by Jane Toombs
He cleared his throat again. “How long are you staying here?”
“Until my sister leaves. Then I’ll be returning to the U.P.”
“I remember you were going back to school to get your master’s.”
“Yes. I may miss some classes, but not too many.” How stiff they both sounded. As though they were strangers. Worse, strangers who had nothing in common.
“That door leads outside.” Mikel gestured toward the glass wall.
She nodded.
“I don’t know about you, but I feel suffocated,” he told her.
She knew exactly what he meant. Perhaps it was the dry Nevada air. Or the 4,500-foot elevation. Except she knew it was neither the dryness nor the altitude, since they hadn’t bothered her before he arrived.
Ever since Victoria had told her about Steve’s call to Mikel, Rachel had been rehearsing what to say to him. None of which she’d actually said other than thanking him for what he’d found out about her father.
She watched Mikel slide open the door, telling herself she wasn’t going out there with him, even if he invited her. Which he hadn’t. Why should he when he probably wanted to get away from her as much as she hoped he’d leave her alone?
As he started through the door, he turned his head and glanced at her with no particular expression on his face. His eyes, though, those green hunter’s eyes, looked lost. Rachel found herself trailing after him into the warm evening, so much darker here at this early hour than in the U.P.
“It’s the Sierra effect,” he said, as though reading her mind. “No horizon to the west, just mountains.”
Rachel spoke without thinking, “That’s how I feel—no horizons.”
“I know the feeling well,” he said.
For a moment they stood looking at each other in the light shining through the glass wall, then Mikel turned away from her. “I’ll show you the gazebo,” he said.
They walked side by side along the brick path, not touching, but she didn’t need to touch him to be acutely aware of the tension accumulating between them. Never had she been so aware of any man.
“Have you gone back to work?” she asked, more to be saying something than out of curiosity.
“Not yet.”
“Victoria says Steve’s gone a lot. I understand he works for the same agency you do.”
“Special agents rarely have regular hours.”
Which ended that conversational lead. Rachel saw the gazebo ahead, made of wood, painted white. Under the rising moon it looked incredibly romantic. She stopped abruptly. No way was she in a romantic mood.
Mikel halted. “Something the matter?”
“Why should there be?”
He shrugged.
“I think I’ll go back to the house,” she said, not moving.
“Probably wise.” He didn’t move, either, just stood there staring down at her.
“In the moonlight, I can’t see the color of your eyes,” he murmured. “They could still be brown.”
She couldn’t see the color of his, either, but the softness in his voice trickled heat along her nerves. “Don’t you like their real color?” she asked.
“It’s a case of getting used to it. Actually, your eyes are beautiful.”
He sounded as though he meant every word and she couldn’t help being pleased. She thought about what she’d rehearsed to say to him and tossed it all aside. Instead, on impulse, she said, “There’s something I’ve wanted to ask you. You remember when we were up in the Porcupine Mountains at the old copper mine?”
“Vividly.”
“Why did you get so upset at Tim Thompson?”
“Was that the jerk’s name? I suppose you wanted to let him hug you.”
“No! I was backing away when you stepped between us. I meant to thank you, but afterward you seemed so angry, I never did.”
“Jealousy,” he muttered.
A stab of pure delight transfixed her. He hadn’t wanted another man to touch her. “Oh, Mikel,” she whispered.
She couldn’t be sure which of them took the first step closer. All she knew was that she was in his arms and on fire from his kiss.
Chapter Fifteen
Rachel snuggled closer to Mikel as he deepened the kiss. All her reservations about him faded and vanished in his arms. There was no promise in his kiss, only passion, as wild and untamable as the fire burning within her.
“I need you,” he breathed against her lips.
As she needed him. When he held her like this, nothing else mattered.
She lived for this moment, no other time existed. If only it would never end.
“How can I ever let you go?” he murmured, as if echoing what was in her heart.
In this Western setting, so different from anything she was accustomed to, anything might happen. Even a happily-ever-after ending for her and Mikel? Get real, an inner voice whispered. Wanting only to stay where she was, she tried to ignore the warning and was succeeding when she heard childish voices and a dog’s bark.
She pulled away. “That’s Danny and Tim,” she said breathlessly. He must know Danny was Zed’s son and that Tim belonged to Zed and Talal’s sister, Jade. “And Danny’s new dog.”
Mikel let her go. “Might’ve known there’d be a dog to interrupt,” he muttered.
As she smiled, reminded of Metsa, the two boys burst into view, chasing a small black dog. “Don’t let him get the ducks,” Danny cried.
In the duck pond beyond the gazebo, Rachel knew he meant. Mikel swooped down and caught the dog, cradling him under one arm.
“He doesn’t look big enough to do much damage,” Mikel told the boys.
“Yeah, but the ducks don’t know that,” Danny said, reaching up for the furry black dog.
“You’re Mikel,” the other boy, Tim, said. “I remember you from before.”
“Good memory,” Mikel told him.
“You’re like Steve, you catch bad guys,” Tim continued. “That’s what I’m gonna do when I grow up.”
Danny stared at him. “You told me you were gonna be a doctor like your dad.”
“Maybe I’ll do both,” Tim shot back.
“Ha. You won’t have time.”
“Will, too.” Off they went with the dog, arguing.
Mikel looked at her. “We weren’t fishing this time,” he said softly, “but I like what I caught.”
For Rachel, the mood was broken and she turned away toward the house, not sure she wanted him to think she was “caught,” even if she was. “It’s time for me to say good-night,” she said.
When she was finally in bed, though, she was a long time courting sleep before it came to her.
In the morning, Rachel woke to a tap at her door. Before she could respond, a voice called, “It’s Victoria. With coffee and breakfast.”
Glancing at the bedside clock, Rachel was surprised to see it was almost nine. She hurried to open the door and Victoria entered with a tray, which proved to be the kind with feet that could be unfolded to set on the bed.
“So prop yourself up against the pillows and enjoy,” Victoria said. “Karen makes fabulous cinnamon rolls.”
“They smell heavenly,” Rachel agreed as she obeyed. “But you shouldn’t be waiting on me.”
“I’m a nurse, remember? We’re tenders of the sick and disabled.”
“I’m not—” Rachel began.
“Tell me no lies.” Though Victoria’s voice was teasing, Rachel winced inwardly, remembering the lie she’d lived for so many years.
“I’m surprised you can forgive me,” she told her sister. “I ran off and abandoned you to that abuse.”
Victoria shook her head. “We’ve been over that and I’ve already told you that our mother left him less than a year after you disappeared.” She set the tray next to Rachel. “Enjoy.”
Besides the rolls and coffee, the tray held a small plate of apricots. Taking one, Victoria sat on the bed and took a bite. “Mmm, nothing like fruit right off the tree.”
After a half a roll and several swallows of coffee, Rachel continued the sentence her sister had interrupted. “You may be a nurse, but I’m neither sick nor disabled.”
“Not physically, no.” Victoria finished the apricot and dropped the pit back onto the tray. “Mikel’s grandmother, Sonia, called me, you know. She’s worried that Mikel won’t, as she put it, ‘come up to snuff.’ From the way you dragged in alone last night, I’d guess he hasn’t yet. How do you feel about him?”
Rachel had successfully avoided this subject until now. Somehow she didn’t want to lie to her sister. “I love him,” she admitted reluctantly. “But he…” Her voice trailed off.
“He’s obtuse like a lot of men, right? Steve certainly was.”
“He, well, he wants me.” Rachel felt her face flush. She’d never talked this intimately to anyone.
“Of course. With no strings. Typical male. Not to worry—Zed and Karen have a barbecue planned.”
Rachel blinked at her.
Victoria grinned. “Strange things have happened at this ranch when the whole gang gets together—you’ll find out.”
Deciding her sister wasn’t going to explain, Rachel said, “Even if, well, if Mikel were to ask me to live with him, I don’t know if I would. I mean, you said yourself Steve is gone a lot and it must be the same with Mikel. I don’t know if I could keep moving from place to place. And yet I want to be with him.” She sighed.
Moving the tray aside, Victoria reached out and hugged her. “It’s not like that—I’m sorry if I gave you the wrong impression. Yes, I wish Steve were home more, but he does have our home to come to, which he does as much as he can.”
She smiled. “As you saw for yourself, it really is home, complete with Heidi, Joker the dog and Bevins the cat. And me. Believe me, Steve knows how lucky he is. And so do I.”
“I love your place in Virginia.”
“So you and Mikel can buy a place near us and we can console each other when the guys are off on a bad guys hunt. We have a lot of catching up to do.”
Which would be great, Rachel thought. Except Mikel had never mentioned love, much less marriage. If he’d been planning to ask her to live with him, as she suspected he might have been leading up to last night, surely he wouldn’t be about to buy a house. Not that she needed more than an apartment, no, but she did need to feel it might be permanent. She wanted to belong somewhere.
She managed a smile for her sister. “Right now, I need to go back to the U.P. and start the courses for my master’s degree.”
Victoria raised her eyebrows. “You can take those anywhere.”
“Yes, but I owe Aino and—”
“You know perfectly well Sonia is taking good care of him and that his granddaughter also lives with him. He doesn’t need you.”
Which was true.
Later, after showering and dressing in a new denim skirt and an off-the-shoulder cotton blouse she’d bought since she’d been in Nevada, Rachel wandered into the kitchen where she was quickly put to work fixing salad ingredients. It seemed the women did the inside work and the men the outside barbecuing.
By noon Rachel, her sister and Karen were joined by Karen’s sisters-in-law, Jade and Linnea. Though she’d been confused at first, by now Rachel knew Jade was Zed and Talal’s sister and that she was married to Dr. Nathan Walker. Tim was their adopted son. Linnea was married to Zed’s twin Talal and their older daughter Yasmin was also adopted.
When Laura, Steve’s sister, arrived, her husband, Shane, joined the men and they, along with the children, wandered off outside. Laura laid her baby daughter in one of the twin cradles in the living room and Linnea’s older twin babies sat in high chairs in the kitchen where they could watch what was going on.
Everyone in this extended family of Victoria’s was friendly and Rachel liked them all. At the same time, she didn’t quite feel she was a part of them. When she finished her kitchen duty, she slipped into the living room to see Laura’s baby. To her surprise, an older woman she hadn’t yet met sat in a rocker with the baby in her lap.
“I’m Rachel Hill—that is, Reynaud,” she said.
“The lost lamb who was found.” The woman smiled warmly. “My name’s Gert Severin and I belong to this crowd only by default.”
The name clicked in her mind. This was Jade’s doctor husband’s colleague, a psychiatrist, if she remembered correctly.
Apparently her expression gave her away, because Gert said, “I see you’ve placed me. I’m really quite harmless.”
Rachel smiled at the grandmotherly-looking woman, thinking it would be easy to relax and let down one’s guard with Gert. Not that she needed the services of a psychiatrist. “Everyone here is so happy,” she said, hearing the wistful tone in her voice with dismay.
“No one is happy all the time—that’s a fallacy of the worst sort.” Gert’s voice was matter-of-fact and pleasant. “We think we should be and that just goes toward making us miserable.”
“No one should be miserable all the time, either,” Rachel found herself saying.
“True. Misery is a depressing companion. It behooves us to search for ways to rid ourselves of this darkness of the heart.”
How? Rachel wanted to ask her, but caught herself before stepping over what well might be a professional boundary.
Gert offered her an encouraging smile. “If only we take the time and trouble to do it, many of us are well adjusted enough to look into both our minds and our hearts to find the path that best suits us at any given time.”
General advice. Or was it? Troubled, she nodded at Gert, saying, “I’d best get back to work.” Leaving the room, she paused and added, “Thank you.”
Caught up once more in chores that had to be done, Rachel had no time to think of anything personal, especially when the women moved outside to join the men. Her gaze flew unerringly to Mikel, who was talking either to Zed or Talal. It was hard to tell them apart unless you heard them speak, since Talal had a slight foreign accent while Zed did not. To her surprise, Mikel was wearing blue jeans and a white T-shirt. No black?
As if conscious she was looking at him, he glanced her way, and for a moment, she felt they were somehow connected. But the moment passed and was gone.
“Rachel, would you help set up the croquet hoops?” Victoria asked. “The kids will want to play later and if they do the setup one or the other of them is always complaining it’s wrong. We can get it done without interference now while they’re in the pool.”
“If you show me how.”
“I’ve got a diagram.” She handed over a folded paper.
The setup took time. Then a very noisy badminton game was organized, men against women. Rachel enjoyed herself, but she couldn’t quite forget she really didn’t belong to this fun-loving, close-knit family.
Aino and Eva are my family, she told herself. That’s where I belong. They need me. She shook her head. That last wasn’t true. Eva was a grown woman and Aino had found himself a wonderful companion in Sonia.
Reminded that she now had a mother and a sister, Rachel sighed. Her mother lived in a seniors community and her life was built around the activities there. Though she’d cried and thanked God her child had been found, Rachel knew her mother really didn’t need her, except, of course, for visits.
Victoria had Steve and Heidi. Plus Joker and Bevins.
She noticed Mikel making his way toward her and her breath caught. Did she want to talk to him right now? The question didn’t need to be answered because he got intercepted by Jade’s husband, Nathan, and led away, presumably to do something with one of the barbecue grills.
Eventually, as the sun lowered, they ate. Everything was delicious, but Rachel didn’t have much of an appetite. By the time they finished, the sun was easing behind the mountains. Then it was cleanup time—easy, because almost everything was disposable.
Jade got out her guitar and everyone sang along. In the midst of this, Heidi managed to grab the new dog and hugged him so hard that he yelped a
nd nipped her. Though the skin wasn’t broken, she wailed loudly and Victoria took her off to tend to the boo-boo.
“That kid of ours finds one disaster after another,” Steve complained fondly. “She’s been trying to get hold of that dog ever since we got here. Didn’t listen to words of warning from either of us. Now maybe she’ll leave him alone.”
“Experience is the only teacher for some of us,” Laura said, with a secret glance at her husband, who took her hand.
Since no one was paying any particular attention to her, Rachel decided this was a good time to slip away without being noticed. She really did need to be by herself. Deciding she wouldn’t go anywhere near the gazebo, she wandered off toward the barn—red, like any respectable barn should be. Which made her realize how lucky she was to have been befriended by someone like Aino, who, no matter what, was always his own person, black barn and all.
She recalled how she’d once told Mikel he was like Aino, and he was in some ways—being his own person one of them.
The stable was next to the barn—an addition, actually, and she was about to go in and look at the horses when she heard someone whistling and turned.
“Looking for a cow to milk?” Mikel asked as he came up beside her.
“You followed me,” she accused.
“What else? We haven’t had a chance to exchange two words with each other today.” He nodded at the barn. “Want to go in and see the kittens? Danny told me they don’t have any tails.”
“Manx?”
He shrugged. “I’m no cat expert.”
Of course not. Pets meant strings. “Where are these kittens?” she asked, knowing exactly what he was going to say. When Aino had had a cat, she’d always chosen the loft for her litters.
“In the loft, Danny said.” Mikel began whistling again.
“I’ve heard you whistle that tune before, but I don’t recognize it,” she said, stalling for time. Climbing into the loft with him would be agreeing to more than seeing Manx kittens, she knew. Should she?