by RJ Heaton
“We’re celebrating tomorrow night. I invited mom and dad, my kids, your kids, Shad of course because the man never leaves,” Heather gives him a straight lipped jab, “and if you want you can invite, Ethan.” Shad’s body instantly tenses behind me, but he quickly recovers.
“Sounds good,” I agree with my loving sister. Celebrating the end of a disastrous marriage sounds most fitting.
Thirteen
To say dinner is awkward would be downsizing it from a ten-thousand square foot mansion to a twenty-five foot pull camper. I thought I could handle them both in the same room together but the tension is as thick as my mother’s fruitcake, and although I dearly love my sister I could absolutely kill her right now.
Shad gracefully slides into the spot to my left—with a ‘yes baby I’m going to be a thorn in your side’ grin emblazoned on his face. Ethan chooses the spot to my right, but not without making sure to pull my chair out for me first. I smile warmly at him as my green eyes meet his baby blues.
“And who said chivalry was dead.” Shad deadpans.
Sandwiched between two hotplates of pure unadulterated male testosterone is not my idea of a good time. I try my best to ignore the situation by interacting with everyone else at the beautifully set table. “Mom, I’m so glad you and dad could come to dinner tonight.” I smile at my mom who is tucking a napkin onto my dad’s lap.
“Missing a meal with my lovely daughters and for a meaningful celebration, I wouldn’t have dared miss it.” My parents have always been the ‘Death till you part’ type of people. I had been worried they would tell me to work it out with Sean. That we had said our vows and we needed to find a way to live with each other, but they never did. Albeit, my father has Alzheimer’s and half of the time doesn’t even remember who I am let alone who I was married to, but my mother, she knew and she kept her silence.
“I love you Mom.”
“I love you too dear.” She says and smiles warmly at me.
Joe stands at the head of the table and clears his throat. “I’d like to offer a toast before we all dig into this delicacy presented before us.” He winks at Heather. “Nikki, I know that you have been through one hell of a year, and although we are here celebrating your departure from that horrible marriage, we’re all here celebrating that you are still here with us too. Actually, that all of us are here—together. This is our family and we will always stick together.” He holds his glass up to me, “Cheers.” We all hold are glasses up and clink them together. It has been one heck of a year. Tears pool in my eyes and I don’t try to hold them back. Joe’s toast was perfect. I look at all my loved ones and take them in, including Ethan and Shad. I swallow hard as Joe sits and says, “let’s dig in.”
“This is magnificent,” Shad compliments Heather’s meal. I quietly laugh to myself. Since I have been living here giving Heather some of my pointers and tidbits her cooking has improved quite a bit.
“This broccoli salad is awesome sis.” I say as I take another delectable mouth watering bite of the salad.
“Thank you. I love it too. It covers the veggie serving for the day, and the raisins add a sweet little surprise.”
“Mm, hmm,” I mumble with a mouthful of broccoli. I start giggling and almost inhale a chunk of onion.
“You okay there?” Joe asks.
I nod, “I was just thinking about the California Raisins. Do you guys remember them?”
“How could anyone forget those creepy wrinkly figurines that looked like a turd?” Shad replies taking another bite of food.
“Ooo … ooo, they sang ‘Heard it through the grapevine.’”
I laugh out loud at my sisters input. “I had an alarm clock and the grapes would dance and sing that song for the alarm. How about you? Did you have any California Raisin memorabilia growing up Ethan?”
A complete gentleman he pats at his mouth with his napkin, “truthfully, I’ve never even heard of them. It sounds like I missed out.” He teases.
“Nik, don’t be so insensitive. That was way before the boy’s time.” Shad elbows me. I turn and give him a deep scowl. I feel awkward enough knowing the age gap between Ethan and me. It doesn’t seem to faze Ethan at all, but somehow I’m constantly reminded of it.
“Don’t worry Ethan. I don’t get any of their nonsense babble,” Rachel Heather’s daughter adds. “Old people are weird.”
“Ah, those were the days,” Heather says nostalgically. “We were on top of the world without a care in the wind.”
“That’s for sure,” Shad agrees. “The big hair, leather jackets with sprayed on anarchy symbols… Hey what was everyone’s very first album they bought?” Shad asks, keeping the talk of memory lane the topic of discussion.
Joe laughs, “do I have to admit it out loud?”
“Hell yes, especially now.” Shad taunts.
“Fine, Neil Diamond was my first and then I think my second one was Chicago.” Joe answers and plunks a piece of steak into his mouth so he can say no more.
“Alright, not too bad I suppose. Mine was Lynyrd Skynyrd.” Shad says with confidence.
“Really?” I ask, even though I shouldn’t be surprised by Mr. Fast, dangerous and anything reckless.
“Yup,” he says nonchalantly and takes a swig of his beer. “How about you Heather?”
“The Police, duh.” We all laugh at her non pause.
“How about you man?” Joe directs the question to Ethan. Ethan swallows hard and I see his Adams apple bob.
“I, uh … well my music tastes very, but my first album was, Depeche Mode.” I’m sure none of us mean to, but we all look at him with brows raised and cocked heads. Another bucket full of sludge added to the scales tipping us further apart.
“I love Depeche Mode,” Rachel pipes in. Before anymore comments from the loud mouth gallery sitting extremely close to me can come slithering out, I say, “Guns N’ Roses. Lies, Lies, Lies.”
“Oh my god, I remember that. You played that tape over and over until you finally got that … what was it, Once-bitten, Twice-shy tape?” I can’t help my laughter from bubbling out. My parents had bought me a small boom box and it was the best present they ever got me. It had a double cassette player and one side had the capability of actually recording on blank tapes. I had never bought my own music until I was around thirteen, but after growing up with Country music lovers in the house I rebelled and bought my glorious hair band music; Motley Crue, Whitesnake, Skid Row, I would hide in my room and delve into loud music for hours.
“I should’ve guessed you as a hairband kind of girl.” Shad teases.
“Well Ramp, I’m probably full of surprises that you have no clue about.”
A slow intimate stroke across my left thigh has me almost jumping from the dinner table. He’s so bold. Thankfully Ethan doesn’t see the hand rested upon my leg hidden under the table. Not that I think Ramp would care one little iota. “I can’t wait to learn them all.” He whispers against my ear so that I’m the only one to hear him.” Arousal burns a hole through my gut, imagining what pleasures he could offer with his strong hands.
“Do you remember how awesome we were putting a bullet in our jean jacket Levi tab and spraying our hair wings with so much Rave hairspray it left clumps of white goo for the next five years?” Heather’s question has me pulling my attention back to the table. The man next to me is insatiable. What is he playing at, and why does he make me feel like I’m on fire whenever he his near?
“Mom, believe me when I tell you. You were not cool.” Rachel deadpans. The rest of us laugh.
“If you’ll all excuse me for a moment?” Ethan slides his chair out and bends down and gently kisses the back of my exposed neck right where it gently curves into my shoulder. The feeling of his gentle lips cause goose pimples to erupt over my skin. “I’ll be right back.” He says into my ear, his warm breath blowing across the sensitive flesh. I can’t help but think of the testosterone battle going on between Ethan and Shad as Shad tightens his grip on my leg when Ethan kisse
s me—claims me. Ethan pauses and I look up at him catching where his eyes are looking. Directly at Shad’s hand placed on top of my left leg. I can see the anger surging. Before it gets out of control, I grab Shad’s hand and try to dislodge it from my lap. The stubborn ass won’t budge, and then to top it off he spins to look at Ethan and winks at him. I could kill him right now. “Nicole, a word?” Ethan sneers. I push my chair back finally freeing myself from the all possessive Ramp.
“Do you seriously think you can take care of her? The way she deserves to be taken care of?” Shad asks quietly … so quietly that I doubt anyone on the other side of the table heard, but Ethan’s darkened scowl tells me he heard the question.
It’s hard to make a smooth getaway when I have to reach for my walker clumsily making a chaotic scene last ten times longer than it should. Thankfully, Ethan scoots it closer to me, and when I’m steady I walk toward my room.
“Come on Nikki, you have to be honest with me. Is there something going on between you two?” He’s asking as soon as we get behind my closed bedroom door. I can’t admit to him that there is a strange magnetic pull I have toward Shad. I don’t want him to think more into it than there is. Yes, I’m attracted to Shad, but I’m also very attracted to my sexy, young, physical therapist who has taken me from the dark abyss and drug me back to the surface for air.
“No, nothing is going on between us. I, he well he’s a big pain in the ass really and right now he’s just trying to cause a fight between us. Ethan I feel so much for you. Don’t you know what and how much you mean to me?”
“Why is he laying his hand on you?”
“Like I said, to get a rise out of you. He’s a giant child acting like a fool in need of attention. I’m not giving it to him, so he’s trying to demand it.”
“I don’t like it. Can’t you tell him to get out and never come back?”
“Ethan, he’s my friend.” I sigh. Not wanting to be put into the predicament of having to choose between the two. My mind tells me I would choose Ethan in a second flat, but my heart tells me my choice would be Shad. I’m so confused and feel like I’ve had a severe case of whiplash. I don’t think I could live without either one of them. “It’s you who has shared my bed, not him.” I add trying to solidify the connection between us. He looks up at me with reservations flashing like giant beacons through his eyes. I need to close the distance, have the contact to know that we are okay, but when I touch his cheek he flinches like my touch has burned his skin. The rejection has my heart imploding in on itself. “Ethan,” I whisper. His ice blue eyes usually crisp as a fall day are clouded over. I need him to believe me, but I don’t even believe myself.
“Nikki, I just can’t. It’s me or him. I can’t play in the middle. I want you, but I can feel you pulling further away from me. I need you whole or not at all.”
“Ethan, wait don’t go. I swear, you do have me … wholly I’m yours. I step closer and push my walker to the side so there are no barriers between us. He is so breathtaking to look at that sometimes I need to pinch myself to remember he is most definitely real. I run my hand up his shirt until it rests above his heart. I feel his chest lifting and falling with each of his breaths and the faint beat of his pulse under my fingers. I hesitate for a moment before I close the distance and lay my lips upon his. My lips move wanting to connect with the one life line that has relit my spark. I kiss him fervently, but I can sense his uncertainty. His last girlfriend cheated on him and he wants to guard his heart. I will just have to prove to him that I’m not Simone. I have no plans on hurting him. Ethan pulls back after a few moments and looks down at me.
“I think I need some time to think.” I nod my head knowing that he will leave no matter how much I try to plea and barter with him.
“We have plans tomorrow,” I remind him.
“I know, I didn’t forget. Look …” he looks at his hands and then back up to me. “I know that we come from two totally different worlds, but I do like to think we could somehow meet up in the middle. I just can’t take much more of that asshole’s mouth taunting and teasing, calling me a boy, and putting a constant reminder out there on our age difference. Nikki, I don’t care how old you are. I like you and think you are beautiful.”
“… Then why did you introduce me to your mom as a coworker slash business partner?” The words are out before I can even stop them.
He stops dead in his tracks. I knew I had been right. Ethan was worried about what his folks would say to him about dating a much older woman. “Nik, that was …” He stammers. He lets out a heavy breath. “You’re right. I was worried. I, I wasn’t sure how my mom would react if she knew.”
“So you’re ashamed of me?”
“Oh god, no never.”
“Then why?” He rolls his shoulders forward like a forlorned little boy that just got caught lying.
“I don’t know.” Is the only answer he gives me. “I’m just, ugh this whole thing … and him. What is he to you anyway? He walks around here like you belong to him. I can’t handle it Nikki, and in there …” He nods his head back indicating the dining room. “I get it, we come from different generations, and before you say anything I need to get it out. I’m not stupid that guy is purposely trying to drive a point. He wants to get between us by showing me how different we are.” I shake my head no, but my suspicions of Shad’s little game are not as jaded to Ethan as I thought. Ethan isn’t just a stupid young kid. He’s going to school for his medical degree. You don’t become a doctor if you don’t have the brains to back it.
He takes a deep breath and looks down at my hand on his chest, “Maybe we need a break.”
“What?” Those were the last words I expected to hear from him. I am stunned and just stare up at him dumbfounded. I pull my hand away suddenly burned from the man standing in front of me. I don’t blame him for being upset with Shad for his behavior, but to pull away from us because of it. I can’t find any words. I’m shocked and honestly a little bit pissed off.
“I’m just going to go. I’m sorry Nik. I just can’t …” He never finishes his sentence instead he turns and walks away from me. I don’t go after him. I’m still too stunned to comprehend what just happened.
Fourteen
“If you were dating a real man, you wouldn’t have to deal with temper-tantrum throwing little boys.” His voice startles me. I hadn’t even heard him come into my room.
I guffaw at his remark, “From where I’m standing all men are little boys and it’s just a matter of when they’ll be pitching their next hissy fit.” Visions of Sean flash in my mind. He is a full grown man and he had been doing exactly that not all that long ago—tantrum from hell. I let out a deep sigh. “Shad why do you keep coming around? Why do you keep pursuing me?” I want to sink down on to my bed and not go back to the festivities in the other room.
Most of the time Shad keeps himself together well, but he runs his hands through his hair clearly frustrated. “Because Nikki, can’t you feel it? Your body sings to me. I’ve never had the desire to be with anyone as badly as I want you.”
My breath hitches at his admittance. I can feel something too, but I’ve been trying to compress it from coming to light. The idea of betraying my feelings for Ethan makes me hands tremble. “I’m broken and not worth the effort.”
A dark shadow crosses his eyes. “Nicole, don’t ever talk about yourself like that. It makes me bat-shit crazy and every time you’re negative I want to punch that ex-asshole husband of yours all over again.” The tension rolls off his shoulders in palpable waves. The small tick in his jaw reminds me of the anger when he tackled Sean to the ground in the kitchen. I had never been so grateful for a strong man in my life than in that moment. He saved us that dreadful night. “That asshat never deserved your love. He misused you in every step of the way.” He steps closer to me causing my heart to ricochet in my chest. His closeness sends impulses electrifying my senses. No one, not even Ethan elicits such riotess chaos inside my body. It screams for me to rea
ch out and touch him. We stare at each other unmoving.
The constant presence of that teeter-tottering line between Shad and I loomed like a dark shadow, but it had never sent one of us soaring into the sky. We kept it balanced on an even playing ground. At least until this moment. Shad has the upper hand. His feet are still planted on the ground … it’s me floating off into oblivion.
The ricocheting of my heart…
Chest, wall
Chest, wall
Chest, wall
Has my breath hitching. He has kissed me before, but it was different. Those kisses were always him just being a self-assured, pompous ass, and a few times maybe alcohol.
We’re both sober now, and the idea of him leaning in and pressing those luscious, pliable lips to mine—could be my undoing. They’re right there. His warm breath spindling out like gentle fingers wreaking havoc to my lips; not inches, but mere centimeters separating the touch.
“Fuck it,” he grumbles and the next thing I know is the longing washing away. His lips crash over mine with a fiery intensity. A far different kiss from the other ones before. The last time was just a show to off balance me. This time, there is a purely distinct emotion that screams something else. A possessive longing energizes our lips. His velvety smooth lips press gently against mine, simultaneously our lips part, our hot breaths mingling together creating a heavy concoction made of wholly us. As if asking permission, his tongue ebbs forward waiting at my slightly parted lips for the answer. My own tongue answering in response, by sliding forward and gliding over his, exploring his taste, his movements. The sensations it stirs in my core are unfathomable. A light moan escapes my throat causing a cacophony of hands reaching and pulling at me. Ramps hands glide over my hips and wrap around my waist. They tighten and the next thing I know, I’m being pulled into his taut warm body. The evidence of his arousal presses against my belly and instantly sends a pulsing want like an electric shock through my veins. My stomach takes to flight with a rolling thunder, the way he turns my insides inside-out has me almost boiling over with desire.