The Legend: The Love of Ryan Sumpter

by Samuelson, Philip

  The rest of the racing season came and went. We won both championships again, the second time our team had won two titles in the same season. We had to fight like hell for it, but we won and moved on to plan for the 2008 season. Me? I was just living life one day at a time. I didn't have much direction outside of my racing. I spent some time trying to figure out why Lexi left again, but after coming up empty for a couple of weeks, I gave up.

  In mid-November, not long after returning to Newport Beach, Maddie showed up completely out of the blue and apparently expected me to welcome her back with open arms. She couldn't keep doing this. She kept leaving and coming back and leaving. I couldn't take it. My heart broke a little more every time she left.

  “Maddie, I would do anything for you, you know that. The question is, are you really going to ask that of me? You keep on asking to be accepted back in my life after leaving over and over. Eventually you need to figure out whether or not you want to be here,” I told her.

  The phone rang. She and I were both in the kitchen. She was sitting at the bar, I was behind the counter cleaning up. I answered the phone and the call was not a good one. Maddie immediately knew it by the look on my face.

  My mother was always terrified of dying in an auto accident. A stark contrast to myself, her only son. I always thought dying doing what I loved to do would be the fitting end to an otherwise mundane existence. She hated that I raced. She only ever saw two of my races – My 1998 Indianapolis victory and my 1999 Daytona victory.

  She was terrified of dying in a car wreck – And I had just found out, that's how she died. My mother was broad sided by a man in a stolen car running a red light. For me, it would be the best way to die. Okay, maybe not quite under those circumstances. But for my mother, her worst nightmare had come true. She died in a car wreck.

  My world came to a screeching halt. I didn't know how to feel. I was hurt by Maddie and I was crushed by the news of my mother's death. I walked out onto the porch. I peered at the ocean. A steady wind was greeting me, clouds were rolling in. A fitting look to the feelings I was experiencing.

  Maddie walked up next to me. She was wearing a floor length black and white striped skirt and a nice white top, her hair was half pulled back. The skirt flapped in the breeze as she approached. Maddie could be so strong whenever she needed to be, but I always loved how girly she was, and on that day she lived up to her billing as the most stunning beauty I’d ever laid eyes on. She grabbed my left hand with both of her hands. She stared at me without a word. She looked so concerned. I didn't want her to be concerned. I wanted her to be happy. With all of my heart, I always wanted her happy. Nothing ever changed that.

  “Talk to me, please,” she said in a subdued tone. Her words struck a nerve. Mary-Margaret always wanted me to talk to her and I never did.

  Time to fix that mistake. “She's gone. I just can't believe she's gone.” We stood there in silence for a couple minutes. “I need you, Maddie. I need you here with me. I need you in my life.” She nodded and put her arms around me. I continued to watch the ocean waves graze the coastline. She rested her face against my biceps.

  “I'm not going anywhere,” she said.

  “I hope you mean that. My heart can't take much more.”

  “I promise you. I'm here for good now. And if you ever want me to leave, I think I'd probably break apart,” she said.

  Later, I was lying in my bed alone. The room felt so cold. I wasn't under the sheets. I had surrounded myself with an amazing family of friends. I had a woman who loved me and wanted to be there with me, for me. At least that's what she said at that point. I didn't have a choice but to believe her. This was the girl I wanted more than anything in the world. She was it, she was all. It was far more than infatuation or even love at that point. I literally did need her in my life. Losing my mother without her there would have been twice the nightmare it already was.

  Either way, it was a tough pill to swallow. Despite the great family I had made for myself, I now had no actual family left. It shouldn't be a big deal, but it was tough to ignore. My family was gone. But Maddie was there to support me. That's what I needed to be focusing on. She entered the room and laid down next to me. Her soft blonde hair grazed gently over her face. She stared at me with those incredible emerald eyes she had.

  “I love you,” she said with the slightest smirk.

  “I love you, too,” I responded. We laid there, staring into each others eyes until finally we both fell asleep. I'd slept through the night with her many times, but none like this. I had protected her for so many years. She protected me that night. That's the point when I knew, she was my future wife. She reciprocated protection, something no woman in my life had ever done. Sure, she had done it before, but never like this. Never under such dire circumstances.

  Maddie only stayed around for a couple of weeks. Just past the first of December, she got a call. We were lying on the back porch together at the time. She opened her phone and I could tell it was bad news. It was a frighteningly similar situation to what we had just gone through, roles reversed. I tried to mask my concern until she got off the phone. I held her as close as I could. She had her head resting on my chest. The more news she was given on her phone call, the further she dug her head into my chest.

  She finally hung up the phone and delivered the news. “My mom is dying. They give her a month to live.”

  Oh dear. Not that I hadn't wished it on the lady, but it was far more serious than Maddie was making it seem. She needed to be there with her mother. I'm no fan of hers, but she was still Maddie's mother. There's no way I could be there though. It would make her mother die even quicker. I was the last person she wanted to see.

  “What're you gonna do?” I asked her.

  “I don't know. I've got to go back, but...”

  “I can't be with you.”

  “Not the best idea. I promised you I wasn't going anywhere though,” Maddie said.

  “But you need to spend one last Christmas with your mother,” I told her.

  Maddie and I remained attached for another hour or so. Then she went inside, packed her things, and I drove her to the airport. Once there, I walked her to security. She threw her arms around me and balled her eyes out.

  “It's going to be okay, Maddie. I'll be here waiting for you,” I told her.

  “I can't ask you to wait around, Ryan. Go. Live your life. And if I'm lucky enough to be the only woman in your heart when I come back, then we'll figure it all out.”

  And with that, she was gone. My Maddie was gone again. I couldn't blame this one on her though. Circumstances being what they were, she had no choice. I wasn't going to shut her out from my heart. I couldn't do that. It was getting to the point that Maddie meant more to me than Mary-Margaret ever did. I didn't know that to be the case for sure. At the time, that was the feeling. I fought for Mary-Margaret to keep her around. Yusuf once taught me that every fight is a selfish one. I didn't care about Mary-Margaret's happiness. I cared about my own. But I let Maddie go without a fight. I wanted to be selfish and keep her. But I let her go. Her happiness meant more to me than my own.

  I didn't slip back into any old pattern though. In fact, the next couple of weeks, things were pretty good. It was a tad lonely, but I spent tons of time with the team and out on the race track. We got plans finalized for 2008. We were headed to the Formula World Championships, widely known as the top form of motorsport in the world. And I signed on with a top team to drive a McLaren. In addition, I finished a screenplay and got it sold. Things were pretty good. But for Christmas, I retired to a place where I knew I could be all alone.

  There was a blizzard in Minnesota, which was part of the reason why I chose to spend Christmas there. Nothing better than a true white Christmas. I had to let the dog out. Little Neesha, the team’s beautiful golden retriever. She was such a sweetheart. Not a good guard dog at all, but that was no matter to me. About six inches of snow had fallen and it was still dumping. This house made nights like that
so serene. No other houses in sight, and with a storm that bad, nobody was out on the roads.

  Suddenly, I heard the crunching of snow beneath feet. Somebody was walking along the driveway, headed for the back porch. No way someone would have been dense enough to go out for a walk in this weather. I wondered if someone wrecked their car up the road. There was so much snow, I doubt I would have heard anything.

  “Hey.”

  Lexi. She was the last person I expected to see. Night had already fallen. I was all alone and I liked it that way. That is, until I saw her approaching. She looked majestic. Her hair wasn’t done up. It was just straight, pulled behind her little earmuffs. She was wearing her glasses instead of her contacts, but those radiant blue of her eyes couldn’t hide behind them. The critical world would say she looked plain, boring, dorky even. But to me, she looked simply sensational. I hadn't heard from her since I woke up that morning to leave for Oschersleben. I hadn't a clue what she was doing here. Neesha rushed to Lexi and gave her love.

  I didn't know how to respond to her. So I gave her a simple nod and put my hands in my pockets.

  “How are you?” she asked, trying to forge a bond. I didn't know what to do. I loved this girl so much, and she just left. Over and over again. Her and Maddie both. Always the same old story. “I guess you're not so good.”

  “I'm confused, really,” I told her.

  “I'm sorry. Could you give me a chance to explain?”

  “You're here now. With the way this storm is looking, I don't think I have a choice.” Neesha continued to give her copious amounts of love. “At least Neesha still loves you.” Ouch.

  “I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that,” I continued.

  “Sure seemed like you meant it.”

  “I can't say I didn't mean it. You killed me when you left. Again.” I knew we had to get in from the cold. She was visibly freezing. I walked her into the dimly lit kitchen. I hadn't been doing anything before she arrived. I was just sitting there thinking, wondering what the hell had happened to my life and making friends with my glass of single malt. Just a few years ago, everything was set. Mary-Margaret was my girlfriend, someday would be my wife. And then that stupid opera happened and it was all over. My life had been a nightmare of ups and downs ever since.

  I leaned up against the counter, Lexi was pacing. She was nervously twiddling with her hands. Something was clearly going through her mind, and stubbornly I couldn't bring myself to ask.

  “All right, so... I know Maddie came back into your life, and I know she left again,” Lexi began. Why the hell must the media report on every single aspect of my life? She was correct, obviously, but something struck me about what she was saying. Maddie had been in this position, knowing that Lexi came back into my life and left again. What did Maddie do? She turned to partying, alcohol, and drugs. Lexi came to talk to me. That fact made me think.

  “I think... No, I know... That you deserve someone who is going to stick around. Someone that is forever. I want to be your forever. You have meant so much to me for the last two years of my life. I can't imagine going on without you.”

  Oh. Shit.

  How to Handle a Pickle 101: I have no idea. Lexi wanted me. Maddie wanted me to still be there for her when she came back from dealing with her mother. I always thought my feelings for Maddie were stronger than what I had for Lexi, but Lexi had shown infinitely more maturity than Maddie. Lexi never lied. She came to talk to me instead of drinking and partying like Maddie did in the same situation. Both had walked out on me, Lexi did it in a far more shocking fashion. Was Lexi the Diana to my Mary-Margaret? Or was she the one I was supposed to be with?

  This was getting complicated. And it got even more complicated when Maddie showed up shortly after the New Year.

  - 10 -

  The Decision

  Ayrton and I were in my F150, the perfect ride for our Lost Weekend. Lost Weekends were a favorite of mine. They were a time for all of us to experience the finer things in life without any worries to burden us. Betsy was still treating us well after all these years. Seven to be exact. We found ourselves at the base of the mountains overlooking the valley. Nowhere else I could imagine being at that point. The truck was silent outside of some tunes.

  In the past two months of my life, I had again found myself attached to two of the most beautiful, amazing women I'd ever met. Maddie had shown up in November and Lexi in December. Both of them wanted to get back together. It was frighteningly unfathomable that this was where my life had suddenly gone. The racing was still flawless, but now, my personal life was a never ending twist and turn of emotions.

  Ayrton turned the radio down. “Dude, you know what you need to do.”

  “And what's that?” I asked.

  “Don't eff with a professional effer, I know what you're thinking about. Maddie and Lexi. You are so predictable. Who do you want, man?” he asked. It didn't seem that simple. “You don't know, and that's okay. Look, you're lucky you haven't messed this up yet, but you're going to if you're not careful. You need to make a decision. You've got to choose one and move on from the other. Once and for all, man. This is it. You're 32 years old. It's time to get this done.”

  Ayrton was, yet again, right. I needed to make a decision. The most beautiful blonde I'd ever met next to the most beautiful blue-eyed girl I'd ever met. Neither of them as beautiful or perfect as Mary-Margaret, but both special in their own way. In the grand scheme of things, I realize my predicament wasn't all that big a deal. With people out there fighting cancer every day, people dying for senseless reasons, people who haven't seen a dollar bill in years, it was all trivial. But for me, this was one area of my life that I'd give anything for a little clarity and stability in. I remember before Ayrton and I hit it big, I always thought being rich would make things perfect. After all, take away the worries of money flow, what else is there?

  I'd found out what else. Money hadn’t been a worry for years, but my love life had been a never ending series of heartbreak and pain. Natalie left, I royally screwed up with Mary-Margaret, Maddie left, Lexi left, Maddie left again. No set of parents in the history of parenting had ever approved of me. Hell, Lexi's father held a gun to my head right in front of her, and I'm sure he'd do it again. Maddie's parents treated me like a serf instead of a man. I'd never been good enough, never been satisfactory to any extent. Maybe I should consider Hermann to be Mary-Margaret's father. At least he accepted me. On the race track, in business, my presence had always been enough. But never in love, never in family. For God's sake, I had to make my own family! How is that not ridiculous? My own family resented me in every way. No matter what I did to earn their acceptance, I always found myself fending off their criticism.

  It was my time to find some clarity. And it wasn't starting off well. Two girls, one mind, one choice.

  “Do you realize you haven't said anything in five minutes?” Ayrton jogged me out of my random stupor. “Put the truck in gear, we're going somewhere.”

  “Where?”

  “Just put the damn truck in gear and get going, I'll be your GPS.”

  We headed into town and eventually it became obvious where we were going. Bogert outdoor hockey rink. The Vector Group's private company playground. Years before, the company had bought it up and renovated it to be a full time hockey rink. I was guessing as we approached the rink that Ayrton and I would have a nice, chill evening skate.

  Nope. Ayrton planned this out completely. Damn, it was amazing to have such great friends who would surprise me with something like this. I drove up to the rink and parked the truck, but before we got out, Ayrton had something to say.

  “Look man, we all know you've been a mess going through all of this. We just wanted to find a way to show you that no matter what, we're all here for you,” he said.

  We got to the dressing room and indeed everyone was there. Well, everyone except for Ben. Chase, Ed, Randy, Brad, and Greg were all on one side. Chaz, Jimmy, Yusuf, our development driver Casey, and three surp
rises on the other side – Mark, Lewis, and Jenson, three of the guys who had mentored me for the upcoming Formula World Championship Season.

  “You gotta be kidding me. You guys all showed up for this?” I asked. Multiple answers were fired back.

  Lewis chimed in, “Yeah, and let me tell you, I can't skate to save my life. We play football in England, not hockey!”

  “Don't worry buddy. Ryan'll teach ya everything you need to know,” Chaz said in response.

  “Yeah and then he'll make sure you forget your jockstrap on the ice a couple times,” Greg said. Yusuf and Brad were not able to suit up because of previous injuries, so we had an even 12 for five on five with two goaltenders.

  Onto the ice we went to warm up. After a while, I skated to center ice. Brad was able to lace some skates on to play ref. “Just remember kid, we're all here for you.”

  “I appreciate it, Brad. More than you could ever believe. I really needed this,” I responded.

  I lined up across from Chaz and we leaned in for the face-off. “You ready for this, bud?” he asked.

  “Been waiting for this my whole life. No keeping score. For the love of the game,” I responded. Chaz smiled and nodded in agreement. Brad dropped the puck and we played. Oh did we play! It was the most incredible experience I'd ever had off of a race track. There wasn't a worry in my mind. Nothing but the game. I was able to completely let go, forget life, and just skate.

  We played for a little over an hour before I heard Yusuf calling for me. I looked over at him and it was like I got hit by a train. Maddie was there, watching with Yusuf. I skated over to her.

  “Maddie – What're you doing here?” I asked her.

  “I'm sorry, I know I wasn't invited,” she responded.