One of the Guys

by Jessica Strassner

  Kevin smiled, but he didn’t open the door any further. “Hey. Can you give me a sec?”

  Puzzled, Kate took a moment to respond. “I guess so. Sure,” she said.

  “Thanks. I’ll just be a minute,” Kevin said, closing the door again.

  “Okay.” Kate stood outside the door. She shouldered her purse and leaned against the doorframe, waiting and wondering what was going on.

  Kevin opened the door again. “Okay, you can come in,” he said.

  Kate looked up at him, confused, and walked past him into the apartment. She expected to see Jackson, Chris, and Max, but instead, the apartment was empty and the lights were dim. Rather than cards and chips, the poker table was decorated with flickering candles. She placed her purse on the kitchen counter and turned around. “What’s this?” she asked.

  “Why don’t you go sit down?” Kevin suggested.

  Kate sat down on the edge of the couch, now completely perplexed. She looked around the room. Kevin was not sloppy by any means, but his apartment appeared to be extra neat. There were more candles on the coffee table. She didn’t remember ever seeing candles in his apartment before.

  Kevin joined her on the couch and handed her a glass of wine. “Thanks,” she said, taking a sip. “Now what’s this all about? Why no poker game tonight?”

  “Kate, I wanted to talk to you,” Kevin began. He took a sip of wine and then set his glass on the table.

  “Okay,” Kate said. “About what? What’s going on?” She wanted to ask him to turn up the lights.

  “I wanted to talk to you about us,” he said. He reached for her hand, but as soon as his fingers touched hers, she pulled away in surprise and placed her hand on her chest.

  “What about us?”

  Kevin scratched his head and then clasped his hands in front of him, nervously cracking and popping his knuckles. “We’ve hung out a couple times together, right?” he began.

  “Yes,” Kate said slowly. “As friends.”

  “As friends, yes,” Kevin said. “And we’ve had fun together, right?”

  “Yes,” Kate replied.

  “And I like to think that we get along really well,” he added. Kate nodded in agreement. “And… I really like you.”

  Kate put her wine glass on the table and brought both of her hands to her head. She rubbed her temples delicately, unable to believe where the conversation was going. “Kevin, please…” she said.

  “Hear me out,” Kevin said. “It’s taken me a long time to be able to finally get up the nerve to do this, so you have to let me finish,” he said, prying her hands away from her head and holding them in her lap. She looked at him helplessly. “I really like you,” he said.

  “I like you, too. As a friend,” she said, repeating her earlier phrase.

  “But I can’t help but wonder what it would be like if we were more than friends.” Kate opened her mouth to speak, but Kevin continued. She looked down at their hands while he spoke. “I know it isn’t exactly the easiest situation, but I think we should give it a shot. I’d like it if you’d go out with me. On a date. Not just as friends, but as a guy and a girl who like each other. Maybe,” he said.

  Kate pulled her hands away and wrapped her arms around herself. “That’s really not a good idea,” she said.

  “What makes you say that?” Kevin asked.

  Kate looked at him, exasperated. “You know why. It doesn’t work,” she said.

  “You mean Chris? Or Max?”

  “I mean both of them,” she hissed. “I’m not going through that again. It’s not worth it.”

  “What’s not worth it?” Kevin asked.

  “Us getting together. And then what happens when we… break up? Or whatever?”

  “Who’s saying we would break up?”

  Kate folded her arms across her chest. “Kevin, I’m just not doing that again. I can’t.”

  “Why not?” he asked.

  “Because I don’t want to make the same mistake again,” she said.

  Kevin sat back against the arm of the couch and gazed at her, obviously hurt. He didn’t say anything for a moment. “Dating me would be a mistake?” Kate didn’t know how to answer him. “Dating a guy who really cares for you and who doesn’t want to mess with your head and play stupid games would be a mistake?” he asked.

  “I just don’t want things to get weird between us,” she said softly.

  “Look at me,” Kevin said. “I’m not those guys. I don’t want to be your friend with benefits. I don’t want to be someone you can just call up and hop in bed with whenever you feel like it.”

  Kate stared at him. “But we’re friends,” she said plaintively. “I don’t want to ruin what we have.”

  “But you gave those guys a chance,” he said. “You fooled around with Max. You wanted to hook up with Chris. Why those guys? Are they better than me? What do they have that I don’t?” he asked.

  Kate didn’t have an answer, but her eyes started to fill with tears. “I don’t know,” she said. “I don’t want to lose you as a friend,” she said.

  “You won’t lose me,” Kevin said softly. “I’m not going anywhere.”

  “I know, but…”

  “But what?”

  “It didn’t work with those guys, Kevin. I don’t want to go through that again.”

  “Have you ever stopped to think that maybe it didn’t work out with those guys because it wasn’t supposed to? That maybe it just wasn’t meant to be?”

  “And what? We are? We’re meant to be together?” she asked.

  Kevin shrugged. “I don’t know.”

  “I should go,” she said.

  “We’ll never know if we don’t take a chance,” he said.

  Kate got to her feet. “I don’t want things to be different between us,” she said.

  Kevin looked up at her and smiled sadly. “They already are.”

  *

  Kate didn’t sleep very well that night. She woke up in the morning with an intense feeling of dread in the pit of her stomach. Then she remembered last night’s conversation with Kevin. The candles, the wine… What had he been thinking?

  She reached for her phone and dialed Julia’s number. She left a voice message telling Julia that she wouldn’t be in the office until later that afternoon, that nothing was wrong, and that she just needed to do some things at home. Then she pulled the covers up over her head and went back to sleep.

  She woke an hour later as her phone rang and vibrated next to her in bed. “Hello?”

  “Oh, God.” That was all Lucy said.

  “What?” Kate groaned.

  “Kevin was here this morning. He and Jackson are now out playing a round of golf.”

  “Oh.”

  “Yeah. Care to tell me what happened?” Lucy asked.

  “As if you don’t already know?”

  “I’ll be over in twenty minutes,” Lucy said.

  “You better bring coffee.”

  Kate got up and went into the bathroom. She washed her face, brushed her teeth, and then went out into the living room where her parents were sprawled on the couch, reading the newspaper together. “Good morning, dear. How was the poker game last night?” her dad asked.

  “There wasn’t a game,” she said. She went out onto the back deck and sat down on a lounge chair to wait for Lucy to show up.

  She must have dozed off, because the next thing she knew, Lucy was standing over her, holding out a cup from Starbucks. “I got you coffee,” she said. “Now talk.”

  “Didn’t Kevin already tell you?”

  “I heard his side. Now I want to hear yours.” Lucy sat down on the other lounge chair and sipped her coffee. “Start from the beginning.”

  “I went over to Kevin’s last night for the poker game. When I got there, he didn’t let me in right away. I guess he was going around his apartment lighting candles or something.”

  “He lit candles? He didn’t tell me that part.”

  Kate glared at Lucy. “Do you
want me to talk or not?”

  “Sorry. Go ahead,” Lucy said, her eyes twinkling.

  “He asked me to come in and sit down. He gave me a glass of wine and said that he wanted to talk. He said that he really liked me and that he wondered what it would be like if we were more than friends. He said he wanted to go out with me, and I told him that wasn’t a good idea.”

  “And what did he say?”

  “He asked why, and I told him. I told him I didn’t want it to mess up our friendship, that it didn’t work with Chris or Max, and that I didn’t want to go through all that again.”

  “And then what?”

  “He said that he didn’t want to just be a friend with benefits. And he wanted to know why I gave the other guys a chance but not him. I think that kind of hurt his feelings.”

  Lucy nodded. “What else?”

  “I said that I didn’t want to lose him as a friend. He said that I wouldn’t.”

  “Anything else?”

  Kate thought for a minute. “He said that maybe things didn’t work out with Chris or Max because they weren’t meant to be.”

  “So what did you do?”

  “I asked him if he thought we were meant to be, and he said we wouldn’t know if we didn’t take a chance.”

  “He’s right. Then what?” Lucy asked.

  “Then I left,” she said.

  “That’s it?”

  “That’s it. I told him that I didn’t want things to be different between us, and…” Kate frowned. “He said they already were.”

  Lucy nodded. “That’s pretty much what he told Jackson and me this morning.”

  “Why did he do that, Lucy?” Kate sighed. “Does he really think things would work out with us?”

  “Maybe he does,” Lucy said.

  “But how can they?” Kate asked.

  “If it’s right, it’s right,” Lucy shrugged.

  “How do you know if it’s right, though?”

  “I don’t know!” Lucy said, throwing her hands up in the air. “You don’t always know right away.”

  Kate snorted. “Right. Like you and Jackson didn’t know that you were perfect for each other.”

  “Hey,” Lucy said. “Jackson and I didn’t get married right out of high school, you know. We went our different ways, we were both in relationships with other people, and when those things didn’t work out, we ended up back with each other when the time was right. Kevin’s right. You won’t know if you don’t take a chance.”

  “So you think I should go out with Kevin?” Kate asked incredulously.

  “I don’t think you should not go out with Kevin.”

  “What the hell is that supposed to mean?”

  “You need to stop using this whole ‘friends’ thing as an excuse. You should be friends with someone that you’re dating. And, yes, you were friends with Chris and Max. And things didn’t work out with them, but you’re all friends now and everything worked out in the end. And yes, sometimes relationships like that don’t work out and then you’re not friends afterwards, but so what? What if you and Kevin are meant to be together?”

  Kate took a sip of her coffee and looked at Lucy. “I don’t know…” she said.

  “You won’t know if you don’t try,” Lucy said. “Think about it.”

  Kate did think about it. She thought about it all day, in fact. She was sitting in her office a few hours later, unable to concentrate on the profit analysis report she was trying to prepare. The only thing that she kept thinking about was that maybe Lucy was right.

  Yes, she and Kevin were friends.

  Kevin was fun to be with. They got along really well, whether they were playing cards, hanging out at a party, or just having dinner or drinks together. They always had a blast when they were hanging out with all of their friends, but Kate had really enjoyed hanging out one-on-one with him, too.

  He was incredibly sweet. She remembered him taking care of her when she was drunk after Lucy and Jackson’s engagement party. He’d even washed and dried her pants when she’d spilled Gatorade all over herself. She thought about how he’d gotten out of bed on Valentine’s Day to go hang out with her. And when she was sick, he showed up with medicine and supplies to make her feel better.

  And he was really cute. Maybe he wasn’t as devastatingly handsome as Max or have a great body like Chris, but there was no denying that he was awfully cute. She loved that his hair tended to curl and get really messy when it needed to be cut. She loved that he’d gotten embarrassed when his mom and sister teased him. She loved that he enjoyed talking and being friendly with her parents. He’d even sung karaoke with her mom!

  Kate saved her work and shut her computer down. She left the office in a hurry; she only paused to make sure the door was locked behind her. She was going to walk, but on second thought, she decided to take the car. With her heart pounding, she hopped in and drove the short distance to Kevin’s apartment. She glanced at the clock on the dashboard, wondering if Kevin and Jackson were done playing golf. It was four-thirty in the afternoon at the end of June. It was too hot to be out on the golf course. Surely they were done by now.

  Kate hurried up the steps and knocked on Kevin’s door. No answer. She knocked again and again, pounding on the door in case he was asleep or in the shower. Then it dawned on her. She leaned over the railing and looked out into the parking lot. She didn’t see Kevin’s car anywhere, so he wasn’t home. With disappointment, she descended the stairs into the parking lot and headed for her car. She considered calling Lucy to find out if she knew where Jackson and Kevin were, but by the time she got home, she’d lost her nerve.

  Her parents were just walking out into the driveway as she pulled in. “We’re going out to dinner,” her mom said. “Why don’t you come with us?”

  “That’s okay,” she said.

  “Everything all right?” her dad asked.

  She managed to nod and gave her parents both a hug before letting herself inside. She kicked off her shoes and curled up on the couch, wondering what to do. Yesterday, she’d told Kevin that she didn’t want to ruin his friendship. Today, she’d gone rushing over his apartment to…

  To do what, exactly?

  She wasn’t sure what she would have said or done. She wasn’t sure if it would have mattered now, anyway.

  Hoping to distract herself, Kate turned the TV on. She flicked through the channels repeatedly, but couldn’t settle on anything to watch. She turned the TV off and just sat, staring at the blank screen. Outside, it began to rain. Kate snuggled down against the cushions and listened to the wind and the rain against the house. Out the window, she could see that the sky had grown very dark. She pulled a blanket down off the back of the couch and was just pulling it up to her chin when she saw headlights roll across the walls and the ceiling. Someone had just pulled into the driveway.

  She tossed the blanket off and hurried to the door. She opened it just as Kevin dashed through the rain and under the cover of the porch. “Hi,” he said, shaking the water out of his hair. “Can we talk?” he asked, nervously.

  Kate stared up at him, open-mouthed. What was she going to say if he had been at his apartment? What was she going to do? She didn’t remember. She didn’t know. Before he could say anything else, Kate placed her hands on either side of Kevin’s face and kissed him. She liked that she didn’t have to stand on her tiptoes to kiss him. She liked that he placed his hands on her waist and pulled her closer. She liked that he was kissing her back. When she finally pulled away, it took her a few seconds to finally open her eyes.

  “Can I come in?” Kevin said.

  Kate held the door open and allowed Kevin inside. He didn’t seem as nervous as when she’d first opened the door, and now he had a big smile on his face. He sat down on the couch and she felt a smile on her face as she sat down next to him.

  “I came here today to tell you that I would be your friend no matter what,” he said. “Even if you’re not interested in dating or trying something different with
me. I want you to know that.” Kate nodded. “But I also wanted to tell you that if you do give me a chance, I will be your friend. I will be the guy you can call when you want to go do something. I will be the guy you can go to parties with. I will be the guy you can just sit and talk with. I will be the guy who takes care of you when you’re sick…”

  Kate reached over and grabbed Kevin’s hands to stop him. “You already are,” she said.

  “I’m not done yet,” he smiled.

  “Sorry,” Kate said.

  “I will be the guy who does everything in his power to make you happy, and I will be the guy who will love you forever… if you’ll just give me the chance.”

  “We won’t know if we don’t try, right?” she asked.

  *

  “Happy 4th of July!” Kate called, opening the door to Lucy and Jackson’s. “You said not to bring anything, but I brought sparklers!” Kate said, waving two boxes of sparklers around. Lucy laughed. She was busy frosting red velvet cupcakes that she’d made earlier in the day.

  “Everybody’s out back. Candy and Danielle are setting the tables and the guys are cooking. Dinner’s almost ready.”

  “It takes four guys to grill hamburgers and hot dogs?” Kate asked.

  Lucy shrugged. “They’re goofballs. You should know this.”

  “I do know this,” Kate said with a chuckle.

  “Go ahead out back. I’ll be right there,” Lucy said.

  Kate went out onto the deck and was immediately greeted by Candy and Danielle. She hugged the girls, helped them finish setting the tables and moving chairs around, and then made her way to the grill where the guys were standing. “Hey, guys,” she said.

  “Hey, what’s up? We missed you at poker last week,” Chris said, winking.

  “That’s funny. I don’t remember there even being a poker game last week,” Kate said, folding her arms across her chest.

  “Oh, that’s right. It was canceled for some reason,” Jackson said, taking hot dogs and hamburgers off the grill and piling them up on the plate that Max was holding.