He was probably just trying to impress his girlfriend’s best friend but it felt more like he was trying to control me. Maybe he wanted me to feel like I owed him or was showing me that he was rich enough to buy whatever he wanted, including me… I shivered at the thought and Julia looked at me like I was crazy.
“How can you be cold? It’s like 100 degrees and you’re wearing a sweater,”
“I’m not cold. It was just a twinge,” I said flipping the menu.
“Can I get you anything to drink,” asked the waitress.
Before I could decide Lynn ordered, “I’ll have a Chocolate Bliss shake. She’s have a Grapescape icy and she’ll have a Strawberry Crush shake,”
I looked up from my menu is disbelief. Had he just ordered my drink for me? It was my favorite shake, the one I got every time I came here, but how did he know what I liked? Had Julia told him beforehand? I looked at her and she was looking at her nails. She didn’t seem to mind him ordering for her or me as well.
It struck a nerve and before the waitress pulled away from the table. I cleared my throat and said, “Actually. I’d like a Vanilla Bell Shake instead,”
I was looking at the waitress but from the corner of my eye I could see Lynn shaking his head, “You don’t like Vanilla,”
“Sometimes I do,” I lied.
He ignored me and said, “Keep the Strawberry Crush ignore the Vanilla Bell,”
The waitress nodded and seemed to agree with him, “The Strawberry is much better,”
I couldn’t believe this. Who the fuck did he think he was? If I wanted Vanilla then I wanted Vanilla. Did he think if he was paying that gave him the right to decided what I wanted?
I glared at the table and snarled, “Forget the shake I’ll just have a water,” Screw him.
The waitress paused for a moment and I saw him moving his hands. But I didn’t look up to see what he was doing. A moment later the waitress turned and left the table.
I continued to glare at the table and only looked up when Julia proceeded to clear her throat. I looked at her and she was giving me the stink eye. “We need to go to the restroom.”
“Okay.” I said. I slid out as Lynn slid out. Again we were face to face. I turned quicker this time and went to the bathroom even before Julia was out of her seat.
Since I was in the bathroom already I decided to use it. When she came in and saw I was in one of the stalls she said, “What are you doing?”
“Using the bathroom,” I joked even though I clearly understood she wanted to talk.
When I was finished I came out and washed my hands. She was applying more makeup and glared at me, “Just what do you think you’re doing?”
“Washing my hands,” I snarkily replied and as I moved to dry them I added, “And now I’m drying them,”
She put her hand on her hip and tapped her high heel against the cheap linoleum floor, “Could you be any more obvious? You said you thought he was okay but clearly you hate him,”
“I don’t hate him,” I just did not like him.
“Really?” she said shaking her head, “Then what’s with you? Why are you acting like this?”
“Like what?” I said shrugging my shoulders.
“You dragged your feet to the car. Then you took off in the parking lot first chance you got. And then this shit with the Vanilla shake. Since when don’t you ‘miss I only drink Strawberry Crush’ want one?”
“I...” All things considered, from her point of view I was being kind of snotty.
She continued, “You owe me for the river. I really, really need you to try and like him because last night we did it and...I think I love him,”
“You love him?” I repeated. I know I should have been more surprised that she’d actually gone and done it with him. She said she was going to on Friday...but with our Saturday plans I’d completely forgotten about it. My chest felt tight and I was suddenly ill. I knew she was going to do it with someone someday...so what? But the fact that she said she loved him…
We used to watch movies where it was a running joke that as soon as the girl did it with the guy she was suddenly in love and he could just walk away. We both vowed sex would not be our love indicator. We weren’t going to be some trope... ”You barely know him.”
“I know him,” she said, almost offended I had said that.
“For like a month,”
“A month and a half...”
“Ooh, a month and a half. That’s no time,”
“You wouldn’t understand,” she said, moving to reapply her lipstick, “You’re still just a child,”
“And what, since a guy put his dick in you you’re a woman now?”
She sighed, “Just because you’re jealous doesn’t mean you have to be vulgar,”
“Jealous?” I said. Now I was offended. I didn’t care that she’d lost her virginity, especially to him. I hated that guy… I paused for a moment. Up until now I’d just admitted I didn’t like him. It was a big leap to jump from not liking someone to hating them but it felt right.
Since he’d shown up so many things had been happening in my life. I knew senior year they said everything was supposed to change and I expected that. But from the moment he entered my life I just felt...I couldn’t find the words to quite describe it, this ominous overpowering feeling.
“Now...” said Julia, turning back to me, “For the rest of the day could you please just try to be decent? Or I swear to you I won’t talk to you for the rest of the summer,”
She left me standing in the bathroom then, trying to take in all this information. They’d done it...She loved him and I...I hated him for no particular reason at all. I bit my lip and looked into the mirror. This was going to be the longest day of my life.
I sighed and went back to my seat. Julia was just sitting down as I reached the table. I saw that our shakes had arrived. All three of them. He must have been motioning to the waitress to ignore me and bring it anyway. I sat and refused to drink it but Julia gave me a look. I supposed one sip wouldn’t hurt.
As I sucked on the straw trying to make the ice cream come up Julia turned to Lynn, “Did you miss me, baby,”
“Yes,” he said.
I rolled my eyes and then they kissed. Not just once or twice, they practically began to make out right in front of me. Some of the shake finally made it to my mouth and I looked up as it touched my tongue. Julia was kissing Lynn with her eyes closed but Lynn’s were wide open and looking at me. I looked away immediately wiping my mouth. I sunk back against the booth alarm bells going off in my head. What the fuck?! Why was he staring at me while kissing my best friend? What the fuck was wrong with this guy?
I felt then I had a reason not to like him, to hate him. He was a creep. I remembered that day we’d all been laughing and his smile had just vanished. And now this...looking at me while kissing her. He was creepy...just creepy. I groaned and they finally came up for air.
“I ordered,” he said, “It should be here soon. If you’re that hungry though I could run and get you a pretzel or something,”
A pretzel sounded amazing right now. One from Sully’s shake by the toy shop but I didn’t want anything from him. Then again it would get him away from me for a few minutes. Wait… he’d ordered? Like, our food?. I was about to say something but Julia stepped in, “Oh baby, that was so sweet of you,”
I didn’t think it was sweet. I wanted to stand and point my finger at him and say, You’re creepy...fucking creepy.’ Instead I put on a fake smile and said, “Thanks,”
Apparently I’d failed to mask my tone cause Julia practically hissed at me giving me another dirty look.
I glared back at her. She had to be reasonable. I was trying to be nice but he was pushing it here. Ordering my food? I seriously doubted he knew what I wanted to eat right now when I hadn’t even decided.
Nearly a minute passed in silence and I was hoping it would last until our food arrived. Then maybe we could eat in silence, shop in silence, and go home in silence.
What was I going to do? My best friend was in love with this guy and I’d just decided today I hated him and he was a creep. I groaned again without thinking.
Lynn moved to get up, “I’ll be right back,”
“No...She’s fine,” said Julia. She gave me another look.
I nodded, “Yeah, it’s really okay,”
“If you’re sure,” he said settling back down.
“I am,” I am sure I hate you I added in my head.
Another minute of silence passed. I tried to estimate how much longer our food would be. How long had we been in the bathroom? How long had we been out of the bathroom? I estimated now...nope...now….nope again.
Lyndon broke the silence and pulled me from my thoughts, “So, what are you doing this summer Becca?”
I didn’t like how he said my name and why was my business any of his business? I paused for a moment listening to my own thoughts. I sounded really bitter...and agitated. Honestly, what had he done to me? I was basically hating on him for feelings...feelings that weren’t based on any actions.
Again I was confused. I tried to think of this objectively. It was something my father always told me...Look for other explanations. I thought he was a creep cause he laughed and then glared at me...but what if I’d been looking at him strangely? Just now he’d been looking at me while kissing Julia. Maybe he wanted to make sure I actually liked my shake...There was still the order thing. Now that that was just-
“Becca,” said Julia and I looked at her as she turned to Lynn, “I’m sorry, she does this sometimes. She’s a total space case.”
“I am not,” I protested.
“Are too. You know some people are actually able to think and talk at the same time,”
“Screw you,” I said but let out a little laugh.
“Its fine,” he said, chuckling over us sniping at each other. Again he asked, “So what are you doing this summer,”
“Not much,” I sighed, “Just killing time until the fall,”
“What happens in the fall?”
“College,” I said
Julia groaned and said, “She’s going locally,” as if that was a bad thing.
“So? At least I’m going,” I pointed out.
“I’m going too. Just not this fall...and definitely not this town.”
“Nothing wrong with either choice,” said Lyndon, moving the straw around in his shake. He’d yet to drink it and it was melting, overflowing and drizzling down onto the table. I wondered why he didn’t just drink it.
“So, what do you do to kill time,” he asked.
“She doesn’t do anything,” Julia teased.
“I do stuff,” I snapped back. I wondered why she had suddenly taken it upon herself to answer for me.
“Oh yeah, I forgot your paper route,” said Julia dramatically.
“A paper route? You have to get up early for that,”
“Yeah...but I like it.” I said playing with the straw on my milkshake. I didn’t really want him to know about it...or anything I did for that matter. Julia had always thought my job was lame but at least I had one. I’d been doing it since I was eleven and I enjoyed it. I liked the early hours of dusk and dawn. There was something magical about them, at least I thought so. I took another sip of my shake...it was good but did little to improve my agitation. Again, I wondered where the food was.
“How do you deliver them? Do you drive?”
“No, she doesn’t have a license.” said Julia proudly. “It’s a one speed with a little basket,”
‘Now who was in a mood?’ I thought, glaring at her. She wanted me to be nice and perk up but here she was putting me down every chance she got. The only reason I was here suffering through this was because of her. Before I could respond back Lynn leaned forward, “I could drive you...help you deliver.”
Julia had been drinking her icy and paused. We both looked at him. He was probably trying to be nice but it was weird. Who the fuck would want to get up at four every morning and drive their girlfriends’ best friend around for thirty four blocks? Julia had a car and I knew in a million years she’d never offer.
Lynn just sat there. He didn’t seem to think there was anything wrong with the offer. After a long moment of silence he was still waiting for my answer, “No...I like the exercise,” I said staring at my milkshake.
There was a longer moment of silence and I wondered if we were in some sort of limbo where we would wait an eternity for our food but it would never come.
“So...what are you studying in college?” asked Lynn.
I didn’t answer almost waiting for Julia to pipe in with ‘she doesn’t know she’s just going to go.’ But instead Julia said, “You’re awfully curious about her,”
There was a touch of jealousy in her tone. I realized now that every question so far had been directed toward me. I let out a laugh. This was rare. Usually when I was with Julia we talked about her. What she was doing, what she wanted. She didn’t really ask me questions. But that was Julia and to be fair she already knew me.
“You did want us to get to know each other better, didn’t you?” said Lynn.
“I guess,” said Julia. She moved her icy back and forth on the table.
He put his arm around her and pulled her closer to him. He hugged her tightly and kissed the top of her head. I took another sip of my milk shake thinking over all his questions. He was just trying to be nice. Trying to get to know me...and I couldn’t even extend an ounce of kindness.
I sighed, looking off to the side. Maybe I should actually ask him a question, try and get to know him better even though I hated him and thought he was a creep. Maybe I could give him the benefit of the doubt - if not for myself then for Julia. As he rested his head against her she smiled. I’d never seen her smile like that. Maybe she was in love...Maybe I was jealous deep down because I’d never had a real boyfriend.
Still, what did I want to know about him? What did I care? Well there was one question I had. I cleared my throat and asked, “Uh...So Lynn, why did you move here the middle of your senior year?”
I had wanted to know that from the beginning. Why had he come here? Why, oh why, did he move to my small town out of all the places in the world. Truthfully I wanted to know why I felt so strangely about him but that wasn’t a question you could really ask.
He looked at me and I actually looked up at him. Our eyes locked again and I held my breath. In that moment...I just knew. It was me. He’d moved here because of me.
Chapter Three
We stared at each other for what felt like forever. I felt caught, entangled in his gaze, unable to break free, dread filling every fiber of my being. Our food arrived and neither of us turned away. The waitress set it down in front of each of us. Julia began to eat and then realized we were both just staring at each other, “Guys...guys...foods here. Hello?”
Neither of us responded, so she waved a hand between us, breaking our gaze on one another. I managed to look down and there were tears again. They streamed down my cheeks and fell onto the table. My heart ached, my body trembled, and I felt like I was going to pass out. I gasped for air… I realized I’d been holding my breath the entire time.
Lynn spoke and it felt like he was farther away than sitting across from me, “I moved here because of my dad. He’s a truck driver and has to move around a lot. He finally got a steady route this year and this town has a layover for him. He wanted to spend more time with me before I graduated so we moved here.”
He had a reason for moving here...and it wasn’t me...it wasn’t me...Was I losing my mind? We ate in silence, for the most part. It took me nearly five minutes to look at my food and then another three to identify it. It was an onion burger and onion rings. I didn’t touch it, though again it was something I liked. I felt sick and my eyes were still watery. Every so often a tear would stream down my cheek. Eventually I reached for a napkin and wiped my eyes.
Julia finally noticed. She finished her bite of chicken strip and asked, “What’s
up? What’s wrong?”
I felt stupid...I didn’t...I didn’t know what was going on. What was wrong with me? They were both paying attention to me. Though I wasn’t looking at either of them I could see their hands had stopped moving. I could hear they’d stopped eating. I felt embarrassed and liked, “Nothing, I think it’s just allergies...or something,” insane.
Lynn sighed. He sounded closer now when he spoke, “Maybe it’s all the onions. Maybe I should have ordered you something else,”
“I thought they could only make you cry when you cut them,” said Julia.
“Well, some people are more sensitive to them than others,” said Lynn.
“Oh please,” said Julia, “She gets them all the time. I swear she’s obsessed with onions and cheese. Uh, I feel sorry for whoever has to kiss her,”
“Some people-”
“I’m sorry,” I said interrupting Lynn. “I think I should go. I’m not feeling too well,” Something was going on with me and all of this was too much right now. I know I’d vowed not to let him keep me from doing things but maybe, just maybe, this had nothing to do with him. Maybe it had everything to do with me.
Maybe I was sick. I remembered seeing a TV show about schizophrenia. That sometimes it could affect young adults suddenly or something. I hadn’t really watched the full episode. I remembered this girl was in college and her parents had to commit her. I planned to look it up and so many other things when I got home. If it wasn’t him...If it was me I needed to find out why this was happening.
“You need to eat,” said Julia shaking my hand to get my attention, “You’re the one who said they were hungry after all,”
“I know but I feel sick,”
“What did you have for breakfast,” asked Lynn.
I ran my fingers across the table, “Nothing,”
“Well, there you go,” said Julia as if it were obvious. “EAT SOMETHING,”
“We could take it to go,” offered Lynn.
“No...She’s fine,” Julia squeezed my hand and I looked up at her. She wasn’t mad this time. She looked at me desperately, her eyes pleading with me as she said, “You’re fine, aren’t you?”
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