The Shifter's Choice

by Jenna Kernan

  If I live, I can support them.

  She rested a hand on her hip. “What if you don’t?”

  He drew a deep breath and met her angry eyes. Death benefit.

  Sonia punched him hard in the chest with the backs of both her fists. He barely felt it.

  If I do this, then I can have you.

  “You have me. Johnny, you already have me, if you’ll only wait.”

  Mac stepped to the opposite side of the bed. “I think she’s right,” he said. “It’s too dangerous.”

  Johnny shook his head and began to sign. This time Sonia translated.

  “He is asking you to look after his family, Captain.” She pursed her lips and glared fire at him. “Don’t you do it.”

  The captain flicked his gaze back to Johnny and nodded. “I’ll see to them.”

  Johnny lay his head back on the examining table and closed his eyes, releasing his breath. Just like dying, he thought.

  Sonia fell across his chest, warm and small and fragrant as summer flowers. “Johnny, I’ll wait for as long as it takes. Do you hear me? I love you. I’ll wait.”

  She stared up at him and he knew it was true. She did love him. He knew she had never said those words to anyone and never felt that way about anyone. Now she said it to him and he couldn’t say it back because he was a goddamned werewolf again. No longer fit for her, no longer able to offer himself to her.

  Johnny felt the sweet ache of longing for what he wanted most while knowing that he might never have it. He had her love. But it wasn’t enough to keep him from trying for the brass ring. Because he loved her, too. But he wasn’t going to sign those words. He was going to whisper them in her ear as they made love or he was going to die trying to be human.

  She must have seen something in his expression because the hope drained from her eyes with the color from her face. He could not stand to see her hurting so he stroked her hair and held her until she pulled away.

  “Look at me,” she demanded, her words lashing angry and quick.

  He did. She was flushed and her eyes flashed fire.

  “You’re still going through with this?” Her words were crisp, staccato, like gunfire.

  Johnny released a breath, suddenly weary with all this. He met her troubled stare and nodded, knowing it was not what she wanted to hear.

  “I love you, John Lam. Doesn’t that mean anything to you?”

  His heart twisted and throbbed in his chest because it meant everything to him. But her confession only made him more determined to go through with it.

  She must have known she was losing the battle for she added a threat. “I won’t stay to watch you die.” Then her voice went liquid with promise. She whispered to him. “Be patient. It can be like before. We can go home together.”

  It could never be like that again. Maybe she believed they could go back to being roommates. He knew better. They had moved far past that. Sonia looked away. So she knew it, as well, but she was desperate enough to say anything to stop him. But he couldn’t wait. Not if there was a chance for them. But he couldn’t say all that to her. Couldn’t say anything at all. So, instead he signed just one word.

  Goodbye.

  She stiffened and shrank back, huddling beside his bed.

  “Johnny?”

  He was a brave man, but not brave enough to see the grief on her face and the anguish glimmering in her tear-filled eyes. So he looked away.

  Sonia turned and fled the room.

  Chapter 14

  Sonia waited for the captain outside Johnny’s room. When he appeared he looked tired and unhappy. His gaze flicked to her and his jaw bunched as he returned her salute.

  “Dismissed, Touma.” He tried to stride past her but she took up beside him, matching his pace.

  “I want a transfer.”

  The captain stopped walking. “You really going to run?”

  “I’m not running.” She flapped her arms like a flightless bird. “Can’t you see what’s happening here? It’s the gun in the medicine cabinet all over again. That treatment is the bullet only this time I can’t stop him.”

  “You could stay with him.”

  “No, Captain. All due respect, sir, I can’t.” She cupped her hands over her eyes. “All right. Yes. I’m running. I’m not strong enough to see this through.”

  “Yes, you are.”

  Sonia swallowed back a sob. She’d seen her mother’s self-destruction. But she wasn’t riding along for Johnny’s.

  Her throat burned like fire, but she held it in refusing to fall to pieces, not until she got clear of the last security point.

  “He gets to choose, Touma. His choice. Not ours.”

  She dropped her hands from her eyes and glared up at him. “But what choice is he making? Is he trying to be human again or is he just giving up?”

  “Maybe he’d rather die than live like that.” There was a haunted quality in the captain’s tone, the truth that comes only from experience. “Who are you to judge him?”

  Sonia stared in horror. The captain was giving up, too.

  “Are you trying to bury him? Say a few prayers and move on? Better than having to look at him everyday and know what you did.”

  “You’re out of line, Touma,” growled the captain, his eyes changing color on their way from blue to icy blue, husky blue—wolf blue.

  She didn’t care. He was going to listen to her.

  “Well, I don’t want him to die. Especially when I know why he’s so eager to be human again.” She beat a hand on her chest in rapid succession. “Me. That’s why. He’s thinking crazy.”

  “He’s a big boy. He knows what he wants.”

  “Yeah,” Sonia said. “And either way he gets it. He’s either human or he’s dead.” Her arms went slack as all the fight drained from her. “So do I get my transfer?”

  He fixed her with wolf-blue eyes. “The sooner the better.” He snorted his disapproval. “I knew you’d quit.”

  She leaned in, refusing to back down. “You told me to distract him, keep him occupied and you didn’t care how. I did my job.”

  “Now I’m doing mine. You’ll ship out tomorrow. Get packed. Dismissed, Touma.”

  She made it to the elevator on a hot rush of anger that erupted into tears before she reached the barracks. She was moving again. Running again. At least she wasn’t going back to jail. She’d gotten what she wanted, hadn’t she? She was still free.

  * * *

  It didn’t take long to pack a footlocker.

  Sonia headed up the hill in the late afternoon to retrieve the few personal items she had left in Johnny’s place. She tried not to think too hard, tried not to look about the empty house or to recall how happy she had been here with him. Tried not to remember that for the first time in her life she had felt at home. It was all gone, vanished with her silly dreams of tomorrows. All anyone ever had was now. Johnny understood it. It was why he took that second shot.

  But it was done and she had to move again because she knew very well how this would all end. She had held out her heart to him, had offered to wait and he had cast her aside. The pain of his rejection was so great that she just felt numb as if her spine wasn’t really connected to her body. Just sort of moving through the motions as her mind was hidden safely away behind a hard armored shell.

  Why had she ever let him get past that armor? She’d just never thought that a werewolf could possibly be someone she’d be attracted to and he had sneaked up on her. She’d made a mistake and now it was going to cost her.

  Funny. This time it wasn’t just her closing doors; he’d shut her out, too.

  Sonia’s throat was raw from crying and her eyes were puffy. She allowed herself one more look out the porch but instead of seeing the glorious vista of the Pacific Ocean, her eyes were drawn to the path that led to the natural grotto where Johnny had made love to her that last time. Sonia glanced to the path and then back to the stairs, feeling pulled in two directions. She didn’t know if staying was right or leaving
was right. She only knew that Johnny didn’t love her enough to stay alive.

  She wasn’t enough. Had never been enough. Not for her mom and not for Sergeant John Loc Lam. Johnny was going to do this. Either way he would be going someplace she could not follow. She pressed the pads of her fingers to her chest over her heart and rubbed as if the pressure could ease the ache that went to her very core. Not good enough. Not good enough to keep, not good enough for him to stay. For just a moment in time she thought that Johnny shared her feelings. But just like every man, beginning with the father she never knew, he was leaving her behind.

  Sonia spun away and marched double-time out the front door. She tossed the plastic bag of her belongings into the passenger side of the Jeep and headed down the mountain. When she neared Brianna’s home, she found herself turning into the drive. She needed to say goodbye.

  Brianna greeted her with a warm smile that flickered and died at the first look at her. “What happened?”

  Sonia opened her mouth and the tears started again. Brianna ushered her in and then brought her some water before sitting across from her on the far side of the dining room table.

  Through tears and some choking, Sonia managed to get it all out. Brianna shook her head.

  “Men and their codes of honor. Of course Travis wouldn’t see that accepting the duty of looking after his family would make it possible for Johnny to do this. Wait until I get a hold of him.”

  Sonia didn’t want to cause trouble between newlyweds. “I told Johnny I loved him and he said goodbye. I want to make a home with him but...”

  “Sonia,” Brianna’s tone sounded chiding. “No matter where Travis is he is with me. My home is in his heart and his home is in mine.”

  Sonia squinted at the cryptic comment. What did that even mean?

  Brianna gave her a gentle smile and said, “If you love Johnny than nothing can separate you. Certainly not this.”

  Sonia squinted as she shook her head thinking of all the things that separated them. His condition separated them physically. And even if that wasn’t the case, Johnny wanted a combat assignment and Sonia wanted to serve out her term of service in some safe little backwater. Johnny wanted to travel. She wanted a backyard. And there was that little problem of her transfer and the bigger problem of the rule prohibiting fraternizing. Brianna and her husband might not ever be apart, but she and Johnny most certainly would be. Often. Always.

  “You don’t understand, he’s already said he doesn’t want me.”

  “I don’t believe that. I’ve seen you two together. Maybe Johnny just can’t stand that you’d be stuck with him the way he is.”

  “I don’t care,” said Sonia, her voice rising.

  “But he cares. The man has his pride, Sonia. We don’t always understand it, but we have to acknowledge it.”

  “I’ve been reassigned.”

  “I see. Then you’ll have to go, won’t you?”

  Sonia noted Brianna’s enigmatic smile. Why did Brianna make it sound as if Sonia had some choice, as if she were missing something? Brianna almost sounded ironic. As Sonia puzzled at her true meaning Brianna’s expression went blank. Her hostess was on her feet an instant later and with such haste she sent the chair, upon which she sat, tumbling to the floor. Sonia stood, suddenly on alert.

  “Do you smell that?” she whispered, glancing furtively about the empty room.

  Sonia inhaled and found nothing but the sweet tropical air laced with the hint of jasmine. “What?”

  Brianna’s body began to vibrate and then, right before her very eyes, Brianna vanished.

  Sonia stumbled back and nearly fell. Someone bounded up the porch stairs with a heavy footfall and Sonia turned to see something zip to the screen door in the kitchen at the same instant the front door crashed open. It was a man dressed all in black. Who wore a turtleneck in this heat? she wondered as he charged right for her. There was something wrong with his head. It was misshapen, as if he had some terrible allergic reaction or a dreadful skin condition. Purple welts covered the lumpy mass of his face. But it was the glowing white eyes that triggered understanding. The man opened his mouth and she saw the glint of his long white fangs and Sonia cried out.

  How had they gotten past the perimeter?

  She threw the chair at him and retreated, only to find herself captured by the one coming through the screen.

  “That’s not her,” said the first.

  Sonia struggled against the unbreakable grip, her skin chilling at the strange cool touch of her attacker.

  The first one slapped her. The blow sent an explosion of pain blasting through her jaw and made her so dizzy she nearly threw up. The creature leaned forward and inhaled.

  “Human,” it said. “Kill her.”

  Instantly a hand gripped her forehead forcing her chin up, exposing her neck. The sweet, cloying scent of gardenias surrounded her, so strong she thought she might be ill. His mouth descended and she became unnaturally aware of the pounding of her heart and the thrum of blood in the great vessels at her throat. This thing was going to kill her right there in the captain’s living room. She turned her head farther to the side and then dropped, as she had been taught in basic training, performing a quick half turn and elbowing him in the groin. Sonia had the satisfaction of hearing the wind leave his lungs before she dove away. But she didn’t get far.

  The other one moved with a speed that made him only a blur and she found herself in his arms, staring up at his hideous mottled face, slitted nose and the bone-white fangs pressing deep against his thick, liver-colored lips. She shrank back in horror and he smiled, showing the three-inch fangs all the way to his crimson gums. Hideous, she thought, trembling.

  This one smelled like blood. Her skin dimpled as the chill took her. Sonia tried for his thumbs, intending to break them in her bid for freedom, but he struck her so fast she went dizzy. He had her in the crook of his arm, squeezing her like a boa constrictor. She fought fiercely at first but, as the dizziness increased, her movements became clumsy. He was suffocating her.

  “Give her back to me,” said the lavender one, his image blurring before her watering eyes.

  This would be the last thing she ever saw.

  “Johnny,” she choked.

  The second vampire released her and pushed her into the arms of the first. The fangs grazed her neck. Sonia inhaled, trying to clear the fog from her brain and mount another defense.

  “No!” The voice was female.

  Brianna appeared before her and threw a punch at the one who had already cut into Sonia’s neck with his razor-sharp teeth.

  “Get her,” howled the mottled vampire and Sonia was discarded like an old banana peel as the two vampires shot after Brianna who had disappeared. She could barely see the males. But Brianna had vanished once more. The males chased her out the front door. Sonia reached for her phone and flipped it open hitting the favorites button as she staggered out into the yard. She had to help Brianna.

  Before she could press the captain’s number, Brianna appeared. “Get in the Jeep. Hurry!”

  Brianna grabbed her arm and hustled her along. They were ten steps from the vehicle when the vampires reappeared, one, two, three...nine. Brianna’s hands slipped from Sonia’s arm.

  “Let her go,” Brianna ordered. “She’s nothing to you.”

  Several of the males eyed Sonia and licked their lips.

  “Take them both. Don’t kill the human—yet,” said the one with the purple bruises on his face.

  Sonia took one step before they grasped her but she still managed to hit the captain’s number as the phone fell from her hand. A glance told her that they’d captured Brianna, as well. The vampires used thick plastic zip ties to secure Sonia’s wrists and ankles and she remembered they hated metal, iron especially. What did she have that was metal? Her brass belt buckle. That was all.

  Two of the males lifted Sonia carrying her so quickly that the landscape about her blurred. She shut her eyes to contain the dizziness. Fro
m then on, she felt the jarring gate of their run and the uneven ground over which they charged at superhuman speeds. Now and again she looked about and saw they were taking her over the opposite side of the volcanic peak, through dense cover and then open, rocky terrain.

  Had the captain gotten her call?

  * * *

  Johnny waited, mouth open as the IV was inserted into an artery beneath his gums. It hurt of course, but there was no helping it since they couldn’t get a needle through his skin. They’d placed a block between his teeth to keep him from moving and disrupting the IV. Also, he supposed, in case he went into seizures.

  But if he didn’t die, if he were human again, he could go after Sonia and explain, apologize and ask her to stay. If he didn’t survive she was better off gone.

  This treatment also involved a shot of some other damned poison that killed something in his blood. He didn’t understand it, but he didn’t have to. His job was to survive it. He thought he’d already survived worse.

  Dr. Zharov put his hand on the white plastic switch on the IV line, his thumb poised to introduce the new treatment. “Here goes. You’ll feel uncomfortable. Try to lie still.”

  This weapon was being developed in a gaseous form to spray any werewolves they found. But it would kill them. Turn them human and then stop their breathing. Now the chemicals were in liquid form. The good doctor aimed to avoid burning his lungs beyond repair. Some of the test animals had survived. A few pigs, half the dogs, zero rabbits, zero chimps. He was a Lam. Had they tested any lambs? He blinked his eyes. The sedative made his thinking fuzzy.

  Mac stepped into view.

  “You okay?”

  Johnny lifted a thumb. He wished Sonia were here. Instead of staring at him with anxious eyes, she’d hold his hand.

  He knew the instant the stuff hit his bloodstream. Uncomfortable? Was that what the doctor said? His body tensed and he could not keep from arching, his back rising from the table as the treatment burned like molten lead. He wheezed as the pain took the air from his lungs. His vision blurred.

  “Johnny? You still with us?” Mac’s voice, he knew, but he couldn’t respond as he curled his fingers into the padding on the table, feeling the stuffing wad beneath his claws. “Doc, what’s happening?”