Mr. Darcy Takes the Plunge

by J Marie Croft

  Instead of answering, the intrepid Lizzy Bennet glanced around, saw no one in their immediate vicinity, hiked up her skirt, and gracefully scaled the oak as effortlessly as had Darcy. When she reached his level, she sat on the branch beside him and met his incredulous stare with an impertinent one of her own. The sassy smirk was instantly wiped from Elizabeth’s face by the sudden, impetuous brush of his warm lips against hers. It was a quick and chaste kiss; nevertheless it left them both breathless, although Lizzy was already somewhat in that state from her ascent. Darcy pulled away to look into her face, hoping for approbation instead of apprehension. Her cheeks were rosy and her eyes still closed. When she opened them, they were filled with affection and warmth. The couple ignored the mew from above and was about to kiss again; unfortunately, they could not ignore the unexpected singsong taunt from below.

  “Lizzy and Darcy, sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G …”

  Jane admonished, “Lydia, stop that! Lizzy, Mr. Darcy, I am sorry. I thought you heard our approach; perhaps you were preoccupied. What on earth are you doing up there in that tree? Whatever your reason, I strongly suggest you come back down before Baines and Miss Edwards arrive here with Kitty. They were not far behind us.”

  Colonel Fitzwilliam was enormously delighted to discover his fastidious, impeccable cousin in another pickle, especially since he had just managed to get Jane and himself out of one. Fitz considered a little white lie was merely a-version of the truth, and he had charmingly explained to Miss Edwards that they only veered off the main path because he wanted to present Jane with tulips and had not realized those particular flowers were out of season. The military man had, of course, successfully plucked the only two lips he truly sought. As the soldier watched Darcy and Miss Elizabeth both go red in the face, he gloated over having enough fodder in his haystack to needle Darcy for a month of Sundays.

  Darcy’s haughty mask was in place, and he huffily said, “I will have you know that Miss Elizabeth and I are on a bona fide rescue mission up here. So, Richard, if you were about to say something derogatory, you would most certainly be barking up the wrong tree. Unfortunately, our little rescuee is a tad reluctant and has a most ungrateful cattitude.” He frowned up at the ginger ball of fluff crouched several branches away.

  The Colonel volunteered some advice. “One of you needs to climb another level higher, reach up, grab onto the kitten’s limb … I mean pull down the branch, while the other one cat-ches the little fur ball.”

  Lizzy protested, “But, Colonel Fitzwilliam, if the person holding down the branch loses their grip, it will spring back; and the kitten will indubitably be cat-apulted into Kent. Your suggestion has the potential to be quite a cat-astrophe, sir.”

  Darcy agreed. “Elizabeth is right, Fitz. But I am curious. Do you have any other purr-fectly brilliant ideas in your military catalog of strategy for rescuing a cat on a log?”

  “Ah … no. You shall just have to purr-severe, Darce; and here’s a word of warning about curiosity. They say it killed the cat, and they were not kitten.”

  “Ha, bloody ha. I think … Elizabeth!!! What on earth do you think you are you doing, madam?” As Lizzy disappeared onto the branch overhead, Darcy was horrified his cousin might catch a glimpse of her ankles, calves, thighs, or … “Richard, turn around at once; and do not even glance up here again. Elizabeth!!!”

  Lizzy peered down at him. “Mr. Darcy, before the others arrive we either need to abandon our mission or accomplish it. I have chosen the latter. So when I latch onto Ginger, I will gingerly pass the kitten down to you. Since you are so vastly experienced at this animal rescue business, you can carry the contrary clawed critter to the ground.”

  “Ginger, Lizzy? How utterly uninspired. You, my dear sweet lady, definitely need assistance with the naming of pets.” Although he scoffed at the cat’s moniker, he agreed to her plan. Darcy scrambled to balance upright on the branch, raised his arms, and prepared to receive the kitten.

  Elizabeth glanced down at her fiancé and said, “I did not realize Ginger was to actually become someone’s pet; and by all means, he does deserve a more distinguished name and a home. Be that as it may, just whose household do you intend to grace with his presence? Mama and Papa have never permitted us to have animals in our residence. Hmm, I wonder whether they are concerned about household pets taking over the world. Why the puzzled look, Mr. Darcy? Have you never heard of reigning cats and dogs?”

  Lydia squealed and pointed. “Never mind, Mr. Darcy and Lizzy! The kitten has jumped down and is now running along the path. Here, kitty, kitty, here kitty!”

  “I am here, Lydia. There is no need to call out in that ridiculous manner.”

  Catherine Bennet gasped as she caught sight of her second eldest sister and the normally sophisticated Mr. Darcy in the oak tree. Her attention was instantly sidetracked by the arrival of Miss Edwards and Baines. One and all were amazed to witness the gangly footman as he gently cradled the little orange ball of fluff in his arms.

  Darcy called down, “Baines, there is a proverb that goes, ‘You will always be lucky if you know how to make friends with strange cats.’ It appears you have been favoured with the friendship of Cato, the Philosofur.”

  Lydia asked, “But why did the cat suddenly jump down and run from the tree?”

  “Perhaps it was afraid of the bark,” suggested Colonel Fitzwilliam.

  Darcy alit from the tree and gently caught Lizzy as she leapt from a lower branch. He reluctantly released his hold on her waist, turned to his cousin, and said, “Fitz, punsters such as you deserve to be drawn and quoted.”

  Lydia whispered to Kitty, “People tend to tell worse puns as they get older. That is why we call them groan-ups.”

  Blissfully unaware they were soon to receive an unwelcome visitor, Mrs. Bennet and her two eldest daughters were in the sitting room of their London townhouse busily choosing ribbons, beading, and other trimmings suitable for the brides’ trousseaux. The fact that Jane and Elizabeth had made very eligible matches and were truly in love with their husbands-to-be was, of course, deeply satisfying to their mother. Most gratifying was the undeniable fact the gentlemen returned their affection tenfold. However, Mrs. Bennet realized she would be quite melancholy when it finally came time to part with her dear girls; that said, having three more daughters and a son still under her care was, in some measure, a comfort. The woman could not image how bereft she would feel when the last child had finally flown the nest.

  “Mama, are you crying?” A soft voice roused Mrs. Bennet, and she suddenly realized Jane knelt in front of her and had reached to clasp her hand.

  “Most certainly not, my dear. Good heavens, why would I have occasion to weep? Is this not every mother’s fondest wish … to be planning her daughter’s wedding? I have been doubly blessed with the duty of overseeing the production of not one but two trousseaux, which, of course, would be incomplete without: ‘Dresses for breakfasts, and dinners, and balls; Dresses to sit in, and stand in, and walk in; Dresses to dance in, and flirt in, and talk in; Dresses in which to do nothing at all; Dresses for Winter, Spring, Summer, and Fall.’”[2]

  “Speaking of all these purchases of attire, it is fortunate Papa’s own clothing has rather deep pockets,” said Lizzy.

  A modiste in the city was already at work on the young ladies’ wedding clothes. When she had been needled for a completion date, the woman had hemmed and hawed before replying. “I am only doing sew-sew. I toile day and night, and eye-let my assistant, Velvet, do the crewel embroidery work. But the darn thread, together with the tight fit of the bodices, causes much seam-stress. I will not embellish the truth but must tack on a few extra days. So awl things considered, I have a notion you may pin your hopes on the garments being ready five days before the wedding.” The Bennet ladies had quickly cott-on to the dressmaker’s wordplay; and, without bias, they baste their trust on Mrs. Lovelace and Velvet.

  Cato the Philoso-fur was quite comfortably curled up into a cozy little orange ball
on Mrs. Bennet’s lap. Initially, the lady had flatly refused to allow the kitten admittance into the townhouse; nevertheless, she had been sweet-talked and cajoled, mostly by her handsome sons-in-law-to-be, into allowing the feline into her home. Almost immediately, the little cat had also worked its way into the woman’s heart; and the two had become inseparable, except when her three-year-old son was in the vicinity. On those occasions the cat became as nervous as, well, a long-tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs. It was not because Robert was cruel; in fact, the boy loved the purring pet so much, he showered it with hugs and kisses. Robert had been instructed to hold the kitten gently, but the reluctant and squirming Cato’s philosophy differed from what the tot had been taught regarding the difference between gentle and taut.

  The day Cato had first been introduced into the household, Mr. Darcy had picked him up and taken a look beneath its tail to confirm the kitten was, indeed, a male. The next morning, Lizzy had happened upon Lydia and Robert kneeling on the floor, struggling to inspect the poor cat’s belly. When asked what they were about, Lydia answered, “Well, Mr. Darcy picked Cato up, looked underneath, and then told us it was a boy. It must be written here somewhere, though I cannot find it.” Lizzy opened her mouth to explain but was gratefully spared when she glimpsed her father about to enter his study. “Papa, would you please come here? The inquisitive minds of your youngest children need some direction. Please excuse me. I am in a hurry to foist upon myself yet another painful bout of writer’s cramp. Being betrothed to the cream of the crop of la crème de la crème has some drawbacks. All the same, there is no use crying over spilt milk, so I am off to answer more letters of congratulations.”

  Mr. Bennet was finally reconciled to losing Lizzy and Jane, yet not to Cato’s status as a permanent fixture in his house. The critter had hissed at him upon first acquaintance, scratched his arm when he benevolently tried to pet its head, and bit the hand that fed it when he had tried, the previous night, to evict the little cat from its place on the bed next to his wife. Thanks to Lizzy’s talk of dairy, her father was able to evade the risk of further feline-inflicted affliction as well as the need to point out the pet’s private parts to his progeny. His suggestion Cato might care for a saucer of cream was met with enthusiasm, so Lydia and Robert scampered off to the kitchen while the liberated kitten scurried in the opposite direction. Quite proud of his resourcefulness, Mr. Bennet smiled smugly as he returned to his den. The self-satisfied smirk was quickly wiped from his face when he discovered Cato had taken shelter in the gentleman’s own private lair, and Thomas Bennet could have sworn the creature was grinning back at him, snug as a bug in a rug, from behind the desk in the comfort of his own favourite chair.

  The prospect of a northern journey buoyed Caroline Bingley’s sinking spirits to a certain extent; nonetheless, she dragged her feet up the front steps to the Bennet townhouse. Having just eaten a generous portion of humble pie with the upper crust’s Georgiana Darcy, the young woman did not have much appetite left for eating crow in front of Eliza Bennet. Saying she was sorry was certainly not Caroline’s cup of tea, and she did not want to end up with egg on her face. But a promise had been made to Charles, and she was determined to dispense with the unpleasantness of another apology and depart for Staffordshire with a clear conscience instead of being left to stew in her own juices.

  The sitting room discussion of buttons, bows, and beaux was interrupted when Sharp announced Miss Bingley had arrived to visit with Miss Elizabeth. The three women rolled their eyes, and Lizzy asked the footman to bring her guest to them. After greeting the visitor, Mrs. Bennet took her leave. Caroline admired Cato’s beautiful gingery-orange coat as it followed its mistress from the room. Refreshments were ordered and served along with polite chitter-chatter before Jane thought of a plausible reason to be excused in order to leave Lizzy and Miss Bingley alone.

  Dressed in tangerine but green with envy, Caroline jealously eyed the swatches of fine fabric, lace, and satin ribbon. She washed away the bitter taste in her mouth with a sip of tea, attempted a bright smile, and said, “Miss Eliza-beth, please accept my best wishes. I understand you are engaged … to marry …” Her throat closed up, and the smile crumpled. She took another sip and managed to choke out, “ … Mr. Darcy. I regret I will not be available for the happy event, although I realize I would not have been invited anyway. I am departing Town soon for an extended stay in Staffordshire … at Tutbury to be exact. Charles and I have relatives there, and … ” Both Caroline and the tea ran out of steam, so she sat silently staring into her cup.

  Lizzy took pity and said, “Thank you, Miss Bingley. I hope you will have a most pleasant sojourn in the Midlands. Mr. Darcy and I will be heading even farther north after our marriage, as we are to settle at his family’s estate in Northumberland. If you are ever in that part of the country, you absolutely must visit us there.” Lizzy remembered her dream of a home on a cliff where Caroline would have been welcome to drop over, and she hid a smile behind her teacup.

  “You are too kind. If I were in your position … Well, that point is certainly moot. Simply allow me to say I am sorry for the cut indirect that day at Harding, Howell & Co. as well as for my cutting remarks directed at you during the Royal Academy’s art exhibit. If the awful truth must be known, I offer as an excuse my resentment of your … je ne sais quoi. You have a sparkle I totally lack and covet. I almost regret we never became friends. If we had, perhaps some of your effervescence might have rubbed off on me. Most of all, I have to admit I was foolishly jealous of the regard a certain gentleman from Derbyshire bestowed upon you. Women, myself included I confess, have been eagerly pursuing Fitzwilliam Darcy for years. But you alone apparently possess the qualities he seeks. I hope you realize how very, very fortunate you are to have secured Pemberley’s heir.”

  “Thank you, Miss Bingley. I must say, I do not know what I did to deserve such happiness and such a wonderful man. I sincerely wish you the same felicity in making a match some day. Perhaps you will meet someone special during your stay in Staffordshire.”

  Caroline doubted that would happen unless she was willing to scrape the bottom of the barrel and marry some toothless old codger who was completely bald. She could have bawled right then and there; but she balled her handkerchief into a wad and said, “Again, you are too kind. My behaviour merits the severest reproof. It was unpardonable, yet you are forgiving. However, I cannot think of my rudeness without abhorrence.”

  “Pish, posh, and tish, tosh, Miss Bingley. You have, I hope, improved in civility since those occurrences; they are simply to be forgotten.”

  “I cannot be so easily reconciled to myself. The recollection of what I said, of my conduct, my manners, my expressions during the whole of it is now, and has been many days, inexpressibly painful to me. You know not, you can scarcely conceive, how my words and actions have tortured me.”

  “Then you must learn some of my philosophy, which is to forgive, forget, and think only of the past as its remembrance gives you pleasure. Say adieu to disappointment and spleen and make a fresh start in the Midlands, Miss Bingley.”

  “I do hope to make some new acquaintances in Tutbury, since I have certainly lost the friends I thought I had here in Town.”

  “They were not true friends if they abandoned you so quickly.” Lizzy drew her bottom lip through her teeth as she contemplated her next words. “This is rather presumptuous, but would you care to correspond with me while you are away? I will give you the directions for this address, as well as for my future residence in Northumberland, if you would like.”

  For the first time, Elizabeth witnessed a genuine smile on Caroline Bingley’s face; and she was amazed at the transformation. The young woman was actually quite attractive when not sneering.

  The following day Miss Bingley said a teary farewell to her brother and entered the carriage with the elderly companion Charles had hired for her. In company with Mrs. Ann Teak, who had recently left the employ of Lady Catherine de Bourgh, Caro
line settled in for the long journey to Staffordshire. She was completely exhausted from all the packing and apologizing. The clip-clop of the horses’ hooves soon lulled her to sleep as they rode the road to the home of the Bingleys’ aunt, Mrs. Rhea Piers, and her husband, Bartlett.

  London society’s gossip mill continued to churn with tittle-tattle about the Earl of Matlock’s scandalous ball and the rather sudden engagements of three members of his family. Grist for the mill was the prittle-prattle that Charles Bingley, brother to a young lady recently given the cut direct by the Earl’s wife and Darcy ladies, was courting another Fitzwilliam relative, Miss Anne de Bourgh.

  Invitations to a celebratory dinner at the Darcy townhouse were as scarce as hen’s teeth and, in fact, had only been issued to members of the families involved in the betrothals, plus a few favoured kith and kin. The gathering was being held to pay tribute to the three couples and to celebrate the eight-and-twentieth anniversary of Richard Fitzwilliam’s birth. Unbeknownst to the Colonel, he would also learn of his unexpected inheritance before that evening was over.

  Mr. and Mrs. Gardiner and their eldest son, Evan, had been asked to attend the dinner; and Sir William Lucas, Lady Lucas, as well as their daughter, Charlotte, had arrived in London from Hertfordshire to stay with the Bennet family, at their request, and accompany them to the celebration.

  Because none of the guilty parties involved had seen fit to inform Mr. and Mrs. Bennet of the shenanigans in the park, Miss Edwards and Baines had both been able to keep their employment. The day before the Darcy dinner, the same footman once again accompanied Miss Bennet and Miss Elizabeth to the park near the townhouse. However, on that occasion, Baines did not have the worry of their interaction with frustrating or frustrated fiancés. Those eager young gentlemen were meeting with the Archbishop of Canterbury in order to obtain special licenses so they could marry when and where they wanted, and in two days’ time Darcy and the Colonel had appointments with Mr. Bennet and their three solicitors to hammer out details of the marriage articles.