The Queen

by C. J. Abedi

“Even if it’s from me.”

  I released the energy that surrounded us and walked away from the group. In that moment, I became aware of what I’d become. It didn’t matter that I would sacrifice my life just to have her look at me the same way she had, just days before. Caroline had had enough of me, and I’d had enough of myself.

  • • •

  The rest of them had eventually followed me back inside the school. All of us quiet. Each of us processing everything that occurred and likely looking for a resolution to an overwhelming obstacle. Thankfully the rest of the day went by with no other surprises. But Caroline remained unusually quiet, even around Teddy.

  She was barely talking to me, so I asked Teddy to encourage her to stay with Tatiana when it was time for my football practice. Caroline had given him a hard time as well, wanting to go to her parents’ diner. But her father was still in a blissful fog about her whereabouts and seeing her would only confuse the matter and force Odin to use more magik. I asked Teddy to explain the difficulty with her request, and she eventually conceded.

  As soon as I knew she would be okay, I made my way to the locker room when Tatiana cornered me.

  “Are you okay?”

  It was still an adjustment for me, becoming accustomed to her caring side. Tatiana and I had come a long way in such a short time. Her kindness still threw me.

  “Why wouldn’t I be?”

  “I’m no fool.”

  “I didn’t say you were.”

  “He’s gone too far,” Tatiana said, rolling her eyes.

  When I didn’t respond, she went on. “I'm talking about Rowan.”

  “I know who you’re talking about,” I said.

  “He needs to be put in his place.”

  “He hasn't done anything other than speak the truth,” I said. “You know it as well as I do.”

  “I know,” she reluctantly replied in agreement. “But it still hurts. And it’s okay for you to show emotion, especially to me. And it wouldn’t hurt if you showed it to Caroline.”

  I couldn’t bear to look at the sympathy I saw in her eyes. Everyone needed to accept our reality. They needed to deal with it as much as I did.

  “What should I do?” I asked her. “How should I be reacting? We know what the future brings. All I pray for is that without me she can live a long, happy life, the way she deserves.”

  “Why can’t that life be with you?” Tatiana asked.

  I closed my eyes and when I opened them they were bright with Light. I let my sister see inside my soul. I let her see all the torture I felt so that she would know it wasn’t my choice.

  “Oh, Devilyn,” Tatiana said.

  “That was just a glimpse of what rages in my heart every day,” I admitted.

  She came forward and put her arms around me. I hesitated a moment, but then I returned the embrace.

  I hadn’t realized how badly I needed it.

  “Keep her safe for me,” I whispered to her before pulling away.

  “You know I will,” she said sadly. “You are okay with Rowan taking her to the Light Kingdom after practice to begin this training?”

  No, I wasn’t.

  But I had to be.

  “Yes.”

  “You lie,” she said. “And not well.”

  Chapter Ten

  “I have love in me the likes of which you can scarcely imagine and rage the likes of which you will not believe. If I cannot satisfy the one, I will indulge the other.”

  —Mary Shelley

  Kingdom of the Light Fae

  Many Moons Ago

  Tara

  His eyes were captivating.

  Haunting my dreams nightly.

  This overwhelming feeling was instantaneous. Leaving me breathless, anxious and craving more. It was a familiar feeling.

  When I was younger I was plagued by fantasies of a knight. Not one from childhood stories, but the kind that arrived on a white horse with a glass shoe, desperate to claim me as his own and to carry me out of harm’s way. My knight was darker. His eyes, although penetrating, gave nothing away. But they were always watching me in my dreams. Waiting for the time when he would come and claim me as his bride.

  I had never shared my thoughts and imaginings with anyone, not even my dearest friends and especially not my people. The Fae were a superstitious lot and dreams always meant something to them. They were predictors of the future. And dreams like mine were seen as omens.

  Of a dark future that was to come for me.

  I was in one of my favorite places in the human world. Ireland. By the Cliffs of Moher, where I could stare out into the great expanse of the ocean and dream of my future. It was spring, what I believed to be the perfect time of year, when the flowers bloomed and I could pick the ones I loved, gathering them to take back home with me where they would be planted and brought back to life.

  I held onto my basket and picked a few of my favorite flowers, happy that there were no human tourists around, that it was just me and the great cliffs. I believed they spoke to me. With every wave that crashed against the massive rocks, an ancient song vibrated through my soul.

  But moments later, there was another sound.

  A noise behind me.

  And not one from my natural surroundings.

  At first I thought it was a human, but I knew no mortal would dare venture where I was. It was too steep and slippery, with the mist from the ocean dampening the rocks.

  When I turned I wished I hadn’t.

  It was him.

  The man who plagued my thoughts night and day.

  If possible, in person, he was even more handsome. He was tall and muscularly built with a warrior’s body. His dark eyes were like black diamonds and seemed to shimmer with an intensity that my innocent mind did not understand. His black hair fell to his shoulders and was held back by a black leather band. His full, sensual lips parted when I met his gaze.

  I knew who he was.

  Although I had never met him in person.

  Everyone did.

  Alderon. King of the Dark Fae. Most hated and despised among all the people in my kingdom, especially within the royal house, to which I belonged.

  “What are you doing here?” I asked him.

  “I was hunting,” he said. His voice was deep and hypnotic.

  “This is sacred human land,” I crossed my arms, unafraid. “You know the rules.”

  He shrugged as if he were unafraid.

  “Will you tell the council?” His voice was intense. “Will you tell the Fates?”

  I had not even thought of that. And for some reason that defied my senses and all logic; the thought of any pain coming to him made my heart cry out. I was undeniably attracted to him.

  “No,” I replied. “Not if you leave right now.”

  He didn’t move. He continued to stare at me, with a searing look that made my skin tingle.

  “Do you come here often?” he inquired.

  “How is that your concern?” My heart was pounding so hard I could scarcely breathe.

  “I want to know.”

  My reaction to him was dangerous. I knew it. He was evoking emotions in me that I had never even known existed. And he represented everything that was forbidden.

  I had to leave quickly.

  “I’m leaving now.” I turned away from him even though every fiber in my soul wanted to stay by his side.

  “Wait!” Alderon called out. “Don’t go.”

  I thought I heard a plea in his voice and it rattled me more than I cared to admit.

  I had to get away.

  I used my magik and was gone within a blink of an eye, before he could reach me, if that was what he intended.

  It was only when I lay in bed later that night and thought back to the strange turn of events that I remembered that I had left behind my flower basket.

  Alderon now had a trace of my scent.

  If he wanted, he could find me.

  I would never utter the words out loud, but deep inside, within
the secret chambers of my traitorous heart, I wished he would.

  C

  “Close your eyes and feel the universe around you,” Rowan’s soothing words rang through the stillness of the night.

  I did as I was told.

  Taking it all in.

  Following his lead.

  After football practice, Rowan mentioned that he wanted to take me to the Kingdom of the Light Fae. I hadn’t realized how nervous I was to go there. I told him I wasn’t sure if I was ready. This would have been my first time there, and I didn’t know how I would be received. I needed more time. Time to work with him on honing my skills before I met the rest of the Light Fae.

  I didn’t want them to perceive me as weak. Or unworthy. He understood. He was soon turning into my rock of Gibraltar.

  We had decided to go back to Odin’s home and were sitting on the ground in one of his many landscaped gardens. I was dressed warmly in black leggings, a heavy sweater, and thick boots.

  “Caroline,” he chided me. “You’re not at peace. I can feel it all over your body.”

  I opened my eyes and met his knowing gaze.

  His blue eyes were alight with concern. Why couldn’t I love Rowan? It would be so easy.

  “It’s Devilyn, isn’t it?” he said.

  I looked away from his handsome face. He was right, and I was embarrassed. Why couldn’t I just focus on the task at hand?

  My safety.

  “You know that you can talk to me,” Rowan urged, rubbing his hand across my arm.

  “What’s the point, Rowan?” I asked him in frustration. “It’s like talking in circles.”

  “It’s heavy on your mind,” he replied. “You won’t get anything out of your training if your mind isn’t focused. That’s the first rule of the Fae. To be present. Always.”

  “That has been very hard for me to do lately.” I smiled ruefully.

  Rowan leaned back on the grass and stared at me.

  “I’ve got all the time in the world,” he said.

  I looked up at the stars, fighting the increasing urge to cry. I was officially on the verge of becoming a crybaby. I tried to gather the right words. My true emotions were difficult for me. And I didn’t want him to think any differently of me.

  “It’s everything,” I whispered. “My whole life turned upside down the moment Devilyn walked into it. I know that none of this was his doing. It’s not anyone’s fault. I mean, just Alderon’s—”

  “It’s a lot, Caroline,” he agreed. “To have your whole life changed in a blink of an eye. And now, knowing that you’re in constant danger. When, if ever, will you feel safe?”

  “Yeah, I always assumed that it would be after Puck and Alderon are destroyed,” I said. “I hadn’t thought that that day may never come.”

  “That’s not what I meant. That day will come. But there will always be members of the Dark Fae. Given their very nature, they are unpredictable,” he went on. “But you can beat them, as we have. As I have. With your innate skills. It’s simpler than you think.”

  “I hope you’re right.”

  “I am,” Rowan encouraged me. “You are a queen. You come from the greatest line of all the Fae. The purest Light. Embrace what you are and just be love.”

  “But I’m so angry at him, Rowan,” I said honestly. “I’m enraged that he won’t fight—”

  “He’s doing right by you,” Rowan said to my surprise. Even though I was sure he’d jump on the Devilyn-is-bad bandwagon.

  “Caroline,” Rowan went on, “look at what happened at the Halloween party. They got to you—”

  “But that has nothing to do with Devilyn,” I rushed out.

  “No,” Rowan agreed. “It doesn’t. But I think it served as a reminder of how your life is in peril. And even with Alderon and Puck gone, as I said, there’s still Devilyn.”

  “He told me he loves me,” I said to him. “That doesn’t disappear overnight.”

  “He does,” Rowan agreed. “But we don’t know where that love will leave you.”

  “What’s that supposed to mean?” I didn’t understand.

  “Maybe he will turn—”

  “Devilyn is stronger than that,” I interrupted.

  “You think he is, but does he believe it?” Rowan asked.

  I remained silent.

  “He doesn’t want to take that risk,” Rowan went on. “He wants to make sure there is never any way your life will be in danger. Can’t you respect that, Caroline?”

  I have, I thought silently to myself.

  “I’m moving on, Rowan,” I said to him. “I’m not delusional anymore. I’m not going to try and fight for something that seems impossible, especially when the man I love won’t stand by my side in a way that matters.”

  Rowan flinched at my words and I knew that I hurt him. I didn’t mean to. But he knew what my feelings were and I wouldn’t hide from them.

  “So you’re moving on?” Rowan finally said.

  “Yes,” I told him.

  He boldly met my gaze.

  “Perhaps in time, you will give someone else a chance?”

  I could feel myself blush. I was not used to the direct way in which the Fae worked.

  “Do you mean will I give you a chance?” I replied.

  Rowan smiled.

  “Yes.”

  “I don’t want to ruin our friendship,” I told him honestly. “What if I can’t give you what you want?”

  “I’ll worry about that part,” he said.

  “I don’t want to hurt you—” I argued.

  “Again, let me deal with my heart,” Rowan said gently. “Just give me a fighting chance.”

  He was so handsome. And so kind. And he was Light. Like me. Maybe he would be my perfect match.

  “I need time,” I said to him.

  “I’ll give you as much time as you want,” Rowan said as he reached out and took my hand.

  I didn’t feel anything.

  Not the jolt in my heart or the energy in my soul that I felt when Devilyn was near me.

  Nothing.

  But maybe nothing was the safer bet. My heart would always be protected against this dreadful wound. I stared down at his large hand, mine so small in comparison, willing it to someday feel something.

  “Enough with the heavy talk. Let’s get back to the task at hand,” Rowan said. “Close your eyes.”

  I let out a breath and did as he said.

  “Place your hands on the ground,” he told me. “Feel the earth beneath them. The grains from the dirt, the blades of grass, let yourself feel the life they give.”

  I took a deep breath and concentrated. A flash of Light moved across my closed eyes and then I felt my fingers pulsate. I could sense the energy from the green grass. The life in every living object on earth. In a second I felt a pulse, a steady beat, and it moved through the ground, up along the trees, to the birds in the sky and then through the sky itself. I could identify the insects, the animals that moved along the land, just from this simple touch.

  “That’s it,” Rowan whispered. “Do you feel everything?”

  “Yes,” I said.

  “We are all connected,” he went on. “Every part of this earth—animals, plants, every living piece is connected. When you voluntarily destroy one, a ricochet goes off in the fabric of time, within the tapestry, and as a result we lose a piece of ourselves. Because we are one.”

  I was pulsating with the energy of the earth. It seemed as if it was all just moving through me and suddenly I understood where I really was and how I fit into the entire web. For every action, I knew there would be a reaction. Every step I took as Caroline, as Queen of the Light, would matter because I was one with the Earth and all that it encompassed.

  I finally opened my eyes. Rowan was beaming with pride.

  “And now you know your true power. By respecting the earth and life, the elements will always come to your aid. They will work for you.”

  I lifted my hand from the ground and used it to call
out to the earth, asking it to shift with me. The slivers of grass moved beneath my fingers.

  Protect me, I called out.

  In a moment it looked as if the grass turned into small daggers. The blades of grass moved around me and pointed sharply in the direction of a potential enemy, ready to slice what came near.

  Thank you, I said.

  I felt a warm energy move through me, as if they said, you’re welcome.

  “I’ve never seen anything like that before,” Rowan told me in awe.

  “What do you mean?”

  “You just built an army around you,” he said.

  “That’s because I asked.”

  “It is because you are a queen, Caroline,” Rowan said. “A queen that can command but chooses to ask. A queen that exudes love and humanity. That is why every cell, every atom and fiber of the earth will do your bidding.”

  • • •

  Much later, after Rowan and I worked some more on honing my skills, and he left, I found myself walking through Odin’s maze with a newfound confidence. I now felt like I could protect myself. I still needed a lot of work, but the wall of support was forming. I was grateful that I didn’t need to be afraid on this land anymore; it was so nice not to have to look over my shoulder.

  And more than anything I could regain part of my independence. I could have private moments to myself, since now they seemed to be so rare.

  “The Queen is contemplative tonight.” I heard the voice behind me, the voice I had been longing to hear.

  Dana, The Great Mother.

  She stepped out from the wall, having been camouflaged within the maze. She was mesmerizing. Like all of the Fae, but even brighter, a rare beauty, glowing with her inner radiance.

  “Dana.”

  She came forward and took both my hands in hers. “I am glad to see you in one piece on the outside, my young queen,” she told me. “But the sadness inside is hard to miss.”

  “I’ve been told that my new life will take a lot of adjustment,” I told her.

  “Wise advice.”

  “I thought so too.”

  “And your dark prince?” she asked.

  “He isn’t mine any longer.”

  She pulled me into her embrace. It felt so nice to be surrounded by such love and Light. After a moment she put her arm around my shoulder and we began to walk.