you and lover boy make up?” He tries to sound nonchalant, but I hear the sharp edge hiding beneath.
“Oh hush it.” I retort.
“Hey now, just a concerned friend here.”
“Sure you are.” I say, and smile. Joe walks into the room at the same time, I’m sure he is very aware of our conversation.
“Joe you ready to go?” Shad asks. I have no clue where the two of them plan to run off to, but a smile does creep up over my lips. Joe and Aaron have really taken to Shad. Even if I can’t have a relationship with him, because I’m kind of with Ethan it doesn’t mean we still can’t be friends. My brother-in-law and my best friend’s husband like him so it will be easier to all hang out.
“You guys are going to leave us while we slave away cleaning this mess?” Heather wrinkles her nose at the men, but I think part of her concern is the looming fact that they only just got back from the hospital. Joe has a concussion and it probably isn’t the best idea to be out wandering around.
“I figured you wouldn’t want to have plastic over our window forever. Shad and I were about to run to one of the home improvement stores to see if they happen to have any premade vinyl windows that would fit, and if not I was going to order one.” Heather’s wrinkled nose quickly vanishes in surprise.
“Oh,” she says. “Well don’t let me stop you.”
“Hey, Joe Dirt, you might want to find one that’s blackened out so when I’m outside I don’t have to look in and see your ugly mug. It may protect the neighbors from the same.” I joke.
“We could remedy that by slipping a bag over your head—a plastic bag.” He sniggers back in response. I don’t take offense to his comment. It feels good to get back to our bantering after the seriousness of the last twenty-four hours.
“Really you two, you can’t even go a day? Get out of here Joe before I have to sit you both down holding hands until you can get along.” I pivot to look at Heather and stick my tongue out at her.
“You can punish me by making me sit with her and holding her hand all day,” Ramp pipes in.
Heather rolls her eyes and says, “GO!” To the both of them pointing toward the door.
When they have gotten halfway down the street, Heather looks at me incredulously. “That boy has it bad for you.”
“Nah, he just likes to rile me up.”
“Oh come on, I know that you are not that dense. Are you?” I take in her words, thinking about the conversation only an hour ago with Lexie. Shad comes to my mind and I can’t help reminiscing all the flirtatious back and forth teasing between the two of us. I don’t want to admit that she is right, because I don’t want to confront my own mixed feelings. I like Ethan. He makes me feel special and worthy again, but Ramp … he makes me feel alive. My heart kicks into full throttle whenever he is around. I nudge the thought to the back of my mind. I won’t be that woman. “I’m sorry Nik. I shouldn’t even be talking about this after the day we’ve had.”
“It’s okay. I think everyone is working on minimal sleep and emotions are running rampant.”
“Yeah, that’s it.” I can sense that she is pouring out a bit of sarcasm into that comment, but she doesn’t elaborate further.
“One thing is for certain, I’m sure Jim Schapp will have a hay day with this mess.” She sneers.
I mull over Heather’s words. My sister is right. After Sean broke in, one of the officers had told me that he’ll be facing charges for breaking and entering, assault with a weapon, heck possibly even attempted murder. A cold shiver racks down my spine when I picture Joe splayed out on the living room floor bleeding excessively from his head. Thank heavens Joe is alright. He’ll have a scar across the back of his head where Sean split it open, but guys like scars. They think their tough. Sean seriously has lost all his marbles. What the hell was the man thinking breaking in and tormenting me and my family? I let out an exasperated sigh. The last couple of months have been a circus freak show. The insanity and rage Sean has been showing calls for a multiple amount of mental evaluations on that boy. I feel sorry for whoever has that task. They’ll have their work cut out for them.
I slump my shoulders forward, not only do I need to constantly be watching over my shoulder for my deranged soon-to-be ex-husband, but if he lands his butt in prison. I’m going to have to deal with Sarah. The house Sean so eloquently moved his young mistress into is also mine. The house is in both of our names. I have no idea what to do with it or its current occupant. It shouldn’t bother me to live in it, after all, it is just a four walled building, but the capacity of his betrayal—there’s no way I’d be able to live comfortably in that home. I need to take all of this into deep consideration. Maybe I could sign it over to one of the kids. I will have to decide but first I’ll have to deal with Sean’s bimbo. Sarah’s only place is out on the sidewalk. If she thinks she’ll be staying there playing mommy to my son Mathew then she should be locked up in a loony bin right next to Sean.
“What am I going to tell Matthew?”
Heather dumps her dustpan of glass into the bucket causing a cacophony of trickling sounds. We talked about that on the way home from the hospital. I think Joe should go pick him up. We thought Matt would take the news from Uncle Joe, better than from you or I.” Heather says from behind her broom like she had just been reading my mind. Although Matt is talking to me more than right after the accident, there is still a thick wedge shoved between me and my youngest son. Things aren’t the same. I can only hope the news over his father doesn’t widen the gap. He is so close to his dad, and I have a feeling after he hears his dad’s in jail, I will be receiving the brunt of his pain. I will have to tread lightly and keep our footing on neutral zones. In the past when he has come over to visit, he has made a few snide comments about Sarah, but I just nod my head and let him talk—no need to fuel the fire. Kids should never have to pick a side. They deserve to be able to get as much love from both sides when the parents are split up. Both sides get to smother the kids with love no matter the circumstances that drove the parents apart. I snigger to myself. I won’t allow myself to be one of those exes that use their kids as leverage. They are not pawns in some game.
Four
Heather and I decide to run and get pizza for everyone for dinner before Joe, Shad and Matt get back to the house. We are all exhausted and the idea of cooking is a joke. The smells of the pizza makes my stomach rumble in protest that it has to wait any longer for sustenance. In all the hustle and bustle of the day I skipped every meal normal to human rituals. I’m tempted to open the box and take the biggest slice of the Hawaiian pie taunting me. I eye the box. “Nah, uh,” My sister hums. “You can wait another minute.” I slump my shoulders forward.
“You ruin all the fun!” I accuse.
When Heather pulls her mid-sized sedan into the driveway I notice Shad’s beefed up truck is back. “I wonder if they found a window.” I say.
“I hope so. I’m sure all of the neighbors are already gossiping. I can hear it now, ‘that Heather and Joe are drug dealers, and the mafia broke in to take back the drugs they haven’t paid them for.’”
“Oh my god Heather, I doubt your neighbors think you and Joe are drug dealers hanging out with mafia, or drug cartels. Joe is a local firefighter. He has famous status around here.” Although, I don’t doubt that rumors are in fact starting to spread. Small towns are like that.
Before I can even get into the house and put my purse down Matt is in my face, “What did you do now? You got dad thrown into jail!” The hurt and pain reverberates inside every single one of my bones. I’m saddened not only by the fact Sean has hurt Matt, but also by the fact that his actions have ricocheted and now Matt is blaming me.
“Mathew, this is not your mom’s fault. You can’t blame her. Your dad was stupid enough to break into my house, take a baseball bat to my head which in turn resulted in me going to the hospital. I’m not going to let you take your dad’s idiotic behavior out on your mother. H
e came here to kill her, so suck it up boy and quit acting like a sniveling little sissy girl.” I quiver at Joe’s truth and finality of his words. They seem to sober Matt as well as Joe’s deep voice echoes throughout the living room. “Now apologize to your mom, and start acting like a man.”
Matt looks at me and I watch as his shoulders visibly slump forward in defeat. “I’m sorry mom.”
“After this we’re all going to need serious therapy.” Joe says under his breath, and reaches out to grab the boxes of pizza’s stacked in his wife’s arms.
“Matt, I’m so sorry.” I find myself apologizing around every corner I step, for that butt-Twinkie Sean. It’s just a kneejerk reaction now. Sean breaks it, and somehow I have to fix it. More now than anytime before, I need some answers. I look up and see the crestfallen look in Shad’s eyes. Is it too much to ask for everyone to stop with the sympathy? My stomach is aching with hunger and I follow the scents into the kitchen, resolved to not deal with anymore BS for the evening.
Heather sighs dejectedly when she goes to pull out plates for everyone to eat. Sean has left his mark everywhere. In his crazed episode, he pulled tableware, glasses and serving bowls from the cupboards and shattered them to smithereens. She will have to replace most of her kitchen with new dishes. He did a real number. Her shoulders roll forward in defeat, and she grabs a stack of paper plates from a lower cabinet. “Plus part, there are a lot less dishes to wash now.” I try to lighten the mood with humor at the situation. She gives me a slight smile that I know contradicts her internal raging emotions.
It isn’t one of our most pleasant meals we’ve shared together. Matt glowers at me from across the table, Heather and Joe are silent, and Ramp is brooding about something or another. The little family dynamic seems off kilter. I wish Lexie and Ben were here to help ease their younger brother’s warring heart. No matter the circumstances they seem to explain things to him in a way that he gets. I wish I could do that. I just always make it worse. I watch Matt, as I struggle with a plan to bring us closer together. I sense, I’m being studied in the same manner. I turn my head and see Shad’s forehead furrowed as he observes me. “What?” I mouth. He shrugs his shoulders at me giving me no explanation. The door bell rings and all of us look toward the door in unison.
“I’ll get it,” Shad offers. When he comes back into the kitchen, I notice how tight his jaw muscle is. “Your therapy boy is here.” And before I can respond with some witty comeback, he looks to Joe. “I gotta run man. I can help you put the window in tomorrow if you need me.”
“Okay, dude. I’ll just give you a holler when I’m ready.”
“Sounds good,” Shad slips his hands into his front jean pockets and looks at Heather, “Thanks for the pizza. I’ll see ya later.”
“No. Thank you for all of your help.” His head does a slight nod, and he turns out of the kitchen without a single glance my way.
As he slides out I hear him mumble, “She’s all yours,” to Ethan as he makes his way in. It shouldn’t bother me but I feel like my mind has been carved out like a chunk of wood chewed out by a trillion termites creating cavernous tunnels leading this way and that. I feel hollow, and grieve stricken by a tremendous loss and yet found all at the same time. Ethan leans over me and places a gentle kiss to my cheek.
“Oh, great your boyfriend is here.” Mathew snaps.
“Sweet another admirer to add to my growing list,” Ethan deadpans, and takes the seat where Shad had just been sitting.
“Matt don’t be a twat, I’m not in the mood,” Joe grumbles. I am very grateful for my brother-in-law at the moment. I appreciate that he is not going to let Matt come in and sulk thusly pushing his miserable feelings on everyone else. I’m feeling so guilty about everything I wouldn’t have it in me to reprimand him. Joe is good for him right now.
“How was work today?” I ask Ethan trying to ease his apparent tension.
Blue eyes clearer than any sky I have ever laid eyes on meet mine. I want to defrost his icy mood. His shoulders lift upward and his chest puffs out as he takes in a deep breath. “Work was fine, but all I could think about was you and how you were doing. My lacks in concentration lead me to accidently letting a patient take an unwanted dunk.” I shouldn’t, but I snort.
“I bet they were a little surprised.”
“To say the least. I’m just thankful it was one of my regulars that know the incident was once in a blue moon screw up. I apologized a million times even though she kept telling me to stop worrying about it. I felt horrible.” I can only imagine how his slip-up is eating at him. Ethan takes his work very serious, and he would regret it for the rest of his life if one of his patients got injured on his watch.
“Well, grab a piece of pizza. There’s plenty here.” Heather says handing him a paper plate. Always the perfect hostess.
“Thank you, I am famished.”
Ethan reaches over Mathew and grabs himself two slices of pizza. By the look on Mathew’s face I would bet if it were just the two of them he would take the fork in his hand and ram it right into Ethan’s torso that hangs very close to the instrument. “Matt,” I bark. “Chill out!”
Everyone freezes in place. Instead of apologizing, Matt forcefully throws his fork down on his plate causing it to bounce on the table and clink loudly. His eyes slowly meet up with mine and the anger pooling there causes me to take in a sharp breath—it’s deadly. He stands so abruptly his chair is knocked to the floor with a loud thud, and he stomps from the room. “Sorry,” I apologize to everyone, again.
Ethan uprights the chair and digs into his pizza without another thought. Joe had only paused his chewing for only a second, not a peep coming from his mouth. I’m going to have to nip Matt’s attitude toward me and Ethan in the bud. It would kill me inside if the seed of darkness his father planted consumes him.
Finally, Ethan and I are alone in my room. With all the chaos turning our world upside down, having him here calms the raging storm. “Can we take a shower before we get in bed?” His question takes me off guard. The act is extremely intimate and no one has showered with me outside of Sean. I take a deep breath … time to wash the memories of him away.
Inner strength stubbornness and sure will is planting both of my legs on the floor of the shower. Ethan’s arms wrap securely around my hips helping, but ultimately it’s that little voice yelling inside my head bouncing between my two ears. Just be normal. Walk upright like the rest of the homosapiens. His breath caresses over my shoulder and my insides shudder all the way from my head to my toes. I let my eyes close and soak him in. There is so much warmth and comfort from his tight embrace. We are silent as we both simply just take in the heat of the shower spraying over us entwined together.
My chest tightens as images of another man’s arms holding me come to mind. For the life of me, no matter how hard I try. I can’t seem to dismiss the feelings growing for Shad. This is the worst time to have him present in my mind while Ethan presses me to him. There’s no way that I will be that person who plays the field and tag teams two players. Shad knows that I’m dating Ethan. Not once did I lie or hide the fact. Well—besides the first time they met. It might have slipped out that Ethan was ‘my friend’. In return knocking Ethan backwards and flat from boyfriend status in a millisecond with two simple words without even knowing I was doing it. I shake my head.
“What is it baby? What is going on it that head of yours?” I peer over my shoulder and meet glacial ice blue eyes that I could dive into and feel refreshed forever.
“I was just wondering when the storm is going to pass?” I snuggle deeper into his embrace as his arms close tighter around me. His sigh tells me he’s wondering the same thing.
“Facing challenges together will only make us stronger baby.” His words sound legit, but I can’t ease the discomfort as I picture another man in shining armor raising his sword in front of me—taking all of my enemies head on.
Five
Waking up to Ethan’s legs wrapped around mine bri
ngs a smile to my face. The night didn’t offer much solace in sleep, but having him near helped the nightmares to dissipate faster. Maybe we can fight the odds against us after all. My hand makes long slow passes over his flawless sun-kissed skin. I smile when he hums his approval. “What time is it?” He asks with a gravelly morning voice. The sound is so sexy my insides flame with desire.
I clear my throat, “its six-thirty,” I answer in a squeak, as I feel his hand edge between my legs.
“Good there’s time,” he says and throws himself over my body.
Flushed and praying to god that my sister and Joe were unaware of the shenanigans happening in the room down the hall, I can’t look them straight in the eye when I join them. Heather spins around with a coffee pot in her hand, “Oh, your up. Want some coffee?”
“Yes please.”
“Umm, all I have is this cup left.” I look up and laugh seeing the words ‘NYMPHO’ on the side. I quirk my eyebrows up at her. She glares at the man sitting at the table pretending to be reading the newspaper. “Ask him.” She points.
“I should’ve figured.” I respond, but inside I was laughing at the word perfectly fitting how Ethan made me feel this morning. “I don’t care what the cup looks like as long as it has coffee in it.” Joe looks up and smirks.
“I didn’t think you would care that I left that cup for you.” He winks. I feel the blush burning up my skin. Oh they heard us alright.
“Good morning everyone,” Ethan booms as he walks into the kitchen looking as fresh as a spring day. He comes to me and kisses my forehead and then notices my cup. “Nice.” He says, winks and then sits down in the seat he sat in last night.
“I’m running a little low on dishes and gave Nikki, the last cup.”
“That’s okay I can share with her.” The simple gesture of sharing coffee with him, has me smiling like a goon. The feeling of playing house with Ethan sounds and feels nice, but a bit awkward.