by Pamela Bauer
She had run up the stairs to put them away when she paused at the top of the landing to catch her breath. Briefly she closed her eyes and in those few seconds she saw a room furnished simply with a bed, a chest of drawers and a table. On the bed was a quilt made of dark blues, greens and black. Next to the bed on the floor was a braided rag rug. The walls were gray, the curtains dark blue and gathered on a string. Whose room it was she didn’t know, but she hoped it hadn’t been hers. It was gloomy with too little light and such a sharp contrast to the brightness of Lori’s home with its abundance of windows.
Lori had tried to coax her into remembering more of the details, but it had been a futile effort. In the weeks that followed, Lori often asked if she’d had any more memory flashes, but there had been none.
Without additional pieces to the puzzle, Faith knew she had very little chance of putting together a picture of her past. It made her wonder if Dr. Carson had been wrong about her being on the road to recovery. She’d read of patients who’d suffered from amnesia for as long as fifteen years.
It was a scary thought, yet it was a possibility she needed to face. When she’d first realized she had amnesia, she’d expected it to be gone in a matter of days. The days had turned into weeks and the weeks had turned into months. She wondered if the months wouldn’t now turn into years.
If they did, she didn’t want to live her life in fear of what could be in her past. If there was a reason to be pleased about the passing of time it was that now when she woke up in the morning she no longer saw a stranger in the mirror, but a woman named Faith who had a history—albeit a short one. The only life she could remember was the one she’d created as an accident survivor. She didn’t know what kind of woman she’d been in her other life, but the longer she was Faith the survivor, the less she worried about her.
Yet she did worry that the past she didn’t remember would haunt her future. As she watched Megan play hop-scotch with two of her friends on the front walk one warm evening, she thought about what a relief it would be to have no doubts that she’d be sitting on the porch a year or even a month from now. In a very short time Megan had become an important part of her life. The possibility of not being around to watch Megan’s childhood was a sad one.
“Anything wrong?” Adam asked as he approached the porch.
“No, why?”
He sat down beside her on the wooden swing. “You look thoughtful…that’s all.”
A wave of desire swept over her as his thigh brushed hers. “Where did you come from?” she asked, not wanting to tell him what she was thinking. “I thought you were working late?”
“It was too beautiful an evening to spend it working.” He placed an arm across the back of the swing. “I’m going to take Megan out for a hamburger and fries. Want to come?”
It was a silly question. He knew it was and so did she. They could pretend that they didn’t want to be together, but they both knew that the attraction between them was almost electric. To Faith it felt as if the more they denied it, the stronger it became.
“No, I should go,” she said, and would have risen to her feet but he stopped her.
“Don’t run away, Faith,” he said, his hand on her arm.
She glanced at him and the look in his eyes made her ache with longing. “I’m spending too much time here.”
“You’re not spending enough,” he contradicted her. “Megan asked me the other day if you could move in with us.”
“We can’t play house,” she said, looking out at Megan who was now crouched low on the lawn as if she were looking for something.
“Isn’t that what we’re doing now…only you and I aren’t getting to enjoy our roles as we should.”
That brought a blush to her cheeks. The tension was broken by Megan who came running over to the porch, her hands cupped and extended in front of her.
“I found one! I found one!” she called out victoriously, her two friends following behind her. When she reached the porch she placed her right hand, palm upward in front of him for his inspection. “Look, Daddy. I found a four-leaf clover.”
“So I see,” Adam said, peering at the tiny green plant.
“Now I get to make a wish and it will come true, right?” she asked.
“I’m not so sure about that,” her father answered. “I believe four-leaf clovers bring good luck, not wishes.”
Her face fell. “But Mommy said if I were lucky enough to find one my wishes would all come true. I only want one wish to come true.”
The two little girls behind her giggled and one said, “We know what it is.”
Megan turned to them and put her finger to her lips. “Shh. You’re not supposed to tell a wish or it won’t come true.”
One of the little girls snapped back, “Then you shouldn’t have told it.”
“But I didn’t tell them,” Megan said, pointing to Adam and Faith. Then suddenly realizing the error of her ways, she rolled her eyes. “Now I have to go find another one and next time I’m not telling anyone.” She gave Adam the clover then went bouncing off the steps of the porch, the two little girls following her.
Adam stared at the clover in his hand. “This could be a good sign.”
“Are you telling me that Adam, the practical engineer who needs to know the how and why things work, believes in good luck charms?” She could feel her lips twitch at the thought.
“It couldn’t hurt to carry this in my wallet, could it?” he asked rhetorically. “Or maybe you’d like it?” He offered it to her.
She shook her head. “You keep it. I really do need to go.” This time she didn’t let him stop her from getting up.
“Before you do, I want to talk to you about something. My grandfather’s birthday is the last weekend in June. Every year a big group of us gets together at his place on the St. Croix to celebrate. I’d like you to come with me and Megan this year.”
“Saturday or Sunday?”
“Actually we celebrate the entire weekend. It’s sort of a tradition.”
“I don’t want to intrude on a family party.”
“You won’t be intruding. When you see the number of boats you’ll know what I’m talking about.”
“Boats?”
He nodded. “Although my grandfather’s house is large, most people prefer to spend the weekend on the river.”
“So I’d be sleeping on your boat?”
“Yes.”
“With you and Megan?”
“Yes.”
She knew exactly what that entailed because she’d seen his boat. It was more like a luxurious apartment on water. An intimate apartment. It would be risky spending an entire weekend in such close quarters.
As she mentally debated the wisdom of such an arrangement, she heard a voice in her head. It belonged to a woman and said, “Follow your heart and let God do the judging.” She closed her eyes, hoping to put an image to the voice, but nothing came.
Her heart was telling her to accept his invitation. Before she could lose her courage she said, “I’d like to spend the weekend with you on your boat.”
ADAM GOT a speeding ticket driving home from Novak Boats on the Friday before his grandfather’s birthday party. He didn’t care. All that mattered was that he spend every minute of his weekend with Faith. He saw her acceptance of his offer as a sign that she was finally ready to take their relationship to another level.
The thought of such a possibility sent a rush of blood through him. He felt like a teenager anticipating his first date. Never would he have expected someone so shy and reserved could arouse such feelings in him.
When he arrived home he found her with Megan on the patio. He paused for a moment at the gate watching them.
“You need to hold really still,” he heard his daughter tell Faith as she applied polish to her fingernails.
“What color is this?” Faith asked.
“Purple passion,” came Megan’s reply.
Adam grinned. It sounded like the perfect selection for the w
eekend.
Diligently and carefully, Megan worked at making sure each one of Faith’s nails was polished to her satisfaction.
When they heard Adam’s footsteps on the patio, both blond heads turned. “You’re early,” Faith said.
“What are you two doing out here? It’s so warm I thought you’d be inside in the air-conditioning,” he said, carrying his sport coat over his shoulder.
“We’re painting our fingernails for Great-Grandpa’s party,” Megan answered. “Look at the purple polish. Isn’t it pretty?” She lifted her hand to show him.
“Beautiful.” Faith must have known he wasn’t only referring to their nails because she blushed. “I thought we’d get an early start. Beat the traffic.”
“Are we going to eat dinner on the boat?” Megan’s eyes widened at the thought.
He glanced up at the blue sky. “It’s a perfect day, don’t you think? How long will it take for you two to get ready?”
Faith held up her hand with the unpainted fingernails. “We need to finish this…and change clothes.”
His eyes roved over her shorts and T-shirt. “Uh-uh. What you’re wearing is perfect. Hope you didn’t forget to pack a swimsuit. You do have one, don’t you?”
Megan answered for her. “Lori helped her pick one out. It’s a tankini.” She turned her attention back to the unpainted fingernails.
Meanwhile images of Faith in a swimsuit danced through his head.
“I’m not sure I know how to swim, though,” she said tentatively.
“You can just splash around in the water,” Megan told her.
“We won’t let you drown, will we, Megan?” Adam said with a grin.
“Uh-uh. I’m glad you’re coming with us, Faith. It’s really fun to sleep on the boat.”
What he was thinking must have shone in his eyes because Faith blushed when she looked at him, then quickly averted her gaze. She began picking up the items on the patio table, shoving them onto a plastic tray.
“Don’t forget your rosary,” Megan’s command caused Adam’s eyes to dart to the table.
Sure enough. There was a blue string of rosary beads in front of Faith. You don’t suppose she’s a nun? For weeks he’d managed to tuck the possibility away in the back of his mind because he hadn’t wanted to give it any further consideration. Now it was back staring him in the face.
“Where did that come from?” he asked, his mouth as dry as cotton.
“One of the volunteers at the hospital makes them so she gave me one,” Faith answered.
“Why?” he wanted to know. “Are you Catholic?”
Faith shrugged. “I don’t know. I suppose I could be. I expect I’m probably a Christian because I seem to have knowledge of the Bible and some of my flashbacks have had religious overtones.”
“Is Faith going to sleep with me in my room on the boat?” Megan asked, bringing the conversation back to their weekend plans.
Even if Adam had entertained thoughts that she might possibly end up sleeping anywhere else, they were being pushed aside and all because of a string of glass beads someone had made for Faith. It didn’t help that the subject of where she would sleep had put a look of uneasiness on her face.
“We’ll decide that once we get to the boat.” He finally answered his daughter’s question.
“It’s going to be so much fun!” Megan enthused.
Adam hoped she was right. When his daughter asked if they could have a picnic supper, he decided to stop at a gourmet deli on the way to the marina.
When they arrived at the boat, they dined on an assortment of sliced meats and pâtés, fruits and cheeses and a fresh baked baguette. They didn’t swim, but they did stop to wade in the shallow water of a sandbar where they anchored for the night.
They sat on the deck watching the sunset until the mosquitoes drove them inside. After a game of Parcheesi, which Megan won, they made ice-cream sundaes and listened to the soundtrack from her favorite movie. When she fell asleep on the sofa, Adam carried her into her stateroom.
Faith followed him.
“You don’t have to share a bed with her. You can have mine.” Seeing the suspicious look in her eyes Adam added, “I’ll sleep on the sofa. It converts into a bed.” When she hesitated he added, “You should take me up on my offer.” He jerked a thumb toward his daughter. “She sprawls.”
“Are you sure you don’t mind?”
“No, I want you to take the bed.” He just wished he could take it with her. He led her to the forward stateroom where the master bedroom was located. He showed her where the shower was, how to use the remote for the entertainment center and where to adjust the temperature if the air-conditioning was too cool.
She glanced at the full-size bed. “Why don’t I take the sofa and you sleep here? I don’t need this big of a bed.”
For weeks there’d been an unanswered question dangling between them. Tonight it looked as if they were finally going to confront it. He wanted her—probably more than he’d ever wanted a woman. And never had he waited so patiently for anyone. He was tired of waiting. He was ready to give in to the desires that had kept him lying awake thinking about her on many a night.
He’d been with enough women to know when they shared his feelings. She wanted him as much as he wanted her. He’d been waiting for her to make the first move but she hadn’t. He suspected it was because of her shyness so he decided to give her some help.
“You do if you’re sleeping with someone,” he said in a tone that left no uncertainty as to his meaning.
The look in her eyes had him forgetting his resolve to let her be the one to make the first move. He pulled her to him and kissed her with all of the pent-up passion he’d fought so hard to keep under control. Her body quivered with eagerness as his hands moved across her hot flesh. Each kiss was deeper and longer than the previous until they were both breathless. When he lifted his mouth from hers, she clung to him for support.
With one swift movement he pushed her back until he was lying over her on the bed. “You are so beautiful,” he said, before claiming her mouth once more.
When his hand began to unbutton her shirt, she gasped.
He lifted his mouth from hers. “Yes, or no?”
“Yes,” she said, her breath hot against his face. “It’s just that…I don’t think I’ve done this before.”
It was the splash of cold water he needed. He rolled away from her onto his back, his arm draped over his eyes. All of the doubts that had kept his desire in check since he’d first met her came rushing back.
They didn’t talk, but simply lay there. He stared at the ceiling. A sideways glance told him that her eyes were focused on it, as well.
She was the first one to speak. “It’s not that it doesn’t feel good. It does.” She paused. “And I want to. I want to really badly.” And she paused again. “But I don’t think I know how.”
Adam thought that with any other woman he would have been seriously doubting the sincerity of the words. But not with Faith. She had no reason to pretend with him. He truly believed she was an innocent.
He leaned over, pressed a butterfly kiss on her lips and left.
FAITH KNEW THERE WAS little chance that Lori didn’t know that she was falling in love with Adam, not after his grandfather’s birthday party. Although they’d never talked about it directly, Lori had hinted that she was aware that Faith had feelings for her brother-in-law. Now that they’d spent the weekend together on the yacht, Faith expected her to bring up the subject the next time they saw each other.
When she walked into Lori’s backyard the following Monday morning, Lori greeted her with her usual cheerfulness. “This is a surprise. I didn’t expect you today,” Lori said, patting the blanket upon which she and Matthew rested.
Faith greeted the baby with her usual smile and kiss, then curled her legs beneath her. “Megan’s at a birthday party for her friend Emily so I thought I’d stop in and see if you needed help with anything.”
“Yes, I do. I
need an opinion.”
Faith looked at the magazine in Lori’s hands. “On a bridal dress?”
“Bridesmaid dress,” she corrected her. “My sister Julie is getting married and she’s thinking about having us wear these horrible dresses. I have a picture of it somewhere. Believe me, they are not flattering to any figure. Anyway, she told me to look for something I would feel comfortable wearing so that’s why I have these.” She patted the stack of magazines at her side.
“You’re one of the side-sitters?”
Lori’s brow wrinkled. “The what?”
“Side-sitters. You know…attendants.”
“I’ve never heard them called that before,” Lori said, her brow still creased as she made a notation on a piece of paper.
Faith shrugged. “Must be a farm thing,” she quipped. That had become her pat answer to whenever she said something that wasn’t familiar to the others. “What color does she have in mind?” Faith asked, opening a bridal magazine.
“Red. She’s getting married on Valentine’s Day. It’s going to be so romantic.”
“Weddings usually are,” Faith said on a sigh. “Did you have a big one?”
Lori shook her head. “Greg and I were married on a cruise ship.”
“You’re kidding?”
She shook her head. “It was actually a lot of fun. Speaking of fun…” She changed the subject smoothly. “You and Adam looked as if you enjoyed Grandfather’s party.”
Faith couldn’t prevent the blush. “Yes.”
“You don’t need to be embarrassed about dating my brother-in-law, Faith.”
“We’re not dating,” she denied.
“No?” Lori shrugged. “Call it whatever you want, but you two are only kidding yourselves if you think you’re just friends.”
“You don’t think it’s foolish?”
“No! Adam’s a great guy. He works too much, but then so do you, so that shouldn’t be a problem,” she stated.
“But I don’t know who I am.”