It was just… him.
His looks, actions, thoughts, and words were all different. And in some crazy way a piece of each came together to create the real Nash. The Nash that looked me in the eyes the way he did last night. The Nash that kissed me in a way that told me truths he wished I didn’t know. The Nash that wrapped his arms around me and held me until I fell asleep.
I took the sheet with me off the bed and that was all I had to wear for the moment. I walked along the dark, hardwood floors of the bedroom, looking down at my feet. I kept biting my lip, trying to keep things contained. My mind telling me I loved Nash wasn’t the first thought I needed in the morning. And it was damn sure not anything Nash needed to hear either. Part of me wondered how many times he woke up the next morning with a woman in his bed telling him she loved him.
It made me jealous and that hint of jealousy was reason enough to chase the love thoughts away.
Maybe not for good, but for now.
Nash had a long one story house up in the hills.
There were windows everywhere, making it impossible not to appreciate the crazy pretty view from the house. This was a whole different life and tax bracket up here for sure. Not that I hadn’t seen this style of living before. I just wasn’t used to it recently.
I found Nash standing at a black marble counter, shirtless, writing in a notebook. The way he leaned forward, his messy bed head, his muscles forever present…
Goddamn… I’m in a bad spot here…
I bit my lip, knowing if I kept doing so I was going to chew it off for good.
Nash’s face had that wild intense look like it did that day in the studio. It was like he became a different person when it came to the music. I wondered what that was really like for him. Having the reputation as a bad boy rock star. Singing for a band called Filthy Line. The perception of loud music, drinking, drugs, and sex. Yet this amazing side of Nash…
“Morning,” I said.
Nash’s head popped up.
He dropped the pen, shut the notebook, and swept it away.
His eyebrow lifted up and he grinned.
“What?” I asked.
“I’ve got coffee and breakfast here,” he said. “Best coffee you’ll ever taste. Just made croissants. The kind of breakfast you need after last night.”
“You made all of that?”
“Yeah,” Nash said. “I made the fucking call to get it here for you, Liv.”
“Funny.”
“It’s not.”
“No?”
“Not at all.”
I stepped forward and Nash put a hand out.
I stopped. “What?”
“Do not come into this kitchen.”
“Why?”
“This is a naked only kitchen,” he said.
I tilted my head to the side. “Seriously?”
“My kitchen. My rules.”
“You’re not naked,” I said.
“Again… my kitchen, my rules.”
I nodded. “Well… my body, my rules.”
Nash made fists and put them to the counter. “Oh yeah? Is that how it’s going to go here, babe?”
“That’s exactly how it’s going to go… babe…”
Nash curled his lip. “Guess you better call for a ride.”
“Or we compromise.”
“I’m listening,” he said.
“You don’t need to listen,” I said.
Before he could talk, I opened the sheet. I stood there just outside his kitchen, naked, feeling exposed yet comfortable. I hated Nash for making me feel that way. I hated that Nash could do this stuff to me.
I watched his eyes scale down and up my body.
It made me think of his fingers… of his tongue…
I quickly closed the sheet and walked into the kitchen.
He didn’t say a word to me then.
I grabbed a coffee and leaned against the counter, grinning.
When I reached for a croissant, his hand clamped down on my wrist.
He shook his head. “A flash gets you coffee, babe.”
“What does it take to get something to eat then?” I asked.
“A fuck.”
I pulled my hand away. “Coffee’s fine then.”
I turned and slowly walked out of the kitchen, looking back just once so I could wink at him.
I enjoyed my coffee in the quietness of the bedroom.
Just me sitting in a rock star’s bed, sipping really good coffee, wondering what the fuck my life was becoming. That was a normal Thursday for anyone, right?
After I finished the coffee, I decided on a second cup. And I needed something to eat. If that meant letting Nash eat me on the counter.
Why the hell not?
So I walked through the house again to the kitchen, ready to drop the sheet for good this time.
“And I think we’re…”
My hand tightened around the sheet when I saw Toby standing in the kitchen with Nash.
Of course now Nash had a shirt on.
Toby looked at me. Then he looked at Nash.
“Jesus Christ,” he said.
“Hey, Toby,” I said. “I was just… getting some more coffee.”
“You sure about that, Liv?” Nash asked.
He grinned, hinting to me I would have to do the same thing as before to get more coffee. And for a split second I thought about it. What would Nash and Toby have done if I did open the sheet…
“You two are going to be the end of me for sure,” Toby said.
“I’m going to go shower and get dressed,” I said. “I’ll get coffee and breakfast in a little bit.”
“No need to get dressed then, Liv,” Nash said. “Rules are rules.”
“Can you just pretend to hide it?” Toby asked. “Or pretend that I’m actually here?”
I stared at Nash.
Toby ranted.
My eyes locked to Nash’s.
I fucking love you… you crazy, wild, insane rock star…
* * *
All I had were my clothes from the night before.
Minus the panties, of course.
I got dressed and then grabbed the silk sheet one last time. I brought it to my nose and shut my eyes. My thoughts were crazy. But with Nash crazy was good. Crazy was the normal. Crazy was what brought us together.
I skipped the shower because I was actually really hungry. I wasn’t some toothpick Line Whore that needed more coke or a cigarette to keep my figure. When I was hungry, I ate. And my hips thanked me for it. And it gave Nash something to hold and flirt with.
Plus, the smell of the coffee and croissants had gotten into my brain.
I once again walked through Nash’s house. Though, at least this time I was fully clothed.
“I’m telling you, this is it,” Toby’s voice said.
I paused.
I wasn’t sure if it was something serious or something I should have been hearing.
“You’re hard right now, aren’t you?” Nash asked.
I smiled.
“You’re a fucking prick,” Toby said. “The deal is officially on the table. Filthy Line and SLECK. It’s fucking magic, Nash. It’s all yours.”
“Great,” Nash said. “Let’s get the guys together and sign away. I want to finish up in the studio and get back on-”
“There’s a reason I’m here to talk to you first,” Toby said.
I took a step back.
Then another.
This wasn’t my business.
“What now, Toby?” Nash asked.
“This fling you’ve got going,” Toby said. “With Olivia?”
When I heard my name, I froze again.
“I know her name,” Nash said.
“Which is a shock to us all,” Toby said. “But it’s got to end. You can’t keep doing this. You sign this deal and shit goes bad, everyone will feel it. You’ll be locked into a recording contract with a guy like Dale trying to ruin you for ruining his little girl.”
I sw
allowed hard.
I waited for Nash to reply.
He didn’t reply.
It was just silence.
“You know what I’m trying to say here, Nash, right?” Toby asked. “This is for the band. This isn’t about you. I don’t give a shit where you throw your cock. You know that. But this was the one thing…”
There was more silence.
Say something, Nash. Fucking say something.
“You have complete control,” Toby said. “You get to do everything you’ve ever wanted to do. And I know you, man. I’ve known you for how many years? Love, lust, what’s the fucking difference, right? A bottle of whiskey, a show, some Line Whores and you’re back to sane again.”
My chin started to quiver.
And then Nash finally spoke.
“Give me the fucking pen to sign.”
* * *
“I’m leaving,” I said as I walked through the kitchen.
“Where are you going, babe?” Nash asked.
I stopped dead in my tracks and turned and looked at him. The closest thing to grab was a croissant. And there I was, a crazy woman who had fallen for a rock star, throwing a croissant at him like it could actually hurt him.
“What the fuck…”
“Don’t follow me,” I said.
“Like fuck I won’t,” Nash said.
I got outside and realized just how screwed I was. Nash was signing the deal he always wanted, which meant breaking my heart. Yet I knew that was already happening. So why did it hurt so much?
It was because of last night.
Things had gone too far.
“Liv, what the hell are you doing?” he called out to me as I ran toward the black car waiting.
“I’m taking this car,” I said. “You and Toby can fuck each other.”
Nash charged toward me.
I stopped and turned to face him.
My hand flew through the air and across his face.
It felt good to slap him.
He touched his cheek. “Listening to shit you’re not supposed to, huh? Thought you were taking a shower.”
“I decided not to,” I said. “I was hungry. My fault.”
“Yeah? It is your fault, Liv.”
“Is it? Really? Is that what you do? Push blame on everyone else?”
“You have no idea what you’re talking about,” Nash said.
“I heard what you said. Not Toby. What you said. And I…” I shook my head. “I thought maybe for a second I loved you. Fuck me, right? I really am just a Line Whore.”
“No, you’re not, babe,” Nash said.
He reached for me and I pushed him away. “Don’t call me babe ever again. Is this the kind of thing you did to the others?”
“What others?” he asked.
“Mitchy? Or better yet… Raunchy Recks?”
Nash’s eyes went wide as I touched the worst nerve possible.
His hand moved again, but he grabbed the door handle and ripped the door open.
“Get the fuck out of here, Liv,” he said.
“Already planned on it,” I said. “Hope it was worth it, Nash.”
“It’s always worth it, babe,” he said.
Then he slammed the door.
He went to the passenger front window and leaned in.
“Take her wherever she wants to go and come back here,” he said. “But do not bring her back here with you.”
Nash turned his head and looked at me.
I stared into his eyes.
My nostrils flared as I worked hard to keep my shit together.
He pushed away from the car and walked back toward his house.
I wiped a tear off my cheek.
I lowered my head and rattled off where I wanted to go.
While I had been protecting Nash’s reputation, I forget to protect my own heart.
Fucking rock stars.
* * *
I blinked away tears as Eve stood in the doorway.
“What happened?” she asked.
“I’m an idiot,” I said.
“Why?”
“I’m such an idiot, Eve.”
“Olivia… listen…”
“I fell in love with him,” I said. “I fell in love with Nash.”
“Nash… wait.” She shook her head. “Nash? As in Filthy Line?”
I nodded.
“How?”
“We’ve been…”
Eve’s eyes went wide. She pulled me into her house. She put her nose almost to mine. “You’ve been banging the lead singer of Filthy Line and I’m just hearing about it now?”
“Sorry,” I said. “It’s been… hectic.”
“Hectic? You and Nash…” She shook her head again. “And you love him?”
“I don’t know,” I said. “I’m so lost right now. There was a deal. Or whatever. I mean, it’s so stupid. I was off limits. Which only made him want me more. And then we…”
I looked around.
“Brian’s not home,” Eve said. “I’m sort of-”
“I don’t know what I did here,” I said. “Or what to do. I’m mad at myself. I’m mad at…”
I looked and saw Jerry walking toward me.
Wearing just a shirt.
I pointed. “What’s he doing?”
“Olivia, it’s been a morning so far,” Eve said. “I’m trying to…”
Jerry smiled big at me.
And then he started to pee.
All over the carpet.
Eve let out a yell and picked him up. She ran him toward the bathroom as he just hosed down the living room.
I followed her to the bathroom as she sat him down on the toilet.
“You have to go here,” Eve said. “Jerry, that’s bad what you just did. That’s very bad.”
Her mom voice was adorable.
“Oh, Eve,” I said. “I didn’t realize…”
She looked back at me. “Olivia, I’m sorry but I can’t talk about this stuff right now. I’m sorry things are crazy for you. I don’t even know what to say. You knew who Nash was when you met him. I mean, we are fans of the band. I still can’t wrap my head around you sleeping with him. And I mean… what did you think would happen?”
I pursed my lips tight, swallowed hard, and nodded.
That’s when I realized I was Emily.
From my book.
I was Emily… chasing a dream, messing up, and coming back to my old friend only to have her ten miles in a different direction.
Eve was worried about getting Jerry to pee on the toilet. And she had to clean everywhere in the house where he made a mess. Of course she didn’t give a damn about my sex life. Hers had been reduced to whenever Brian was home and Jerry was asleep in his own bed.
“I’ll let you do your thing,” I said.
“I’ll text you later,” she said.
“Sure thing,” I said.
I left Eve’s house and had no ride.
The black car was gone. Back to Nash’s house.
I lost Nash.
I felt like I just lost Eve.
Nobody could understand what this felt like.
And it was my own fault.
And there was only one way to fix it.
It was time for me to leave for good.
17
NASH
I leaned against the large window and watched the hustle and bustle of the city below. Cars and trucks stuck in traffic. People crossing in front of vehicles, not giving a shit what happens to them. Horns honking. People yelling. It was just the normal background noise to the city. And at night that part would quiet down for another part to come alive. At night it would be the sounds of fast cars, loud motorcycles, the speeding cry of a police siren. The wail of an ambulance and the screaming horn of a firetruck. Drunks laughing, bottles smashing, guns going off.
That’s what made it all so fucking wild and so fucking perfect.
And yet every single thought twisted its way back to Liv.
“Look at that face,
brother,” Jay said.
“What face?” I asked.
“Yours. You only look like that when you’re in the studio.”
“We good here?” I asked.
Jay looked around the empty room. “We’re good.”
I lifted the bottle of whiskey to my lips and took a big drink.
Jay had gotten me a little snack as I called it.
I shut my eyes and was determined to snort Liv’s memory away.
At least for the moment.
The office door opened again and the rest of the band walked in.
Along with Toby.
Our eyes met and he shook his head.
“It’s your room, Nash,” Toby said. He shut the door and folded his arms. “It’s all yours.”
“Not anymore,” I said. “Doesn’t fucking matter. Get the contract back out, Toby. Let’s finalize this and go right into the studio.”
“Are you serious right now?” Toby asked. “Jesus Christ…”
“You heard what I said,” I yelled. “Give me the fucking contract. Because if not…”
I grabbed the bottle of whiskey by the neck and swung as hard as I could.
The bottle slammed against the wall, shattering, spraying whiskey everywhere.
“Oh, shit!” Dex yelled as he put a hand up.
“Whoa, Nash,” Sab said.
“The next thing I break is a fucking window up here,” I said to Toby.
Toby reached into his suit and pulled out the contract and flung it to the table.
“What the hell is going on right now?” Reed asked. “You two look ready to fight.”
“Pen,” I ordered.
Toby clicked a pen and dropped it.
I looked down at the contract.
Liv thought I signed the fucking thing. She thought I was fucking her over. She thought I was going to take her pretty little heart out and stomp on it. Which was exactly what I would have normally done. Shit, I wouldn’t have let things get that serious. I wouldn’t have brought her to my place. Let her sleep in my bed. I wouldn’t have gotten up early to make sure there was coffee and something to eat. She was the reason I didn’t put whiskey in my coffee either.
And she instantly thought I was going to…
I jammed the pen to the paper and signed. “There.” I looked at Toby. “It’s not where my name is printed, but it’s a fucking signature.”
A FILTHY Rock Star: a filthy line novel Page 16