“No, don’t.” She reached down clumsily and knocked my hand aside when I tried to reach for her pants to pull them up. “We’re making love all night. If you’re going to be gone for a year, I need some part of you with me. Some part of you to raise. My love’s too strong to force it all on you.”
“You’ll freeze.” I don’t argue, but I do manage to pull her pants back on. I won’t alter our future by toying with right now. I leaned against a tree and pulled her onto my lap, cradling her in my arms. “I love you, Noelle.” The fire and ice all around us burned in my blood. “I know this, us, happened fast. Or maybe all you needed was for me to open my eyes.” I met hers, holding her open, love-filled gaze. I couldn’t fathom the past years I spent without a drop, let alone the consuming depth of her love she harbored. I thought it came into my life at the perfect time, saving me from an end that would only destroy us both. “Thank you for saving me. Thank you,” I whispered, kissing her long and hard as our tears mixed with the ice in the air.
We were under a pine tree ten times larger than all the others. A huge old soul protecting us from the snow. I looked up into its depths, finding a peace in my soul I didn’t even know I needed until this beautiful strong woman walked into my cabin. “Thank you,” I whispered again, into the depths of the tree, hoping it got to the top, past the clouds, beyond the sky, to the divine entity that created her… for me.
By the time we were done making love, we were both weak. Her pussy dripped with my cum, full of my seed. I fell forward in the snow with blue ice-cold lips and cleaned her sweet tight cunt of my seed. She’d get pregnant. She’d be singlehandedly responsible for restarting my life. Her body lay pliant, shivering from the exertion of making love so many times and the cold. But the taste of her was addictive.
I pushed her thighs apart and urged my tongue inside, skimming her tight pussy as our musk filled me in a haze. Her clit pulsed. I massaged the hard wanting nub as I drank her juices, fiending for her even though she was right in front of me.
Right when I felt her muscles tighten, I sucked her clit into my mouth as she screamed into the woods. I couldn’t take it. I had one month to make this last. I fisted my hard cock and shoved it inside, groaning at the searing heat of her insides clenching around me. I slammed into her, holding her lust-heavy gaze as our bodies slammed together in the snow.
“Harder,” she begged, writhing in the snow. “I want to feel you for days.” She brought her legs around my waist, urging me deeper inside.
I gave my bad little Noelle what she wanted, pumping into her tight pink pussy until we were both falling over the edge. I collapsed on top of her, keeping my cock inside. Her legs rested around my waist; we were locked together, half-dressed, half-sweaty, half-freezing. But completely and utterly satisfied.
By the time we tore ourselves apart, I had to carry her back to the cabin. I walked carefully down the hall and into the living room to find my ex-wife and daughter sound asleep on the pullout. As much as I knew Noelle needed the heat from the fire, I couldn’t bear the thought of sleeping without her.
I brought her to my room and then gathered the covers from the spare bedrooms, cocooning her body. After I showered and dressed, I put a fresh log in the fire and pulled the blankets around Winter, pressing a kiss to her forehead.
As I walked down the hall, I felt the pressure on my back I always felt before war. It made me tense, fearful, but also stronger, more aware. Now that I had someone to fight for, my strength felt renewed. Stronger. Fiercer. Ready to do what I had to do to make it home to my Noelle.
But it wasn’t easy. We all left the cabin the next day. Noelle came back with me to my place in Manhattan, taking a leave from college, where we spent the next month fucking our brains out. I’d never cum so many times in one day. Never fucked someone so hard, for so long, and it was better every damn time.
Saying goodbye to her our last night together was one of the hardest things I’d ever had to do. Autumn was always there to take care of my children, she understood. I didn’t think Noelle would understand until I was gone, and that was what terrified me the most.
She laid with her head on my chest, breaths kissing me. Her fingers traced my abs, up and down the middle, and stopped to play with my pubic hair, tangling her fingers in the dark thin strands.
She took a deep breath. “I was thinking, that maybe we shouldn’t make a big deal out of this. We’ve been ignoring it. We don’t mention it. But we know it’s coming. Your plane tickets are on the nightstand. You sold your truck. You’re leaving.” She rose onto her elbow, tears in her eyes. “I can’t say goodbye to you, Micha. I can’t do it.” She burst into tears, falling against my chest.
I held her to me, rocking her body as my own sadness burned in my throat. “I put your name on the lease. You’re my account holder. Everything you need is here. I’m going to need you to keep everything going while I’m away. You focus on your last semester. You’re getting an internship. You’ll be busy being a badass nurse while I’m gone. We’ll talk when I can. You can do this, Noelle. You’re strong, you’re incredible. I love you.”
She sobbed harder, shaking her head as if to deny my words. But there was no denying them.
When we said goodbye at the airport the next day, it was a good thing we left four hours early. It took two for Winter to pry her off me. The sight of her heartbreak was unbearable. I wanted to go to her, take off my uniform, and tell her it was all a joke.
But that was dangerous.
War wasn’t a joke.
It was realer than my fear or her pain, and if I was going to keep my head on straight, I had to know Noelle was too.
“I’ll see you tomorrow, baby,” I lied, taking her advice as she sobbed in Winter’s arms. Autumn tried to console her, but it was no use.
Noelle looked at me, her eyes red and pained. “I’ll make dinner.”
“Yellow snow?” I guessed, laughing through my tears. My uniform felt stiff, unused; the frightening part was that it would be worn when I got home.
Because I would come home to my Noelle.
Chapter Ten
Noelle
I waited impatiently.
I didn’t think there was another kind of waiting but the impatient kind. I gave up waiting, and paced the length of Micha’s bathroom instead. His loft in Manhattan was surprisingly less cabin-like. Open and sparse, like a fresh slate for us to create a life.
A life I still hadn’t come to terms with. For eight years, I accepted that my love for him was all mine. But now it was his too. And maybe even someone else’s.
I hadn’t gotten my period since the week before Christmas. It was February. Micha had been gone for a week. A painfully long week. I hadn’t slept well, unable to concentrate during labs. Thankfully, Winter was moving in for the year, or I might enlist just to be in the same uniform as him.
Memories of him in his uniform sent a spark of pleasure through me. I welcomed it. I hadn’t felt anything good in days. His long hard body incased in fatigues. He’d shaved his beard and cut his hair, his hard handsome face even more apparent.
I did the only thing that would bring me close to him. I pulled out my tablet and video called him. It rang for a long time. I lost hope, until finally, the ringing stopped and his face appeared. It was dark.
“Hi,” I breathed, already on the edge of tears.
“Hi,” he whispered. “Wait a second.” He looked around and then the image went black. A moment later he returned, his earphones in and a private smile shining in his eyes. “I missed your beautiful face. Smile for me.”
I gave him one, wiping my tears. “Are you alone?”
“No,” came his whispered reply. “I’m on base. Everyone’s sleeping.”
“Good. I’m going to play with myself and you’re going to watch. Don’t say anything. Just watch. You understand, Daddy Santa?”
He hummed appreciatively, eyes immediately gleaming with his bad thoughts. “Yes, my bad little Noelle.”
�
�Record it, so you can stroke your big fat cock to me later.”
“Shit,” he hissed, chuckling quietly. “You want me to record that for you?”
“Yes. Now no more talking.” I set my tablet on the bed and pressed record, propping it up with a pillow facing me. “I’m going to strip first. You want me to strip for you, Daddy?”
He nodded, lips already parted.
I was still wearing my scrubs. I took my top off slowly, dropping it at my feet. I undid my bun and let my hair fall around my shoulders. My bra was plain white, but I didn’t think Micha cared about matching beautiful underwear. Our clothes were usually just in the way.
“I moved all of my things in. I found my toys while I was packing.” I pulled out my thick vibrating dildo and shook it, earning a humorous glint in his eyes. “Not as good as you, but nothing is.” I ran it down my chest before tossing it on the bed.
I let my pants fall and tore off my bra, too horny to be seductive. I kept my panties on for affect.
“Turn around,” he ordered, his gruff voice almost a whisper.
I did so, bending so he could see my ass in my thong. I rubbed my cheeks, knowing what he wanted. My hand spanked my ass. His groan of approval made my pussy wet. I gave myself a good spanking before settling on the bed.
“Is your cock hard? Show me.” He moved his phone close to his crotch, showing me the outline of his hard dick in his uniform.
He was still in his uniform. My heart sunk.
“Why aren’t you dressed down?” I demanded.
“Noelle,” he warned. “Stop. We promised we wouldn’t talk about this shit. Keep going. Come on, baby,” he soothed. “Stroke your pussy for me.”
“Micha.” My hunger was gone, doused in fear. “Did you fight today?”
“I need you to keep my head in the game, Noelle. Keep me at home when we’re together. Keep going. Please,” he begged, and I knew it was bad.
This was my job. Keep him going, away from the edge, so when he came home we could have forever.
“Just tell me this. Did you get hurt?”
“No.”
I took a deep breath and forced myself to smile. I propped pillows behind my back and sat with my legs opened, only in my black thong as I faced my tablet for him. I started with my tits, my favorite parts, working my nipples until I was panting.
“No,” he ground out when I let myself go. “Keep going.” He positioned his phone to show me his cock was in his fist.
“I miss your cock so much.” I pinched my nipples harder for him, shifting on his bed as pleasure radiated from so deep inside of me. The sight of his cock was too much for me. I tore my panties off and grabbed my dildo, turning the vibrator on high.
I brought it to my mouth and sucked on the tip, loving that when I did, his fist pumped faster. “Cup your balls. Massage them gently why you stroke your cock.” I couldn’t be there, but I knew what he liked. “And slow down. I want to come with you.”
A quiet groan came from his end. His fist slowed and his other hand moved to fondle his balls. It was a shame how much I missed those too. I missed every part of him.
To distract myself, I stroked my pussy hole with my toy, coating the wide tip in my excitement. His hand sped up, pumping his cock fast and tight. The sound of his flesh rubbing together in the quiet drove me crazy. I pushed the dildo inside of me, moaning at the feeling of being stretched for the first time in a week.
“All the way in,” he grunted. “And when you’re in fast, deep, and hard.”
“Yes, Daddy.” I followed his orders, biting my lip at the burn of taking the entire thing. I missed his scent, his body weight, his control. The sadness made it hard to feel pleasure. I focused on him and gave him what I wanted. I took the toy as much as I could. Then I pumped it deeply in and out of my pussy, coating it in my juices as I watched his fist pump and stroke his beautiful cock.
“Gonna cum,” he warned, his deep breaths barely contained.
I wanted to make it last.
“This feels so good in my pussy, Micha. So thick and hard. That’s right, baby, stroke your cock for me. Faster, Micha, mmm, ahh.”
We both exploded together. His orgasm was quiet as his cum dripped down his fist. I imagined the sweet warm taste of it and bit my lip as my pussy clenched. When I opened my eyes, his were back on the screen, gleaming obsidian.
I smiled shyly. With his beard gone, I could see the flush of his orgasm in his cheeks. “I miss you, Micha. I miss you so much I can’t even focus on anything else. Tell me you’re okay. You’ll be safe.”
“I’ll be safe, Noelle. I promise.”
“Good, you have to. Not only because you’re my everything, but also because I have a surprise.”
He raised one brow warily. “What…?”
“Wait a sec.” I put my panties back on and a shirt, and went to the bathroom. When I got back, I lay on the bed on my stomach. “Close your eyes.” He did, giving me a small smile. I held up the pregnancy stick for him, with the positive mark aimed at the camera. “You can open them now.”
I watched his brain work through his eyes. First curiousness, then confusion, then understanding, and lastly, excitement. He grinned widely, making his eyes shine and his cheekbones prominent. His smile was stunningly breathtaking. I’d never seen him smile that huge. Ever.
His only response was to say, “I love you so much, Noelle.”
My soul and heart warmed. They were at peace. They finally had what they wanted.
“I love you too, Micha Santa.”
Epilogue
Noelle
Christmas Eve
I balanced carefully on a stepstool and placed the final ornament on the tree, a gold star with obsidian stones.
Behind me, Noah cried, making me whirl around worriedly. At three months, he was stronger, having no problem screaming his little lungs out while I struggled to give him what he wanted.
“I’ve got it,” Winter said, reaching down to pick him up where he had been laying on a red and white blanket surrounded by pillows. “I still can’t believe he’s my brother,” she said, bouncing with him lightly in her arms.
“Well, that’s what he is. You’re his sister. Micha’s his father. It’s simple. You’re the only one not following.” I stepped down and folded the stepstool, tucking it back in the closet. I held my hands out for my son, blowing a raspberry on his neck when she handed him off. “He looks so much like Micha it’s scary.”
“I know.” She leaned over my shoulder, resting her head against mine. “He’s so beautiful, Noe. I’m so proud of you. I know it’s been hard, being pregnant on your own. Having Dad leave right after he was born. Interning at the hospital until you gave birth. You’re like Superwoman. But without the golden undies. Gold isn’t really you color.”
I rested my head against hers. “Thank you, Win. I just wish he were here for Christmas.”
She kissed my cheek and forced a smile. “Come on. Let’s open presents now. I’ll hold Noah while you open yours.”
She grabbed him from me, urging me toward the red and gold decorated tree with her hip. I wasn’t in the mood for presents. The tree was her idea. It was bad enough Micha had to leave after Noah was born, but even harder knowing he wasn’t here for Christmas. The past year had been one of the hardest and most beautiful of my life. The loneliness without Micha, the hardships of being pregnant on my own. It was a blessing he’d been able to come home for his birth.
It was difficult to be so happy and missing something at the same time. Biting back tears, I opened a gift at random, reading the tag. “To Noelle, my best friend slash stepmother.” I snickered up at her. “Since when do you find that funny?”
“Since it’s true.” She grinned at me with Noah in her arms. “Open it, dweeb.”
Since it’s true? I frowned at my son. “Your sister’s the real dweeb. This one time, she tried to fit marshmallows in her—”
“Open the box!” she screeched, covering his little ears.
; “Calm down. I’d never corrupt my innocent son with disgusting stories about his creepy half-sister.” I tore the red and white paper on the medium sized box in my hands. It was a tan Louboutin shoebox. I gasped. “Winter, you didn’t.”
For some reason, she laughed.
I opened it excitedly, ignoring her grin. But there were no shoes inside. Just an envelope with my name written on the front in familiar handwriting.
My heart hammered suddenly. I tore open the envelope to find a handwritten letter.
Christmas To-Do list
Pack a bag. Pack warm, it’s snowing outside. Enough for 5 days, even though you probably won’t be wearing much.
Winter will watch Noah. I know you don’t like leaving him alone, but he’ll be fine. He’s your son, he’s strong.
Travel to the location on the back of this card.
I already have everything we need. The only thing I’m missing is you, Noelle.
Oh, and, hurry up. I’ve missed you with everything inside of me.
Always yours,
Micha
I flipped the card over, my breath hitching at the address. I looked up at Winter with tears in my eyes. “Win?”
“Go on. I already had chains put on your tires and I packed your bag for you. It’s in your trunk. All you have to do is go spend a wonderful Christmas with the man you love.”
I jumped up and hugged her. “I love you, Win. You’re sure you can take care of Noah all by yourself?” I despised leaving him. I even enrolled him in daycare at the hospital, and spent my lunch hours and breaks with him, wanting to never be apart. “Maybe Micha can come here.” I tried to take him, but she rotated.
“No, Noelle. Get going. Dad only has a week of leave. And he’s lucky he got that. Go.”
I stared fearfully at my son. “I love you, Noah.” I pressed a kiss to his head, where his black hair was starting to grow in, and then looked into his blue, brown, and green eyes—my eyes. “I’ll see you soon. There’s enough diapers and wipes. I just did his laundry too, so you’re good there. Make sure—”
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