by RJ Heaton
“Why would I be upset?”
“Well, I wasn’t sure if you would be okay with someone else writing the grant proposal. The girl I contacted, well …” he glances at me and then back to the road. “We kind of dated a little bit, but she’s a grant writer by profession. I thought maybe her expertise would help us out on this.” He looks at me again nervously. “But she’s really good at what she does, and I swear there is nothing betwe …”
“Ethan, stop. I trust you. You don’t have to explain. If you think she can help us that’s great!” I say. “Besides, I would have no clue where to begin with something like that.” I hear the deep sigh of relief he lets out.
“Thank you for being honest with me. That’s really all I can hope for.” I add. He reaches over and takes my hand in his squeezing it. The feeling is comforting and helps settle the nerves Ramp evoked in me.
The building is perfect, but we will have to look at all the numbers and see if we can pull off the rent. We let them know we will be in contact soon. I hope that we can get the grants Ethan is so adamant will be our cream and butter, but I still have my doubts. I make a mental note to ask my attorney Jim Schapp about the settlement stuff from the accident tomorrow when I see him.
“I’m going to go see Sean today.” I tell Ethan. His shoulders tense immediately.
“Nik, is that a good idea?”
“Probably not,” I say feeling on edge about seeing him. I laugh a non-committal grunt, “what can he do to me? He’ll be behind glass.”
“True, but there are other ways to harm you besides physically.” I am sure my sister’s words are ringing in his mind. “Mental abuse and savage words can be just as damaging.”
“I understand what you are saying, and I thank you for trying to protect me, but I have to. I am not going to back down. He needs to know that he does not win this fight. In the end it will be me coming out on top and I want him to know it.”
“Dang Nikki, that is cold. I almost feel sorry for the bastard—almost.” I smile at him.
“Fair play in love and war.”
“Remind me not to get on your bad side.” He teases, but I wince. If our relationship doesn’t work will it destroy our business partnership?
“Ethan?”
“Yeah?”
“If something happens between us …” I pause, “I respect you and your knowledge. I don’t want our business to go under. I just want to let you know that you will always be a part of me in so many ways.”
“I agree. I don’t want our business to fail, because emotions get in the way.”
“So, we both agree that no matter what the business can’t fail?”
“Definitely. But don’t worry we’re solid.” The corners of my eyes crinkle as my mouth pulls into a huge smile. I feel better that we both understand that the business comes first, but I don’t feel reassured that we are as solid as he thinks.
Eleven
His voice is cold and intimidating. I have to keep reminding myself he has no control over me anymore.
“Why Sean?”
“Because you’re mine” I can feel the prickles of ice stretching and growing like giant, deadly, crystalline spikes. I am grateful that I told Ben to stay home. He doesn’t need to see his father like this, although I could use the strength and company of him right about now. Instead, Carrie is the one sitting out in the parking lot waiting for me. My hair-brained friend tried to talk me out of coming up here. And when she knew I was resolved, she offered to stop by and pick up some arsenic to sneak into a care package for him. I love her. We will have to spend some good one-on-one girlfriend time after I get this dreaded task done.
“I’m not anymore … I was, but now we have both moved on.” I reply with my voice exceptionally calm and collective but far from how my true emotions are staggering with unevenness.
Sean lets out a bone chilling chortle. “You can never move on from me.” My eyes roam over the discolored bruises in shades of blues greens and yellows, the evident remnants of a good old ass whooping covering his face.
“Oh, yeah?” A wicked smile pulls at my lips. “I have and there is nothing you can do about it. Right now the clear evidence is bludgeoned all over your face, and yeah, it’ll fade after time, but don’t forget … never forget that gorilla that took you down so easily will always stand between you and me. He will protect me. If you even as much as think about hurting me and my family again, so help me, Ramp will decimate you. There will be no shred left to even bury you.”
“Are you threatening me?” He snorts.
“I’m not.” He can take that insinuation how he wants. “After all what could a crippled up woman do to hurt you, right?” The hurting that Shad put on him is still a forefront on his mind. I bet he feels it every time he rolls over on his little padded cell bed.
“I’m assuming you have seen Sarah?” He nods indicating yes. “I wonder what I’ll do with the place,” I say putting my finger to my chin and looking up at the ceiling as if in thought. “Maybe a bonfire is in order.”
“You wouldn’t?”
“Wouldn’t I? After tomorrow, we are done and I won’t have to look to you for permission.” I look down at my left ring finger and slip the gold band free. A weight beyond measure lifts. I set it down on the small ledge in front of the window between us where his eyes trace my movements. “Good bye Sean.” I say and hang up the receiver. His eyes never move from the ring I leave behind as I walk away—forever.
“Feel better?” Carrie asks as she helps me get into her car.
“Loads.” I breathe in a deep gulp of air. It somehow seems clearer and tastes of fresh crispness.
“So now what Chica?” I look over at my friend as she crawls in and shuts her door. I begin laughing hysterically.
“Anything. We can do anything we want.” I say.
It is official—my friends are bad influences on me. Even with my walker, I am unsteady on my feet after the multiple celebratory shots and drinks Carrie kept slamming down in front of me. We laugh hysterically as Joe helps us both inside his house. “Thanks daddy Joe.” Carrie slurs. “I haven’t had to call for a ride home for so long.” We both start our bout of laughing all over again.
“Looks like you might have your hands full.” Shad’s deep masculine voice has me snapping my head up.
I think I hear Joe mumble something like, “that’s an understatement,” but my focus or what is left of my focus is centered on the strong man standing in Joe’s living room still in the same clothes he had on this morning when they were going fishing. I start to move forward, but I lose my balance and Shad miraculously catches me before I fall. “Whoa Turbo.” He says gripping my waist to secure me. My hand reaches up and brushes over his forearm.
“You know your arms ginormous.” He grins down at me.
“I think you have mentioned that to me another time.” Out of the corner of my eye I see him give Joe a look only men can understand and shrugs his shoulders.
“The woman says ginormous guess you have to believe it.” Joe chuckles.
“Oh my god are you two drunk?” Heather’s snippety “mother” tone bounces through the living room. “It’s only five o’clock in the evening for heavens sake.” Another bubble of laughter dislodges from my throat.
“We’re celerbbrattting …” For some reason I know the word doesn’t come out quite right, which causes me to laugh more. I look at Shad’s strong arm wrapped around me and feeling him this close causes a riot of provocative thoughts to explode. The angle is awkward but I tilt my head to see his amused face peering down at me. “I’m getting divorced tomorrow!” I exclaim. Shad’s arm tightens slightly—not enough for others to notice, but even through my drunken stupor I feel it.
“Well for goodness sakes, we don’t need you hung over for your divorce appearance. I think the judge might frown on that kind of behavior.” Heather scoots out of the room in a huff.
“I think that woman needs to get laid more.” Carrie quips. “She’s wound
way too tight.”
“Hey now!” Joe retorts.
Carrie plops on the couch very ungracefully with Joe’s assistance. “I didn’t mean with someone else, Joe. Go tend your woman!” She points in the way she thinks Heather went.
Aaron joins our little party by looking between his wife and me. He shakes his head back and forth and smiles. “Thanks for going and dragging my intoxicated wife and her equally smashed friend back here. I got the fish filleted out and divvied up between us.”
Joe walks over to Aaron and smacks him on the back, “Good man. And good luck with that one she’s worse than a loose rhino.” I don’t know why I find the comment so funny but I snort out with laughter.
“He has you nailed.” I teeter realizing that my hitching post is trying to guide me to the couch next to Carrie.
“How about I get you to a lower surface just incase you want to do a header?” I feel his large strong hands gently help me down on the couch, but when he lets go I let out an audible sigh of complaint. “What? Are you okay?” He looks me over like he did something.
“No, I’m not okay. I liked your hands where they were thank you very much.” Drunk Nikki obviously has a significant amount more of courage than sober Nikki. I huff.
Shad’s eyes sparkle with amusement. “I’m going to go get you and your friend here a glass of water. Is that okay with you? I promise I will be right back.” I push my lip out in a pouty posture, but he still turns and heads toward the kitchen.
“Water?” Carrie complains. “How bout some wine?” Carrie’s attention shifts when she gets no response from Shad. “Aaron guess what? Nikki was dancing. It was kind of funny with her walker, but even a couple of guys asked her to dance.” Carrie said smirking at me before her head lulled back onto the couch.
“Is that so?” Aaron’s eyes quirk up in surprise.
“I’m taking pole dancing to a new level.” I joke and Carrie and I laugh together.
“Wow, you two are so cut off.” He retorts.
“Who’s pole dancing?” Shad asks coming back to the living room with two glasses filled with ice water.
“Nikki,” Carrie slurs.
“Huh, that must have been something to see.” Shad mocks.
“Hey, I got moves!” I argue.
“Oh, I’m sure you do.” Irritated by the tone of his voice I try to stand. I am going to show him. My legs wobble and gravity pulls me right back down to where I began. Shad comes up next to me and settles down in to the sofa. He tugs me back against his body and wraps his arm around my shoulder. “How about you show me those moves tomorrow after the alcohol has burned through?” It had been such a struggle to try to scoot to the edge of the sofa that I don’t argue. Instead, I let the warmth of his arm soak deep into my skin and entwine its self deep in my core. I close my eyes feeling comforted.
Twelve
The beating of my heartbeat pulses through my eardrums as I take a deep breath in. Stifling heat wraps around me, and I have the urge to kick off all of my blankets as the hot flash blazes over my skin. Free from the blanket I can still feel heat radiating over my skin although not quite the burning inferno it had been moments ago. I groan and stop dead when a voice answers my grumbling. Slowly, I turn my head only to meet rich brown eyes adamantly peering into mine. “Good morning,” he groggily says and graces me with one of his heart stopping smiles.
“Umm, good morning,” I reply wondering how this is the second time I have woken up to this man in my room with out any real recollection as to how. I want to ask the dreaded question, but a memory from not that long ago told me Shad wants his women compliant and aware. He wouldn’t have taken advantage of me. He wants me to give myself to him willingly and not under the influence. I’m suddenly feeling very awkward, yet wary that I like him this close. “Did you sleep here all night?”
A glint flashes over his eyes, “I did.” Self consciously I look down my body remembering that I awoke burning up and kicked all the blankets away from me. I grab for a sheet or any piece of cloth near me to cover my now almost naked body. Shad teases me and keeps the heaping pile of the blankets out of my reach. “Why cover such a beautiful piece of art?” His eyes travel over my body and stops at the curve of my breasts that poke out over my bra and then they continue their decent mapping my body out with his eyes. His head moves slowly as he takes in my abdomen and stops right above where the material of my panties dips low just covering my hips and pelvic bone. Suddenly, he’s growling.
“Did you just growl?” I ask, shocked by his reaction.
“I can’t help it. You tend to bring out my animal characteristics.” His eyes darken and I can read the lust building behind them. Before I can stop him, he reaches over and pulls my into his chest and crashes his lips over mine. The contact makes my insides quake. I’m trying to reel in my emotions, but it is almost impossible with his lips so warm and delectable over mine. Without thinking my lips are moving against his getting lost in the feeling of him. A small moan slips from my throat and Shad answers with a deep moan of pleasure all his own. Our tongues dance in perfect unison as Shad reaches around me and pulls me on top of him. His body pinned under mine, I can feel exactly what I am doing to him as his arousal lays thick and heavy between our heated bodies. My head snaps back with that thought. “Nikki,” he says breathlessly looking up at me through his dark lashes. I lay my forehead down on his.
“Shad, this is wrong. I can’t do this.” I say trying to free myself from his firm grip around my waist.
“If it’s so wrong then why does it feel so right?” I don’t have an answer for him, because internally I am asking myself the same question.
“Ethan,” I say so low that I am surprised Shad can hear me. He lets his grip loosen and I am able to slide my body back to my bed, still panting from the heat and passion that is consuming the both of us.
“Damn it,” I hear him mumble, and then out of my periphery I watch him glide his hands through his dark thick hair in frustration. His muscles bulge with the movement and I have to look away so I don’t climb right back up onto his gorgeous body. Shad sits up, scoots off the bed we shared last night and walks to my bathroom in nothing but his boxer briefs. The back side view is just as pleasant to look at as his tight muscles flex and constrict with each step. Him shutting the door is what breaks my stare.
I’m in so much trouble.
***
I have to wait to get into the bathroom, because I hear the distinct sound of water coming from the shower. I physically have to fight the urge to join him. I saw the hurt in the way he walked away from me. If I could do anything to take that hurt away—well in reason, I would. I know what he wants from me, but I am not free to just give him that. I have committed myself to someone else … I think. Heck I don’t know. I like to think that Ethan and I are an item, but are we both too hung up on the age gap to just let go? I let out a heavy dejected sigh as the sound of the shower turns off. Shad comes out a few minutes later with just a towel tied around his waist. My eyes roam over the distinct V cut into his lower abdomen. My mouth waters and I have to swallow to keep my tongue from rolling out of my face.
Shad smirks, “Make up your mind sweet cheeks. You either want it or you don’t, but time is ticking. And speaking of time you better get your butt ready. You have an appointment with the judge in an hour and a half.”
“Huh,” I look at the clock and remember that I need to be at the court house at eight.
“Well, hurry up. We need to get going.”
“We?” I ask.
“Heck yeah, we. Do you think I would miss this moment? You’ll be free of that bastard and then only one small thing will be left standing in my way.” I roll my eyes at him. “What?” he shrugs.
“Nothing. I better get ready.”
I’m surprised to see how many people think it necessary to go to my divorce today. All of my children are up ready and eating breakfast in the kitchen. Heather and Joe are dressed in nice attire and also eating their break
fast, Carrie and Aaron are lingering with coffee cups in their hands obviously ready for the event as well. My heart swells knowing that they are all coming to back me and show their one hundred percent support. I have to choke down the tears that threaten my freshly applied makeup.
***
Jim pats me on the back after the proceedings are over. I had expected them to last a lot longer than they did. I take a steadying breath the realization of being a free woman washing over me. The judge had done almost everything that Jim said he would. The house is now mine, I have custody of Mathew and all of the other items will be divided up between Sean and I. The boat, fifthwheel, and car are all paid for, but there is still a payment on the truck used daily. I had doubted the house would be given up so freely, but it also is paid off and since Sean is locked up the judge didn’t even blink giving me the house. The one thing Sean did do right by his family is to work hard and he strived for us to be debt free. If he gets out it will probably drive him mad that he has to start all over again. A strong hand rests on my shoulders and I don’t have to look up to know its Shad. I know his touch like it’s my own. “One thing is done.” Jim says. “Now onto the other.”
“Have you heard more?” My eyebrows rise in question. “We go to mediation next week. The attorneys want to all gather. They will throw a low ball number out to try to get you to settle, we’ll throw one back. It will go back and forth like that for awhile and we will probably leave with a number sitting in the oven baking in their minds. And then …” he smiles. “They come back with a real number and that’s when we decide if we settle.”
“Oh.” Is all that I’m able to say. Shad gently squeezes my shoulder and I notice Jim give him a look.
“She’s a keeper this one.” Jim tells the hulking man comforting me.
“She is.” Shad agrees.
“Oh … no. We aren’t. It’s not like that.” I stammer.
Jim gives me a sideways smile, and I swear I hear him mumble, “Mm hmm,” under his breath. There’s no point in correcting him. I’m still in aw that I am divorced and soon the legalities of the accident will be behind me. Well the accident per se will never be behind me. I’ll always remember Lance, he will never become a part of my past. He will just be tucked deep into my heart as a loving friend, brother, a memory.