True Sacrifice (The Lost and Found Series Book 2)

by Amanda Mackey

  “No. I’m fine. I got into a fight but, ah…it’s been handled. Thank you.”

  He stared at me for a few long seconds before nodding and taking Harley out. Walking to Viper, I asked, “Can I go too? I need to be with him even if he doesn’t want me there.”

  He didn’t hesitate. “Of course. I’ll bring you back with me later.”

  Grateful to have him here, I stepped closer and hugged him, needing the contact after Harley’s attempt at pushing me away.

  His arms didn’t immediately embrace me, but after a beat or two they came around my waist in a firm squeeze.

  “He’ll come around,” he muttered softly.

  I could only hope.

  ***

  For some reason being in a hospital this time unnerved me. Funny, considering I spent most of my time in one. It differed, being a hopeful and concerned friend, waiting in an overcrowded room, unable to hurry the process or see what went on behind the closed door facing us.

  “You want a coffee?” Viper asked.

  “Please,” I replied, grateful for his thoughtfulness. Watching him walk away, I felt helpless.

  I hadn’t seen Harley since he’d been wheeled out of the hotel room. Viper and I traveled behind the ambulance up until a point, where we’d veered off to do a detour, but then had to gain access like regular civilians to the ER waiting room. I couldn’t stop thinking of the way he’d forced me from the hotel bedroom. His heated stare. Angry. Did he really feel animosity toward me or was it more a case of him protecting me by pushing me away? Either way, it hurt. I’d been through my own trauma, and having him throw me out like garbage added insult to injury. What an absolutely crappy twenty-four hours.

  On the way we’d done a quick stop at a clothing store to pick me up some clothes. My scrubs I’d been abducted in were a mess, and we figured we had half an hour up our sleeve at least until paperwork for Harley had been filled out.

  Viper soon returned with my coffee. We sat in silence for a bit, so I decided to help pass the time and get my mind off Harley by finding out more about him. I really didn’t know a lot. Harley hadn’t divulged much, and with everything going on, I hadn’t thought to ask.

  Not knowing how much of his personal life he wanted to share, I started with, “So. How come you haven’t got the ladies chasing you?” It seemed a fair question. I hadn’t heard any mention of a girlfriend and he lived alone.

  Turning to slant me a quick glance, he spun back to his coffee. He didn’t respond right away and used the military excuse. “Don’t really have time for one. I’m away a lot.”

  It felt like a cop out. There were plenty of military wives out there who made it work. Perhaps he’d had a bad relationship or two and preferred being single.

  “So you’ve never had a long relationship?” Curiosity made me push a little.

  Swigging his coffee, he shrugged his shoulders and gave me another brief look. “You’re a nosy little thing, aren’t you?”

  “Just curious.”

  Sighing, he tightened his grip on his cup. “I had someone special a while back. We were engaged to be married. I bought her a house.” Clearing his throat, he hung his head, pausing. Suddenly I felt bad for prying.

  “I’m sorry. You don’t have to talk about it.” I gave him an out.

  “Let’s just say I thought she was the one. It damn near killed me when she left.”

  Downing the rest of his coffee, he rose to toss the cup in the trash nearby. When he circled back and walked to his seat, lines etched his brow and his lips had compressed.

  Nothing more was spoken.

  When it felt like we’d been sitting there for hours, Viper went to the triage nurse and asked about Harley. After a few minutes we were told we could go see him. As much as he probably didn’t want to see me, I needed him to know I couldn’t be pushed away so easily.

  Upon entering the ER, we were led past a nurses’ station and around the corner to a curtained room, lined up against others. A child cried and a loud groan echoed through the other hospital noise. I knew the sounds well.

  Pushing open the curtain to reveal Harley, the nurse shut it again to give us some privacy. Harley’s eyes opened when we moved to his bedside.

  Pain bled from his eyes. His vulnerable state allowed me to see through the tough exterior and into the real man. My heart stuttered. What went through his head? If I didn’t know better, I’d think his emotions were aimed at me. Perhaps they were. Perhaps he’d decided with me in the picture, he’d always feel the need to put his own life on the line.

  Maybe he didn’t want that anymore.

  His anger toward me earlier still hurt. I shouldn’t take it personally with my knowledge on PTSD, but how could I not? He’d told me to leave. He didn’t want me near him. But his focus on me now told a different story. He appeared confused and remorseful.

  I stopped and let Viper move forward, remaining in the background to keep my distance.

  Chapter Seventeen

  Harley

  When Mac appeared through the hospital curtain drawn around my bed, it took me by surprise. Especially after the way I’d barked at her to leave the hotel room. I expected her to run and never look back, but here she stood. Still gorgeous even with a swollen, bruised face. Her eyes still held a wariness toward me I’d put there earlier. Part of me hated myself for hurting her, and the other part knew it needed to happen to keep her safe. From myself. The pure white hot rage that still rocketed through me, held firm. She couldn’t be around me. I’d break her even more than she was after the attack. I knew Viper flanked her, but I didn’t acknowledge him. I pierced her with a look I hoped let her know I hadn’t changed my mind. God. In all honesty, I wanted to pull her to me and never let go, but until I got my emotions under control I couldn’t risk hurting her again. She probably had bruises on her arm from my episode at the hotel when I lashed out. It gutted me to see the fear in her eyes. She held back, almost afraid to come closer. So when I opened my mouth, the words that came out killed me.

  “What are you doing here? I told you to leave,” I bit out, shame filling me.

  I swear I thought I heard her heart crack some more and I had to look away. I found Viper’s angry stare on me. He looked like he wanted to knock some sense into me.

  “She came to see how you were doing because she cares, but I can see you’re still being an asshole.”

  No one spoke to me like that and got away with it except Viper. He could be fierce when needed and could hold his own both in a physical and verbal fight. He only ever had my best interests at heart, so I respected him madly. Still, he needed to be put in his place too.

  “I made it perfectly clear what I wanted earlier and nothing has changed.”

  Turning to her, I choked on my words. “Go. Wait outside.”

  Her glassy eyes kicked me in the stomach and I hated myself even more in that moment. One day hopefully she’d understand that I’d only done it to protect her.

  Her lip trembled as she whispered, “I just wanted to make sure you were okay.”

  She held my gaze for a moment and then turned to Viper. “I’ll wait near the nurses’ station.”

  Giving her a smile, he offered, “I won’t be long.”

  She probably hated me now. And so she should. I was a dick.

  When we were alone, I knew my friend would lay into me.

  “Jesus! Can you stop pushing her away? She truly cares, man, and if you’re not careful, you’ll lose her. Personally, I think she’s the best thing to ever happen to you, but for some strange reason you’ve changed your tune.”

  He reached over and pulled a metal chair from the corner and sat next to my bed. His face looked drawn. He’d suffered by having my back too and I could see the worry in his eyes.

  “I don’t want to hurt her.”

  “You’re hurting her more by being an ass.” He crossed one leg over the thigh of the other and glared at me.

  I hated his scrutiny. He knew me better than anyone and
could probably read into my bullshit and why I pushed Mac away.

  Scratching his head, he added, “Look. I get that you feel overwhelmed with the influx of memories. Especially the ones of war. I still have nightmares. It’s not easy by any means, but I think Mac will cope just fine. She’s a nurse, for God’s sake. She’s dealt with screwed up people. She knows what to do.”

  My eyebrows lifted at his praise of the woman I had fallen for. It warmed me that he cared so much. With Trudy, he had never taken to her. He’d stumbled through his role of best man at my wedding to appease me. We’d argued in the past about his dislike for her, but in the end his distaste had been close to the mark when she’d screwed Reno.

  “What?” he asked.

  “You like her.”

  “Hell yeah. She’s a great girl and I think you owe her the chance to prove to you she can handle your shit.”

  Rubbing my face, I took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “Looking at her face all banged up sends me into a rage. I just want to dismember that fucker. Even though he did that to her physically, I’m responsible.”

  “You didn’t ask for any of it either. So stop beating yourself up and let her help.”

  Unable to cope with the conversation, I steered it in a different direction. Remembering Viper hadn’t filled me in on the outcome of our mission to save Mac, I asked him, “What happened after I was taken and knocked out?”

  Viper grinned almost manically. “I took him and his two goons out.”

  Relief filled me. The immediate threat had gone. I wondered if they had any other members of their group to take over their task of hunting me down and killing me. Giving him a brief nod, I needed any information on why our soldiers hadn’t backed us up after the code had been sent.

  “You probably haven’t had time to look into why our team failed to act?”

  “I’ll get onto it soon. I’ve been taking care of your girl.”

  “Thank you. I mean it. I’m glad she has you.”

  “I’ve got your back. Always. Just so glad to have you here.” He paused briefly to change topics. “Sooo…how’s the head?”

  “Not feeling so overwhelmed by thoughts after the jab the medic gave me, but I feel so damn angry and I can’t get past it.”

  “It’s the PTSD. You’ll calm down once you’ve been taking meds for a bit. Trust me. It gets better.” Even as he said it, I could see he didn’t believe his own words. Still, I had enough to deal with.

  I huffed. “I need to get out of here and get back to my apartment. Think you can organize it?”

  “On one condition.”

  Here we go. “What’s that?”

  “You stop being a dick and talk to Mac. At least tell her why you’re pushing her away. You owe her that.”

  Feeling like a jerk. I nodded. “Send her in.”

  Viper left and my nerves shot into the red zone. I’d explain myself. It didn’t mean I could put her in a position of getting hurt by one of my nightmares or outbursts again. She needed to know I couldn’t pursue anything with her until I sorted my crap out. If she chose to wait for the undisclosed amount of time, it would be up to her. I wasn’t expecting her to though.

  Waiting wasn’t something I liked to do. She took forever to push the door open. Seeing her wary, beaten face didn’t help my cause.

  Watching her quietly pad to the bed and sit down in the chair Viper had pulled over, I knew I needed to apologize. At the very least, she needed to know I still carried a morsel of decency. She needed to know I still cared. I owed her so much damn respect it tore me in two.

  “Mac.” God. Those eyes. They killed me. Every. Damn. Time.

  “I heard Viper talking to the nurse. They’re organizing your release.”

  That voice. The one that had dragged me from the nothingness of my coma. The one that had screamed and pleaded with me not to hand myself over to terrorists to save her. Jesus. My heart was in turmoil over this woman and the choices I needed to make. “That’s great. I need to get home.”

  Seeing her shoulders still tense, I sighed and attempted to explain. “I…uh…I’m sorry about earlier. I’m not pushing you away to be a dick—even though that’s what I ended up coming across as.” Gaging her stock expression, I continued, “Look. My feelings for you haven’t changed. I just think we should throw some distance between us until I get my head back in the game. What happened in the hotel room…me hitting you…I can’t ever do that again. I don’t want to hurt you.”

  I didn’t know what else to say or how to say it.

  Her features softened somewhat at my attempt to justify my actions.

  “I don’t need protecting. Not from you. I know you’d never intentionally hurt me. I understand what you’re going through. It’s going to take time. And medication. You need to take the meds the nurse will give you to take home. It’ll help with the anger. I also think you need to go talk to someone. I can arrange it through University Hospital. I’m here to help, Harley. Please don’t push me away.” Reaching across, she placed her hand over mine.

  Harley. That name again. The one she chose for me. A man who had taken on the moniker under false pretenses. During my amnesia I’d basked in the name because she’d given it to me. I never wanted to be Declan. But the fact was, now that I felt every morsel of emotion, good and bad, and had emerged from my cocoon, I couldn’t help but be him. Unable to correct her, I bit my tongue for now.

  My skin sizzled at her touch. A deep longing drew forth along with the dread that I’d be unable to stop myself from hurting her. I didn’t pull away though. I let the feel of her skin soothe my insecurities.

  Staring at her, I wondered if she had the strength to help me fight my battles. Her job would always come first. The hours she worked were long and tiresome. I couldn’t always guarantee that I’d be what she needed.

  “Mac. I want to give you the world. I want to be the man you’ve never had but have always wanted. It’s just…” How did I get through to her? I didn’t know what the hell went through my head.

  She widened her eyes expectantly.

  “I don’t think I’m enough at the moment.”

  That didn’t even come out right. Christ. Pulling my hand out from hers, I turned and faced the window.

  “You can tell yourself that and you can even tell me that, but I don’t believe you. How about you let me be the judge of that?”

  Her words sounded hard. They caught my attention enough to turn back around and face her. I had to admit…the woman had guts. I’d always known she had immense strength. That’s one of the things I loved about her. Loved? The epiphany slammed into me. Hard. I actually think I loved her. Enough so, that I needed to make sure I lived up to her expectations. I had to set her free to become the man she deserved. It didn’t matter that she felt I was that man now. I knew I wasn’t.

  “I appreciate you and everything you’ve done for me. I wouldn’t have made it if not for your kindness. Taking me into your home. Feeding and clothing me. Risking your life for me. Don’t you see? It’s all been you. You’ve done everything for me. All I’ve done for you is bring danger to your door. Literally.”

  “It’s okay…”

  Cutting her off, I continued. “Let me finish. I stand by my decision to get my shit in order. You need to get on with things and forget about me for a while. I need time to process everything.”

  Hurt drew her brows together, but she didn’t argue any further. She simply nodded, mouth tight. Resigned to the fact.

  We didn’t have any time for more discussion because Viper appeared through the door with a doctor in tow.

  He handed me a script. “You need to keep taking these meds. They’ll help with the overwhelming sensation you’re experiencing and also the flashes. You’ll be on them for a while, so make sure you don’t skip any days.”

  Taking it from him, I nodded.

  “You can leave anytime you’re ready. You appear to have stabilized. We injected you with something to help for the next few hou
rs, but it’s important you begin the tablets I just gave you when you get home.”

  “Thank you,” I offered, waiting on him to leave before rising off the bed.

  I wobbled a little, but Viper moved in quickly to steady me.

  “You okay?” he asked.

  “Yeah. All good. I just want to get out of here. Do you think we can head back to Ann Arbor soon?”

  “We can go pick up our stuff and drive home if that’s what you want. You can crash at my place for a few days if you need to until your meds kick in.”

  I wasn’t sure I wanted to be around anyone, but then again, being alone in my apartment mightn’t be the best either. If I needed an outlet to vent, at least Viper could handle me. Unlike Mac. Speaking of which, I knew she waited outside. We’d be traveling back home together. It would be more than awkward. Had I made the right decision in letting her go for now?

  What if she found someone else? The idea killed me. Would she wait?

  Everything was so screwed up.

  Chapter Eighteen

  Mac

  We’d arrived back home an hour ago. Viper dropped me off before he and Harley left. Not before they’d double-checked my apartment and made sure I would be okay. After everything we’d been through they were simply being thorough. I actually liked it. I knew Viper at least cared. He acted all tough on the outside, but deep down he had a big heart to those he cared about. He’d do anything for Harley, and for that I would always be grateful.

  The ride home had been tense. Few spoken words and lots of grunts and sighs. I’d dozed for a short while, overcome by the weight of my ordeal.

  It felt great being back in my apartment, although Harley’s absence left a gaping hole.

  When I’d walked into the bedroom, Nick’s things had all been removed. He’d obviously returned and taken his clothing and personal items. All the furniture remained. Part of me felt saddened at his departure, knowing how it had ended, but the other part sagged with relief. I no longer had to worry about whether he’d be coming home from work at some ungodly hour or if he would even eat with me. Still, a part of my life had ended and I didn’t take it lightly.