“Micha,” I whispered, panicking.
“Hey,” he soothed, smoothing his thumb over my cheek. “Just tell the truth. Don’t argue. Don’t defend yourself. You don’t have to defend how you feel. Not to me, not to her, not to anyone. She’ll understand. She loves you too.” He kissed me softly before opening the door. He sat down beside me after I crawled into the warm heated car.
Too. He said too.
“Is this any way to treat your new stepmother?”
She groaned.
“I can have you grounded, you know? Take away the Wi-Fi password so you can’t watch porn while I take my night classes.”
“Noelle,” she warned. “Don’t make me laugh. I’m pissed!”
“Porn?” Micha repeated, glaring. “She’s kidding, right, Win?”
“Of course, Daddy. She has a screwed-up sense of humor.”
“She likes more than one at a time, if you know what I mean.” I covered my mouth to hide my laugh, so uncomfortable I thought I’d make it even worse. “Kind of like candy canes, but she’s not afraid to make them all fit.”
Micha looked puce.
Winter gawked at me.
I looked down. “Sorry.”
“Anyway,” she ground out. “Please tell me what’s going on. Dad,” she added, so I knew she wasn’t ready to talk to me.
“I can have you sent to bed with no dinner, missy.” This was so fun.
“Noelle, please.” Micha cleared his throat while Winter glowered at me.
I mouthed: “You’re grounded,” winning an unwilling smile. She could never be mad at me. “Winter. This is the truth. Are you ready?”
She nodded warily.
“I’ve been in love with your father since I was thirteen. I hid it, I ignored it, and I lived for it. I never told you, because that’s not something you tell your best friend. I couldn’t lose you and him. So I pretended to be carefree. I dated, partied, lived my life, all knowing the only life I wanted was one with him.” I grabbed his hand, holding her teary eyes. “I love him. Please don’t hate me. You’re all I have. My life is because of you.”
She swallowed hard, looking at his hand, at him, and then back at me. “How long has it been going on?”
“Since Christmas Eve.”
Her eyes were leery. “Are you shitting me?”
“No.”
“So… what… you’re together now? My dad’s with my best friend? What is this? A smutty novella?”
I smirked, because she gobbled those sexy words up. “No. He isn’t my stepbrother,” I teased, knowing those were her favorites.
She burned red and ignored my jab. “Dad? What’s going on?”
“I know you want some other explanation, some deep form of truth that will make this more acceptable. But there isn’t any. I’m sorry you’re hurt. I would be too. I’m sorry you’re uncomfortable. But I don’t know how to make this easier for you.”
“I don’t get it, though. You love him?” She was gawking again. “And you, what, love her too?”
He gave her a sweet smile. “Don’t you love her?”
“Yes…”
“Didn’t you bring her home a day after meeting her?”
“Yes…”
“Then you know how easy it is to fall in love with her. It’s simple. All I had to do was open that cabin door.”
Oh. My. Heart. I couldn’t meet either of their eyes. I could only hope my blush didn’t burn me alive before I got the chance to make love to every single word he’d just said.
“This is seriously grossing and weirding me out.”
“You always had a weak stomach,” Micha said flatly, shifting in his seat. “We’re safe. May I leave you two to talk?”
“We’re not done,” she warned, giving her father a heavy gaze. “We haven’t even gotten started. Go talk to Mom. And be nice. She’s been having a hard couple of days.”
He casted a glance at me on his way out. I watched him hug himself from the cold up the porch and back inside. Leaving me here with a woman who made police officers submit. She was sweet, and that sweetness was a weapon when pointed at the right places.
“In the front seat,” she commanded.
“Is that any way to talk to your step—”
“Don’t. Stop deflecting the seriousness of this situation with humor. You always do that. Front seat. Now.”
I did what she asked, staring down at my lap.
“Tell me this is a joke.”
“I can’t.”
“You love my dad?”
“Yes.”
“Since we were kids?”
“Yes.”
She whistled. “That explains why you never really seemed interested in other guys. You only used them for sex. I thought you were gay.”
I peeked at her. “Disappointed?”
“Well, yeah. Who’s going to get me drunk and turn me out now?” She smiled, and though it didn’t touch her eyes, it still existed.
“Don’t give up.” I patted her thigh. “I’m sorry, Winter.” My walls came down. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. But it happened at the same time. I fell in love with you the same time I fell in love with him. There was no time to choose. Now I can’t. I can’t choose between the man I love and the best friend I’ve ever had.” I blinked my tears so I could see her better.
“But what about my mom? She’s going to be devastated.”
I didn’t want to be the one to tell her, but Autumn obviously wasn’t, and Micha had a bad habit of being a bad guy when he wasn’t. “Your mom’s banging Tyson Monroe. She’s long over your dad.”
She grabbed at her chest, mouth popping open. “No.”
“Mhm. Micha told me. That’s who she’s upset over.”
“But he’s married. And he’s our age.”
“What can I say? The heart wants what the heart wants. Or in this case, a hot young pool boy. It’s all very sophisticated. You’re the only one making mature choices. Maybe you should start making out with Mr. Gilroy.” I smirked at the greasy aid in our labs.
“Wait.” She held up her hand. “I need a second.”
I gave it to her, and turned the heater up, unable to see out the fogged windows. After a while, I watched her from the corner of my eyes, unnerved by her silence.
“You owe me,” she finally said. “There’s nothing you won’t do. You’ll be under my thumb for as long as I think you deserve to be for making me do this. And I’m only doing it because there’s been a loneliness in your eyes since I met you. It gets worse every year. I never knew how to help you, how to make you happy. I couldn’t be your friend and your parents. But that loneliness is gone now. It’s not in your eyes at all.” She met them, holding my gaze intensely. “You don’t even look the same. You look… whole, if that makes sense.” She grabbed my hand. “And Dad hasn’t called me Win in years. Maybe this will be good for both of you.”
I closed my eyes as intense relief and thankfulness rushed over me. That was a different kind of love. Supportive trust only Winter Santa had ever given to me. She’d let me in when I had let her, and our hearts were locked together, moving around the other, feeling everything together but on a separate unique level.
“Thank you, Winter.” I hugged her as hard as I could. “Thank you so much.”
“I don’t have to call you mom, do I?”
I giggled. “Only when I’m riding your dad.”
“Noe!” She pushed me away, glaring in disgust. “I take it back. This isn’t going to work.” And then, because to be my best friend she had to have a little bad to her too. “Hypothetically speaking, if we were talking about someone else we didn’t know, how would they describe the sex?”
I beamed. I knew she’d wanted this moment for me, maybe not with her dad, but new stepdaughters couldn’t be picky. “Ah-freaking-mazing.” I fell against my door, my hand over my heart. “It’s like getting drunk and skydiving and orgasming and trusting the fall all at once.”
She cringed, but grinned at the same time.
> She was perfect for me.
“I’m glad for you. I really am. I was getting tired of hearing about your shitty sex life. Maybe you’ll be nicer now.”
I grinned knowingly.
“Or not,” we both echoed, laughing as the snow fell around us.
Chapter Nine
Micha
Autumn sat on the edge of the fireplace, ignoring me for the past five minutes.
I hoped Noelle was making more leeway with Winter. I didn’t expect my daughter to understand or accept any part of this. I didn’t want her to have to, but it was a choice I made, and she’d have no choice but to make one too.
I tapped my foot, antsy. When I realized why, all my choices made sense. Noelle wasn’t here. For the first time in days she was more than a few feet away. I felt on the edge again, close to giving up. When she was near I had every reason to follow her away from it.
“What do I do, Micha? He won’t talk to me.”
I met my ex-wife’s eyes. We’d been together since we were teenagers. There was love there, love lost, memories I’d never forget, and moments that made me the man I am. I’d always have a place in my heart for Autumn, but I thought she’d sealed up the place in hers for me. Still, I didn’t like seeing her in pain. “I don’t know, sweetie.”
She put her face in her hands. “Did you sleep with her before you checked out? Is that the reason.”
“No.”
“I want her to be happy.” She looked at me, her topaz eyes shimmering with tears. “You were always clueless. But only if I didn’t tell you something. That girls’ been in love with you since the day we adopted her. But you never saw. You don’t see anything unless someone forces you. Maybe that’s my fault. Maybe all of this is my fault, or maybe we got pregnant too young and we never got a chance to know each other past being a mom and dad.”
I held her gaze, unable to reply. Autumn always said everything worth saying, leaving me no room to add anything.
“Do not hurt her. Don’t turn your back on her and close off the way you did to me. She’s special. She’s loyal. I know she’s only a girl, but she also loved you when I couldn’t. She never gave up the way I did.”
This was goodbye between us. “I got new orders.”
Her body froze. “Micha.”
“Twelve months in Yemen.”
She breathed out a string of fear. “But you’re almost close to retiring.”
My leg shook. Autumn knew what this meant. I didn’t think Noelle did. “I’m a sergeant now. I’m in charge of my own unit. The fight isn’t the same as it was two-three years ago. Our targets have shifted. They need me to teach them.”
I saw the defiance in her eyes. But she knew there was no way to fight this. She didn’t even try. She simply got up and held out her hands, offering me solace. I wrapped her in my arms. “I loved you,” I whispered, speaking beyond her sobs. “Thank you for being the mother of my children, my partner. But I think we have to let each other go now.”
She clung to me, but her jerky nod was proof that my marriage was over. “Noelle doesn’t have any family. You remember that.” She pulled back. “She only has herself. Winter and Eric only have one father. You remember that when you wake up over there.”
The door opened. She released me, wiping her face and closing herself off.
“You tell her,” she whispered, smiling to mask her emotions like she always did. “I don’t know about you, but I needed a vacation.” She hugged our daughter.
I followed Noelle’s movements from the corner of my eye. She only seemed to be following mine. Our eyes traced the distance, determined it was too far and we bridged the gap. The moment she was in my arms, I felt… whole.
“What the hell is happening?”
I smiled down at her, trying to shake it off. “Just go with it. They might be dreaming.”
She smirked, her brown, blue and green eyes as bright as they were leery. “What are we doing?”
“Waking up.” The warm look she gave me wanted her alone. But my ex-wife and daughter were already planning an impromptu vacation in a cabin I’d come to rot in.
It amazed me how much Noelle had changed things in so little time. She’d done the same thing when she came to live with us, taken a family and made them whole.
“Go bring in our bags, Micha.” Autumn unwound her scarf and opened the cupboards. “There’s nothing to eat in here.”
“Eww, is that clam chowder?” Winter piped in. “It’s so cold in here.”
That’s how the vacation started. My wife and daughter weren’t appreciative of the cold. They piled around in front of the fire roasting the marshmallows they’d brought. Noelle joined them while I watched from a distance.
When the gray light of day turned into darkness, I lit some candles, igniting another round of complaints. For hours they talked about female friendly topics as Winter braided Noelle’s hair and Autumn did what she always did, pushed me away. There was no room for a male. The estrogen would suffocate me.
I was antsy on my own, uncomfortable with my solitude. It was so harsh and bitter, I hadn’t known it before. Or maybe I’d felt the same way. At one point, I couldn’t take another second. I headed for the back to put on some warm clothes.
“Where are you going?” my bad little Noelle asked, caramel hair braided down one side. She looked beautiful.
“How’d you do it?” I tied my boots and donned my coat.
“Do what?”
“Exist in the same room with me, and not be able to touch me, kiss me, love me?”
Her breath whooshed out. “I don’t know.” There was an admittance in her eyes that told me she hadn’t done it because she wanted. She’d adapted, because she was strong, loyal. She’d found a way to love when she didn’t think she could.
“I’m going for a walk.”
“You’re not going out there by yourself.”
My brow quirked at her order. I didn’t understand what went through her head when she did it. “Excuse me?”
“You’re not going out there, Micha. It’s dangerous.”
“I’ve been trapped without my unit in Iraq unarmed. I think a little snow’s within my abilities.”
She poked her head out, listened to the giggles coming from the living room, and then closed and locked my bedroom door. “What’s wrong?” she asked, eyes warm and concerned. “You can tell me. I want to know what upsets you. How can I make you feel better if you don’t?”
My eyes slid shut. Maybe the reason she was bossy was because she could bring me to my knees. “I love my family, but right now I only want to be with you.”
She reached up to hold my face, her fingers submerging in my beard. “I’ve never wanted to tell Winter to get lost so badly in my life.”
I laughed, having an idea. “Why don’t we both take off?”
There were many reasons to tell me no. But if she’d listened to reason, I’d have fallen off the cliff and she’d be someone else’s. That thought alone hardened me, sending a low level of rage into my blood that could become all-out fury. Her eyes widened at my face.
“Get dressed,” I growled, making her flinch. “We’re going for a fucking walk in the snow. Noelle, so help me, I don’t have a problem spanking your ass right now. It would be my pleasure. Let’s. Go.”
“All right,” she griped, pulling on her warm clothes from the suitcase she’d instructed me to bring in. “You sound like Santa Clause’s alter ego. Asshole Clause. Instead of giving out presents, he stomps them with his shit covered boots in their box. Let’s hope I don’t get a puppy this year.” She shoved me aside and wrenched the door open, heading for the back porch before I could reply to her unique Christmas tale.
The back deck wasn’t lucky enough to get plowed, but the path beyond the woods seemed to be. We trudged over the snow and slid down to the lower powder, our boots sinking in the cold. Our breaths floated in the air, both wrapping around the other until I couldn’t tell who was breathing and who was inhaling.
“When are you leaving?” Her soft voice was the perfect tone for the woods. Sweet, quiet—like she knew it was only us in every way.
“I leave the first of February. Ship off on the 15th.”
The mood in the woods changed. It went from peaceful and quiet to dark and dreary.
“I don’t want you to go.”
The heartbreak in her voice went straight to my heart. For the first time, I tried to think of it as temporary, instead of final. “You got through eight years. I’m going to need you to do it for another twelve months. Can you do that?” I stopped, waiting for her to turn to me. The tears in her eyes caught the moon, making her sadness glow. “The only way I won’t lose my head is knowing you’re at home waiting for me.”
“Micha.” She shook her head sadly. “I’d wait forever for you. You better not lose your head. Think about me, if it works,” she mumbled, looking away long enough to hide her doubt. “Think about Winter. Whatever gets you home. You have to come home to me.”
“If it works?” I pressed a cold kiss to her lips. “You’re the only thing that’s going to get me through this.”
She grabbed the front of my coat and held me in place, warming me up in seconds. But I had too much to say for chaste snowy kisses. I had to make sure she knew she was all I needed.
The cold evaporated around us. The heat of our lips seeped beyond our fear. Making love in the snow was like fighting fire and ice. The searing heat of her cunt enveloped my cock, pushing back the cold falling around us. Our hips and lips never left, and the cold and the snow threatened our every second of pleasure, taking us that much higher.
I gazed down at her beneath me, her caramel braid laying in the snow. Her eyes were the color of the woods, gleaming with the sheen of winter. I thrusted to the hilt, feeling her thighs quiver and her pussy clench, drawing my cum deep inside of her. My fists sank into the snow beside her head. Her moans were swallowed by the darkness, but I heard every gasp of my name. Every whimper, every plea—from now on, If Noelle said it, I’d be there to hear it.
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