“Oh shit,” I said under my breath.
Maddie and Diana met in the living room.
“What are you doing here?” Maddie asked her.
“It looks like Ryan got the blonde he always wanted,” Diana fired back.
“He got the one that adores him as much as he adores her. He got the one who is gracious and caring. He got the one who isn't stuck on herself all the time,” Maddie returned.
“You seriously don't see how he's controlling you? How he's manipulating you?” Diana asked as her tone hardened.
I stood back and listened to the conversation. I let the two of them go at it, more for Diana than for Maddie or myself. Diana needed to hear it from someone close to me. Diana needed to hear Maddie's honest answer.
“Controlling? Manipulating? How did you ever get that type of opinion of Ryan? You must be as psychotic as originally billed,” Maddie said, keeping the same sassy attitude. I loved this side of her. She protected me when she felt it was necessary. She was a true, strong woman.
“He hasn't abused you? You haven't gotten to see his temper yet, have you? Oh just wait. You'll see how crazy he is and start running,” Diana lashed.
“I have seen him angry, and honestly? I know exactly how to make him really upset. But I choose not to hit those buttons. I choose not to go out of my way to upset him. His happiness means everything to me.”
“Oh, so you just lay over and give up your entire life for him. You're the regular, average, dainty female who relies on a man to make her who she is,” Diana said. Oh yeah, I knew that one was going to incite a war.
“I haven't given up anything that wasn't already expendable for him. I gave up things that I didn't care to have in my life. I gave up unnecessary things. He's never once asked me to give up my dreams, my wants, or the path of my life for him. I would give that up if he wanted me to, but I know he would never ask me such a thing.”
The two stood there, eyes locked, silent for quite a while. I knew what Diana was doing. She was trying to break Maddie. Good luck with that. Maddie was one of the most stubborn people I'd ever met. Diana had no chance against her. Maddie was unbreakable on many subjects, two of them being our relationship and me. It may sound arrogant for me to point out such a fact. It was true though. She would always protect me and believe in us.
“So you really don't see him as controlling, manipulative, and abusive?” Diana asked.
Maddie approached her. Despite the fact that she was seven inches shorter than Diana, she stood up in her face and made damn well sure that Diana understood what she had to say.
“The only person in the world who thinks such negative things of him is you. And you gave him up. You gave up the best thing that ever could have happened to you. So walk away, move on. Leave. You are not welcome in this house,” Maddie said.
Diana turned to me. “Is that true?”
I glanced at Maddie and then looked at Diana. “Yes. You are not welcome in this house. I realize you need a friend and a caretaker, Diana. But I cannot be that guy for you. I can never be that guy for you.”
Diana gathered herself and left. Maddie approached me and wrapped her arms around my waist. I was very impressed with Maddie that day, even more than usual. We ate dinner while watching the game. After the game, we laid in front of the fireplace, made sweet love, and fell asleep under the blankets only to be wakened by Ayrton coming in with his third different girl in two weeks. Maddie was so strong, so protective. She was a model of what I'd always wanted in a woman. Truly strong, truly loving, and truly caring. She was great. She is great.
The rest of the season came and went. We found ourselves tied with the two greatest drivers in stock car racing history for most championships ever. With the wave of momentum that the team was on, I was considering parlaying it into my personal life. I started making plans to propose to Maddie shortly after the New Year. I knew I wanted to be with her. I waited far too long with Mary-Margaret. I didn't want to ever make that mistake again.
One night in December, I was chilling out in the den watching some TV when I realized I hadn't seen Maddie in a few hours. I didn't know what she was up to. Knowing her... It was great but no good, if you know what I mean.
I walked through the house and finally I noticed something going on outside just off the back porch. I exited through the north wing living area and suddenly I was in the middle of a dream. The entire back yard was a maze of icicles and Christmas lights hanging from a bunch of arches. The lights reflected through the icicles like prisms. It was past dark, so I couldn't see anything but the light and the reflections.
I couldn't help but stand and gawk at the creation. It was the most amazingly beautiful sight I'd ever seen. And it got even better. Maddie appeared. She had done her hair and dressed up nice in this white dress with pink and purple flowers on it. The lights gave her hair a unique tint. I'd never seen her look so gorgeous.
“You told me nobody's ever done a grand romantic gesture for you,” she said. I was without words. I just stared at her as my heartbeat rose quickly.
Maddie approached me, took me by the hand. She had made a hut out of the icicles and lights. It was brilliant. She led me into the hut. I looked around and marveled at the structure. I knew she had to have gotten help from a local business to make all these icicles and get them there without them melting. I was guessing Marco, our chef, had a hand in it as well.
“I thought you deserved a really grand gesture,” she said.
“Oh Maddie. This is unbelievable,” I told her.
“Dance with me, my gorgeous man,” she said as she wrapped her arms around my neck. I didn't even notice she had music playing. We danced for a couple minutes.
I put my face next to hers, my lips near her ear. “Thank you,” I told her. My chest grew light as I said it. It was the most silencing and soothing experience of my life. Maddie had done something for me that nobody else ever had. She gave me a grand romantic gesture.
Just before Christmas, I made one of the stupidest mistakes of my life. I pissed off my best friend. I took my problems out on him and inexplicably gave up on Maddie. Ayrton and I were driving from Ohio to Minnesota where we were to take a flight to Montana so I could spend Christmas with Maddie and Ayrton would do... Nobody knows what. Or who. I was tired and had Ayrton do some of the driving. While he was behind the wheel, the rear gear in his Excursion broke and we were stranded almost four hundred miles away from the Minnesota House. I called up Luis to see where he and the company jet were – He had taken some of the team members to Italy for the holidays. It wasn't an option. I started looking for every way to get to Montana as quickly as possible and I was coming up empty.
It took us almost ten hours to get to the house in the storm, and by that time there was no chance that I was going to see Maddie on Christmas. That's what I told myself, at least. Then I did something really stupid.
“What's up, man?” Ayrton asked.
“I can't believe, on her favorite day of the year, I'm not there with Maddie,” I responded.
“She will understand.”
“She isn't answering her phone, and that's an easy way to look at it from your position. You don't know what it's like to have to be there for a real girlfriend.”
“Excuse me?”
“Maybe if you weren't always driving that damn truck like an idiot, we wouldn't be here right now. Maybe I'd actually get to be with Maddie,” I told him as my tone intensified.
“What the hell is your problem?” he asked.
“My problem is you're the reason why I let my girlfriend down! I let you drive for a few miles and you found a way to blow the damn truck up.”
“Dude, are you serious? It was my truck!” I could tell he was surprised at my reaction.
“Yes, I am serious. You ruined Maddie's Christmas. You ruined my Christmas. Hope you're happy,” I finished. Ayrton got up and walked out. I was going to be completely alone on Christmas. Why I didn't go buy a car and drive to Montana, I have no
idea. I couldn't fly out because of the weather. But I could have been there. Instead I gave up. I took the weak way out. And I pissed off my best friend.
I needed to find a way to get her in front of me. Christmas was such a big deal for Maddie. I really respected her for that. Some people (ahem, Diana) thought it was stupid that she found such happiness in a corporate holiday. Personally, I think any way of finding happiness is a good thing. No matter what it takes, we might as well live our lives happily.
But Ayrton and I were on the outs. I was a man down. I was without help. It was my fault. I don't know why I got pissed at him. I hadn't been mad at him like that in years. Well, a year technically. I didn't blame him for not calling me back or responding to my texts. I'd probably be ignoring me too. My actions left me here alone at the Minnesota House. No idea where Ayrton ended up.
I stood out on the rear porch as snow fell lightly around me. It was pretty damn cold, I had to hide my hands in my pockets. I was shivering – Normally, the cold never touched me. I could stand naked in freezing weather and not feel a thing. Until now – Maddie made me feel. She made me thrive in the highest of highs, she made my heart break in the lowest of lows. I'd never felt the way she made me feel. All of it, the entire spectrum, the whole roller coaster ride of life – She made me feel it all.
I could hear something... The crunching of someone walking in the snow grew closer. Was I about to get whacked? Was it Ayrton coming to tell me he forgives me? Or was it just the neighbor’s dog? Wait... There aren't any neighbors.
My night became more of a euphoric dream rather than a disgraceful nightmare. Maddie rounded the back corner of the house and approached me. She pranced up the steps and we stood face to face. She started to cry as she cracked a smile.
“Please don't cry,” I pleaded.
“Ayrton called me, told me you'd be here. For the first time ever, I spent my Christmas day completely alone. I was angry, I felt hurt. But really more than anything, I missed being in your arms. That's the best Christmas present a girl could ever get.”
“I'm so sorry I wasn't there,” I told her.
“Ayrton said it was his fault,” she said. I couldn't believe it. Ayrton normally wasn't one to accept blame under any circumstances outside of the race track. He called Maddie to hook me up. He wanted to take the fall so that I would get back on good terms with the girl I love. Ayrton was always great at coming up with some seriously good plans – This one had to be one of his greatest.
The next morning, I was in the kitchen cooking breakfast. Maddie was watching me from the dining room. She was pretending to work on a crossword puzzle... Unsuccessful. I could see her sneaking peeks at me from inside the kitchen.
A knock at the front door, no idea who it could be. I checked out the window and didn't see any cars in the driveway. So I answered the door, and there he was. Cupid for the New Year, Ayrton Cenecci.
“Hey man,” I said in a rather monotone voice. I wasn't sure what to say or how to say it.
“Did she make it here all right?” he asked.
“Yeah, she's here. Thank you. I really appreciate it. You didn't have to though.”
“Kinda felt like I did,” he said.
“I'm sorry man. I shouldn't have taken my own problems out on you.”
“It's fine, let's move past it. We've known each other too long to let some stupid shit like this come between us.”
“Agreed. How the hell'd you get here anyway?”
“Bought a new truck. Parked it up the street 'cause I knew you'd look out the window to see who was here.” He knows me too well. The three of us spent most of the day together until Ayrton was paid a special surprise. Maddie had called Mikaela soon after he arrived and told her to catch a flight to the Twin Cities. The two of them spent the evening together doing their own thing.
Maddie and I fell asleep by the Christmas tree. The snow fell harder. We woke up in the morning to a fresh winter wonderland outside and the smell of steak and eggs, courtesy of one Ayrton Cenecci. The one thought I couldn't shake – Would Ayrton finally spend New Year's Eve with his young lady? Maddie told me Mikaela always dreamed of spending that night with him, it was a big deal for her. I had my fingers crossed that he wouldn't mess it up.
I never found out how Ayrton spent his New Year's. Maddie and I spent it outside playing in the snow. No kidding. We welcomed in 2006 by playing in the snow. And it was amazing. Ayrton headed out from Minnesota to God knows where. If Mikaela wasn't with him, no joke I was gonna be slightly pissed. Okay. Really pissed.
January 4th, 2006. It was starting to feel like Maddie could be the one that would last forever, and I was ready to make that official. It was still hard to believe anyone could be forever after Mary-Margaret never came back. Forever feels very finite when your first love moves on with her life and never fights for you. But this, Maddie, she felt like a great, unbeatable scenario.
And in the blink of an eye, the unbeatable scenario turned into a perfect nightmare.
“Ryan, I need to talk to you,” she said to me.
“Maddie, what's wrong? You seem frightened. Is everything okay?” I was scared. I'd never seen her like this.
She approached my chair and crouched down next to it. She crossed her arms on the armrest and placed her chin on them. Normally, she did this when she wanted to be cute. Something was telling me she wasn't trying to be cute.
“I can't live this lie anymore. You deserve better. And I'm sorry it's taken me so long to tell you.”
“Maddie, what the hell are you talking about?”
“I wasn't the kind of girl you think I was before we met. I horribly misrepresented myself. I was promiscuous. I drank a lot. My boyfriend and I were never faithful to each other. I was almost kicked out of my high school because I bullied other kids. I was kicked out of college for bullying and underage drinking. That just happened this year. That was the reason why I said goodbye to you at the hospital. I didn't want you to find out. I went out of my way to terrorize the people I went to school with. My parents, they bought me everything, and I flaunted it all the time,” Maddie said as she started to cry. I was stunned out of any action I could have taken.
“Basically you could have summed me up in three simple words. Selfish alcoholic slut. I lied to you without even thinking about the consequences. You deserve someone so much better than me. I've done nothing but mislead you.”
“Why? Maddie, why would you do that?” I asked her.
“Because I wanted you to love me. I'd never felt that before. I had such a strong desire for you to want me, to love me, to care about me. I met you, I looked into your eyes, and I knew I had to find a way to get you.” Maddie stood up and exited the room. I could hear her, she was walking up stairs to the bedroom. It took me a moment to gather my thoughts, but I eventually tracked after her.
“I don't want you to leave, Maddie,” I told her as I entered the room.
“I'm not giving you a choice, Ryan. I don't deserve you. I'm not going to let you settle for me.”
“How about you let me decide whether or not you deserve me? Or at least let me decide if I'd be settling for you in the first place. I wouldn't be caught dead settling for anyone.”
“Good. That's why I'm leaving,” she said as the situation quickly became heated. Rarely had I ever argued with a woman. It felt like I didn't have a choice. Maddie could be a real firecracker when she wanted to be.
“Damnit Maddie, why won't you give me a chance to accept all of who you are? You can't possibly tell me everything I've seen you be was part of a lie.”
“I've been nothing but true to you since we've been together. But I lied about everything that came before us. I can't let you let that go.”
“That is bull, Maddie. There's got to be something else going on!”
She snapped. She shot her eyes at me and stared at me without a blink. “Did Mary-Margaret ever lie to you about anything? Anything at all?”
I couldn't lie about this. Not about Mary-
Margaret. “No she didn't. But you're not Mary-Margaret, and I don't want you to be.”
“Ryan – You deserve perfection. I can never be perfection for you because of what I've done,” Maddie said as she approached me with a bag of her stuff. She set the bag down, grabbed my hand with both of her hands and held it on her chest. “I will always love you, Ryan Sumpter. You have a chance to find a great girl at the beauty pageant. I don't want to hold you back from finding someone prettier, kinder, and better than I am,” she said, referencing the fact that I was to be a judge at the Miss California competition later that month.
“There's nobody prettier, kinder, or better than you are. But you're not going to believe that, are you?”
“I love you, Ryan. And one of these days, you'll realize I've done the right thing for you.”
And she was gone. She dropped my hand, brushed past me, and soon after the front door closed. Maddie, my Maddie... She was gone.
- 8 -
The New Girl
The next 20 days of my life were pretty empty. I had to drag myself out of bed every day. I wasn't about to let myself be someone Maddie wouldn't be proud of. I firmly believed she was going to come back to me. She might have been a selfish, self-centered complete train wreck sometimes, but she was my train wreck. And I wouldn't have had her any other way. Until I got her back, though, life went on.
Being a professional auto racing champion did have its perks. One of them in my case happened to be an invitation to judge the 2006 Miss California beauty pageant. Because of the team's schedule, I didn’t have a chance to get to know the contestants much at all before the pageant. I was there for the big show, not the preliminary stuff.
Admittedly, I was nervous. Just a bit nervous. Oh who am I kidding? I was terrified. I was about to have 54 ridiculously good looking young women parading around in front of me. I didn't really know what to expect other than a whole bunch of hotness within arms reach. Ayrton told me I'd cream my pants if one of them looked right at me. He was probably right about that. Ayrton was at the pageant hitting on anything that moved. Mikaela apparently dumped him right after the New Year even though he spent New Year’s Eve with her. Go figure as soon as he does anything romantic, dude gets broken up with.
The Legend: The Love of Ryan Sumpter Page 14