by Sophie Stern
I feel the exact same way.
Slowly, I push her back onto the bed. She sits back and I reach for her shoes. Carefully, slowly, I take them off and toss them aside. Her socks follow. Then I tug off her jeans and her soft pink panties.
“Damn,” I whisper. “If you aren’t the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.”
Selena blushes and her pale skin turns a bright pink.
“Stop,” she says. “You don’t mean it.”
“I do,” I promise.
She looks at me like there’s a question on the tip of her tongue, like she wants to say something else. She wants to tell me something or ask me something and I’m not sure which it is.
I’ll give her all the time she needs, but I’m going to wait quietly. Instead, I start at her ankles and lick up each of her legs. By the time I reach her thighs, she’s sprawled back on the bed, collapsed from excitement, arousal, and exhaustion.
“You can take a shower, baby,” I whisper. “But I’m going to make you come first.”
“That defeats the point of the shower,” she whines.
“The point of the shower is to give your sore muscles some relief. The point of the shower,” I bite the side of her knee and she squeaks. “Is to help you relax after a hard day being amazing.”
“Oh yeah?” She whispers.
“Yeah, baby.” I slide higher up her leg. Her thighs are already wet with her juices and I can see her pussy is wet and ready for me. I don’t waste any more time talking. I’m ready for this and so is she. I’m going to make my girl come so hard she’ll forget all about her long day. I’m going to lick her and suck on her clit until she cries my name and I have to carry her to the damn shower because her legs won’t work.
I start licking her soft lips in long, slow strokes, but soon it’s not enough. Soon she needs more. Soon she’s thrusting her hips up into my face and grabbing the blankets on my bed like they’re the only anchor she has.
She’s holding them like if she doesn’t, she might just float away.
“Come for me, princess,” I whisper, and I suck her clit into my mouth. Selena falls over the edge, crying my name as she does, but it’s okay because I’m there to catch her.
I’ll always catch her.
Chapter 5
Selena
Alex carries me to the bathroom and sets me on the counter while he draws a bath for me.
“I think you deserve a little treat,” he says. “And I have a feeling that a shower isn’t going to cut it tonight.”
“What did I do to deserve you?” I ask. It sounds cheesy, but it’s true. Sometimes I just don’t know. I’m afraid I’m going to wake up and this will all be a dream. I’m afraid I’m going to wake up and this won’t be real. After so much time around this man, I don’t know if I can go back to being alone for real.
I don’t know if I could ever be with anyone else.
Alex isn’t just the guy I’m sleeping with. Over time, he’s become my best friend. We spend a lot of time talking. We spend a lot of time sharing secrets and at this point, he knows all of mine. He knows all of my secrets and he likes me anyway.
All of my secrets but one, anyway.
I hesitate when he says he’s drawing me a bath. Is it safe for the baby? I remember the doctor telling me it was okay, but I’m still nervous. There are so many things I’m going to have to change about my life, starting with right now because Alex gets up and tells me he’s going to get me a glass of wine.
“No,” I say too quickly. He raises an eyebrow.
“Okay. No wine. Beer?”
“Nah, I don’t feel like drinking tonight,” I lie. I always feel like drinking. It’s just that for the next eight months or so, something else is more important. Someone else is more important.
“Are you okay?” Alex looks concerned. He puts a hand on my forehead. “You don’t feel warm.”
“I’m fine, silly,” I shove him playfully away and hop down off the counter. “I’m just feeling a little queasy tonight.” That part isn’t a lie. I hope I don’t throw up while I’m here. Wouldn’t that be awful?
Hey, thanks for the orgasm. Now, can you fuck off so I can throw up in private?
That would go over so well.
“Water?” He asks, and takes my hand. He helps me lower myself into the bath, then sets his phone on the counter and turns on a playlist of relaxing music.
“The only thing I need is this,” I close my eyes and settle back in the tub. I feel his lips press to my forehead.
“Relax, honey. You deserve this. Call me if you need anything.” I hear him quietly pad out of the room and he closes the door.
Then I feel the tears on my cheeks as I realize I really just don’t deserve this or him. I’m way too messed up for a sweet cat like Alex. I’m way too damaged.
Oh, nobody likes to think of themselves as damaged. It’s not pretty. It’s not nice. It’s an awful thought, really, to think that you’re somehow broken or less than perfect, but that’s my reality.
I come with an awful lot of baggage: more than most people. I’m skeptical and cynical and fussy and particular. I’m a bear shifter, so I’m completely awkward at all the wrong times. I’m not like Alex.
I’m no cat.
I’m not sleek or sexy or sweet.
He’s sassy and sharp.
He’s perfect.
I wanted to see him tonight, but I didn’t expect him to just take care of me. That’s never been an issue with Alex, though. Sometimes I’m really tired and he does this: he just takes care of me and doesn’t ask for anything in return.
I do the same for him, of course. That’s one of the reasons this “relationship,” or whatever we call it, is different than any other one I’ve been in before. Alex doesn’t just take. He meets my needs and I meet his and sometimes we meet each other’s.
My body relaxes more and more until I’m just a puddle of skin and bones in the tub. My fingers wrinkle and the water gets cold, and I finally decide to leave the bathroom. I need to tell Alex about the baby and I need to tell him about this weekend.
Most of all, I just need him.
***
“How’s my princess?” He asks when I walk in the room.
“Better now.” Alex sets down the controller for his video game and I straddle his hips. He’s sitting in his favorite beanbag chair, so my knees simply rest on the soft carpet. His place is much smaller than mine, but it’s cozy. It’s comfortable. It feels like home.
“I’m glad,” he kisses me and runs his hands up and down my sides.
“I should probably get dressed,” I say, but he just laughs and shakes his head.
“I like you naked, baby,” he laughs. I slide off him and snuggle up to his broad body. He picks his controller back up and keeps playing. I rest with my hand on his leg and my head on his shoulder.
It’s comfortable, familiar, sweet.
It’s what I need in my life right now.
Alex offers me a stability and a sort of comfort I never thought I’d get. After Mom and Dad died, I felt like I was floating. I felt lost and alone. Even though Savannah and I leaned on each other, I always felt like she dealt with their deaths better. She was always best friends with Carter, too. She always kind of depended on him.
Me?
I didn’t really have anyone.
It was just me.
Although a lot of time has passed, sometimes I still feel like that scared kid. Sometimes I still feel like the girl whose parents died and left her all alone in the world and she couldn’t quite figure out where to go.
Alex and I don’t talk as he plays. He offers me a controller at one point, but I don’t want it. I don’t want to play any games tonight. I just want to be his.
He finishes the last level and turns off the console, then kisses me on the forehead.
“Bed?” He whispers.
I’m almost asleep and I nod.
“Bed,” I agree.
We turn off the lights and climb into
his bed. He wraps his arms around me and as I close my eyes and start to drift off to sleep, I could swear he whispers that he loves me.
But that must be my imagination.
Chapter 6
Alex
The new rooster wakes me up at the ass crack of dawn. Whoever thought having a rooster was a good idea is stupid. I blame Wyatt. Oh, it might not have been his choice, but he didn’t veto it when someone decided we needed a bunch of loud birds. Even our hens are loud and that’s saying something because most chickens are pretty damn quiet.
Not ours.
Not fucking ours.
I try to hold still. I close my eyes and take deep breaths and count to a hundred, but no matter what I try, I can’t fall back to sleep. I’m afraid it’s just not in the cards for me, so instead of stressing out over my last hour of sleep, I just think about Selena.
She cuddled up next to me all night like a kitten. No, my bear isn’t sweet and cuddly when she’s awake. She’s all fierce and ferocious. When she’s sleeping, though? That’s when the true Selena shines through, just a little bit. When she’s asleep, I get a little peek of the tenderness in her heart, and I love it.
I lay in bed for awhile, then I slip quietly out and decide to get a jumpstart on morning chores. By the time I return, she’s awake and wearing one of my t-shirts.
“Hey, big boy,” she says, smiling from her spot at the kitchen table.
“Beautiful,” I whisper, kissing her. “Have you had coffee?” I often go up to the main house for breakfast, but not today. Hope and Savannah always make something big, but when Selena is here, we usually eat together in the privacy of my cabin. It’s quiet this way. It feels normal and good. It feels comfortable. I like being around her here. I like being around her anywhere, to be honest. When we’re eating breakfast, though, I can almost imagine we have a real relationship and we’re a family. I can almost pretend we’re more than just lovers.
I can almost.
“Not yet,” she says. She’s holding an empty mug in front of her. “I need to make some, but I’ve just been sitting here thinking.”
“Sounds serious,” I say. I run my hand slowly through her soft, dark hair. “Do you want to talk about it?” Usually, Selena is a bit of a closed book, but today she nods. I’m a little surprised.
“I need to ask you something,” Selena says. She pushes her chair back and slips her arms around my waist. She pulls me tightly to herself and for just a moment, I sigh in contentment.
“Anything,” I have no idea what she wants or needs, but I’ll do anything for this woman.
“Savannah and Carter want to go out of town this weekend.”
“Okay.”
“And they want me to watch Colby.”
“Okay.”
“And I was thinking we could watch him together.”
“Okay.”
“That’s it?”
“What do you mean?”
“I come to you with this huge fucking request and you just say ‘okay’? You don’t need time to think about this?” She sounds shocked I would agree. Did she really think I would turn her down when she needed me?
“He’s a kid, Selena. He’s a good kid and I’m happy to help out my friends when they need me. Relationships are important. I hope that someday, people will be willing to help us out when we need them.”
I know I’m pushing her with my last comment, and I feel her body tighten in my arms. She always tenses when I make comments about the future, but I definitely see a future with this woman, so I’ll keep on making my remarks and hope that at some point, she’ll get that I love her. I hope that at some point, she realizes I’m not going anywhere.
In my mind, it’s her and me together.
“It’s no hardship for me to get to spend the weekend with you, sweetie,” I kiss her forehead, and once again, she relaxes.
“I’m sorry. I just hate asking for help and I have no idea what I’m doing.” Selena pauses and looks up at me. Her bright eyes blink furiously and I know she’s close to crying. “I’m scared, Alex. I don’t know anything about taking care of a baby.”
“He’s not a baby anymore, sweetie. It’s going to be okay. You’re going to do a great job. I’ll be right there by your side, okay? No matter what happens, we’ve got this. We can do this together.”
She nods, then snuggles closer.
“Thanks. You always know what to say to help me calm down.”
Once again she tenses, and this time, I can’t ignore it.
“What’s wrong now, honey?”
“I’m going to be sick,” she says, and runs to the bathroom and closes the door. Helplessly, I sit down on the bed and wait for her to finish throwing up. I wish there was something I could do to help her calm down and relax. If her stress is so bad that she’s throwing up in the morning, maybe I need to step up my game. I hope she’s not coming down with something, too. That would make this weekend so much harder on her.
I love Selena and I want her to be happy. Maybe I shouldn’t be, but I’m really excited about watching Carter with her. This weekend is going to be an incredible chance for us to bond with each other and with Colby. Even though I’m not officially part of the family, I consider him to be my nephew and he calls me Uncle Alex.
Well, sometimes he calls me Uncle Kitty, but that’s just weird and slightly offensive. I’m a jaguar and that’s way more badass than a kitty. It’s okay because we’ll have all weekend to have fun. We’ll go hiking, we’ll shift, we’ll climb things. We can build a bonfire and roast marshmallows and sing songs. We’ll swim. We’ll do all sorts of things. We’ll do them together.
And even though it’s completely weird, I want Selena to see that I could be a good father to someone someday. I want her to have my babies. I want us to be together forever. I’m going to propose to her soon. I’m going to ask her to be mine, but first I need to show her I’ve got what it takes to be hers.
I’m going to show her I’m a cat who’s more than his claws.
I’m going to show her I would be good for her.
Chapter 7
Selena
On Friday afternoon, I drive to the ranch.
“I can do this,” I say to myself in the rearview mirror. “I can do this.” The woman looking back at me has dark circles under her eyes, though. The woman staring at me doesn’t seem like she really can do it.
It’s just three days.
Three days and two nights.
The days aren’t even really full days, I reason, so it’s more like two days and two nights. That’s no big deal. We can do that.
Alex is going to be with me. He’s going to help me and together, we’re going to make sure Colby has an awesome, fun, interesting, and safe weekend. Mostly, I want him to have a safe weekend. Yeah, we spend time together, but his parents are always there to make sure nothing bad happens. Suddenly, that responsibility is being thrust on me, and I really am nervous.
I really am scared.
I hold my stomach. I won’t throw up this time. I won’t. Still, I suddenly feel nauseous as I’m considering what lies ahead. It’s only a couple of days, but anything could go wrong. Anything could happen. Colby might be six now, but he’s still just a little kid in my eyes. He’s still so tiny and sweet.
I think of the little life growing inside of me and I fear that I’m going to make the wrong choice. Everyone says you can’t understand how hard it is to be a mother until you’re one yourself. Well, reality, I’m waking up because that’s my situation now.
A knock sounds at the window and I let out a sigh of relief when I see it’s only Alex. He’s smiling at me like he completely believes in me. He’s smiling at me like he knows I’ve got this and even if I don’t, he’s got my back so it’s all going to be okay.
He’s going to take care of me, of us.
He’s going to help me through this.
“Hey,” I get out of the car and give him a big hug. “Thanks for the warm welcome.”
“Let m
e help you with your bag,” he kisses me on the nose.
“I’m here all weekend,” I say. “You meant ‘bags.’”
“How many bags are we talking?” He peeks into the backseat, then starts chuckling. “Seriously? Two huge duffels?”
“Hey,” I smile and slap him on the shoulder. “I brought craft supplies.”
Alex and I each grab a bag, then we head inside the big house. We’ll stay in Savannah and Carter’s room so Colby is able to stay in his own space. Savannah says it’s easier for kids to stay in their own bedroom than to have to move to a new place. Colby used to get really bad nightmares. I’m not sure if he still does or not, but Savannah says the chances of night terrors are way less when he sticks to his normal routine.
Here’s hoping.
We head upstairs and I don’t notice anyone along the way. In fact, the house is strangely quiet.
“Where is everyone?” I ask. “This is the right day, right? She did say Friday?”
“Babe, calm down. Take a deep breath.”
I’m not offended when Alex tells me to calm down. For some couples, it might be disrespectful and rude, but for us, it’s appreciated. For us, it helps me find my focus. For us, Alex is my focus.
And when did I start thinking of us as a couple?
When did we stop being a booty call?
Maybe there’s something wrong with me or maybe I’m finally starting to view the fact that Alex and I care about each other as not a big deal. It’s not a bad thing. It’s not something to be scared about.
Right?
“Carter and Savannah went to get Colby at school. Everyone else has already left. It’s just us, okay? Let’s get you settled in. Then we’ll go downstairs to wait.”
Alex leads me down the hall to Carter and Selena’s room. Colby’s bedroom is attached. They recently added on to the house to make room for all the babies. Wyatt and Hope have a similar suite with an added-on room for their baby, too. I think it’s sweet they all live together, though I wonder what they’re going to do once they all start having more babies.