Home for Good

by Jessica Keller

  She flipped on the faucet, letting cool water trickle to fill her hands. She splashed her cheeks then scrubbed her face on the hand towel, hoping to wash off the blotches and the empty look in her eyes. But a glance in the mirror sent her gripping for the counter.

  Scanning her red-rimmed eyes, rumpled hair and drooping mouth, she sucked in a ragged breath. “Pull yourself together, girl.”

  But this time sapped her more than last. He’s gone. She’d sent him packing with a threat of the police, and he hadn’t loved her enough to stay and fight. Like last time. She failed. Failed as a wife when he most needed her to stand beside him, trust him. She knew with bone-deep certainty that Jericho Freed hadn’t manipulated her and yet, in the split second that mattered, she’d doubted him.

  Ali shoved the towel into her mouth, biting down a sob. Just because she prowled the house at two in the morning didn’t mean the rest of the family needed to be woken up.

  Would another eight years pass before she saw him again? He could be halfway to Mexico by now. Gone for good.

  Without Denny, Ali didn’t know what to do with the grief washing over her. If she could, she’d wander out to his stall and climb up on his back again. A twilight ride would have soothed her enough to sleep.

  But without him, the pain dared to drown her.

  As she tied her robe, a piece of paper taped to the mirror caught her eye. Kate. One of those three-by-five cards she loved to scribble on and stick all over the house.

  Before, Ali had ignored them, but now she squinted to read it.

  Some trust in chariots and some in horses, but we trust in the name of the Lord our God.

  She snatched it off the mirror, clutching the verse to her chest. Trust in horses. Jericho had accused her of that. Of treating Denny like a savior.

  “Oh, God. I’m so sorry. I’m not good at trusting You, or anybody for that matter. I messed up big by not trusting Jericho today. What’s going on? I feel so lost. Is it supposed to hurt like this? I thought freedom would be safe. No more pain. Aren’t You supposed to protect me?”

  Stumbling out of the bathroom, she stopped to let her eyes adjust to the darkness. She crept downstairs.

  Her mind meandered like a lost calf, and each thought cried for attention. Hadn’t life been better before Jericho came back? At least then her emotions had been packed floor to ceiling with crates labeled Resentment, Bitterness, Anger. It had been ordered. She had known who she was and what drove her. But now, after offering forgiveness—after yanking the weeds out of the garden of the soil in her heart—an empty patch of dirt remained.

  On bare toes, she padded across the living room, but she stopped to trail her hand across the back of the empty couch. Jericho’s couch. She swiped at her cheeks.

  Flipping on the kitchen light, she grabbed the tea kettle and filled it with water. Mint tea. That would help her sleep.

  Ali smoothed aside her hair and slumped down into a chair.

  If only she could think of a way to regain the reins of her life. She sighed. Even before, the control that had been in her grasp had been based on lies. The boy who ruined her life didn’t exist anymore. No. Jericho oozed regret. Every action proved him now to be a man of compassion, humility and patience.

  Chance needed his father. She couldn’t separate them.

  She needed her husband.

  Ali rubbed her palms against the cool laminate wood on the table.

  But the biggest lie had been her own. All these years, she had viewed herself as strong and independent. Lies. Ali ran a hand through her hair. She didn’t want to be alone. And not just anyone would do. She wanted Jericho Freed.

  The kettle rattled with steam.

  She poured some water into a mug and leaned her hip against the counter, crossing her arms while the tea steeped. Lurching forward, she spied another of Kate’s verse cards taped to the window above the sink. She snatched it and smiled. Like a treasure hunt. What had Jericho called them? Scripture bread crumbs.

  “Bread crumbs to lead me home,” she mumbled as she shuffled back to the table with the mug and card.

  Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.

  Perfect unity. She could use some of that.

  Kate bumped into the door as she opened it, squinting. “What are you doing up at this hour?”

  “Sorry. Did I wake you?”

  Kate rubbed her eyes and yawned. “I heard the kettle whistle.”

  Ali squeezed her hand as Kate took a seat at the table. She rubbed at her eyes and jutted her chin toward Ali’s mug. “Do you have any more? It smells good.”

  Scooting her mug across the table to Kate, Ali got up to pour herself another.

  Kate blew away the steam from her tea. “Why are you up?”

  “A lot on my mind. I couldn’t sleep.”

  “Are you nervous something bad will happen without Jericho here?”

  “No. What if I lost him, Kate?”

  Kate slurped her tea. “Huh.”

  “I love him.”

  Her sister slapped the table. “Well hallelujah and call it Friday! It’s about time you admitted it, even if the rest of us have known for, oh, ten years.”

  “I think I was afraid. Because owning up to it makes things worse. I think I was safer pretending that I didn’t care about him. For that matter, we can lump God in there, too. Depending on Him feels like waiting in a desert for rain.”

  “But when the rain comes to a desert, it floods with abundance.”

  “True.”

  “What are you so confused about, Al?”

  She finished the last of her tea but still cupped the mug in her hands, letting the warmth radiate into her chilled nerves. “Confused isn’t the right word. Confronted might be better, or convicted.”

  Kate raised her brows.

  “It’s your stupid note cards.” Ali pushed the two she’d collected across the table. “It’s like you planted them special for me tonight. There are little verse booby traps all over the house.”

  Kate looked over the cards and smirked.

  “I’ve been so stubborn and foolish for years. Then I forgave Jericho and told him about Chance. I figured that counted for something.”

  “It’s not like that—”

  “I even had this revelation on the camping trip. I did to God what Jericho did to me. I walked away from someone who loved me without looking back.”

  “That’s huge, Al.”

  “But tonight I realized there is something I haven’t done. I’ve never actually surrendered to God. I’ve never acknowledged that He’s in control of my life.”

  Kate’s hand snaked forward and clasped hers. “Do you want to?”

  “I’m terrified about what that entails. But yes. Will you pray with me? You’re better at this kind of stuff than I am.”

  She shook her head. “No. I think you need to be the one talking. But I’ll hold your hand while you do it.”

  Ali bowed her head. “I’ve been in charge of my life for too long and have almost run it into a gully. I’m handing over the reins to You. Amen.” She looked at her sister. “Do you think that was okay?”

  Kate rubbed her thumb over Ali’s knuckle, her eyes shimmering. “I think it was perfect. We’re sisters for eternity now.”

  Ali nodded. “What do I do next?”

  “Get to know Him better. Stand firm in His promises.”

  “His promises?”

  “Sure. The Bible’s full of them. Like—” Kate popped up and grabbed a card from under a magnet on the fridge “—try this one on for size.”

  Ali took the card.

  Hope deferred
makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life.

  “Oh, Kate. I’m such a terrible person. I threw this verse—well, the first half of it—in Jericho’s face weeks ago.”

  Kate tapped the card. “Okay, so you’ve lived that first half, but the second part is the promise. That’s what you should cling to.”

  “A longing fulfilled?”

  “What are you longing for, Al?”

  She licked her lips. “For my family. For us to be together.” Her voice came out hushed.

  “Tree of life. Sure sounds to me like there’s going to be a downpour in the desert.” Kate grinned. “I’m going to bed. Don’t stay up too much longer.”

  As Kate’s footfalls grew distant, Ali splayed the three cards out in front of her. The empty place in the patch of dirt in her heart could be filled. A tree of life, blossoming with love.

  That night, for the first time in eight years, Ali fell asleep full of peace.

  * * *

  The screen door slapped against the back of the house. Ali glanced up from the floor as she mopped.

  Megan put up her hands. “Sorry. I didn’t know the floor was wet.”

  Ali leaned the mop against the cabinets. “Don’t worry about it. If stuff stays clean for ten seconds around here, I’m amazed.” She opened the fridge and pulled out a bottle of water then tossed it to Megan. “I’m sorry I didn’t help with classes today. I’ve got a lot on my mind today.”

  Megan brushed off the comment with a flick of her wrist, bracelets jingling. “Don’t worry about it.” She took a sip of the water. “You’ve got so much going on. Believe me, I’m amazed you haven’t said ‘enough’ and closed the place down.”

  “I’d never do that. It’s too important to me. How did the classes go? Was Hank able to ride for the entire lesson?”

  Megan set the bottle of water on the counter. “Yeah, having him lie on the horse with that special saddle was genius. The more contact he has with the horse, the calmer he is.”

  Ali smiled. “It’s the warmth. Hank’s tight little muscles against the horse’s heated ones loosen him up in a way other physical therapy can’t. I’m glad it worked. It’s worth the cost of that saddle, then.”

  Megan nodded. “Bungee’s gone lame again, so we won’t be able to use him for another week or so. Chance and I mucked the stalls so they’re all set for the horses tonight. Do you want me to stick around and help with anything else?”

  Ali slipped across the kitchen floor and hugged Megan. “You’re amazing. What would I have done without you?”

  “Oh, you know.” Megan shrugged out of her hug then pointed at the bouquet from Tripp. “Have you sorted out your man problems yet?”

  Ali smiled and plucked dead petals from the flowers. “I have. Oh, Megan, I’m in love.”

  Megan laid a hand on the back of a kitchen chair. “Wow. You made your decision?”

  “I did. And I can’t believe it took me so long. I mean, he’s been so faithful for so many years.” The phone rang and Ali grabbed it, reading the caller ID. “Oh, look. It’s Tripp. I’m going to take this.”

  * * *

  Two days. Too long.

  Jericho did a full circle, taking in his childhood home. The lodge-style house did nothing to console him. It stood as a monument for a wealthy man’s attempt to feel important. He wanted nothing to do with it.

  Pacing, he stepped into the master bedroom. There was a place near the entry to the bathroom where the carpet used to smell like Mom. A bottle of perfume had shattered there, and no matter how many times she scrubbed, the feminine scent lingered. Jericho leaned against the wall and scooted down so he could sit with his hand on the spot.

  Wetness gathered in his eyes, so he looked up at the ceiling.

  Whenever Pop walloped him good, he’d come here and press his nose into the carpet, remembering his mom. Missing her. Sometimes he’d even tried to talk to her.

  But now, more than anything, Jericho wanted Ali. With one last caress of the carpet, he rose to his feet.

  He would have walked across their adjoining fields, but the Jeep could bring him there faster. After yanking on his boots, he locked the door and barreled out to his vehicle. Roaring it to life, he sped onto the country road that formed an L around their properties.

  He flipped off the music. “Let her call the cops. But she isn’t keeping me away any longer.”

  When he turned onto Ali’s property, he rubbed his jaw. He had a brother? It still baffled him. Tripp had tried to use Ali as a tool for revenge. Jericho bit back a growl. How dare Tripp?

  He jumped out of the Jeep and crossed to the barn where he figured Ali would be. But he only found Chance tossing a ball to Drover.

  “Hiya, Dad!” He trotted over, dog in tow, and flung his arms around Jericho’s waist.

  “Hey, Chance-man.” He squeezed back. “What are you up to?”

  His son’s shoulders sagged. “Not much. Everyone’s upset or crying around here.”

  “Everyone?”

  “Girls. I tell ya.” Chance shook his head. “At least Drover’s not a girl.”

  “Has your ma been crying?”

  Chance rolled his eyes. “All the time.” He chucked the ball at the corral and Drover barked, taking off at high speed. “She said you won’t be around anymore, but that I could still spend time with you if I wanted.”

  “She said that?” Jericho wiped his clammy palms on his jeans.

  “Yeah. Guess you made her really sad because she’s never not wanted me around, and I do all sorts of dumb things. Did you try saying you’re sorry? That usually works. Well, she’ll still make you sit in your room for a time-out, but not for that long.”

  “I’ll try to remember that.”

  “And you don’t have a room, so you’d just have to sit on the couch ’cause that’s been your bed. It wouldn’t be bad because the TV’s right there.”

  “Hear anything else she said about me?”

  “Well, she didn’t say your name, but the other night she thought I was asleep, and I wasn’t. I heard her saying ‘I just have to do it’ over and over again. Then I wished I was sleeping.”

  A tingle, like ghostly footprints tiptoeing on his skin, walked up his back. I just have to do it. But that could only mean...

  Jericho gripped the barn door. “Where’s your ma, buddy?”

  “In the house with Kate and Megan.”

  “Is it okay with you if I go in there and talk to her about the crying, without you?”

  Chance popped the ball out of Drover’s mouth. “I don’t want anything to do with crying.”

  Jericho didn’t bother with the front door, because the Silvers were always in the kitchen. He came up the back steps and heard Ali talking to someone. He opened the door slowly to prevent the loud slam against the house.

  Ali. Pretty Ali. She stood with her back to him, one hand cradling a phone to her ear and the other wrapped around her middle. As he stepped into the kitchen, Megan arched her eyebrows.

  Ali played with a magnet on the fridge. “Sure. Tonight would work.”

  Megan tapped him on the arm. He looked over at her, and she mouthed “Tripp.”

  It took all his self-control not to storm across the kitchen and wrench the phone from Ali’s hand. After everything, she’d entertain a call from the man?

  His mind zoomed like an off-road race. Tonight would work? For what?

  Ali stuck the magnet back in place and walked to the pantry. “I know the place. An hour?” Pause. “Good. It’s a date then.”

  A date? With Tripp?

  Jericho jolted back, grabbed the door handle and rushed outside.

  Barreling around the house, he heard the back door smack the clapboard, probably leaving a dent. What did he care? Not like anyo
ne wanted him here.

  When he was almost to the Jeep, Chance called out. “Hey, Dad! Where are you going? Don’t leave.”

  But he dropped into the driver’s seat and slammed the door. Rage poured through his veins. He threw the vehicle into Reverse and made it howl the whole way into town.

  * * *

  Ali set the phone on the counter. “Was that just—did he...?” She raced to the front room in time to see Jericho’s Jeep peel out of the driveway.

  Kate came down the stairs. “What in the world was that noise?”

  “Jericho bolted out of here without talking to me.” Ali rubbed her arms. What had he heard? “Can I use the truck, Kate?”

  Kate shook her head. “Sorry, sis. I’m already late for work. I need it.”

  Ali huffed. “Can you drop me off along the way?”

  “If it’s on the way, then sure. But hurry up.”

  Ali popped her head into the kitchen. “Megan? Do you mind sticking around and keeping an eye on Chance for a couple hours? I wouldn’t ask, but Kate’s busy.”

  Megan tapped her nails on the table. “So you can go on your date?”

  “So I can go to dinner, yes.”

  “You know that’s why your husband left. He heard you say ‘date,’ and he took off like an escaped convict. You can’t keep stringing along two men at the same time. There are always consequences.”

  “I’m not stringing anyone... Oh, can you just watch Chance for me? Yes or no?”

  “Love to.” Megan smiled.

  “Thanks. I owe you big-time.”

  On Kate’s heels, Ali left the house. She bumped into Chance, who was slumped down on the porch steps, palming away tears.

  “He left me, Mom. Dad left without talking to me.”

  Ali gasped and clutched her neck, her heart wrenching as if someone drove a nail through it. She stopped to cradle her son in her arms. Smoothing a hand down his hair, she spoke in a soft tone. “Sweetheart, listen to me. Your father loves you. I want you to keep thinking that while I’m gone. And Chance, I love you, too.”