by RJ Heaton
“Wow, there really is a lot we need to do.” Ethan nods.
“I have talked quietly to a few therapists that I trust and a couple of them might be interested in coming over with us.”
“That would be great. I was trying to come up with other life skills that can be taught, and one major one is just learning how to shop and take care of their own finances. When we get closer to knowing where some of the fundage is coming from, we should put some ads in the paper and on the internet. We can always look for staff while the other things come together.”
“Definitely, we need to have our staff all in order way before the doors open. A good staff can be a major part in our business thriving.” Ethan says enthusiastically.
“Tiffany can’t come.” I don’t even know why I blurt it out. For whatever reason, when he was talking about staff her face smacking wildly on gum came to my mind.
He laughs, “Not Tiffany, huh? Any particular reason?” I shake my head.
“She annoys me, and …”
“…And?” he lifts his eyebrow incredulously at me.
“I hate how she looks at you.”
“Aww, someone is jealous.”
“No, I’m not.” I jolt as he starts tickling my side again. Unable to hold back my laughter, it bubbles out of me hysterically.
“Okay, okay … maybe a little.” I relent as he continues to barrage me with his dexterous fingers.
“Ha, I thought so.” Ethan slows his tickles into a sensual soothing touch. Somehow, he ended up straddling me with his onslaught of torture, and now the evident heat he has for me flickers in his eyes. I can’t begin to understand how someone so young and beautiful finds me attractive, but I can see it. I can feel it. Slowly, he leans forward and splays feather light kisses over my chin and up to the corner of my eye and then back and up the other side. The action causes my heart to riot in my chest. Sean never took his time with me. He was more concerned about his own satisfaction than mine. Ethan is slow and meticulous. I moan under the feeling of his lips on my skin. “Nikki, I want you so badly right now. I want you to scream out my name, but I want us to be alone for that.” I pant hot heavy breaths as he says things no one has said to me before.
“Ethan,” I sigh out his name breathlessly. Before I can say anymore, his lips crash onto mine. I meet his tongue with my own building passion. We dance; touching, and feeling our tastes mingling our breaths meeting each others fire and when he pulls away to inhale a breath of fresh oxygen, I tug on his hair pulling him back to me. I get lost in him when we are like this. There are no ugly outsides, just us.
He pulls away and looks down at me, “God Nikki, I’ve got it bad for you.”
“Ditto.” I say and move my leg to better position it causing papers to flitter to the floor. “Oh, crap. I forgot about the stacks of paper everywhere. Hopefully, we didn’t wreck anything important.”
He shrugs as if it’s no big deal, “I printed it off once. I can do it again.” He smirks and then lifts off of me. I feel empty without the weight of his body. He rifles through the papers stacking them back up. “I can’t stay tonight. I didn’t bring any clothes with, and maybe I can get more work done if I don’t have you distracting me.” I push out my bottom lip giving him my best pout. He brushes his fingers over my bottom lip jetted out. “I’ll be back tomorrow evening. I promise. Actually, I was wondering if you might go with me to meet someone tomorrow?”
“Really? Who?” Now I’m curious what he has schemed.
“My mom.” I take a sharp breath in. I’m not sure how I feel about meeting his mother. I know how moms are with their baby boys. I happen to know all too well our protective sides.
“Uh,” I stammer. “Well, I guess.”
“Great. I will be here around six.”
“Okay,” I say.
Ethan gets up from my bed and I sit stunned to what I just agreed to. Before he leaves he kisses me goodbye and tells me he will see me tomorrow.
“Tomorrow,” I mumble.
Tomorrow, how did I almost forget? Tomorrow is Lance’s birthday! July 14th. I fall asleep with that one thought on my mind.
Eight
Today is Lance’s birthday. Lance would never want me to cry for him, but knowing he would have been thirty-eight, the tragedy of it all hits me like a rock. Life is so unfair; his was cut so short and the worst of it all is realizing he will never know what it’s like to love, or hold his own infant in his big comforting arms, watch his children have children and live. He was forced with a fast track past it all. The agony of his losses physically makes my chest hurt. He deserved so much more.
A distinct knock on the front door has me rubbing my tears away. I look up at the mirror in front of me to see what matter of mess I am in. My eyes are puffy and red blotches of color stain my face. Joe’s voice is slightly muffled from down the hallway, but I hear him say, “Hey man, what are you up to?” I listen more closely as the other voice asks, “Is she here?”
“Yeah, she’s in her room.” His heavy footfalls get louder as he comes down the hallway announcing his arrival, but before he knocks on my door, I beat him there and swing it wide open. I’m not sure why it surprises me anymore, but the second I see him he vacuums out all of the air from around me—simply breathtaking. He’s wearing a black T-shirt with a Fox logo that pulls at his chiseled chest and over his biceps, black jeans hug his taut legs and I smile when I see his toes uncovered in a pair of tan flip flops. I love how comfortable and relaxed he is in his own skin.
“What are you doing here?” I rasp.
He cocks an eyebrow at me, I’m sure he’s noting my heady desire lacing my tone. “You do know what day it is today, right?” I’m thankful that he doesn’t mention the red splotches covering my face indicating that I know exactly what day it is today. All I can do is nod. If I verbally speak it—the tears will deluge my already sodden soaked skin.
Shad, however, rough he seems around the edges has an incredibly sensitive and intuitive sense about him. He doesn’t make me say it. “I figured we could go say hello and maybe have a birthday lunch and beer for him.”
His idea sounds much better than mine. I had intended to wallow in my bed watching Netflix all day. There are so many things that need to be done for the business venture, but I knew today would be an emotional rollercoaster ride sabotaging anything I tried to get done, and Ethan has his day job to contend with so he’s unable to be here to console me. I look up at Shad. It is more fitting that Shad be the one to be with me. Lance was a part of us, and that is something Shad and I can only share together. Shad’s eyes the warmest melted chocolate lined with long dark lashes are full of unyielding patience. Just that little fact about him, hits me like a wild rainstorm. I wish I could call him—mine.
“Come on toots!” Shad reaches out opened palm, no longer waiting for my answer. I understand the gesture, but I laugh.
“Uh, what am I going to do with that?” I tilt my head in the direction of his outstretched hand. “I need both my hands to handle this contraption.”
“Ooh, new wheels nice, so I guess I will have to carry these for you too.” From behind his back I notice his other hand flash out with a bag labeled with my favorite logo, Dawn of the Donuts. My mouth drops open in shock and then for whatever reason my second response is to stick my tongue out at him. He lifts his eyebrows teasingly. The most amazing sound comes when he lets out a billow of laughter. “You’re feet and hands may need a little help, but obviously your tongue has everything in control.” To emphasize “said control” I leave my tongue out and give him a nice raspberry to go along with it in a very childish technique. “Point made. Although, you could put it to a much better use if you’d like.” He winks. I choke on his unabashed words, and instantly blush two shades of crimson.
“Get out of my way,” I say pushing past him and reaching out to grab the bag of donuts. Shad gracefully steps to the side so that I’m able to fit past and he laughs.
“I’m liking this new contraptio
n. I could definitely get used this, this is now my new favorite view.”
Taken aback by his words I fling my head in his direction and glower at him while he blatantly stares at my behind. If I don’t lay off the donuts soon, he probably won’t be sharing those sentiments about my rear-end much longer. Note to self, lay off the sugar and try to exercise a little more. The latter thought is not so easily done considering I’m a gimpy old lady either stuck in a wheel chair or using my new walker.
I give Shad a hard time for checking me out, but internally I’m bubbling like a little giddy girl. Shad looking at me like that makes me feel good, but he doesn’t need to know that.
A cup of coffee and donut settling in my stomach I am telling Heather goodbye as she herself gets ready for work. Shad’s lifted up truck does not make it easy for me to get in and out of. He has to basically pick me up and place me in it every time we go somewhere. It wouldn’t be so bad if his skin didn’t sear me every time it came in contact with mine. It’s a feeling I don’t know how much longer I can pretend doesn’t exist.
“You don’t have to buckle me,” I remind him as he reaches for the seatbelt. “My arm is working a lot better. See,” I flex my arm and let the little bump of my bicep pronounce itself.
“Nice, I have one too.” Ramp slides up his short sleeve shirt so there is nothing covering his arm and he flexes. Holy hell, his muscle is no little bump. It’s hard, masculine, and turns my insides to liquid goo. I see his smile buried under a wave of amusement. Shad steps back and grabs the door and gently shuts it.
We’re driving away from the house when I find my voice again, “Shad, I’m sorry for pushing you away. I, I don’t know what I was doing. All I know is yesterday I had some epic things happen and it was you who I wanted to call and share it with.”
He glances over at me for a brief pause and then looks back at the road. “Why didn’t you?”
“Why didn’t I what?” I ask confused.
He lets out a deep breath, “Call?” The one thing I shouldn’t feel around Shad is nervous. He and I are like long lost friends that were just reunited. I don’t have to pretend I’m someone else around him. I can be open and not worry how he will judge me. It’s not those placated feelings I’m apprehensive about it’s that magnetic pull he has on me. The one that makes me feel like a teenage girl crushing hard on my best friend.
“I don’t want you out of my life,” I blurt.
The largest Cheshire grin adorns his face when he looks back over at me. “What?” I shrug.
“I don’t want you out of my life either and it’ll take a heck of a lot more than some young kid to get me to leave.” Suddenly, my heart lodges in my throat. Is Shad saying he will fight for me? I hate being stuck in the middle of trying to decide who will hold my heart in the end. “I will.” Shad says as if reading my mind.
“You will what?” I stutter.
“I’m sure that pretty little head of yours was just wondering who will win. I will.” He plainly states. I swear if anyone was to listen close enough they could hear the electrical current crackling in the small cab of his truck.
“Pretty sure of yourself aren’t you Ramp?”
“Always.” I’m thankful to see the cemetery entrance up ahead, not allowing my mind the time to sit and stew on his words or the buzzing of shock running through my veins.
I am still very new and unsteady with the walker, not to mention after a few minutes of wandering the house I was left feeling exhausted. I opted to bring my ‘silver chariot’. Shad grabs my wheelchair from the back of his truck with little to no effort. He sets it up and helps me into it. Not that he needs to push me over, but I’m grateful he does. Going through grass on a wheelchair gets a little tricky. I see the headstone come into view and try to remind myself today we are celebrating, not mourning, but the pain is still like a dull knife cutting out my heart every time I visit his grave. I’m thankful this time I can dam the tears from rolling free. I miss my friend, my brother. For whatever reason, I can’t get over—I still think that it should’ve been me in his place. I have a feeling he would’ve sat in this chair with pride. He would have never been a giant lump who felt sorry for himself all of the time. “He was so much better than me,” I whisper forgetting the very strong male presence next to me.
“He would’ve said those same exact words about you.”
A slight shiver runs over my arms at his words. He’s right. “Lance would’ve said I was the better of us, but that’s just because he was so dang humble.”
“And you’re not?”
Out of the periphery I see Shad look at me and I turn and lift to meet rivers of smooth velvety brown chocolate eyes. “You’ve never really told me your story. How did you two meet?” I look at Shad and chew on my lip nervously. Shad is boisterous, infectious, and one would think an open book, but—hardly. Thinking about it, I mean really thinking about it, there is nothing personal that Shad has shared with me. I know his first and last name, that he drives a black, lifted GMC truck, and likes speeding around on a dirt bike. I have no clue if the man has sisters, brothers, family at all, where he lives, if he has a job aside from the military—nothing. I know nothing about this man, and a deep burning urge tells me I want to know more. I see him stiffen in a way I have never seen him do before.
“Lance and I met in grade school. We, you know just grew up together.”
“Wait, Sean went to school with Lance, did you guys all go to school together?” He shrugs and looks down at Lance’s grave.
“Yeah, kind of. I was a grade ahead of Lance, but we had hit it off. Sean on the other hand was a dick even when he was younger.
“I thought he was a good kid?” The news about my soon-to-be ex takes me off guard.
“If popular, heavy into sports, and always the teacher’s pet, constitutes a ‘good kid’ then yeah I guess he was. But he treated a lot of kids that had less like dirt.” The pain and hurt in his voice is evident.
I look up at the azure sky with only a few white fluffy clouds off in the distance. The more I learn the more clear it becomes that I married blindly. I won’t ever make that mistake again.
“Hmm, so what else is there about Shad Libman I need to know?”
“Depends, what do you want to know?” He asks in a deep masculine tone that hollers, back the hell away.
“Well, do you have family here?” I ask my voice unsteady and nervous that I may have just pushed him in a direction that he wasn’t willing to turn.
“I have one brother left.” He quips.
Left? His answer leads me to want to ask even more questions, but I have the feeling his short answer is all he is going to offer. Maybe, something more on common ground would get him talking a little. “Did you hang out with Lance a lot?” Shad looks over at me and quirks.
“Fifty questions, huh?”
“I figure it’s only fair considering you know all about me. Heck you know some of my more deep and dark dirty secrets that even some of my closer friends don’t know.”
“Like what?”
“Like, about my psycho ex-husband and,” I blush, “You’ve seen me naked.”
“Mmm,” he hums in approval. “Indeed, I like that dirty naked body of yours—a lot.” I roll my eyes at him and lean over and playfully punch him on the shoulder.
“What? You never said that I couldn’t like your secrets?”
“You’re insatiable.”
“And you’re utterly beautiful. You have no clue what that sexy body of yours does to me.” His words render me speechless. I share the same sentiments about him. The man screams sex appeal, but I’m not as blunt with my words or opinions and I keep them to myself. He glances over at me, “Do you know what you need Nikki?” I shake me head indicating I have no idea what I need, and he looks back at our friend’s grave. “To be taken fast and hard, baby.” I swallow hard glad that his eyes are diverted and he can’t see my reaction to his words—to him. Nothing about my love making has ever been fast and hard. In e
very aspect of my life it has been calm, collected, controlled and very calculated—until Ramp that is. He came in riding on a gust of uncontrollable winds and I never know where we may end turning up next.
In the past everyone has always treated me like I’m glass. I must come with a label; fragile handle with care. Shad is the first one not afraid to tousle me around. “Ramp,” I sigh. “You are a very bad boy.”
“Let me show you how bad I can be.” I shake my head in disbelief at his frankness.
“I don’t know what to do.” I say honestly. I feel so torn between the two men that have been a steady life-line in my crumbling story.
“Let me show you what you deserve; how to be treated and that there is still hope to find love. You don’t need to ever feel broken again. My eyes see the whole you, including the pieces that have fractured and broken off. We can go back and pick them up and put you back together—whole.” I melt in his warm pools of rich chocolate eyes as the sincerity of his words, burn a hole straight through to my heart. My heart lodges in my throat, rendering me speechless for the umpteenth time. “You don’t have to agree to anything right now, just don’t count us inadmissible.” I nod my head to let him know that I won’t throw us out, but even as we speak my mind races to thoughts of Ethan and wondering if we are a compatible couple.
Nine
Shad kept his deep and controversial comments to a minimal the rest of our afternoon. We had a good time at lunch having a simple burger and fries and a beer to cheer our friend’s birthday. The banter was light and exactly what I needed to keep my tears at bay. After lunch we just drove for a while and in our wandering I saw a building that used to be a health club at one time or another. I hadn’t even been aware that it had closed, but the wheels turning in my mind saw it as a perspective location … A great location for our clinic. I made Shad park in the deserted parking lot and we got out and peeked through the darkened windows. There was so much space and talk about the perfect demographics. A chiropractic clinic sits catty-corner, a dental clinic is at the far end of the small walking mall, a salon adorns one of the smaller rented spaces, and a few other businesses were nearby. It was clean and surrounded by a professional atmosphere. I wrote down the number posted in the window.