This Regret

by Victoria Ashley

  She volunteered to set up games and Kade has been helping her ever since. Not that it bothers me, Kade and I are just friends and nothing more. Actually, maybe he can use his seduction tactics on her for a while. I need a break, at least from him. I’m sure it wouldn’t bother me. Would it? My minds a mess. I don’t know what I want.

  “May I sit down?”

  I think my heart may have just stopped. After hearing that voice the other day, it has been stuck in my head repeating itself over and over again, driving me crazy. It’s so deep and raspy, oozing sex, and borderline toxic to a woman’s will power. Much deeper than I remember.

  “Sure,” I whisper, looking up to meet Kellan’s playful eyes, just now noticing how bruised up his face is.

  “Holy shit, Kellan.” I panic and reach out to touch his face, but stop myself before I can make an ass out of myself. I pull my arm back. “What in the hell happened to your face?” Something tells me that’s not from Kade’s hit.

  He smiles as if it’s nothing. “Don’t worry. It didn’t hurt . . . much.”

  He sets a plate down in front of him and swings one leg over the bench so I’m sitting in between his legs, a small space being the only thing separating us. For some reason, my whole body craves to scoot that few inches and close the gap between us. I guess eight years wasn’t enough time to wither the feelings I had for him as a kid.

  “I see dad is still having his company picnics. It’s nice to see that something hasn’t changed.”

  That’s not the only thing that hasn’t changed. I close my eyes, breathing in the smell of his cologne. Georgio Armani’s Auqua Di Gio, I would know that scent anywhere. It has always been Kellan’s favorite. That smell did things to me then, and the smell has only gotten sweeter, making it even harder to refrain from burying my face in his neck.

  I nod my head but don’t say a word. I can’t, if I don’t already look obvious, I surely will then. If I speak, then it will probably be something I shouldn’t say.

  He scoots the plate across the table so it’s sitting in front of me now. Then he leans over my shoulder and his lips curl into a smile.

  I look down to see three chicken thighs with a pile of chicken skin covering the entire plate. I laugh as I look back up at him. “What’s this?”

  He leans in and picks up a piece of the skin. “It’s chicken and a whole shit load of skin.” He beams before shoving the piece into his mouth and moaning. Damn, I’ve missed that smile. We’ve both always shared the same love for chicken. We used to fight over the skin when we were younger. “I stole a bunch of it when no one was looking. I figured I would be nice and share.” His eyes meet mine before he licks his lips, being sure to get every last crumb. “Usually, I don’t share.”

  I swallow hard while staring at his lips. On the bottom one, I can see a little hole that looks as if he has his lip pierced. Suddenly, my skin becomes hot and flushed, picturing the ring brushing over my skin as he kisses down my body. “I should feel special then?”

  He opens his mouth to laugh and I think I notice a metal bar in his tongue. I can’t be certain though, but it turns me on more, imagining him running it up my thigh and between my legs.

  “Something like that.”

  It’s silent for a moment before he leans in and grabs a piece of my hair, twirling it around his finger. When he touches my hair, I catch a glimpse of a fresh tattoo. An angel I think, but I wonder what it means. Before I can get a better look and ask, he speaks.

  “Your hair has gotten so long. I remember when it used to be short. It made you look like a boy.”

  I slap him in the arm and choke on the chicken I have just shoved in my mouth. “What! You jerk,” I squeak.

  He grabs his arm and looks me in the eye. “I was just joking, woman. Calm down, you’ve definitely always looked like a girl.” He looks down at my breasts before meeting my lips and biting his own. “Now you look like a woman.”

  I feel myself blushing as I quickly pull my eyes away. “I guess that’s a good thing. So that’s why so many creeps like to stare now?”

  He reaches for another piece of chicken skin and eats it. “I suppose that could be one reason,” he says with a note of seriousness. “But, not the only.”

  It’s silent for a moment before he speaks again.

  “It’s nice to be able to see you again. I know. I know I have a lot of explaining to do and someday I will, but right now. Right now, I just want to enjoy every moment while I can. Can you understand that, Phoenix?”

  I shouldn’t. I should yell and demand for answers, but for some reason, my heart understands and I’m afraid that if I push him he will only disappear again.

  “Yeah, I can.” My eyes focus on Kade from across the park as he walks away from Luna and toward where we’re sitting. “I’m not so sure Kade can though.”

  His eyes follow mine and I swear I can see a flash of hurt before he shakes it off. “You’re right. He can’t.” He stands up and wipes his hands on his shirt. “Bye, Phoenix. Take care.”

  I don’t say anything as he walks away. Instead, I just sit there staring at the chicken on my plate as Kade walks up to me and takes a seat next to me. “What did he want? I’m surprised he’s still here.”

  Me too, but I like surprises. Sometimes, at least.

  “Nothing much, he just wanted to say hi.”

  He clenches his jaw and reaches out for my plate, but I slap his hand. I hate when people touch my food. “Oh no, step away from the chicken. This is the last of it. Touching my chicken is grounds for murder.”

  He shakes his head and looks at me funny. “Are you that serious about chicken?”

  What you haven’t noticed? “Yeah,” I say matter-of-factly. “It helps calm me down. Is that a problem?”

  Awkward silence . . .

  “I guess everyone seems to be excited to see Kellan.” He looks over by the game tent where everyone’s playing beer pong and I follow his gaze. “Even Luna kept asking me questions about that son of a bitch. It’s not like he’ll be around long enough to make friends.”

  An unwanted pang of jealousy hits me as I watch Luna and Kellan laugh, standing in line to play the next game. “Yeah, I’m sure. He’ll probably be gone before we know it.”

  “It’s for the best.” He scoots closer to me and wraps his arm around my waist, pulling me against his body. “He’ll only bring trouble to everyone that loves him if he sticks around too long.” He kisses my neck roughly.

  Feeling uncomfortable, I pull away and stand up, not wanting to draw attention to us. Now isn’t the time for flirty little games and I’m really just not in the mood. I don’t want anyone getting the wrong idea. Especially Kellan. “I’m going to go see what’s going on with Jen.” I grab my plate of chicken, planning to devour it as soon as I make my escape. “Are your parents okay? I haven’t gotten the chance to talk to them with all of their friends surrounding them.”

  Kade looks up at me before placing his attention back to his brother. “They are for now.”

  Chapter Eight

  Kellan

  I probably shouldn’t be here right now. In fact, I know I shouldn’t be here, but I only have a short time left and after getting a taste of being around my family again, I can’t help but to be selfish. Even if it is for just a short time.

  The woman in front of me keeps talking, eyeing me up and down with those dirty eyes of hers, but the only thing I can focus on is the woman to my left.

  There sits my brother, running his hands over her body, kissing her neck and probably thinking about doing numerous dirty things to her that my mind doesn’t even want to think about.

  Adric would be furious with me if he knew I was letting a playboy like Kade feel up his younger sister and did nothing to stop it. If Kade is anything like he was when he was seventeen then she’s gonna get hurt. That ass hasn’t been faithful to anyone that he has gotten his hands on.

  The thought of him touching and fucking her, then going and doing the same to another w
oman is driving me insane. Before seeing them together with my own eyes, the thought hadn’t even occurred to me over the years.

  “So you’re Dale’s son?”

  “Yeah,” I say, keeping my eyes on Kade, not wanting to miss anything. “Kade’s older brother.”

  She swings her black hair over her shoulder, smacking me in the face. I hope she doesn’t think that’s going to get my attention. At this point, she could be running around naked doing jumping jacks and I wouldn’t be able to pull my eyes away from the show in front of me. My instinct to protect Phoenix is just as strong as it was eight years ago. Kade may be my brother, but he’s always done just fine on his own. He’s never needed me.

  “. . . I can’t tell.”

  I look beside me, realizing I haven’t heard a thing this girl has been saying. “Excuse me?”

  “You and Kade, I mean." She smiles sweetly, while combing her fingers through her hair. “I can’t see the resemblance. You’re both sexy as hell, but look so different. You would never guess you guys share the same parents.”

  Feeling bad for ignoring her, I shake my head and run my hands over my face in an attempt to gain control. “Luna, right?" I force a smile just wanting to hurry up and get the chitchat over with. “We’re definitely from the same parents, but Kade takes more of my mom's features and I got dad's darker characteristics." Placing my hands in my pockets, not knowing what else to do, I quickly glance over at Phoenix before turning back to Luna.

  Reaching into her purse, she pulls out a cigarette and I can’t help but notice a bright pink vibrator sticking up out of the corner. Looks like someone knows how to take care of themselves. “Yeah, it’s Luna. Crazy name, right? I was conceived during a lunar eclipse and my mom had a sense of humor. Would you like one?” She starts to pull out another cigarette and shoves her vibrator further into something about the size of a diaper bag. At least that’s what it looks like to me. Women and their huge purses.

  “No thanks, I’m good.” I watch as she places it back into her purse. “I don’t smoke. I had asthma as a child and could never stand the smell.”

  She nods in understanding and faces the other way, placing it to her lips and lighting it. She closes her eyes and takes a quick drag. “I can’t stand the smell either, but for some reason it has me . . .” She turns around clearly undressing me with her eyes. “Addicted.”

  It’s not surprising when her eyes land directly on my dick, lingering there for a moment as she runs her tongue over her red lips, eyes glossy, probably imagining all of the dirty things I could do to her.

  Clearly knowing her intentions, usually this would be where I take her somewhere private, remind her it's just sex and nothing more, then fuck her senseless. She’s not so lucky today. I have too much on my mind. Particularly, the girl to the left, dressed in that short, gray cotton dress. She has always had beautiful legs.

  I watch as Phoenix stands up and grabs her plate before walking away, leaving my brother alone.

  “Yeah, well it's a bad addiction. You should consider quitting." I brush past her. “If you will excuse me, Luna, I have words for my brother.”

  I admit my actions were probably a little rude, but right now, I have my radar set on a certain someone. This conversation is happening whether he likes it or not.

  I stride across the grass, my aim set on Kade, avoiding everything else around me. As soon as he notices my approach, he leans his head back and looks up, no doubt not happy to see me.

  “What do you want, Kellan?” He motions around the empty picnic table, without bothering to look at me. “Can’t you see I’m busy here, trying to avoid you?”

  I lean against the edge of the picnic table, cross my arms over my chest, and look down at him. “What’s going on with you and Phoenix?”

  It's probably not the greatest way to start this conversation, but it will do. I might not get a chance to ask later.

  He stops picking at the tablecloth and looks at me. “Are you serious? You came all the way over here to ask about Phoenix? You’ve been gone for eight years, eight fucking years Kellan and that’s the first thing you decide to talk to me about.” He laughs sarcastically. “You really have a lot of balls showing up here of all places." He motions around him, waving his arm at the various people having fun with their family and friends, "For everyone in town here to see you break mom's heart again. Cut the crap, you don't have to play games with me. Stop acting as if you plan on sticking around.” He studies my face, waiting for an answer. “You don’t, after all. Do you?”

  A flood of emotions swarms through me and in this moment, I don’t know how to answer. How can I explain my fucked up life? I can’t, so I don’t answer at all.

  He snorts and stands, pushing my chest. “Just as I expected.” He pushes past me to walk away. “Oh yeah, and to answer your question," he pauses, standing there

  stiff, but doesn’t look back. “We're fucking. See ya, bro.” He waves a dismissive hand at me and walks away.

  That son of a . . .

  Rage courses through my veins, my muscles tighten, and suddenly I want to hit something. I grip the edge of the picnic table, pick it up and slam it into the ground, before taking off in search of a much-needed beer. I’m going to end up choking someone today.

  * * *

  After saying goodbye to my parents and watching Kade speed off in his truck, I notice Phoenix by herself, packing something into the trunk of her little car. Most of the party has already cleared out and the only ones that seem to be left are Phoenix, Jen and myself. It almost seems as if she’s lingering around, trying to avoid something, or maybe someone. Who knows? She probably has plans to meet up with Kade when she leaves and the thought of that does not leave me happy.

  I make my way over to my bike and lean against it, watching her from across the lot. She doesn’t seem to notice I'm still here, so I figure it won’t hurt to watch her and make sure she gets out of here safe. It’s starting to get dark now and who knows what kind of creeps linger around parks at night.

  She gives Jen a hug and waves her off as she jumps into a Jeep and the driver speeds off, barely even giving her time to close the door. She leans against her car and places her face against the window, looking distressed before opening the door and getting inside.

  I wait for the car to start but it never does.

  Moments later, I hear her cursing loudly, slamming her hands against the steering wheel.

  If she’s looking for someone to rescue her, then today might just be her lucky day.

  Phoenix

  __________

  After watching Nathan speed off with Jen in the Jeep, I definitely got a feeling in my stomach I don’t like. His behavior has been way more off than usual and it’s driving me crazy. Every time I ask her about it, she just says he’ s stressed out from work and is just having a hard time handling it. I guess that could be the problem. I can only hope that is the only thing going on.

  Now, I’m supposed to go home, freshen up and meet at Kade’s place in thirty minutes. Usually, this wouldn’t be a big deal, but after all of our flirting and kissing, this is definitely becoming more complicated than I’d hoped.

  Cursing aloud, I slap my hand against the steering wheel to let out all of the frustration I have been keeping in for the last couple of days. I slap it repeatedly while leaning into the back of my seat. “Shit! Shit! I hate this.”

  First, my parents start going all crazy. They're constantly leaving Zoe at my house to look after. Kade just had to make a move on me, causing me to question my feelings for him and now Kellan showing back up out of nowhere. Along with his return, bringing back all of the old feelings I had for him, but had never returned in the past. Maybe it was because he was too old back then or because I was his best friend’s little sister, but eventually I would’ve been old enough to make my move and hope he felt the same way. Because of his disappearance, I never got that chance and it crushes me to even think about the what ifs.

  I’m sitting h
ere, finally starting to calm down. Breathing out my frustration, out of nowhere, someone knocks on the window, startling me and causing me to scream. “Oh crap!”

  I look up to see Kellan standing there with a smirk on his face, looking sexy and calm, with his knuckle pressed against the window.

  I hadn’t even realized he was still around. I had just assumed he left after saying goodbye to his parents. Clearly, my brain's not functioning right at the moment, or else I would’ve noticed. How could I not?

  Rolling down the window, I reach up with my other hand to brush my sweaty hair out of my face. “Kellan, I thought you were gone.”

  He leans into the window and brushes away a piece of my hair stuck to my lip. “Nah, I was about to leave until I saw you. I just wanted to be sure you got out of here safe.”

  I turn my head away embarrassed. Out of all the people that should be worried about my safety, it would be Kellan.

  “Is something wrong with your car,” he questions.

  "No," I shake my head, "I just don’t have anywhere I want to be at the moment.” I have somewhere I’m supposed to be, but I’ll leave that part out.

  He smiles but doesn’t say anything. He reaches over me and places his hand on my keys, turning his head so our faces are almost touching. “I might have somewhere you want to be.” He pulls the keys out of the ignition and pulls the car door open. “Let’s go.”

  Confused, I grab for my purse and follow behind him. “What do you mean? You don't have to take me anywhere, Kellan. I’m sure you have-“

  He grabs for his helmet and hands it to me, running his fingers through his hair. Mmm, it’s so sexy when he does that. “I don’t have anywhere to be and neither do you . . . so you say. Why not go somewhere we don’t have to be, together.”

  I stand there for a moment and watch as he swings one leg over his motorcycle and kicks up the stand. When he flashes that dimpled smile, I know there’s no turning back. As angry as I should be and not go. I just have to. My body won’t allow otherwise.

  “Alright,” I say unsure. “Am I going to die though? I’ve never been on one of these before,” I tease. My nerves are running wild, but with one look into his calm eyes, the nerves subside.