“Hey, wait a second,” Jay said with a laugh. “Why does it say FUCK OFF where your name is, bro?”
I stepped back from the table.
“Go ahead,” Toby said.
“No,” I said. “You do it, Toby. You’re the one who ran your fucking mouth off in front of her.”
“She said she was in the shower,” Toby said.
“Wait, wait, wait,” Sab said. “Are you two fighting over a woman? What world is this…”
“He brought me the contract first,” I said. “And Liv was there.”
“Your house?” Dex asked.
“She spent the night,” I said.
“Holy shit,” Reed said. “You never…”
I just stared at Toby.
“I told him it was time to end it,” Toby said. “The fling was over. Because if he keeps fucking around with Olivia, you are all going to suffer. Dale gets wind of it, he’ll bury you. You know how it goes. You’ll get treated like some shit, washed up band.”
“Do you love her, bro?” Jay asked.
“Fuck off,” I said. “I signed the goddamn contract. You four do the same.”
I walked away from the table and went toward the door.
Dex jumped in front of the door and put his hand out. “You didn’t answer the question.”
“I’ll knock you out, Dex,” I said. “And there won’t be anyone here to rewrite the story.”
“That’s the question, Nash. Should there be?”
“Nash, I didn’t know she was listening,” Toby said.
“Yeah, you know what?” Sab asked. “Fuck you, Toby.”
“Right,” Toby said. “Fuck me. The biggest and best deal of your career sitting on the table. And the lead singer tosses his dick around like it’s for everyone’s taking. All I did was push at him. That was it. The rules were very goddamn clear. Any woman in the world… except Olivia.”
“You wrote FUCK OFF,” Reed said.
“Good for you,” I said. “You can read.”
“Why did you write that?” Dex asked.
I knocked his arm out of the way and grabbed the door handle.
I went nose to nose with Reed. “Because nobody tells me what to do. Who to fuck. Who not to fuck. What to drink. What to snort. What to write. What to play. Anyone who thinks they can tell me what to do… well… they can fuck off.”
Dex moved out of the way and I left the office.
“Hey, just the man I was looking for,” Jess said as she appeared from my left side.
In a tight little woman’s suit with her hair pulled back, glasses on the top of her head.
“I wanted to talk dates when we-”
I grabbed her by the waist and walked her back until she hit a wall.
She let out a gasping cry and dropped all the paperwork in her hand.
“Dates?” I whispered. “How about a date with my dick, babe?”
“Nash…”
“I mean, if you’re going to be selling the band, you might as well experience the full effect of it, right?”
Her face turned bright red. “What are you…”
My hand touched her cheek. My thumb traced a line at her bottom lip.
Her hands slowly grabbed at my shirt.
I grinned.
I knew it.
I fucking knew it.
Little miss priss marketing bitch wanted the filthy rock star cock.
I moved my mouth toward hers.
I tasted coffee and breath mint in the air.
That was enough for now.
Pushing away from the wall, I turned and walked away.
Leaving Jess a sloppy, wet mess.
Part of me waited and fucking hoped for Liv to show up. But she wasn’t going to show up. I sent her ass packing and that was that. She thought I was going to hurry up and sign that contract. And then she wanted to take low blows and bring up Mitchy and that other piece of shit band. She was lucky she got a ride from my house. I should have made her fine ass walk.
Security met me at the elevators and escorted me outside the building.
The scream of the fans hit my ears as I slipped sunglasses onto my face.
I stopped for a few seconds and grabbed a few items to sign. There were two hundred damn cell phones in my face. Taking pictures. Begging for selfies. Going live to talk about Nash from Filthy Line.
Then came people shouting questions, wanting to know if we signed a deal with SLECK.
From fans to reporters to paparazzi.
I was used to it all.
Someone grabbed my arm. “I love you, Nash. I’ll have your babies. I’ll marry you right now.”
I turned and looked at the woman. “How many babies you want, babe?”
She gasped and burst into tears.
“I’ll marry you harder,” someone else yelled.
Hands clawed at my arm.
Women pushing and fighting to get to me.
“We should keep moving,” one of the security guards said to me.
I ignored him and stood there.
Watching the crowd shift left to right as everyone fought to get to me.
All these beautiful women… wanting to marry me… wanting me to sign their tits… wanting me to do more than that to their tits… wanting me to fuck them… wanting me to have babies with them…
And there was only one woman on my mind.
Fucking Liv.
* * *
The vehicle stopped and I stared at the little whiskey bottle.
I tossed it to the seat, leaving it unopened.
Bill turned and looked at me. “Need anything, Nash?”
“More than I care to admit, Bill.”
He nodded. “Riding solo today.”
“It’s how it should be. Anything else makes things…”
“That’s love, brother.”
“What?” I asked.
“Love. That’s what it does. Love makes you run through a hotel to find her room. Love makes you bring her to the tour bus to watch the sun rise. Love makes you fight a dude with a camera because he has a picture of her. And love makes you walk away only because you’re afraid of what you feel.”
“Is that what happened to you, Bill?” I asked.
He laughed. “If you only knew how many fights I got into for my girl. I think she liked to play it too. She liked watching me defend her. She drove me crazy, Nash. There was one time I took on a guy and then his two friends jumped me. I ended up outside this bar in New Orleans, smoking a cig, my lip bloody and swollen. So my girl stood there, biting her lip, knowing she was wrong for starting that fight. I told myself… I said… Bill, you stick around with this crazy one and she’s going to do you in for good…”
“What did you do?”
“I flicked my cig away and kissed her. She took care of me that night and when we flew back home, I sold my motorcycle and bought her a diamond ring.”
I nodded. “That’s a good story, Bill. That could be a song.”
“You’re the rock star, Nash. Not me.”
I opened the door and got out of the SUV.
The other SUVs were right there too, the rest of the guys getting out.
“How many hookers and coke are you going to be loading up on, Nash?” a voice called out to me.
I turned and saw some guy hurrying toward us.
“Nash,” Jay called out. “Let’s get inside, bro.”
“Heard a rumor you’re desperate for a deal because you know you’re not the top band anymore,” the same guy said.
I normally didn’t engage with that bullshit.
But this guy was smiling. Pushing at me. Messing with me.
And when he got close enough, I attacked.
I grabbed him by the shirt and threw him against the side of the SUV.
“Assaulting me,” he said. “Oh, that’s going to get you some headline news.”
“What the fuck do you want?” I asked.
“Exactly what I’m getting,” he said. “You’re washed up, Na
sh. Your music sucks. Can’t wait to hear about you being bloated on the floor, choking on your own puke.”
“Go choke on something yourself, asshole,” I said. “Write your fucking story and go wipe down some tables.”
The guy opened his mouth and that was all I could take.
I let my right fist finish the conversation, dropping him to the ground.
Bill was there, throwing his arms around me from the side. “That’s enough, Nash. Go inside. I’ll handle this.”
I shook my right hand as I walked toward the band.
“He asked for it,” I said.
“Yeah, he did,” Dex said.
“We signed the contract,” Reed said.
“Good,” I said. “Now let’s make some fucking music and get on the road where we belong.”
Jay got in my way and put a fist to my chest. “We signed knowing damn well what needs to happen.”
“Meaning?” I asked.
“If you love her, go tell her,” Jay said. “And if shit goes south with this deal, then we’ll handle it.”
I shook my head. “Not your problem, brother. We both knew what it was. We used each other. Time came and went. That’s how life goes.”
“You know,” Sab said, “you’re missing out on the breakup fuck.”
“He’s got a point,” Dex said. “Fucking right before or after a breakup…”
“Or the makeup fuck,” Reed said.
“Thanks for worrying about my dick,” I said. “But I’ll be just fine.”
“Actually, I’m not sure about that,” entered another voice.
It was damn Toby’s voice.
I looked over my shoulder. “What do you want, Toby? We signed the contract. You got what you wanted.”
“No,” Toby said. “I fucked up. I didn’t realize what she meant to you. I just assumed… whatever.”
“Too late now,” I said.
“It will be if you don’t do something,” Toby said.
“Meaning?”
“I tried to track her down. Made a few calls. She’s leaving.”
“Leaving? Where?”
“She’s flying to New York, Nash. Today. Like…right now. She’s packing up and leaving.”
I turned and faced Toby.
My heart started to bounce around in my chest.
Even without whiskey, coke, or pussy.
Toby nodded.
I pushed by him and darted toward the SUV.
Bill was still dealing with the asshole I punched.
I got into the driver’s seat and started the SUV.
And just like that, I was doing something else fucking crazy.
Stealing a vehicle to find Liv and tell her I loved her before she left my life for good.
18
OLIVIA
We sat outside and sipped coffee.
“I don’t think I can process this yet,” Zoe said. “So you and Nash were a thing?”
“I don’t know,” I said. “Maybe. Maybe not. But it is what it is now.”
“Things must have been crazy for you then, Olivia,” Sky said.
Liv. Call me Liv, bitch.
I nodded. “It got all mixed up. I was just trying to understand him. Understand the band. You know? To make sure they enjoyed themselves but didn’t ruin the deal.”
“So he signed the contract and sent you packing,” Christy said, shaking her head. “Fuck him. What a loser.”
“No,” I said. “He’s not a loser. We both knew the ending. I just thought it would have been…”
“Like something you write,” Zoe said. She reached for my hand. “I’m sorry.”
“Wait a second,” Sky said. “What’s the ending?”
“Well, the ending is reality,” I said. “He’s a famous rock star. He’s going to record music and play shows. And then what? I mean, they pick out the women they want to fuck. Like right out of the crowd.”
“We know,” Zoe said.
“So what do I do with that?” I asked. “Sit home on the couch watching TV while he’s got some woman bent over a folding table in the back of an arena? What, because he doesn’t know her name or see her face it doesn’t count?”
“Wow,” Christy said. “That’s crazy.”
“I mean, from day one… it was simple. He needed to get his contract and I needed to get my book deal. It was about me getting to New York and finally having my own life.”
“Yeah,” Zoe said. “No. Wait. New York?”
I swallowed hard. “That’s the other reason I wanted to meet up with you all. I’m leaving.”
“Leaving?” Sky asked.
“For New York?” Christy asked.
I nodded.
“When?” Zoe asked.
“Today,” I said. “Right now.”
“Right now?” Sky yelled.
“I just have to get out of here,” I said. “For a little while. I’m packing a few things and going. I’ll stay at a hotel there for a few days and see what happens. I also sort of have a big meeting. I feel like a sellout, but someone my father knows…”
“Stop,” Christy said. “This meeting. It’s about your writing?”
I nodded. “Yeah. She read some of my stuff and wants to talk.”
“How the hell are you selling out?”
“Because I-”
“Wrong,” Zoe said. “You are far from selling out. You’re chasing your dream.”
“Who cares about how you got there?” Sky asked. “Seriously. You’ve done everything you’re supposed to do. So go get it.”
“I just can’t believe you’re leaving right now,” Zoe said.
“I have no choice,” I said. “I screwed up. I screwed myself actually. Everything I told myself got so messed up. And if I stay here I’m going to think about it. I’m going to think about him.”
“Nash,” Zoe said. “The lead singer of Filthy Line.”
“That’s my point right there,” I said. “You just see him as that. I know him in a very different way. The man beyond the stage. It’s just… it hurts.”
“We can’t even throw you a goodbye party,” Sky said.
“We have no cheap excuse to get drunk,” Christy said.
“Like you need one of those,” I said.
Christy lifted her coffee. “There might be something extra in this already.”
“Wouldn’t shock me,” Sky said.
I sat back in my chair and smiled. I took it in. My eyes looked around. I felt the heat from the sun. The air even had its own smell to it. It was going to be another world for me when I got to New York. Which was the entire point of it all. And that didn’t mean I’d never come back. I would have to come back to figure out what to do with my apartment and the rest of my stuff.
But right now, I needed distance.
From the city.
From Nash.
And in a way, from myself.
I was going to go to New York and be someone different.
I didn’t want to be Olivia.
I sure as hell didn’t want to be Liv either.
Oli? Via?
How dumb.
I paid the check and we all stood there, hugging, tearing up as though we were never going to see each other again.
I thought about going to see Eve again, but she was so caught up in the world of being a mother that I didn’t want to mess that up again. So I sent her a cheap text. Filled with half-truths and bullshit. Which I was sure she could probably read through. And Eve being Eve she texted me back wishing me a safe flight and told me to take pictures of all the cliché sights. In other words, you’re fucking crazy for leaving, but I get it and I love you, and I’ll miss you and you better keep in touch or I will find you and slap you.
And with that there was only one thing left to do.
Get my bags and go to the airport.
I wandered through my apartment like a lost soul. I refused to go near the couch for obvious reasons. The memory of Nash was stained everywhere but the bedroom for me. So I sat on
my bed and went through my manuscript, thumbing the pages like crazy, wondering what exactly I expected to happen. And better yet… when it did happen… then what? The dream gave me butterflies but there was also something very big hanging over my head.
There was no getting rid of Nash completely.
Filthy Line wasn’t going to just vanish.
I’d hear the music no matter where I went.
There wouldn’t be a day that would go by without hearing his voice one way or another.
I finally just packed away the stupid book and threw my bag over my shoulder.
I walked toward the door and grabbed the small suitcase on wheels.
Looking over my shoulder I nodded and blew a kiss to the apartment.
I’d be back. But hopefully it would only be to say goodbye for real.
I shut the door behind me and tucked my keys into my pocket.
It was like life decided to move in slow motion.
The entire city here was fake.
Talking to my father meant talking about business and money. Talking to my mother meant keeping it light because she was always half drunk. That was their life to live, not mine. I had stuck around as long as I could, just doing my thing.
Outside, I saw my ride waiting for me.
Right on time.
“Want me to put that in the trunk, ma’am?” the driver asked as he leaned out of the driver’s side window.
“No thanks,” I said. “I’ll be fine.”
“You got it. Hop in.”
I nodded. I smiled.
I’ll be fine. I’ll be fucking fine.
I heard the scream of a police siren.
I opened the car door and heard the squeal of tires.
I turned my head, realizing the noise sounded closer, my eyes went wide.
“Holy shit,” the driver yelled.
A black SUV came flying around the side of the apartment building. And right behind that were two police cruisers, lights flashing, sirens screaming.
“Get in!” the driver yelled to me. “Might be a shootout!”
I was frozen though.
Shocked.
And then I blinked.
The driver’s door to the SUV flew open and out jumped Nash.
I walked away from the car as the driver yelled at me.
“Nash?” I called out.
A FILTHY Rock Star: a filthy line novel Page 17