Mr. Darcy Takes the Plunge

by J Marie Croft

  At the Bennet household, they were only able to meet with Miss Bennet, as her sister was on an outing with Miss Darcy. Jane grudgingly accepted Caroline’s expressions of regret but succinctly explained that since Elizabeth had been the intended victim of the cut, Miss Bingley would have to seek her sister’s absolution at another time. When they were back in their carriage, Caroline reminded her brother he was supposed to do most of the talking and gently chided him for, instead, spending his time staring in tongue-tied adoration at Miss Bennet.

  At Darcy House, the Bingleys did manage to make two apologies at once; Lady Anne and her youngest daughter were kind and merciful. Caroline was dismayed she would have to return again to gain Miss Darcy’s forgiveness. When Charles asked to see his friend, he was told Darcy was indisposed. As the Bingleys left the townhouse, Charles said, “I hope Darcy is actually indisposed and is not avoiding me.” He quickly added, “Not that I hope Darcy is indisposed, I just meant … ”

  “Charles, I know what you meant; and I am sure Darcy is not avoiding you. Speaking of avoiding, I truly wish to be away from London for a while. I have already written to our aunt and uncle; and with their permission, I will travel north and spend the winter months there. I promise to call on Miss Elizabeth and Miss Darcy before I depart, but please allow me to leave this place soon. I need some time away to reflect and decide on my future … if I even have one.”

  As the Bingley carriage drove away from the Darcy townhouse, Georgiana alit from hers and ran up the front steps. The footman waiting to receive Miss Darcy’s outerwear was left empty-handed until the young lady spun around and thrust two little dogs at him. She then bounded up the stairs in a most unladylike manner, pulled off her bonnet and spencer, handed them to a passing chambermaid, and asked, “Where is my brother?” Upon being informed he was in his room and was not to be disturbed until dinner, Georgiana muttered, “Oh, really? Well, we shall just see about that.”

  The usually impeccable Fitzwilliam Darcy had fallen asleep on top of his bed, still clad in wrinkled shirt, breeches, and waistcoat; he would have been horrified had he known his state. The left side of his face rested on a ribbed cushion that was damp from the drool that seeped from his open mouth; and his lusty, forceful snores echoed in the hallway. A concurrent incessant pounding in his aching head and on his chamber door rudely awakened him, and the blasted banging finally ceased but was immediately replaced by Georgiana’s raised and excited voice. “Fitzwilliam, open this door, right now! I urgently need to speak with you.”

  A muffled mumble of “Go away!” was ignored by the impatient young lady.

  “No, brother, I most certainly shall not. I have news of the utmost importance to reveal to you. Please, Fitzwilliam, I promise it is of the happiest nature; and you will be pleased, if you would just … open … this … confounded … door!” She fruitlessly pushed on the oaken panel with her shoulder, jangled the knob, and nearly fell to the floor when the portal suddenly burst open.

  Fitzwilliam caught her but snapped, “Why are you constantly cutting up my peace today, Georgiana? What does a man have to do to be allowed a restorative nap this afternoon?”

  Miss Darcy grinned hugely at her dishevelled sibling and said, “It would take more than just a nap to restore you to some semblance of order, brother; and such testy manners and slovenly appearance do little to tempt me to reveal what I have just learned.”

  Red diagonal lines crossed the left side of Darcy’s face, his eyes were only half open, and hair was plastered to one side of his head but puffed up on the other. “Georgiana, was I rudely awakened merely for the purpose of being subjected to ridicule? I thought you said there was urgent news of a happy nature. The only words that would truly be joyous to me right now would be those telling me I may go back to sleep … or those informing me dunderhead, dung-beetle Dun has been found guilty of treason.”

  “Brother, do you not get tired of sleeping? Seriously though, you should have compassion for the poor Lieutenant-Colonel and the misfortune he has suffered at Elizabeth’s hand.”

  “His misfortune!” repeated Darcy contemptuously. “Yes, his misfortune is great indeed. Imagine having won Elizabeth’s hand and having to spend the rest of his life with such a wife! However shall he bear such tribulation and woe? Nonetheless, by all means, let him have my compassion as well as my woman.”

  “Tsk, tsk. Well, perhaps now would be an opportune time to offer you my compassion for having to spend the rest of your life with such a woman as Elizabeth Bennet.”

  Fitzwilliam snorted and scoffed, “There is no other woman such as Elizabeth Bennet.”

  “Sometimes you are as thick as two short planks, brother. You do not deserve her.” She turned her back on him and said, “Apparently, neither did Dun, poor man.”

  “Georgiana, my mind must still be somewhat befogged right now, because it sounds as if you are saying she is … unattached.” Darcy gently turned her around but could scarcely breathe as he awaited his sister’s response.

  “I just spoke with Elizabeth … ” Darcy was suddenly fully awake and alert. He hung on every word his sister excitedly uttered. “ … and she is absolutely unattached, single, eligible, unengaged, in love with you, unencumbered, and as free as a bird.”

  “Good God! Did you just say she is in love with me and unfettered? But is it certain, absolutely certain?” When his sister eagerly nodded, Darcy’s headache and heartache suddenly vanished and he felt ten feet tall instead of his usual six feet, one and a half inches. “I shall go to her at once! I must not lose her again. It must be settled between us immediately. Miss Elizabeth Bennet’s days of being unattached, single, eligible, and unengaged are numbered, Georgie.” He stumbled around in search of his cravat, coat, and shoes.

  Georgiana quickly snatched the coat and shoes from the heap on the floor while her brother fumbled around under the bed. She hid the items away in his dressing room and returned to find him in the middle of the room looking around in bewilderment. “You forgot ‘unencumbered,’ Fitzwilliam. However, if you arrive at Elizabeth’s home in your current state, you will surely be an encumbrance. ‘Fools rush in where Angels fear to tread.’ So please give her some time; and by all means, do not go to her looking like that! I hope she never has to suffer such an unsightly sight after you two marry. Ugh! You are certainly no Bond Street Beau right now, brother, trust me.”

  Georgiana wrinkled her nose and pretended to shudder. He grinned sheepishly before she continued, “It might be romantic to let her know your feelings tomorrow night at the ball, when we are all perfumed, polished, and perfectly pleasing; but that is all the advice you shall cajole from me. I do have my own courtship to enjoy, you know. I must go now and make myself beautiful before Mr. Fleming arrives.” She turned away and started toward her own chamber.

  “Georgie? Wait.”

  “Yes, brother?”

  Fitzwilliam Darcy took two long strides that brought him to her side and he bent and kissed her cheek. “Thank you, and you do not have to make yourself beautiful. You are already truly, and naturally, beautiful in every way.”

  “Oh, Jane, you are truly, and naturally, beautiful in every way; and I am sure Mr. Bingley would agree. Thank you for handling his sister’s visit so well. Still and all, you should not have had to endure that misery alone. I am very sorry I was not here with you. However, Miss Darcy and I had a rather … interesting conversation while you were entertaining. I will tell you more of it later. Suffice it to say I expect her brother will begin courting me now that a certain army officer is out of his way. I may only have one charming suitor at tomorrow night’s ball while you, dear Jane, shall surely have to contend with at least two very attractive and amiable young men vying for your attention. Do you hold any special regard for either?”

  “Lizzy, I realize how much you are in love with Mr. Darcy and you seemed to know the moment you first saw him. I have not the luxury of coup de foudre, if there is such a thing as love at first sight. You are fortunate to kn
ow your heart’s desire so well, but it was not a bolt of lightning for me. I admit I am attracted to both Colonel Fitzwilliam and Mr. Bingley; still, I am uncertain. In Derbyshire, Mr. Bingley almost irritated me with his fawning attentions while the Colonel seemed indifferent. Now the boot is quite on the other leg, as they say; and of late my feelings have been shifting about pretty much. If I could combine Mr. Bingley’s sweetness with Colonel Fitzwilliam’s magnetism, such a man would be quite irresistible.”

  “Yes, one has all the appearance of goodness and the other has a very good appearance. Take your choice, Jane; nevertheless, you must be satisfied with only one. Perhaps the selection will come down to which of your gallant gentlemen is the better dancer, for they will both want to stand up with you tomorrow night and sweep you off your feet.”

  “Lizzy, do be serious. Such an important decision cannot rely on such a contest. Oh, how is one to decide between two such remarkable men … two such remarkably handsome and very appealing men? Did you notice how well they looked that day at Pemberley … when we first met? My goodness, the Colonel is a fine specimen of dazzling masculine beauty, is he not?”

  “I thought you were not looking then. You certainly scolded me twice for staring.”

  “Well, I did sneak a few glances while you were ogling Mr. Darcy. I must say, Fitzwilliam’s clothing was clinging in a most provocative manner.”

  “Well, that certainly settles it, Jane. Their names are just too similar. We must avoid confusion; therefore, you shall simply have to choose Mr. Bingley.”

  “How have you arrived at that nonsensical reasoning?”

  “I have no idea whether you were referring to Fitzwilliam Darcy’s or Richard Fitzwilliam’s provocatively clinging clothing.”

  Fitzwilliam Darcy stepped from the tub and donned a silk robe that clung provocatively to his damp body. He was then shaved and dressed with the assistance of his faithful valet. By the time he left his chambers, he felt no lingering affects from the afternoon’s indulgences. He joined his father in the drawing room while they waited for the ladies and their guest, Ellis Fleming.

  “Ah, Fitzwilliam, recovered, are you?”

  “I beg your pardon, Father?”

  “I heard you were sick as a cushion this afternoon … something to do with gross overindulgence and being ape-drunk and on the cut at Whites, I believe.”

  “Yes, well, I am unsure how you came about that exaggerated piece of on-dit, but I assure you I did not make a cake of myself at the club. Fleming fortuitously arrived before I could actually accomplish that and accompanied me home.”

  “He is a fine fellow, that Fleming; and I will have no hesitation when he asks for Georgiana’s hand.”

  “Speaking of asking for hands, Father, I should inform you I intend to make an offer of marriage to Miss Elizabeth Bennet in the near future.”

  George Darcy scowled at his son and walked across the room to gaze out the window. “You can do better, Fitzwilliam. You know I want you to marry a woman with a title or at least a vast amount of wealth. You may be infatuated with a vivacious young beauty from a decent family; however, you can have your pick of the country’s very finest ladies. Why settle for less? Do not be so hasty in making such an important decision.”

  “I very nearly lost her by being slow and careful, and I will not take such a risk again. Miss Elizabeth is my pick from the country’s finest women. I would certainly not be settling for less, because she is everything I desire in a wife, and more. Why would I want to marry some snobbish, vain, mean, empty-headed woman of the haut ton just because she has a title when I can have a modest, kind, natural, witty, intelligent, and caring lady?”

  “Miss Elizabeth will bring very little to a marriage, for I happen to know her dowry is a mere £12,000. You should aim much higher, son. You certainly could have your pick of the many daughters of nobility dangling after you.”

  “The woman I want to marry is bright and corky compared to the dull, timid, and apathetic young women I have usually encountered in the upper sphere. My experience has been that the accomplished females of our so-called polite society are anything but polite.”

  “She is outspoken and feisty. You would not get along.”

  “I admit Elizabeth can be quite assertive and lively and has a teasing nature. Still and all, compared to the respectful, compliant fawning which I usually receive, I find I actually prefer and appreciate such a happy, independent spirit.”

  Fitzwilliam had not noticed his mother enter the room and was startled when her voice came from behind him. “I know you are merely playing the devil’s advocate; nevertheless, did you notice, George, not once did he mention her physical attributes? Any man would be proud to have such a beautiful ornament on his arm. However, our son has the good sense to appreciate Miss Elizabeth’s more important qualities. I have often heard prospective daughters-in-law do not usually meet the high standards mothers expect for their sons. Elizabeth Bennet must be exceptional, indeed, for I heartily approve of your choice, Fitzwilliam. Please disregard these tears. I am very, very happy for you, not to mention you have also made me proud to have reared such a fine young man.”

  Fitzwilliam took his mother’s hand and gently kissed her knuckles. “Thank you, Mother. I have you to thank for my good sense, while the only thing I inherited from Father is good looks.”

  Mother and son exchanged grins.

  “All right, all right. Two against one is not fair play.” George Darcy smirked, displaying his dimples, so like his son’s. He crossed the room and shook his heir’s hand. “Congratulations, Fitzwilliam. If you will be half as happy in your marriage as I have been in mine, you will be blessed, indeed.”

  The young man suddenly realized they were all jumping the gun somewhat and asked for their patience while he wooed their daughter-in-law-to-be.

  In the smaller family dining room, Mr. George Darcy and Lady Anne faced one another across the length of the table. At the Master’s end sat his two daughters; and the Mistress had her son to her left and Ellis Fleming, her potential son-in-law-to-be, at her right.

  Miss Anna observed the happy faces of her sister and Mr. Fleming, who were seated next to one another; however, because Anna was beside her brother, she failed to notice the grins and smirks that frequently appeared on his usually serious face.

  Fleming did not. “Well, my friend, I am glad to see you are in better spirits than the last time I saw you. If you were to actually say something, I am sure your articulation would be much improved as well.”

  “Sorry, Fleming, I was woolgathering. Did I miss something? Were you truly saying something witty and intelligent for a change?”

  Ellis looked at Georgiana and said, “There it is again, Miss Darcy. Did you see that smile? Why on earth is your brother so pleased with himself this evening?”

  “I believe he received some joyous news this afternoon, Mr. Fleming; and perhaps … ”

  Georgiana’s comment was interrupted by a scream, the shattering of china, and muffled curses. A footman was ordered to investigate; and when Disher returned, he reported there had been a bit of an accident on the way from the kitchen to the dining room. During the altercation, a tray containing the next course had, unfortunately, ended up on the floor.

  Lady Anne excused herself to speak with the housekeeper and cook. When she came back, she looked pointedly at her youngest child and said, “The poor man was startled by a cravat scurrying between his feet. Anna, perhaps you should go retrieve the mischievous neckcloth before it causes further pandemonium. My apologies, everyone; but the next course will be somewhat delayed. Mrs. Burnham, however, has another dish almost ready; and it will be delivered momentarily.”

  Miss Anna hurried from the room. As she searched the hallways, she was able to catch the tail end of the cravat disappearing into the drawing room. The piece of linen was unhooked from Barb Thorne’s quills, and the little hedgehog was gently deposited in Anna’s bedchamber.

  When the calamity was made know
n to Mrs. Susan Burnham, she and her underlings immediately scrambled to improvise another dish to serve while the ingredients for the ruined course were prepared again. An efficient and thrifty cook, Mrs. Burnham was very careful with her available resources. She often poached eggs, shaved chocolate, welched on rabbits; and even her pastry was stollen. She considered her options for a moment; and then a savoury sauce of ale, mustard, and spices was quickly mixed together with melted cheese and served over toasted bread. Mrs. Burnham put the Welsh rabbit, or rarebit, on the tray; and the rattled footman was ordered to be more careful. Just as ‘toad in the hole ‘is not really a toad, Welsh rabbit contains no hare; so the kitchen workers hurried to have the meat course ready as quickly as possible.

  Miss Anna returned to the dining room just as a footman was serving the rarebit. “Um, what have we here, Disher?”

  “I believe it is called Welsh rabbit, Miss.”

  “Rabbit! I cannot possibly eat rabbit. Oh, Mother, I wish you had permitted me to bring my rabbit, Stew. I miss Herr Stewart most desperately.”

  “Anna, you cannot even keep track of Barbara Thorne’s whereabouts; and we have just suffered through the consequences of that carelessness. Calm yourself, child. The dish is meatless, and I believe its name is supposed to be ironic. Peasants were not permitted to hunt game on estates and often had to settle for cheese instead of rabbit or other meat.”

  Ellis Fleming said, “Miss Anna, you really should try it. Rarebit is delicious.” He suddenly smirked at his friend. “A rare, delicious bit … DeelisheyBit … LisshyBit … Lizzabiff … shall I continue, Darcy?”

  George Darcy cleared his throat. “No, thank you, Mr. Fleming. I think we all get the picture.”

  “Mr. Darcy, sir, I did not … ”